Modern Problems
by LateNiteSlacker
Summary: Soma, Alucard, Leon, Joachim, Dracula, Isaac, Sara, Jonathan, Charlotte, Shanoa, Richter, Maria, Simon, Juste, and Hector face the trials of modern day. Will virtue, chaos, and romance guide them true? Sequel to Requiem of Trust.
1. But Enough Talk, Have At You!

Welcome to the sequel! If you haven't yet read "Requiem of Trust," I would suggest doing that before you proceed further. This story will make much more sense.

No, I don't own these characters... only their badly warped personalities. ^_^ Now, without further ado (or adieu, for you nuts out there...)

* * *

**Modern Problems**

* * *

**Chapter 1: But Enough Talk... Have At You!

* * *

**

It was amazing what could be accomplished in a week.

Within a short seven day span, Leon found himself _close_ to being a married man. Due to Sara insisting on a daytime wedding, his choices for best men were slim. Not that Joachim or Dracula would have bothered with it anyway. Eventually, Alucard had given in and offered him the favor, though the church Sara had chosen gave him terrible headaches every time he entered.

"Explain to me again why Sara chose _this_ particular church?" Alucard asked, a bit more irritated than Leon had seen him in a long time. The last time the half-vampire had been this upset, he had just killed his father for the first time. The second time, Alucard wasn't quite as upset.

Leon supposed that the church's powerful holy blessing had something to do with Alucard's current disposition. "Sara just… wanted something majestic. She wanted something nice…" the Belmont murmured unconvincingly.

"I'm sure," the half-vampire sighed, fighting the urge to fall over and collapse that had plagued him since he entered the holy building. "Her maid of honor had better be strong."

"Uhh… maybe?" Leon said, thinking of the small teenage girl Sara had chosen. His thoughts drifted from the young girl to the teenage boy she had brought with her, and he looked up from his prayers. "I wonder if Jonathan is doing ok?"

"You mentioned leaving him with Joachim. Of course he isn't ok," Alucard, his head throbbing from being within the walls of the holy church, was in no mood to chat idly. "Leon, might I remind you that this is quite painful?"

"Oh! Right, sorry Alucard," Leon apologized, then quickly resumed blessing the half-vampire, as Sara had requested that he do.

Alucard winced as another blessing struck him like a slap to the face. He was starting to understand why his father hated Sara Trantoul so much.

* * *

"Adrian…" Dracula murmured, looking up from his work.

"What?" Isaac asked, easily placing another large stone boulder into the wall.

"I have a feeling he's allowing something very stupid to happen to him again," the lord of the night sighed and shook his head. "Well, no matter. The boy must learn his lesson someday."

"Yep," the former devil-forger agreed, placing the final stone into the wall. "And… it's done."

"What's done?" Dracula asked, pulling himself from thoughts of his miserable son.

Isaac answered simply, gesturing around them. "Castlevania."

* * *

Soma groaned with frustration as the TV insistently played another political commercial. "_…lter understands the socioeconomic situation…_"

Click.

With an aggravated growl, the white haired youth threw the remote across the living room, determined to find a way out of his house. "I'm going to Starbucks!" He yelled upstairs.

Faintly, he heard his mother's dulcet reply, "There's money on the counter, dear. Are you going to see your friends? You should really see them again. How is Mina? She's such a sweet girl. Are you going to date her anytime soon?"

Soma was already out the door.

* * *

Sara's maid of honor was a random girl that they had only known for two days.

"Girl, try this one on," Sara insisted, holding out a modest black dress with decorative ruffles.

"I have a name," the girl reminded her as she emerged from the dressing room, pushing a lock of her long honey brown hair out of her face. Taking the 49th black dress she had tried on that day, she slipped back into the small back room with a sigh.

"I know," Sara said back.

"It's _Charlotte_," the girl insisted flatly, sliding out of the room to twirl in front of the mirror tiredly again.

"Hmm… no," Sara frowned, choosing another black dress and thrusting it towards the girl. "That one's too attractive."

"You know, I don't _have _to do this, right?" Charlotte said flatly, snatching the next dress from the other woman bitterly.

"You will if you ever want to get back to your time," the dark haired woman said with a snide grin. "It's really your fault that you fucked up that spell and landed here anyway."

"I fail to see why I have to do this," the magician girl said back sourly.

"Because we're holding your friend hostage."

* * *

Indeed, Charlotte's friend Jonathan was currently being held hostage in the basement of Leon's house. Not only that, but he was being tortured in one of the most awful ways imaginable.

Joachim was forcing him to watch the Titanic. Again.

By the time they reached the end, the vampire was in tears. "Why can't they just be happy together? _Why?_"

Jonathan adjusted his long red jacket from his three hour nap, running his fingers through his blonde hair to comb away the sleep-mussed strands. Admittedly, he had found the movie somewhat interesting. The first couple times. "…haven't you seen this movie, like, 100 times already?"

"Nine hundred and forty two times," Joachim murmured, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Doesn't it get old?" the teenager asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Blasphemy! It will never get old!" the vampire shrieked, then immediately curled into a weeping ball on the couch. "Just as I… will never grow old…"

"Ok…" Jonathan sighed, hoping that Leon and Alucard would return soon.

* * *

Behind the register of the local Starbucks café, the barista took advantage of the lull in customers to check her ebay bids. So far, she had outbid everyone on the blue laced pumps she wanted. The barista smiled with glee.

Suddenly, the door jingled, alerting her to another customer. The girl frowned, stowing away the phone, and looked up at the anemic looking pale haired youth that often frequented her store. "Welcome to Starbucks. What'll it be today, kid?"

"I'm not a kid," Soma declared, whilst furiously pondering the drink menu.

"Ok, sure. Whatever," the girl agreed apathetically, pushing her thick long brown hair over her shoulder to cover what were certainly not-company-policy tattoos on her not-company-policy bare back.

As luck would have it, the motion caught Soma's attention, whose eyes fixed on the vanishing tattoos. "Dude, those are some fucking sweet tats. Can I see them?"

Thinking that he was talking about her breasts, the girl frowned, "No! We're in a _Starbucks!_"

"C'mon, can't I…" The pale haired youth began, wondering why this girl was being such a prude.

"Don't you want to order a drink or something? Isn't that why you're here?" The barista gestured to the chalkboard full of drinks.

"Yes. I want a venti java-chip mocha frappuccino. Double blended, extra whip cream," Soma blurted out, handing her his mom's cash. He realized, suddenly, that he really should start saving the gold he found in Castlevania sometime.

The barista quickly took his money, gave him change, then spun around on her heel. When she turned around, Soma unsuccessfully strained to catch a glimpse of her intricate tattoos. She swiftly made the drink and handed it to him. "There you are, sir, now please be on your way."

Soma accepted the drink but refused to forget about her tattoos. "At least tell me where you got those tats, I've been looking to get some myself."

The girl arched an eyebrow at him, deciding that there was definitely more to this customer than she ever wanted to know. "I think you should leave now."

"Ok, what the fuck is your _problem?_" Instantly growing frustrated and angry with her, he placed his hands on the counter, not noticing that he had unwittingly started to activate his lightning magic.

"You're making a crude request, and I think you should go before we have a problem," she explained simply.

"Oh, we already _have_ a problem. The problem is _on!_" Soma growled.

Just as the girl reached for her phone to call the police, lightning flew from Soma's fingertips, electrocuting all the appliances on the counter. "You… what did you…AAHH!" she screamed.

Soma froze, realizing what he had just done. He had used magic in public, something that he knew he should_ never_ do. Alucard was going to be so pissed at him if he found out…

Picking up the charred remains of her phone, the girl glared murderously at him. "You _fried my cell phone!_" In one fluid motion, she put her hands on the countertop and leapt over it, lunging at him.

Deciding that he had _really_ picked the wrong girl to piss off, Soma held on tightly to his drink and ran out the door.

It wasn't long before he realized she was still following him. "_You son of a bitch! How am I supposed to check my ebay bids now?_"

Soma couldn't go home. He couldn't take this crazy, raving…

A bolt of lightning flew past him, and this time, Soma knew that it wasn't him that threw it. His eyes widened as he chanced a glance behind him.

The girl was still following him, her long dark hair whipping behind her as the palm of her hand still glowed with residual magic.

Soma let out an almost inaudible squeak of terror. A crazy, raving, _lightning throwing_ girl…

Knowing that there was only one place he could go, the youth changed his course and ran as quickly as his legs would carry him. When the girl gained on him enough to swipe at his collar, he activated his black panther soul, dashing at super human speed down the sidewalk.

The girl pulled out a pair of winged boots from somewhere, slipping them on, and dashed nearly as quickly after him.

"Shit shit shit!" Soma swore to himself as he chanced another glance back.

Before he could turn back around, he collided with a large unmoving object.

"Soma, what have I told you about using _Dracula's powers __**in public?**_"

From the frying pan, and into the fire.

By the time he turned around, Alucard had already caught his wrists and halted his progress. "Oh shit, Allie, this girl's a fucking _psycho bitch! _She threw _lightning_ and I _had_ to… wait, what happened to you? Did you dye your hair?" Soma suddenly asked, realizing that Alucard looked _completely_ different than he had ever seen him before.

"No. I'll explain later," Alucard sighed, holding Soma captive in front of Leon's house as the girl caught up to them. As usual, despite her previous anger, the girl stopped in awe before him. Typical.

The starbucks girl froze before the walking sex-bombshell that stood in front of her. Long blonde hair that complimented his porcelain complexion flowed over garments that were obviously foreign though expensive. His eyes were a calculating stormy grey, and the way he carried himself, the girl knew he had to be… "Are you Alucard?"

Startled, Alucard composed his reply carefully. "Some would call me that… may I ask your name?"

"Shanoa," the girl responded, feeling the need to take the stupid green visor off her head before this very pretty man. "Why are you awake, Alucard? Has your father risen again?"

Now unable keep up the pretense of anonymity, he murmured, "Why don't we step inside, Shanoa? It seems we both have a bit of explaining to do."

"Yes, please, I'm very confused," Leon finally said, opening the door for them all.

Hearing the door open, Jonathan leapt from the couch in the basement and ran up stairs. "OhThankGodYou'reBack!" he said with more happiness than he had known in years. "I don't know how many more bad chick-flicks I can watch."

Leon cast him an apologetic gaze. "I'm sorry… did he make you watch _Confessions of a Shopoholic?_"

"Twice," Jonathan shuttered.

"It's a beautiful piece of cinematic art!" Joachim declared, following their red-coated guest upstairs and wincing as the dying rays of the sun outside irritated his eyes. Sticking to the shadows of the room, he indicated towards the door. "You can stop letting sunlight in any time now, Leon. And who is she?"

"Sorry," Leon apologized, quickly shutting the door and closing the draperies that Sara had thrown open earlier that morning. "This is Shanoa. She works at the local Starbucks."

"Ah, I _knew_ she looked familiar…" Joachim grinned, drifting into the room once the Belmont had sufficiently blocked out most of the sunlight. As he floated by Soma, he plucked the drink out of the youth's hands, eliciting a startled cry and a string of expletives. He took a sip, hovering just in front of her. "What brings you here?"

"You… really _are_ a vampire!" Shanoa stammered. "I thought you were kidding about refilling your Starbucks cup with blood…"

"Yeah, shocking, isn't it?" Jonathan answered for him. "I know it took me a little getting-used-to. You know, the whole fearing-for-your-life thing every now and then."

Joachim rolled his eyes. "He's over-exaggerating."

Turning her attention back to the group, Shanoa continued, "I am Shanoa. I represented the Order of Ecclesia, dedicated to eradicating Dracula, until they went shitside."

"Oh, another one," Joachim frowned with disinterest, taking a seat on the couch.

"You speak as if this is typical…" Shanoa said slowly.

"It is," Leon agreed.

"Just a moment… _represented?_" Alucard asked.

"It no longer exists," the girl explained simply.

"Then what are you doing now?" Soma asked, finally working up the nerve to talk in front of this frightening girl again.

"Working at Starbucks. You should know that," Shanoa glared at him. "And I _was_ happily checking the internet before **you** _fried my cell phone_…"

Soma winced and ducked behind Alucard as she raised a glowing fist.

At this, Alucard interjected curiously. "Are you saying that the only thing you truly desire is to use the internet?"

Shanoa thought about it. "Actually… yes."

"The computer is upstairs," Leon gestured towards the grand staircase in his foyer. "If you look in the second room to the right…"

Shanoa had already wing booted upstairs. When they listened carefully, they could hear faint typing sounds echo from the upper floor.

"But… doesn't she want to know about Mathias?" Leon asked with a frown.

"We can explain the situation later," the half-vampire assured him, then looked grimly at the door. "For now, I think we have bigger problems on our hands. Joachim, you should get out of…"

Before Alucard could finish, the door flew open, the rays of the sun pouring again into the room. With a yelp, Joachim dove behind the couch and retreated into its large shadow.

Like a mighty goddess from another world, Sara strode into the room, pulling Charlotte by the wrist. "God fucking _damn_ it Leon! Why is it so _dark_ in here?"

"Joachim is a vampire," Leon began to explain, "He can't…"

"He's a _freeloader_," Sara growled, brushing past him as she continued to pull Charlotte upstairs.

"Jonathan, are you ok?" the magician girl asked him quickly.

"Charlotte! It was terrible! I had to watch…" Jonathan called after her, beginning to follow the girls upstairs until Sara's menacing glare made him freeze in place.

"No boys allowed," the dark haired woman commanded, then pulled the girl out of sight.

As Leon hastily closed the door again, Joachim sighed, slipping back into view. "Leon, I hate to say this but are you _sure_ you want to marry her?"

"She is the love of my life," Leon responded sadly.

"She's a total bitch!" Soma exclaimed, gesticulating wildly. "Why do you want to marry that?"

"I made a promise long ago, and I will keep it," the Belmont responded with a sense of finality. It was clear that discussion on the topic was closed.

* * *

Elsewhere, Dracula looked up suddenly from his throne. "Leon…"

"What about him?" Isaac asked as he continued forming the metal on the backing of the ornate chair with his bare hands.

"I have this peculiar feeling that he is doing something extremely stupid. Again," the lord of the night said with a sigh. Turning around so that he could face Isaac, he gasped. "What are you doing?"

"Decorating it like you said," the devil forger explained, not stopping his work.

"But it's so _gaudy!_ It's so _cliché!_ It's so _last year!_" Dracula protested. Seeing that Isaac wasn't stopping anytime soon, he stood suddenly. "Let's visit Leon."

"It's daytime," Isaac reminded him.

"Damn."

* * *

They're baaaaaaack! Words cannot describe how elated I am that this story has made it to the sequel. ^_^

Though I truly love being able to update each week, admittedly, that may not happen with this story. I'm putting that out there right now. If you like the fic, I'd suggest clicking the "add story to story alert" option below so that fanfiction dot net will email you when I am able to update.

Thanks for continuing to read this plightful tale of insanity and romance!

Chapter Trivia #1:

Three new characters have been introduced to our story! Shanoa, Charlotte, and Jonathan. Which Castlevania games are they from?

Bonus Trivia #1: (Because my boyfriend likes really hard questions…)

Both Shanoa and Soma use a similar lightning attack in their respective games. What is the name for each one?

**Please review with your answers!**


	2. Think You I Would Forget Such A Thing?

**Think You I Would Forget Such A Thing?**

That evening, Dracula paid Leon a visit, sending Sara into a shrieking fury until she disappeared upstairs. When she was finally gone, the lord of the night unplugged his ears and turned to the Belmont. "So I'm having a housewarming party."

"You are?" Leon asked, bewildered.

Dracula gave him a patronizing stare. "Yes. I am. That's why I said it."

"Did you buy a house?" the Belmont asked.

"No," the lord of the night sighed. "I didn't."

"Then how…" Leon began.

"Isaac built it!" Dracula finally snapped back.

"With my fists," the former devil forger clarified.

"Wow, Isaac, that's really impressive!" Leon nodded at the manly red haired man.

"I helped too," Dracula scoffed. "I even made construction worker skeletons."

"They didn't use their fists," Isaac frowned.

"Wait… Isaac rebuilt Castlevania in less than a week?" Joachim asked skeptically from where he lay reclining on the couch. "Shouldn't that be _impossible_?"

"Not for these guns," Isaac said, flexing his arm muscles instinctively.

Soma's eyes narrowed in jealousy. Even though he had been working out as much as possible the last week, he was still nowhere near Isaac's level of manliness.

"Joachim brings up a good point," Alucard interjected thoughtfully, his long blonde hair swaying behind him as he shifted, immediately attracting Charlotte's attention. "Father, how _did_ you complete Castlevania so quickly? It used to take you 100 years to amass the magical energy required to resurrect the castle and its creatures."

"Maybe he cheated?" Charlotte offered helpfully, digging into her spell-book for answers. "Magical energy can be obtained through various means. If Dracula…"

"That's enough discussion on the topic!" Dracula finally expelled, putting his foot down quite literally.

As silence filled the room, Jonathan turned to face Charlotte. "That's Dracula, right?"

"Yes," the girl confirmed.

"Should we be… I don't know… _fighting him_ or something?" he asked, pointing a finger at Dracula with an arched eyebrow.

"Don't point fingers, Jonathan, it's not nice," Charlotte reprimanded him in a hushed whisper, pulling his finger down.

"It's quite all right, my dear," Dracula said, glaring in Leon's direction. "I have unfortunately become accustomed to far worse."

"Mathias is a vegan now, so I don't have to send my descendants to kill him anymore. We have all become friends again," Leon explained helpfully.

"Dracula," the lord of the night reminded him.

"Vegan?" Jonathan tilted his head to the side. "I don't think we have that back in our time…"

"You probably don't," Joachim sighed, then gestured to Dracula. "Now, would you please continue what you came here to say, so that we can keep this story moving?"

"Ah yes," Dracula cleared his throat. "The party will take place one week from now. I have instructed the monsters to leave you alone, but you may want to come prepared for the worst."

"Monsters? You asshole!" Soma exclaimed, immediately punching Dracula in the shoulder.

"Watch it! I have delicate skin," Dracula exclaimed, rubbing his already bruised shoulder. With a scowl, he continued, "the monsters will not attack you unless you attack them… or you attack me."

At this, Leon and Alucard both gave Soma a patronizing look. The white haired youth shrugged, "I can't make any promises."

"Whatever, it'll be fun, monsters or no," Joachim absently threw a small ball of energy at the ceiling, catching it before it hit the ground. "Besides, it seems _Leon_ is the only one who can kill me anyway…"

Not catching Joachim's bitterness, Leon nodded, "I'll be careful this time."

"You… kill each other?" Charlotte asked, her eyes widening with bewildered concern.

"_Three times_," Joachim sighed, glaring at Leon while holding up three fingers.

"He brought you back, so I don't see what the problem is," Soma muttered, folding his arms impatiently.

At this point, an awkward silence filled the room, nobody quite sure what to say or what to do. From upstairs, Sara's delicate shrieking voice could be heard echoing through the hallway along with the soft clicking noises of fingernails on a computer keyboard.

"Has Shanoa gone home yet?" Soma asked, oddly inquisitively.

Alucard shook his head. "I fear she may have fallen victim to the addiction."

"The addiction?" Leon asked.

"Internet addiction," the half-vampire answered gravely.

"Couldn't they just… I don't know… _pull the plug_, or something?" Jonathan asked Charlotte quietly, receiving a shrug from the girl.

"I am finished with my business," Dracula declared, bustling through Leon's house in the direction of the kitchen. "Now, let us make green tea smoothies!"

* * *

While the others tested Dracula's various interpretations of drinks, Charlotte snuck quietly away with Jonathan in tow. They managed to avoid Sara's tyrannical rampaging and even elude Shanoa's blank computer-stare.

Once the door to Charlotte's bedroom was safely closed, she flipped on the lights and sat heavily on her bed with a sigh. "I thought we'd _never_ get away from them." With a determined expression on her delicate features, she pulled out a thick tome and began flipping through the pages.

"So you have a plan, yeah?" Jonathan asked, while musing over an interesting toy car collection Leon had put together on the guest bedroom shelves.

"You bet I do," the girl affirmed with a grin, leaning in closer to the book to read some of its fine print. "Tonight, we are getting out of here."

"Wouldn't it be easier to leave through the door?" Jonathan pointed out.

"It's not a temporary fix," the magician girl clarified. "I plan to open the time portal again and get us out of here for good."

"Oh," the teen mused, staring out the window thoughtfully for a moment. The wind blew the treetops outside gently, and the clouds, softly obscuring the full moon, painted a picturesque view in the background. "So is there a reason you didn't do that yesterday? Or the day before?"

"Yes, Mr. Smart guy," Charlotte placed her finger on her spell-book so that she wouldn't lose her place as she glared up at him. "I _did _try, but the portal wouldn't open. I think we need to duplicate the conditions when we left. And one of those conditions was the full moon you're looking at outside right now."

Jonathan shook his head. "You're the smart one, but for some reason, I have a very bad feeling about this…"

"Well, you'll only need to put your feelings aside for a second to jump through." Deciding to ignore Jonathan, the girl looked back at her text, gathering magical energy about her as she calmly began reading the small words printed on the page.

About two minutes passed by while Charlotte quietly murmured to herself. Just as Jonathan was beginning to grow bored and start to worry for Charlotte's sanity, a large blue portal opened in the middle of the floor.

"Woah!" Jonathan exclaimed, jumping backwards just in time to miss being sucked in.

"You're jumping the wrong way," Charlotte grinned, snapping the book shut. "Quickly now, jump in before it goes away!"

Jonathan looked at the portal. He looked back at Charlotte. He looked at the portal. He looked back up at Charlotte. Then…

The bedroom door opened, revealing Alucard's gracefully pale features. Both of his delicately curved eyebrows were raised in surprise. "Have you opened another time portal?"

It took some strength for Charlotte to talk back to this incredibly beautiful man, but she mustered the courage. "Yes, I have. Jonathan and I are going back to our time now. You were always kind to us. I'll miss you. Goodbye Alucard!" With that, she grabbed Jonathan's arm and jumped into the portal.

"All right!" Jonathan shouted as they flew into the fabrics of time and space.

Alucard sighed, taking a quick look behind him before he quietly closed the door. The others were so absorbed with their own problems, and his father's drinks, that he doubted any would come looking for him soon.

"You do not understand the trouble you are getting yourself into…" he quietly murmured to the empty room before he resolutely stepped into the portal.

The feeling of flying through the space-time continuum was akin to being kicked repeatedly in the stomach and elsewhere. At least, this is how Alucard felt as he flew haphazardly through the portal. Fortunately, the trip was not long lived, and he soon found himself kneeling on the grassy floor on the other side of the portal.

"Hey, are you ok?" Jonathan's voice asked as strong hands helped Alucard stand up.

"I will be fine," the half-vampire answered. Finally, he had a chance to glance around them skeptically. "Is this your time?"

"Hmm… nope!" Jonathan answered after a moment's consideration. "We definitely didn't have homes like that in our time."

The three were standing on the outskirts of a village. Distinctively dated homes made from the wood of nearby trees lined the streets of the dirt road. In the distance, a lone carriage pulled by two horses was coming their way.

Alucard couldn't place why, but something about this time period bothered him greatly. He closed his eyes momentarily, trying to sense his father's presence, but he could not sense him at all. Perplexed, the half-vampire continued to ponder.

"I just don't know what went wrong…" Charlotte murmured, looking up at the moon and then back at her book. "I read the words exactly as they were written. The moon is full…"

"Perhaps your spell is lacking a crucial ingredient?" Alucard offered, keeping a close eye on the approaching carriage. Why did he have this awful sense of foreboding?

It was not long before he realized the true horror that faced them. The carriage drew closer, and as it did so, Alucard's eyes widened. He could sense the person approaching in the carriage. "A Belmont? But who…"

By the time he realized the answer, it was too late.

The carriage pulled up to them, and a lone figure jumped out, his two brown leather boots hitting the ground heavily. His blue overcoat gently drifted behind him and his wavy long brown hair flew around him as he threw his head back with a happy smile.

Richter Belmont.

"_Fuck_… any other Belmont… but it had to be_ you!_" Alucard seethed with barely contained anger.

"_A_lucard!" Richter beamed, catching the startled half-vampire in a tight embrace before pulling him back arms length away. "I thought I'd never see you again!"

"So did I…" Alucard scowled.

"Did Maria save your haunted soul?" Richter asked with a grin.

"Who is this guy?" Jonathan finally asked, pointing in Richter's direction.

Charlotte pulled down his finger. "Don't point, Jonathan, it's rude. That's Richter Belmont."

"Did she?" Richter pressed.

Finally recalling that he was not alone, Alucard turned desperately in Charlotte's direction. "Charlotte, it is imperative that you use your spell _immediately_ to return us to the future!"

"I… don't quite understand, but ok. This isn't our time anyway," Charlotte agreed, taking a look back into her spell-book. Softly, she began to murmur the words again.

Alarmed, Richter pulled out his whip. "Is she a witch?"

Alucard quickly held his hand up, "Yes, in a manner of speaking, but she is also a friend."

"A friend…" Richter seemed to contemplate this for a while, but eventually he put his whip away. He good-naturedly said, "if she's a friend of yours, then she's a friend of mine!"

"Terrific," the half-vampire said plainly, with a glance back at Charlotte, dismayed to see that she was still taking her time with the spell.

Finally seeing the worried expression on Alucard's face, Richter placed a hand on his shoulder. "You know, Maria is a dear lady. She can save you even if the blood that flows in your veins is cursed."

"Maria is many things, but a 'dear lady' is hardly the appropriate term…" Alucard began, but then stopped when the telltale bright blue light of the portal flashed before them.

Psyched for the next trip, Jonathan looked in Charlotte's direction. "Are you ready? 'Cause I'm ready. This is awesome! It's like jumping through time and space!"

"Jonathan, it _is_ jumping through time and space," the girl replied flatly. "Come on, let's go."

Without another word, she jumped into the portal.

"Yeah!" Jonathan shouted as he charged in after her.

"Time and space…?" Richter asked, trying (and failing) to wrap his brain around the idea.

"That's right," Alucard said, desperately thinking up as many reasons as he could to deter Richter from following. "It's very dangerous. You belong to this time. The people need you here. Don't follow me."

Knowing that he likely wouldn't have much more time before his precious window to the future closed again, Alucard dashed into the time-portal.

Richter Belmont watched his best friend disappear into the bright blue light on the forest floor. He didn't know why, but Alucard seemed to be upset about something. Maybe he needed his help?

Determinedly, Richter faced the portal. "Don't worry _A_lucard, I won't let you down!" With a shout, he jump-kicked into the light.

It wasn't until later, after Richter had disappeared, that another figure stepped out from behind the trees, the bright moonlight illuminating brilliant hazel eyes.

"Alucard…"

Without another word, the figure disappeared into the blinding blue light.

* * *

I love Richter. In case you were wondering, the way he pronounces Alucard's name sounds like "AAA-luuuu-card."

Can you guess who the mysterious person was that jumped in after them? This one shouldn't be _too_ hard… ^_^

Congrats to everyone who answered Chapter Trivia #1 correctly! Lupine Eclipse, Willowfur, Midnight-Chaos-Flame, Wild Fantasy, and SunLord89.

Congrats also to everyone who answered the Bonus Trivia #1 correctly! Willowfur, Midnight-Chaos-Flame, Wild Fantasy, and SunLord89.

Chapter Trivia #1 Answer:

_Three new characters have been introduced to our story! Shanoa, Charlotte, and Jonathan. Which Castlevania games are they from?_

Shanoa is from Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. Charlotte and Jonathan are both from Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin. If you want to get technical, all three are also featured in Castlevania: Harmony of Despair.

Bonus trivia #1 Answer:

_Both Shanoa and Soma use a similar lightning attack in their respective games. What is the name for each one?_

Shanoa's attack is called (Vol) Fulgur. Soma's attack is from the Lightning Doll soul (Aria of Sorrow) or the Rycuda soul (Dawn of Sorrow), where the latter is the more similar of the two.

Chapter Trivia #2:

Richter Belmont is our new character this time! Which games (that's right, he's in more than one) featured Richter?

Bonus Trivia #2:

Richter has in fact two different character design sprites in the second game featuring him (the game that also has Alucard in it.) When do these sprites appear in the game?

Title Trivia #2:

Someone needs to tell me to STFU. You may have noticed this chapter's silly title. Where did it come from, and who said it? (Also, feel free to review about Chapter 1's title now as well. ^_^)

**Please review with your answers! =)**


	3. Of All The Self Serving Clap Trap

**Chapter 3: Of All The Self-Serving Clap-Trap**

"Drac, _really_, how many green tea smoothies are you gonna shit out?" Soma asked, eyeing the countertop, which was quickly becoming littered with exotic looking drinks.

"The kid has a point," Joachim commented, as he continued to sip one of Dracula's remarkably well-blended smoothies. "I have an insatiable thirst, and even I'm about done with them."

"You simply don't understand the health benefits of green tea," the lord of the night sophisticatedly explained, looking up briefly from the blender. "The calming properties of green tea, let alone the vitamins and minerals contained within, have the power to relax the body, energize the soul, and strengthen the mind!"

Leon blinked, placing his smoothie on the table. He didn't know whether or not he should believe this, but he knew someone who would. "Alucard, what do you… Alucard?" Looking around, he realized that the half-vampire was nowhere to be found.

Immediately, Dracula stopped the blender. "Adrian is missing? He's probably doing something incredibly foolish again…" Feeling concerned for his son, Dracula swept out of the kitchen right as Alucard swept back in.

"I am sorry, I did not mean to concern you, father," Alucard apologized as Charlotte and Jonathan followed in tow behind him.

It wasn't until all three entered the kitchen that Soma realized any of them had left in the first place. "Where'd you losers go?"

"Someplace terrible. Let's never speak of it again," Alucard said, repressing a shudder.

"We tried to return to our own time," Charlotte explained sheepishly. "But… for some reason I failed."

Dracula rolled his eyes, lifting his hand. "Amateur magicians…" The lord of the night sighed, magic glowing at his fingertips. "What year are you from?"

"1944!" Jonathan exclaimed, happiness lighting in his eyes. "Oh, thank God! We're finally getting out of here!"

However, just as Dracula nodded and began gesturing to form the time portal, Sara's shrill voice echoed from upstairs. "_Noooo!_" Dracula, knowing better than to get in the way of these affairs, closed his hand, crushing Jonathan's dreams as the magical light extinguished.

"_Don't you fucking take her away!_" Sara shrieked angrily as she pounded down the stairs and into the kitchen. "That's my _flower girl_!"

"_Flower girl?_" Charlotte gasped, placing her hands on her hips angrily. "I thought I tried on all those dresses to be your _maid of honor!_"

"Shanoa is going to be my new maid of honor," Sara declared, then glared upstairs. "If I can get her _off the computer…_"

"Good luck with that," Joachim snorted. "I don't think she's even come down for food in the last 24 hours."

"Doesn't she have work?" Leon asked, tilting his head to the side as he thought about the local Starbucks.

Joachim shrugged.

It was at this moment, when silence again filled the room, that they could hear the voices from upstairs.

"_Are you a witch?_"

The voice immediately caused Alucard's eyes to widen in distress. "Oh no…"

"No," Shanoa's distant voice replied. "I'm on the _computer_."

"Come… pewter?" the male voice asked with obvious confusion.

"I'm checking ebay," the woman's voice again responded with disinterest and mild annoyance.

"Eee Bay?"

"Go away."

"Ok."

Moments later, the sound of boots tromping merrily down the stairs echoed through the house. With each step, Alucard backed farther and farther into the kitchen until he had backed up into the refrigerator, left with nowhere else to go.

Despite his efforts, as soon as the familiar figure appeared in the kitchen doorway, he found himself accosted with a happy smile. "_A_lucard!"

Richter Belmont took no heed of anyone else in the kitchen, striding up to his friend to properly say hello with a friendly embrace. Alucard waited a moment out of politeness and then staggered back. "Richter, I thought I told you not to follow me?" He stated as kindly as he could.

"You did, but you seemed so upset," Richter explained, gesturing to Alucard's still distressed-looking face. "I thought you could use my help!"

"You thought wrong," Alucard stated blandly.

As the other man thought of how to respond to that statement, his delicate train of thought was interrupted. "…Richter?"

Richter turned around, an elated smile spreading across his face as he caught sight of Leon. "Grandpa!"

As the Belmonts reunited with a manly hug, Jonathan murmured to Charlotte, "I thought Juste Belmont was his grandfather?"

Charlotte shrugged, "Close enough. Once you've met one Belmont, you've met them all."

"Not exactly," Dracula disagreed. "Though Leon trained most of them, there was _one_ that greatly exceeded my expectations. _Juste's grandfather_…"

Before Dracula could finish, Richter suddenly whirled around, his eyes widening to comical proportions as he caught sight of the lord of the night. "You!"

Leon gasped when he saw Richter reaching for his bag. He tried to stop him but was too late. "Richter, no! He's…."

"Die Monster, you don't belong in this world!" Richter shouted, throwing his magical cross into the center of the kitchen. "GRAND CROSS!"

Immediately, the kitchen was filled with a blinding holy energy as the cross grew to an impossible size, tearing a hole in both the ceiling and the floor. Holy fire circled around the relic, causing everyone (aside from Richter) to panic.

The divine force was powerful enough to knock Dracula, Joachim, and Alucard clear out of the room. Alucard was pushed into the hallway, Joachim out the window, and Dracula flew through the wall into the adjacent parlor room. Charlotte and Jonathan dove underneath the kitchen table, the girl erecting a magical barrier around them. Soma brought up his final-guard shield, protecting himself (and Sara who conveniently happened to be standing behind him) from the flying debris. Leon stood safely behind Richter in utter amazement. Isaac used the burning magic to light a cigar, then lounged in the corner of the room, lazily swatting away the pieces of floor and ceiling flying around the room.

After a few minutes, the cross shrunk back down to normal size, the holy energy left the room, and all the debris that was previously whirling around Leon's kitchen fell unceremoniously to the floor.

Shanoa took a moment to glance away from the computer and peer down through the hole in the ceiling. "Would you guys mind keeping it down?"

Richter grasped his cross again with a happy sigh. "There you go, grandpa. I got rid of him for you!"

Leon sighed, patting his not-quite-grandson on the shoulder. "Richter, you didn't let me finish. He's no longer a threat to us."

"I don't understand," Richter said, furrowing his brows with confusion.

"He does not drink blood anymore," the blonde haired Belmont tried explaining again. "He's become vegan."

"Ve-gan?" the other Belmont replied slowly.

"That's what I said!" Jonathan exclaimed, earning himself a harsh nudge from Charlotte.

"Not now!" she whispered.

"He only drinks vegetable juice, and tea, and potions, and…" Leon hesitated, trying very hard to think of how to describe this to his now antiquated descendant.

"He's good now," Alucard scowled, walking back through the doorway with a distinct grimace.

"Ohhhh!" Richter exclaimed with a now-knowing grin. "Sorry about that, Dracula. I didn't know you were good now."

"_Richter Belmont…_" Dracula growled, shaking the plaster from the walls out of his hair as he walked back through the hole he had recently put into the wall. "Now I recall why I let Shaft deal with you."

Isaac nodded in response to hearing the dark lord, blowing a smoke ring into the center of the room as he exhaled. "I sure as hell didn't want to."

"What the _fuck_ was _that?_" Sara screamed, marching forward as a surprised Soma brought down his shield. Without hesitation, she slapped Richter across the face. "I hope _you_ plan on fixing the damage you've caused to this house!"

Richter bowed his head in shame. "I am sorry, dear lady, I will fix what wrongs I have done."

Joachim slowly peered through the broken window, then gradually sunk back out of view.

Leon sighed. "Let's just try to get along now."

Again, Sara effortlessly slapped Leon across the face. "_Your relatives_ continue to be the ones causing trouble. You'd better fucking clean up your mess!"

As Sara stormed back upstairs, Soma glanced back at the blonde haired Belmont. "You're _sure_ you want to marry that psycho bitch?"

Leon nodded. "I'm afraid so."

* * *

Later that evening, Dracula and Isaac returned to Castlevania to prepare for the upcoming party. Alucard made a hasty retreat as well, disappearing into the night. Soma, after receiving a text message from his mother, scowled and muttered something about "slave labor" as he headed home to wash the long-overdue dishes from dinner. Despite having not made any of the mess, Jonathan and Charlotte helped Richter and Leon clean the mess out of the kitchen.

"You know, it's really not fair," Jonathan heaved a weary sigh as he paused his fervent sweeping, leaning on the broomstick Charlotte had lent him. "You guys all have _magic_ to help you out."

"Don't be such a baby, Jonathan," Charlotte grinned, ushering more of the plaster out the back door with a push of wind magic. "The place is almost clean anyway."

It was true. Together, they had managed to rejuvenate the kitchen. Now, all that remained were the large gaping holes in the wall, ceiling, and floor.

"I think that's good enough for one night," Leon smiled at each of them in turn. "Thank you for helping out."

"How could we not? You have always been kind to us," Charlotte said, then covered her mouth as a yawn overtook her. "…but I think it's time to hit the hay."

"Of course," Leon nodded, waving to Charlotte and Jonathan as they both disappeared upstairs to their respective rooms. Then, he turned to face his descendant with a sigh, "Richter…"

"I'm sorry, grandpa… I didn't mean to make such a big mess," Richter said glumly.

"It's… ok," Leon said, pushing his thoughts of Sara's anger aside. She would eventually forgive him. Wouldn't she? "It's just a house, right?"

"Yeah! I'll help you fix it up tomorrow," Richter agreed, beaming with good-will.

"About that…" Leon rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "…how did you _get_ here?"

"What do you mean?" Richter asked innocently. "I used the stairs…"

"No," Leon sighed. "I mean… how did you get to the present day?"

"I… I live in the present day?" the other Belmont replied with confusion.

"You did at one point, but you don't anymore," Leon attempted to explain things, only further confusing his descendant.

"You died over two hundred years ago."

Both Belmonts turned their heads in surprise as Joachim finally decided to stroll back through the door, now that the mess had been cleaned up.

"I'm dead?" Richter panicked, feeling his arms and then his stomach.

Joachim rolled his eyes. "You are in the _future_. How did you get here?"

Finally comprehending the situation, Richter exclaimed "Ohh! I followed Alucard through the blue light the witch made."

"Great, _another_ one is stuck here," the vampire grimaced. "I'm _so_ done for the night. Cover this hole up so the sun doesn't kill me in a couple hours, won't you Leon?" With that, he jumped through the hole in the kitchen floor to the basement.

"Of course, friend," Leon nodded to the vampire, then returned his attention to his unfortunate descendant. "Richter, it looks like you'll be staying with me for a while."

"Horray!" Richter exclaimed, eliciting a small angry icicle to fall on his head from Shanoa upstairs.

The woman solemnly glared him down with her deadpan stare. "I asked you to keep it down. I have to win this bid in a couple minutes."

"Sorry…" Richter whispered back.

"Yes, I'm happy you're here too," Leon said warmly as he led Richter away from the kitchen and back to the grand staircase. "There are plenty of guestrooms available upstairs. Jonathan is in the first bedroom on the right, Charlotte is in the second, and Shanoa…" Leon paused, trying to remember if Shanoa had gone to sleep yet since she had arrived. "Well… you can pick any bedroom upstairs that is empty."

"Ok," Richter agreed happily tromping down the stairs to the basement.

"Umm… Richter?" Leon called after him.

"Hmm?" The other Belmont paused his descent, looking innocently up at his grandfather.

"_Upstairs_, Richter. The bedrooms are up there," Leon advised, wondering if Richter had misheard him.

Richter laughed, flicking his brown hair nonchalantly to the side. "I heard you, grandpa. Where do you think I'm going?"

With that, Richter disappeared down into the basement.

* * *

Meanwhile, upstairs…

"Who are you?" Charlotte demanded, brandishing her book at the dark figure that was hiding in the shadows on her bed. She was kicking herself now for feeling secure enough in Leon's house to not check the room before closing the door behind her. "Come out into the light where I can see you!"

The woman sitting on the bed chuckled, rising from where she sat and stepping into the moonlight. "You have spirit, girl. That is admirable."

Moonlight fell upon the soft blonde waves of her hair, illuminating the long green ribbon that kept her golden mane tied manageably back. Form-fitting black shorts were barely visible underneath a green short-coat, cut similarly to Richter's but pulled together by a long orange scarf so that it resembled a dress. Long leather gloves covered her arms, and durable boots came up to her knees. On her shoulder, an owl perched calmly, as if waiting for the cue to strike.

Charlotte gasped when she finally recognized the person standing before her. "Maria Renard?"

"That is my name. What is yours?" She asked, stepping forward towards the girl until she stood uncomfortably close, her emerald green eyes now close enough to pierce through Charlotte's very soul.

"Charlotte Aulin," the magical girl responded, eyeing the owl cautiously. It didn't take her long to piece together how Maria had arrived in their time. "Did you follow us through the time-portal?"

"Yes," Maria responded calmly, moving so close to Charlotte that the girl leaned back instinctively. "Tell me, where is Alucard?"

"Alucard?" Charlotte thought back to earlier that evening, edging away from this intimidating woman. "He left a short while ago, though he didn't say where he was going."

"I see," the woman paused, considering her options for a moment.

"I'm sure he'll be back sometime soon," Charlotte offered, managing to edge away enough to scoot back across the room. "He's Leon's best man, so he has returned here on a daily basis. If you wanted to wait for him, I'm sure Leon wouldn't care if you stayed…"

"Humph, as if I would _wait for him_…" Maria scowled, walking across the room and throwing open the door.

Seeing that Maria planned to leave, Charlotte threw her hand up in caution. "Wait! Maria, this is no longer your time. There are dangerous things in the world that didn't exist in the past… automobiles, trains, _computers_…"

Maria chuckled. "A real woman fears nothing."

With that, Maria disappeared, leaving Charlotte to the puzzling silence of her bedroom.

* * *

Woohoo Richter! Wait, am I the only one cheering? Hearts for Richter. If you haven't _noticed_ yet… he got Leon's stupid gene. He got it pretty bad. ^^;;

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! **(MoonlitLuna, Lupine Eclipse, SunLord89, Willowfur, True Hyper Sonic, and LadyArmster!) Knowing that people enjoy each chapter I write means a lot to me!

Congrats to Willowfur, SunLord89, Lupine Eclipse, and MoonlitLuna for correctly answering the Chapter #2 Trivia! Congrats to SunLord89 and Lupine Eclipse for correctly identifying the Chapter Title trivias! True Hyper Sonic, as usual, you're impeccably accurate with your answers!

Chapter Trivia #2 Answer:

_Richter Belmont is our new character this time! Which games (that's right, he's in more than one) featured Richter?_

Richter Belmont is featured in Castlevania: Rondo of Blood, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, and Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin.

Bonus Trivia #2 Answer:

_Richter has in fact two different character design sprites in the second game featuring him. When do these sprites appear in the game?_

The first sprite is the more common one, playable in the beginning of the game. The second is actually his original design for Symphony of the Night, which is visible briefly as a thought bubble when Maria asks Alucard if he has seen Richter in the castle; the full animation strings were later discarded out of laziness by the game creators, who instead used his traditional sprite from Rondo of Blood (see #1.) You can see the detailed illustration of this design in the booklet or when Ritcher delivers dialogue in the game. How's that for challenging trivia?

Title Trivia #1 and #2 Answers:

"But Enough Talk… Have At You!" is our lovable vegan vampire Dracula, from Symphony of the Night.

"Think You I Would Forget Such A Thing" is our sexy piece of meat Alucard, also from Symphony of the Night.

Chapter Trivia #3:

Maria Renard is our new character! Which games (yes, plural!) did Maria appear in?

Bonus Trivia #3:

Where did Charlotte get the broom that she gives to Jonathan in this chapter?

Title Trivia #3:

Which Castlevania game is our title from, and who says the line?

**Please Review with your answers! **And, you know, comment on the story too. I like feedback. =)


	4. What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse

**Chapter 4: What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse**

"I LOVE _coffee!_" Richter exclaimed, tossing back another cup of the dark liquid as they sat in the outside patio section of the local Starbucks the next morning. He turned excitedly to Leon. "We should fix your house and then build _another_ one! Could we go running first? Or oh, maybe make _breakfast_ while we fix the house and can I have another cup of coffee?"

As Leon was about to stand up and order another cup for his overly hyper descendant, Alucard interjected firmly, "No. If this is what two cups will do to you, I don't want to see three."

"Oh, _A_lucard, always looking out for me!" Richter beamed at his good friend, not noticing that the dhampire scowled back.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Starbucks, Charlotte and Jonathan both crowded into the small but clean women's restroom.

"I don't think I'm supposed to be in here," Jonathan commented, eyeing unfamiliar items such as a baby changer and a tampon dispensing machine on the walls.

"Quiet, Jonathan! _Everyone_ will know you're in here if you keep talking loudly," Charlotte hushed him, placing her large tome on the sink and flipping dedicatedly through its pages. "They're watching our _every move_ now. Did I tell you Maria Renard showed up in my bedroom yesterday?"

"Kinky," Jonathan remarked, arching an eyebrow. He promptly received a shove from Charlotte.

"Not funny. These people are _everywhere_… we have to make it back to our time without someone following us this time. Ah, here it is," Charlotte held her place in the book with her finger, reading the text in a soft droning voice.

"Charlotte, I hate to point this out, but if it didn't work last time, why would it work this time?" He was ignored. He sighed, beginning to feel uncomfortable again in the unfamiliar room. Just as he was about to make another comment, a large portal opened underneath his feet, filling the entire restroom and probably a bit beyond. Despite his skepticism, he couldn't help grinning and shouting as they flew through time and space. "All right!"

When he landed, he found himself in a darkened world. Rain loomed ominously in the distance and dark foreboding figures circled mountains in the distance.

"Where the _fuck_ are we?"

Jonathan knew that voice. Abruptly, he spun around, finding an angered looking Soma wildly looking around in bewilderment.

Charlotte, who had landed next to Jonathan, bowed her head in defeat, "I must have messed it up again. Urgh! What is wrong with this stupid spell?"

"Are we even in our own _dimension? _I don't know much about magic, but I don't think you should use this spell anymore," Jonathan offered helpfully, then pointed at Soma. "By the way, dude, you're fly's unzipped."

Charlotte almost turned around to look, but her brain registered what Jonathan had said just a moment before it was too late. Flushing, she turned determinedly away from him. "Soma, how did you get into the girl's bathroom?"

"_Girl's bathroom_? I'm not a fucking homo!" Soma growled, zipping up his pants. "I was in the _guy's_ _bathroom_ and then suddenly this _piece of shit_ _blue light_ absorbed me! That's what I get for washing my hands. Next time I'm…"

"_Definitely_ going to wash your hands again," Charlotte finished for him quickly, shaking her head. "Well, it's no use. It seems I can't get this to work properly. We had better go back through the portal before those things in the distance attack us."

Indeed, the flying figures appeared to be drawing closer.

Not wasting any time, the three jumped back into the portal.

Soma was the first to arrive back in the present day. Without wasting time to turn off the water in the sink, he ran out of the restroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Of course, the _guy_ comes out first," an angry looking woman, the first in a line of about ten, muttered to the next person in line, who nodded sagely back at her. "What is that girl _doing_ in there? Did she get lost?"

"You have no fucking idea," Soma replied before realizing that this wouldn't make any sense to the people in line. Not bothering to wait for the other two, he walked back to the table. "I'm better off with Grandma Allie."

Meanwhile, Jonathan and Charlotte were perched precariously atop the toilet and the sink, determinedly balancing themselves so that they wouldn't fall back into the portal. A loud banging echoed through the room again, followed with a "How LONG are you going to be in there?"

"Yeah, how long _are_ we going to be in here?" Jonathan muttered quietly to Charlotte.

The magical girl shrugged. "It's never been open this long before. The last one closed a few seconds after we jumped through, remember?"

Then, Jonathan had an even more disturbing thought. "If people are out there _waiting, _they're going to know I was in here, aren't they?"

"Unless they're blind?" Charlotte smirked back at him. "Probably."

"Damn."

A few minutes later, Jonathan and Charlotte burst out of the women's restroom, the blue glow of the portal no longer haunting the floor. An angry looking woman ushered three crying children into the room with an angry, "You should be ashamed of yourselves!"

Another woman in line growled at them as they walked by, "Why don't you _get a real room_ next time?"

"I don't think I can show my face in this Starbucks again," Jonathan said solemnly as they left the building and sat beside the others.

Leon nodded in agreement. "I wouldn't want to either."

Deciding that they were all done with the place, they got up and made a hasty retreat back to Leon's house.

From a distance, a solitary figure watched the scene, biding time… waiting for the right moment.

"**He left the Starbucks café in a state of disarray. What was this strange land, and who were these strange people? What did this ominous sense of foreboding mean for him? I fear the worst for him, that he may succumb to the darkness within and never be again the same. Interdimensional travel is hard on the strong, and breaking to the weak. I pray that he can call on his reserves to persevere through this harsh, cold new reality."

* * *

**

Isaac walked through the supermarket with his shopping basket. Remarkably, things had changed quite a bit since the last time he had left to purchase goods 800 years ago. Gone were the dust-filled streets lined with rowdy merchants selling their wares.

Now, he stood in the ultra posh "Whole Foods" where Dracula had insisted he do his shopping. Isaac had searched many miles for this artificially lit store, filled with aisles of brightly colored boxes and bags, proud "organic" labels, and silly things like _vegan-certified_.

He glanced down at the parchment that Dracula had scrawled his list onto in overly exaggerated script.

_Flour_

Isaac stared at the list again.

_Flour_

Isaac sighed. "He sent me here for _one_ God-damned thing?"

Deciding that the sooner he found this "flour" the sooner he would be able to return to Castlevania and continue building his newest motorcycle, Isaac began searching through the aisles.

The mascots adorning the boxes and bags, not written in his native language, seemed to mock him. The overhead aisle labels provided little help. Arriving at the refrigerated meat section, he found a wide selection of beef and shook his head. "Real men strangle their own cows."

"I agree, though asphyxiation may be a bit difficult with the bovine family."

Isaac turned to find a man with long almost wild-looking brown hair, wearing a plain black t-shirt with falling colored blocks pictured on the front. He wore comfortable-looking blue jeans and running shoes. In one hand, he held a dry-cleaned suit slung over one shoulder, and in the other, he held a shopping basket full of commercial products such as "Wheaties" and "Life" cereal. Isaac's eyes narrowed as he spied a bag of the ever so illusive "flour" in his basket.

It took Isaac a moment to realize that he did indeed know all of those words, but when he figured it out, he grinned. "Want to come over sometime? I'll barbecue and show you how it's done."

"Sounds delightful, though I would not have pegged you as a culinary expert," the man remarked, eyeing Isaac carefully. "Rather, a _forgemaster_ appears more appropriate."

Instantly, Isaac tensed, his hands nearly breaking the handle of the shopping basket. Real men keep their cool. In a low voice he murmured, "how do you know about that?"

The man held his hands in the air, "Sir, I bear no ill-will. I merely infer from your faint magical aura. Unless perhaps that is the new 'hip fashion'? Youth culture changes so rapidly these days."

Isaac assessed the situation carefully, then finally folded his arms. "I will tell you, under two circumstances."

"All right," the man agreed.

"One. Tell me who you are first."

At this, the man did hesitate for a moment, as if he were considering something very important. Isaac wondered briefly if they would fight and if he had the money on hand to pay for all the damage that they would cause the store. Then, the man smiled and extended his hand. "My name is Simon Belmont. It is a pleasure to meet you Mr.—?"

"Isaac LaForeze, _former_ devil forger," he gripped and shook Simon's hand tightly, wondering just how many living descendants Leon had. He nearly asked the question, but then he remembered that he only had two favors to ask this man. "And my second condition…"

"Yes?" Simon appeared to be mentally bracing himself for a terrible question.

"Help me find the flour."

"Of course."

* * *

Assuming that Simon Belmont just _might_ hold a grudge against Dracula, Isaac brought him to the next best place he could think of. Leon's house.

When the blonde haired Belmont answered the door, a happy smile immediately lit his face. "Simon! Oh, it is good to see you again!" He clasped his descendant's arm and pulled him into a hug. "Please, come in."

"Likewise, I have missed you as well," Simon returned the gesture. "Yours is a difficult abode to locate. I have searched several years for you without any luck."

"I am sorry. I've moved several times over the years, and I have found that if I don't apply some form of magical glamour to my home, it always burns down. It's strange," Leon apologized, leading him into the kitchen and gesturing towards a seat at the table. He made his way to the refrigerator, pulling it open to assess his supply of beverages. "Would you like some iced tea?"

"Please," Simon nodded, accepting the tea.

Isaac pulled a cold beer from the fridge and waved. "I'm out. Simon, I'll show you how to barbecue in a week."

"Ok?" the dark haired Belmont agreed, wondering why Isaac had chosen that particular timeframe. Before he could inquire, the former devil-forger was out the door.

"So, how do you know Isaac?" Leon asked, taking the seat across from Simon as he sipped his wild-berry flavored iced tea. "He's not exactly… the most social person?"

"I gathered. We met at the supermarket where I assisted him in acquiring a package of glutinous flour," Simon explained, setting his groceries and dry-cleaning on the kitchen table. "Do you know what Isaac was referring to when he mentioned barbecuing—"

"I finished painting upstairs!" Richter shouted happily as he bounded into the kitchen. "Sara threw a lamp at me when I got some on the carpet. I think she's mad. But the wall is good as ne—" he stopped talking abruptly as he caught sight of Simon sitting at the table. "GRANDPA!"

Simon quickly found himself assaulted by the other Belmont and pulled into a tight hug. "Richter, my great-great-grandson? I am shocked that you remember me... and are alive."

"I could never forget family," Richter beamed happily, then added. "Or _A_lucard."

"The son of Dracula is awake, and you are alive?" Simon asked, beginning to place everything together in his mind. Two seconds later, his eyes suddenly snapped over to Leon. "Richter followed Alucard through a time portal, likely made by an amateur magician, and Dracula is alive again, isn't he?"

"Yes…" Leon tilted his head in thought, wondering how Simon had connected all of that together, but after several minutes of thought he still came up with nothing.

"How can you be sitting around sipping tea whilst that fiend is awake?" Simon pat Richter gently on the shoulder, prompting him to stand back up.

"Oh, he's good now," Richter explained with a grin. "I used Grand Cross on him before I found out."

"You had the correct idea," Simon said, noting that the freshly repaired ceiling, floor, and wall made more sense now. "Leon, you should be ashamed of yourself."

"Now, just wait a minute Simon," Leon began, holding his hands up.

"He _cursed_ me!" Simon roared, his fingers closing around the glass in his hand, crushing the glass into fragmented shards. Fortunately he had finished his iced tea, but Richter eyed the broken glass shards in alarm.

"Those could hurt somebody," Richter said, shaking his head with a frown.

"I thought you defeated the curse?" Leon asked, caring far more about his unfortunate descendant than the mess.

"I did, when I brought the bastard back to kill him a _second_ time. But…" Simon growled lowly, raising his bloodied hand and looking at it with disinterest. "Did you not wonder why I am still alive?"

"I was a little curious," Leon admitted.

"I cannot die," Simon finished, showing them as the glass pulled itself out of his hand and the skin closed around the open wounds. "Remnants of the curse will linger in my bones for eternity. I have lived 10 lifetimes already, loved and lost many people close to me to this horrible curse."

"Only 10? That doesn't seem so bad," Leon said, then quickly stopped when he caught Simon's deadly glare. He sighed, "Simon, believe me, I understand your plight. I have lived a thousand years, thinking my beloved Sara was lost to me until just recently. I blamed much of my trouble on Mathias as well, but there is a reason we haven't killed him this time."

"I'm listening." Having calmed down somewhat, Simon folded his arms across his chest and patiently awaited the explanation.

"A week ago, Alucard, Soma, Joachim, and I actually left to destroy Castlevania and kill Mathias once and for all, but all of that changed when we found him in the throne room," Leon began to recall the details carefully. "He no longer drinks blood. He only drinks potions, tea, and fresh vegetable juice. He calls it being 'Vegan.' Mathias does not even attack people or burn down villages anymore. He only sits and broods in Castlevania, which we did destroy last week." Leon paused, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "But I think Isaac built it back already."

"Not only did you fail to destroy him, but you allowed him to _rebuild Castlevania?_" Simon shook his head in disgust. "Leon, we must remedy this situation immediately. The fact that Joachim likely lives in your basement I am willing to overlook. He has done little to harm anyone, but Dracula I cannot ignore."

Richter dropped into the seat at the table between Simon and Leon, looking at them with confusion. "I don't understand."

Simon turned briefly towards Richter, "Dracula is bad."

"He's BAD?" Richter gasped, clutching his head tightly. "No, _A_lucard told me he was good now!"

"Dracula can never truly be good," Simon shook his head, then turned his attention back to Leon. "Where is Castlevania? We must destroy it immediately."

"Actually, I don't know where it is," Leon responded truthfully. "Isaac knows the way, but he left already."

Simon sighed, and the trained eye could see that it was a sigh of emotional weariness, desperation, brooding fury, and overall badassery.

Leon assumed Simon was tired. "If you would like to stay the night, or the week even, you're welcome to one of the upstairs bedrooms."

At this, Richter frowned. "But, Joachim already took seven of the bedrooms for himself, and I have the other one…"

"You would allow me to stay?" Simon asked in disbelief, ignoring Richter's flawed sense of direction.

"You are my family, and I care about you," Leon admitted. "Though I wish you wouldn't kill Mathias and destroy his home again. Isaac worked so hard to build it."

After only a moment of consideration, Simon grinned, "I would be delighted to stay with you. In the meantime, I surmise that I could do some good while I am here."

After saying this, Simon turned to Richter and pointed towards the ceiling. "Richter. Up is that way."

* * *

Elsewhere, in the Caribbean far away, a solitary figure lounged lazily in a refined wooden beach-chair beneath the beautiful moonlit sky. The oceanic waves rumbled in the distance, creating an ominous sound in the otherwise gentle night air.

In one hand, he held a dirty martini. In the other, a cell phone.

"Oh?" he murmured, his deep, rich, voice filling the air around him. "This should be interesting."

Without bothering to say goodbye, he snapped his cell phone shut, chuckling lowly. "Very interesting indeed…"

* * *

Thank you, readers and reviewers! Your constant support and reviews let me know that writing all of this is worthwhile!

Congrats to: Lupine Eclipse, SunLord89, MoonlitLuna, and Willowfur for answering the Chapter Trivia correctly! Congrats to SunLord89 for correctly answering the bonus trivia!

Chapter Trivia #3 Answer:

_Maria Renard is our new character! Which games (yes, plural!) did Maria appear in?_

Maria appeared in Castlevaina: Rondo of Blood, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, and Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin.

Bonus Trivia #3 Answer:

_Where did Charlotte get the broom that she gives to Jonathan in this chapter?_

When Charlotte double-jumps, she does it by materializing a broomstick. This would be the one she lent Jonathan.

Title Trivia #3 Answer:

_Which Castlevania game is our title from, and who says the line?_

"Of all the self-serving clap-trap" is a quote from or lovable idiot Richter in the game Castlevania: Rondo of Blood.

Chapter Trivia #4:

Simon Belmont has finally entered the story! Which games has he appeared in? (Think about this one, he's been in a lot!)

Bonus Trivia #4:

When did the ricochet rock make its first appearance?

Title Trivia #4:

Where is our title "What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse" from?

**Please Review with your answers!**


	5. What On Earth Should I Do With Myself?

**What On Earth Should I Do With Myself Now?**

The days that followed brought Leon much happiness. Never before had he had the chance to see so many of his descendants at once. In fact, he never thought he would have the chance to see Richter or Simon again. Their mere presence brought tears of happiness to his eyes more than once.

"Crying like a sissy again, Leon?" Sara remarked as she passed by.

The golden haired Belmont nodded simply from the chair where he sat, softly watching Simon _attempt_ to train Richter on how to use his whip in the back yard. "Simon is so talented. I hope Richter will learn much from him."

In the back yard, Simon sighed heavily. "Let's try this again."

"Ok, I'm ready!" Richter grinned, gripping his whip tightly.

Simon gave him a wary look and demonstrated, flicking his whip easily up into the air. "_Up_."

"Got it. Up!" Richter cried out, forcefully propelling his whip in front of him.

"No, that's _forward_ again, Richter," Simon pressed his thumb and index finger gently to his eyelids, then looked back at him again. "It appears Up is a bit more challenging than I thought. Perhaps Down will be easier for you. Would you like to try that?"

"Would I!" the other Belmont agreed happily.

After watching Simon demonstrate how to whip down, Richter shouted "Down!" and whipped again.

"That's _still_ _forward._"

Back in the kitchen, Alucard stood up from the horrifying scene before him. "I can't take this any more. If you do not require my assistance any longer, Leon, I'm leaving."

"Let's go to Starbucks, Allie," Soma suggested.

Alucard gave the pale haired youth a patronizing glare. "Does a day go by that you _don't_ visit Starbucks? I'm not certain all this coffee is good for your health."

Soma shrugged. "So that's a 'yes,' right?"

"Maybe we should go, and give them some time," Leon agreed, standing from where he sat with one last fond glance at his two descendants.

Jonathan, having had a horrible experience during their last trip to Starbucks, made no move to leave, but he did frown slightly and ask, "Shouldn't you be the one training _them_?"

"They have surpassed me in many ways," the Belmont said with a smile. "I'm so proud of them…"

Sara twisted her lips into a lopsided grimace. "Simon I can understand, but _Richter_?"

"Richter is a little… different," Leon said, pouting at Sara in such an adorable way that she _had _to dig into the man again.

"He can't tell up from down, and he nearly _broke the God-damned house in two_!" Sara ranted. "Just admit it Leon, Richter is a fucking moron."

"He was a troubled child," Leon said sadly. "Don't blame him."

"Oh, for crying out fucking loud!" Sara exclaimed, throwing her hands into the air as she stormed out of the kitchen. "I can't be around you right now. The stupidity might rub off on me like shit on a blanket."

Just as Soma was starting to wonder if that were true, the sun finished setting and Joachim sauntered up from the basement. "Did I hear somebody say _Starbucks _earlier?"

"Yes, yes," Alucard sighed impatiently. "Let's go now before more people decide to join us."

"**He walked past the chaotic house, a troubled vision surrendering to his eyes. For he knew, as I, that his undeserved suffering would be great. How much longer would he be able to withstand the darkness raging within? I fear for him, and the unbridled anger that tears at his tortured soul, like the madness of that house. I pray that he will find salvation, for if he does not, his torment will continue for eternity."

* * *

**

After Leon, Soma, Joachim, Alucard, and Sara left for Starbucks, the house was actually rather peaceful.

Charlotte sighed, opening up Leon's refrigerator to see what she could cook them for dinner. It wasn't that she was particularly fond of cooking, but _somebody_ had to do it, and if Leon was at Starbucks, she knew nobody else would.

Hearing the sliding glass door open, she turned around to find Simon and Richter walk back in, an irritated frown on the former's face. "Richter, we will work on this again tomorrow."

"Ok," Richter agreed happily, then walked up to the magician girl. "Did the cold box make dinner again?"

Charlotte sighed, "It's a _refrigerator_, and no, someone has to make dinner. It looks like tonight is my turn. Again."

"I can help you, dear lady," Richter offered with a gentle smile.

Charlotte considered his offer for a moment, then asked, "do you know how to use a knife?"

"Do I!" He answered, pulling several knives from his jacket and throwing them with deadly precision at Jonathan. "THOUSAND BLADES!"

Jonathan yelped, diving out of the way as the knives began to fly. When Richter had finished, a perfect thousand-knife outline of Jonathan was left in the kitchen wall.

Simon pulled a knife from the wall beside a panicked Jonathan, slipping it into his belt. "Miss Charlotte, I would be delighted to assist you," he said, nodding to her as he began to rummage through the refrigerator, pulling out various vegetables from their hiding places in the drawers.

"Please, just call me Charlotte. You know how to cook?" Charlotte asked with a relieved sigh, "Oh, of course you do. You must have lived on your own for hundreds of years by now."

"Unfortunately, yes," Simon agreed, gently placing the vegetables on the counter. "Please, allow me to prepare dinner this evening.

"Why, thank you! It's so nice to have someone else who actually _cooks_ around here," she said with a glare in Jonathan's direction.

Jonathan shrugged and smiled back.

"Perhaps you should see how Shanoa is doing upstairs?" Simon suggested to the girl. "She has yet to vacate the computer room. I am growing concerned for her."

The girl nodded and headed for the upper floor. "Good idea. Thanks for making dinner, I really appreciate it!"

"Don't mention it," Simon smiled, then beaconed his great-great-grandson over, handing him his knife back. "Richter, why don't I show you another _less deadly_ way to use your knife?"

* * *

When Charlotte entered the computer room upstairs, she found Shanoa sitting exactly like she had been the past few days. Her eyes stared soullessly forward at the computer screen, which illuminated various colors onto her expressionless face.

"Shanoa?" she attempted to engage in conversation, stepping into the room almost as if she were creeping into a monster's lair.

"Yes?" the woman replied, not once looking up from the screen as her fingers continued to click on the keyboard.

"Are you ok up here?" Charlotte asked, taking a seat beside Shanoa at the computer. "I haven't seen you eat or sleep for days now. We are starting to get concerned about you."

"Who is 'we'?" Shanoa asked, pausing to reach for the mouse and click a few times before returning to her typing.

"Simon sent me up here, actually," then she tilted her head to the side in thought. "Actually… do you even know Simon? He's already been living here for two days now."

Shanoa inclined her head upwards, the first movement Charlotte had seen her make other than her fingers in days. "Yes, I believe I heard some discourse earlier. He is another of Leon's descendants, and from what I have heard, certainly brighter than the other one. _Richter_, was it?"

Thinking of Richter's ever-present dopey smile, Charlotte sighed, "Yes, that's the one."

"Hmm," Shanoa was silent for a few minutes, as she gazed ever so intently at the computer screen. Then, she droned on, "Do not concern yourself for my well-being. I worked at Starbucks. I'm accustomed to living for days on end on coffee alone."

"But… you haven't even drunk coffee…" Charlotte murmured quietly, then spoke up. "What is it that you need the computer for, anyway?"

"Ebay," Shanoa replied automatically. "It's grown more difficult this past week too. There's another bidder that keeps trying to outbid me on things, but I've managed to outbid that person on every single one."

"Items?" Charlotte asked.

"Glamorous pumps. Serenity robes. Fashionable sequined dresses," Shanoa explained, reaching for the mouse again, and making a circular gesture with her other hand. "It's an ongoing cycle until the items reach their end time."

"So… how much time to your items have left?" the girl asked, squinting at the screen in an attempt to read it.

"Ironically, they all seem to end around the same time, in a few days."

"A few days?" Charlotte exclaimed. "You're really going to sit here that long without eating, showering, or sleeping?"

"Yes," Shanoa affirmed.

"I… I don't know what to call that…" the girl murmured.

"Gross," Jonathan offered, pointing into the room as he headed down the hallway.

* * *

Isaac strolled into the throne room, tossing Dracula the bag of flour. "Done."

Dracula looked at the bag of flour. He looked at Isaac. He looked back at the bag of flour. He looked back at Isaac. "Really?"

"What?" The former devil forger asked nonchalantly.

"It's been _two days_ since I sent you," Dracula frowned.

Isaac shrugged. "I had trouble finding it, but Simon Belmont helped—"

"_Simon Belmont?_" Dracula choked.

"—I might have built a couple of motorcycles after that," Isaac continued before he realized Dracula looked like he was going to vomit up his breakfast. "Hey, you ok?"

"_Simon Belmont_…" Dracula reiterated, then looked desperately at Isaac. "Are you _certain_ it was him?"

"Pretty sure, yeah," the former devil forger nodded. "Said that was his name, anyway."

"This… this could be terrible," Dracula mused nervously, stroking his chin contemplatively. "Richter reappearing is inconvenient but manageable. _Simon_ reappearing may mean moving to another country."

"That bad?" Isaac asked.

"I am afraid so," Dracula sighed with remorse and worry, taking a sip of his chamomile tea to soothe his frayed nerves.

* * *

"Why _do_ you go to Starbucks so often?" Joachim asked, sipping one of the five lattes he had Leon buy him. "I mean, I do it to quench my thirst and because I'm a coffee addict. But why do _you?_"

"They have wi-fi," Soma explained, pulling out a small laptop he had coerced his mother into buying for him long ago. "I can check my ebay bids."

"Ebay?" the vampire leaned over, watching as the pale haired youth brought up an internet browser and began typing away. "What could you possibly be bidding on?"

"Stuff," Soma said noncommittally.

Alucard glared sharply at the youth, "It better not be drugs."

"It's _not drugs, grandma,_" Soma rolled his eyes, typing his information into ebay as he spoke. "Besides, if I wanna get jacked-up, all I have to do is visit Drac. His castle is more fucked up than any acid trip."

"Acid…" Sara murmured, deep in thought. "Leon, add that to your shopping list."

"Ok," Leon agreed. "Anything for you, my beloved."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it, _Leon-poo_," Sara sneered suspiciously.

Leon didn't quite understand, but before he could ask her what she was talking about, Joachim's startled cry filled the air.

"_A serenity robe?_" He squealed in surprise, quickly placing his coffee on the table so he wouldn't spill any of it as he laughed. "Why are you bidding on _that?_"

"It's important," Soma stated, frowning back.

Curious, Alucard leaned over to observe the brightly lit screen and furrowed his brows in confusion as well. "You wish to purchase… a sequined dress? And designer pumps?"

"Hey, you don't see me making cuts at _your_ high heeled boots," the pale haired youth scowled back.

"They're platform boots," Alucard corrected him, mentally noting that they made him discretely taller.

"Whatever, I'm not a fashion expert like Joachim," Soma growled, clicking furiously on his bids.

"Guilty as charged," Joachim grinned, downing one of his lattes and moving on to the second. "Everyone should be."

Soma rolled his eyes, clicking out of his internet browser and closing his laptop with a snap. Then, he finally seemed to remember that Alucard was wearing _boots_, along with several unnecessary capes, and had _blonde hair_. "Hey Allie… you never explained what happened. Why do you look like that?"

"That would be my fault," Leon admitted, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "When I blessed him in preparation for our wedding, it removed his glamour and other magical seals."

"Care to say that in English now?" Soma asked, completely at a loss.

"He's stronger now, and he looks different," Joachim clarified, finishing his second latte and moving onto his third. "And he glows."

"Did your brain die when you did, freeloader?" Sara sneered. "He's not glowing."

"Maybe to _you_ he isn't," Joachim frowned, placing the empty cup back on the table. "But to _vampires_ and other creatures of darkness, his aura is much brighter."

"So you're saying he's like some fucking magical neon sign for dark creatures now?" Soma whined, noticing that Alucard _did_ glow a little bit more than before. "Great, just great… what kind of fucking crazies are we gonna have to deal with now?"

"I wouldn't worry about them," Juste said reassuringly, sipping the dark crimson liquid from his Starbucks cup. "We can take them out."

"Juste!" Leon cried happily, hugging the pale haired Belmont sitting next to him. "When did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago," Juste replied simply.

"That's cool," Joachim nodded, eyeing his still mostly full Starbucks cup enviously. "What are you drinking? It smells divine."

"Pomegranate juice," the fair haired Belmont replied, taking another sip of his drink.

"That's it. I don't think I can stand any more inane conversation," Sara declared, standing from where she previously sat fuming. "I'm going home."

"Yes, sweetie," Leon replied immediately to her unspoken command, standing and following her. Juste silently followed them.

Joachim shook his head. "That poor bastard is _so_ whipped." After tossing back his fourth cup of coffee, he picked up the fifth and drifted away.

Left alone with Alucard, Soma sighed, "Hey, Allie, do you get the feeling something awful is gonna happen?"

"I have my suspicions," Alucard affirmed, though he did not elaborate on the issue.

Just as Soma was about to stand and leave, a dark haired woman jumped down from the roof of the building, did a back-flip in the air, and easily landed in the seat across from the half-vampire. "Hello Alucard."

Shocked, Alucard's fine eyebrows lifted halfway into his forehead, his eyes widening to comical proportions. Soma couldn't be certain, but it almost seemed as though Alucard was distinctly _not pleased_ that she was there. "Maria?"

"In the flesh," she answered coldly, her voice veiled with mysticism.

"Shit."

* * *

**Thank you very much to those of you reading and reviewing!** I love reading your comments, answers, and questions!

**Congrats to: **SunLord89, Willowfur, True Hyper Sonic, and NeoseekerDarkKnight for correctly answering the Chapter Trivia! Congrats to True Hyper Sonic for correctly answering (and being the only one to attempt) the Bonus Trivia! Congrats to Sunlord89, True Hyper Sonic, auragonian, and NeoseekerDarkKnight for correctly answering the Title Trivia!

Whew! That's a lot of right answers. Maybe I'm making these questions too easy? ^_^

Chapter Trivia #4 Answer:

_Simon Belmont has finally entered the story! Which games has he appeared in?_

Hold onto your socks, because this is a LONG one… Simon was featured in Haunted Castle (an old and TERRIBLY HARD arcade game), Castlevania, Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest, Super Castlevania 4, Castlevania: Chronicles, Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance (Boss Rush Mode), and Castlevania: Judgment.

Bonus Trivia #4 Answer:

_When did the ricochet rock make its first appearance?_

The "ricochet rock" first appeared by that name in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night; however, its first _true_ appearance is in Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest as the "diamond."

Title Trivia #4 Answer:

_Where is our title "What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse" from?_

This lovely bit of dialogue, somehow spelled correctly, scrolls slowly across the screen every time it turns nighttime (every five minutes or so) in Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest. Then the monsters get harder.

Chapter Trivia #5:

Juste Belmont appeared in this chapter! Where is he from?

Bonus Trivia #5:

Which characters from the sprite-based side-scrolling Castlevania games have the ability to swing a whip more than just straight forward? Oh, and the whole dangle the whip and move it in a circle thingie doesn't count.

Title Trivia #5:

Where is the title _"What On Earth Should I Do With Myself Now?"_ from?


	6. You Were Doomed As Soon As You Lost

**Chapter 6: You Were Doomed as Soon as You Lost the Ability to Love**

It took a moment before Alucard responded, but when he did, his tone was quiet and contemplative. "You followed me through the portal?"

"I chose to jump into the unknown," Maria corrected him. "As did you, that night long ago."

A minute passed by. The half-vampire shifted in his seat, his calm golden eyes resting uneasily on the woman across from him. Another minute passed by. Then, Alucard murmured, "That night long ago…"

Two more minutes passed by. Maria's cold emerald gaze was like that of a falcon, zeroing in on its prey. Eventually, Maria affirmed, "Indeed."

Soma was beginning to feel quite uncomfortable. The intensity of the stares around him, in addition to the long awkward pauses between each of their statements, left him feeling as if he was being twisted inside. So, he did what any normal person would do.

"I'm leaving," he said, standing up quickly, and walking away.

Three more minutes drifted by, the steely stares of the two charged with energy behind a show of indifference. Finally, Maria's gentle lips curled into a grin. "Shall we go for a _walk?_"

* * *

"Adrian!" Dracula suddenly exclaimed, looking up from where he stood in line, prepared to purchase several flowers for his garden.

A few other shoppers looked at him with disdain but returned to perusing the magazines and candy selections of the check-out aisle quickly.

"I have a feeling he is getting himself into terrible trouble," the lord of the night worried his lip, clutching his cart of flowers tightly as he waited for Isaac's reassuring response.

Realizing that Isaac wasn't around to respond to him, Dracula paid for his flowers and left the store.

* * *

Richter decided that he really liked chopping up bananas. And carrots. And everything else Simon had given him to pare delicately with his knife. "Wow, grandpa, I really like chopping up bananas!"

"Do you?" Simon asked, a relieved look in his eyes. Perhaps he had finally found something Richter could do without being destructive to the house or anybody else.

"Yes!" The younger Belmont replied with a grin, throwing another sliced banana into a bowl. Then, stretching, he turned towards the oven, which was producing a delicious smell. "What are we making, anyway?"

"You'll see soon, Richter," Simon said with a warm smile.

The sound of the door being thrown open traveled to the kitchen, alerting both of the domesticating Belmonts to Sara's return. Both, however, decided it was safer to wait in the kitchen.

"—hope that fucking imbecile descendant of yours hasn't ruined the house again!" the melodious sound of Sara's screeching reached Richter's ears, who immediately looked at the 999 remaining knives in the kitchen wall. He turned quickly to Simon, but it seemed the elder Belmont was already ahead of him.

"Why don't you practice 'up' outside?" Simon asked, pulling open the sliding glass door and gesturing towards freedom.

Richter quickly retreated to the great outdoors and continued whipping straight forward.

"Please don't judge him…" Leon attempted weakly as he entered. It took a moment, but he realized that Juste hadn't followed him inside. Turning around, he faced his descendant with a puzzled look. "Why are you waiting outside?"

Juste merely waited politely at the threshold of Leon's home, simply asking, "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Of course, Juste," Leon smiled, throwing an arm over his shy descendant's shoulder and urging him inside. "Please come in. I know Sara can be a little intimidating, but she is a dear maiden at heart."

Juste stared blankly back, walking with Leon into the home.

A loud shriek filled the house, "God DAMN it Leon! Your _fucking __**retarded descendant is GOING TO PAY!**_"

Leon winced as the tone of his beloved's voice escalated. "Please don't…" He turned around the corner into the kitchen and had to marvel at what had to be Richter's handiwork.

"Don't just _stand there_ looking _**impressed!**_" She screeched in exasperation, attempting to pull a knife out of the wall.

"But he even got the outline of his _hair_…" Leon marveled.

"Yeah, it's amazing," Jonathan agreed from where he had silently been sipping lemonade at the kitchen table. "But not when he's throwing those at _you_."

Frowning, Sara glowered moodily at her betrothed. "Leon. Fix it. I'm leaving." With that, she stormed upstairs.

Jonathan leaned back in his chair, arching an eyebrow as he watched the furious woman march away. "Do you ever wonder what she does upstairs after she stomps away like that?"

"No," Leon answered truthfully, but before he could dwell on the thought any longer, he noticed Richter outside, furiously whipping the air directly in front of him. Turning to Simon, who had stayed gravely silent this entire time, he asked, "Why is Richter practicing 'up' in the middle of the night?"

"He required an activity to keep him out of trouble," Simon explained simply, checking on something in the oven before he looked back in Leon's direction. "He would do well to stay out of Sara's way, I believe."

One of Jonathan's many useless abilities activated as he heard Charlotte walk down the stairs. He knew she had tried to do something and failed. A small guilty part of him was very _very_ happy. "What happened?"

"Don't gloat." As the girl came into view, her tired eyes rimmed with darkness, she shook her head and plopped into a chair at the kitchen table. "I tried to figure out what was wrong with Shanoa's device, but I just couldn't. It's nothing like what I've seen before, and there's nothing about it in my book."

"Do you mean her cellular phone?" Simon asked, taking interest as he began placing plates, forks, and knives at the table.

"Yes, that's what she called it," the magician girl agreed, relieved that at least someone else had taken over dinner duty this evening. "Shanoa won't leave the room without the _internet_, and if her _cell phone_ is broken, then she is determined to stay in Leon's computer room."

"I see," Simon articulated quietly, carefully carrying over bowls filled with carrots, green beans, corn, and other healthy things Leon didn't know were in his refrigerator to the table.

Sensing that their food was almost done, Richter popped his head back inside the house. "Is dinner ready?"

"You're just in time," Simon smiled, ushering Richter quickly to a chair that was out of the view of the entrance hall, where Sara might come downstairs and see him. As he peered into the hallway, he noticed a familiar figure sitting in the darkness on one of the couches. "Juste?"

The white haired Belmont looked up from where he sat, half of his face cast in shadow from the dim moonlight pouring through the window that managed to reach where he sat in solace. "Grandfather?"

"Finally, someone has it right." Simon smiled, sitting beside his grandson on the couch. "I take it you followed Leon?"

"Of course," Juste nodded.

"Would you like to join us for supper?" the older Belmont asked politely.

"No, thank you," Juste responded quietly, his long pale tresses swishing delicately across his porcelain face as he shook his head. "I already ate."

"Very well then," Simon nodded, standing once again as he heard the others impatiently digging into the various side dishes. Thinking of Richter, he frowned, "I hope you don't mind if I ask you a few questions later this evening."

"Not at all," the younger Belmont replied with a slight inclination of his head. "Enjoy your supper, Grandfather."

Deciding that Juste had always been a precocious and peculiar child, Simon returned to the kitchen to triumphantly announce the main course.

"Omelets?" Soma asked as he walked in through the sliding glass door and took a seat at the table.

Having unfortunately become used to the youth's random appearances, Simon sighed and set another plate down at the table. "Yes. Feeding so many people was not my intention when I went grocery shopping earlier this week. Thankfully, I purchased enough vegetables."

With the mystery of the mysteriously appearing food solved, Leon could finally eat his supper in peace. "Thank you for cooking all of this, Simon. It is truly a blessing having you around."

"Oh, the pleasure is all mine," Simon said, smiling in return as they all dug into dinner.

* * *

"Leon…" Dracula suddenly murmured, looking up from where he knelt, planting night-blooming orchids in his garden.

"Hmm?" Isaac grunted, continuing to punch giant marble boulders into small gravel pieces with his fists.

"I have this feeling that he is letting something terrible happen to him," the lord of the night frowned with worry, setting aside his gardening trowel so that he would not accidentally harm his flowers.

"You seem to get that feeling a lot," the former devil-forger observed, throwing the decorative marble onto the walkway before punching the next boulder.

"Yes, but this time, I feel like it's going to inconvenience _me_," Dracula frowned, folding his arms across his chest with disgruntlement. "I don't like that."

Dracula was getting into one of those _moods_. If he continued, the night would be full of whiney complaining and begrudged accusations.

Isaac knew what to do. Pausing for just a moment, he pulled a flask from his pocket and threw it at Dracula.

The lord of the night caught it easily and demanded, "What is this?"

"Your dinner. Drink up." With that, Isaac went back to punching boulders, ignoring the skeptical vampire.

Dracula unscrewed the lid, peering at the dark liquid within. It appeared to be nothing more than the usual potion he drank every night for his supper. Cautiously, he took a whiff of the contents.

Two seconds later, the lord of the night had passed out on the floor.

Isaac calmly picked up the flask before any of his prized aged scotch was wasted and took a generous gulp. He regarded Dracula was piteous eyes. "That's a man who can't hold his liquor."

* * *

Joachim was growing bored. People weren't paying any attention to him, and with Simon Belmont in the house, he was hesitant to move around too much for fear of being killed. Again.

When he heard footsteps echoing down the staircase to the basement, he nearly cried with happiness. Finally! Someone was coming! Someone would give him attention! Someone would watch Titanic with him again!

Who would it be? Perhaps Leon was coming to pay his old friend a visit? Maybe Jonathan had realized how much he longed to see _Twenty Seven Dresses_ again? Even Soma might want to catch the late night reruns of _Glee_.

However, when the silver haired figure reached the bottom of the staircase and began quietly regarding the room, Joachim frowned at the man he had recently met at Starbucks. "Juste?"

The gaunt man paused in his observation of the room and rested his calm grey eyes on the vampire before him. With every air of formality, he touched his right hand to his left side and bowed. "Juste Belmont. It is a pleasure to officially meet your acquaintance…"

"Joachim Armster," the vampire filled in the blank and waved with boredom. "I don't suppose you would care to watch _He's Just Not That Into You_, would you?"

Juste tilted his head curiously to the side but said nothing. After a moment, Joachim eyed the Belmont's trailing blue aura as he walked silently away into one of the many basement rooms. Quietly, he heard him murmur, "Tasteless…"

Sighing with boredom, Joachim picked up the remote control and pressed a couple buttons, resolving himself to his fate of watching chick flicks alone once again.

* * *

In the children's park of a nearby grade-school, Alucard and Maria were locked in a passionately epic duel. To the common observer, it would have appeared as though they were standing still. However, the more versed would have been able to discern the truth.

They _were_ standing still. But, they were staring each other down, both calculating the precise moment that the other would attack, which attack they would use, and the best way to counter it.

Alucard refused to play a scrubby character and let Maria have the upper hand. Not again.

The wind rustled the leaves in the trees which cosmetically surrounded the playground equipment. A lone swing swayed to and fro in the breeze. An empty aluminum can rolled slowly across the pavement between them before reaching the end of its journey next to the plastic slide.

Then, it began.

Maria was the first to make a move, darting forward with a bird in each hand, whipping the creatures at the half-vampire. Anticipating her attack, Alucard had already begun to dash to the left.

However, knowing that he would likely make that move, Maria sprung into the air, doing a spinning half-pike back-flip over him. She landed in the spot he would have stopped, tossing a feral-looking cat at the dhampire.

Knowing that Maria would try that tactic, Alucard changed into mist, cleanly passing through both the cat and girl to enter the plastic tube-slide. Unfortunately for him, Maria thought he might pull something like that, and she had already begun to run up the top of the tube-slide, flipping face-forward into the top of the tube with outstretched hands just as Alucard shifted form again.

Realizing that Maria would try this, Alucard shifted not to his human form but to his bat form, flying just barely between her fingers as she slid down the slide. The woman thought he would have the audacity to do that, and swiftly sent forth two more birds to duel him.

Alucard had already thought ahead, though, changing into a wolf and evading the two avian creatures. However, Maria had anticipated this, and she had already climbed up the fireman's pole and grasped the wolf around the neck.

Foreseeing that Maria would use this tactic, Alucard had already begun to leap on top of the arched plastic roof that covered the entrance to the slides, spinning and throwing the woman to her back.

Maria took the hit, knowing that it would come, and used their forward momentum to launch both Alucard and herself off the rooftop. She landed hard against the dhampire as he crashed into the sandy floor.

Figuring that Maria would do this, Alucard changed into mist, allowing her to fall through him into the sand. Knowing that he would do that, Maria grinned. He couldn't stay mist forever, and when he eventually changed back into his dhampire form, he found himself trapped within the coiled embrace of an anaconda.

"Where did _this_ come from?" he managed to grunt.

"I made a new friend," the woman grinned, sauntering forward and catching the frills of his jacket in her fists. She dismissed the snake with a nod of her head, holding the defeated dhampire close.

Alucard didn't exactly know what to expect. An ass-kicking? A sexy encounter inside the plastic tube slide? Nothing would have surprised him at this point.

Maria wrapped one of her legs around Alucard, and he began to get an idea of where she was going. As she curled an arm around him, he got a better idea.

And then the demonic woman smiled.

Alucard knew he was in trouble.

Within half a second, Maria had him pinned to the playground floor, his beautiful face eating the sand as she locked his body into a submission position.

"Don't tell me you have been watching _UFC _too…" Alucard's muffled sand-filled murmurs drifted up to her perfect ears.

"UFC?" She laughed a cruel and bitter laugh that pierced the half-vampire's very soul. "Don't make me laugh." Leaning in closer, she snarled, "A real woman creates her own moves."

"I could turn into mist…" he threatened.

"Wherever you go, I will hunt you down, catch you, and lock you into an even more _painful _position," as she grunted the words, Maria twisted the dhampire's arm, eliciting a pained whimper from him.

Unable to take it any longer, Alucard misted out of her death-lock, but to show that he bore no intentions of running away, he merely materialized sitting in front of her. "What do you want?"

"I'm glad we're both on the same page." With a grin, she settled herself comfortably in the sand, folding her arms across her chest in triumph. "You can start by…"

Maria leaned in closer, whispering something into Alucard's ear. Alucard groaned.

**As he passed by the children's playground, I knew his heart was filled with a morbid sadness. She would be forever lost to him if he failed. Never would he see the happiness of his children. His world would be filled with naught but envy and darkness.**

* * *

Far away on a beach in the Caribbean Islands, a lone figure chuckled into his cell phone, sipping his dirty martini before bothering himself with a reply. "Is that so? Very interesting. Keep a watch on them. Oh, and sell that _Walmart_ stock. It has done so very little lately."

Snapping the cell phone shut, he took another sip of his martini before his rich laughter again filled the sky. "Yes, it is all coming together…"

* * *

**Thank you to all of you still reading and reviewing!** Reading your reviews makes my day. Usually. Unless they're flames. But, (and I know I'm asking for it for saying this), I don't think I've had a single bad review for this story yet, so either I'm doing something right, or the internet has given up on me. ^_^

One month later… and here's the update! Sorry this one took so long, but didn't I tell you I wouldn't be able to update regularly?

I hope that you all had a very happy Thanksgiving, regardless of whether or not you live in the states. May your upcoming holiday season be filled with merriment, shopping, cards from friends, and much more!

Congrats to Willowfur, NeoseekerDarkKnight, SunLord89, and Auragonian for correctly answering the Chapter Trivia! Congrats to NeoseekerDarkKnight for actually getting the Bonus Trivia!

Chapter Trivia #5 Answer:

_Juste Belmont appeared in this chapter! Where is he from?_

Juste Belmont is featured in the game Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance.

Bonus Trivia #5 Answer:

_Which characters from the sprite-based side-scrolling Castlevania games have the ability to swing a whip more than just straight forward? _

The only characters who fit this bill are: Simon Belmont, John Morris, Johnathan Morris, and Nathan Graves.

Title Trivia #5 Answer:

_Where is the title "What on Earth Should I do with Myself Now?" from?_

Juste says this if you get the "bad" ending in Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance.

Chapter Trivia #6:

Alucard shifts form several times in his fight with Maria. How many different forms does our sexy piece of half-vampire meat have?

Bonus Trivia #6:

In Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance, which piece of furniture is as exactly as old as Simon Belmont?

Title Trivia #6:

To which Castlevania title does "You were doomed as soon as you lost the ability to love" belong?


	7. Maybe A Bit Tasteless

**What An Elegant Room! Maybe A Bit Tasteless…

* * *

**

The next day, Leon couldn't help but notice something unusual. "Honey," he began, while staring into the living room with puzzlement.

Sara rolled her eyes and heaved a deep, annoyed, sigh. "_What?_"

"Do you know where my favorite chair went? You know, the one I always sit in while reading the morning paper?" Leon asked, worrying his lip a bit as he looked at the place his favorite chair _used_ to be with dismay.

"I have no idea what happened to your chair. Are you sure Richter hasn't tried to eat it thinking that it's candy?" Sara sneered back.

"No, Richter only does that with small children's toys," the Belmont puzzled through the situation while frowning at the small side table that seemed to be sitting in the place of his chair. He had to admit that the table looked good there, but he couldn't sit on it to read his paper. "And I can't figure out where this table came from…"

"_God-fucking-DAMN it Leon! I didn't move your gay-ass-chair!_" Sara screeched, leaving the living room and storming upstairs.

Hearing the commotion, Richter poked his head in through the outside window. "Is everything ok, Grandpa?"

"Yes, I suppose…" Leon sighed, deciding to sit in a different chair this morning while he read his paper.

"Are you and Grandma fighting again?" Richter asked quietly with a pout on his lips. "It makes me so sad to see you two fighting."

"No, no," Leon reassured him with a gentle grin. "Sara is merely… enthusiastic."

"Richter, stop slacking off," Simon commanded the other Belmont from outside. "If you are unable to learn 'up' by this evening, I shall be beside myself with sorrow."

Richter wasn't sure what that meant, but Simon was frowning. Frowning meant back to work. "Ok, Grandpa!"

Jonathan looked up from his morning cereal, shaking his spoon in Charlotte's general direction. "So… I take it you haven't figured out how to get us out of here yet?"

He received a cross glare for his remark. "No, I haven't. Don't point your spoon at people."

"At people?" He asked.

"At me," she clarified.

"Oh," Jonathan said, then resumed eating his cereal. After a few more bites, he looked around at the empty chairs surrounding the table. "I thought more people lived here? Why are we the only ones eating breakfast?"

"Belmonts are natural hunters. They instinctively wake up at the crack of dawn, eat, and start working out. See outside for example," Charlotte began to patiently explain in classic textbook format as she buttered a piece of toast. "The only exception seems to be Juste, who is still sleeping. He must have been doing some strenuous labor last night, though I have no idea what that may have been."

"I think I have an idea," Jonathan ventured, his eyes wandering to the large grandfather clock that had suddenly appeared in the kitchen. He had to admit, the clock normally would have seemed out of place in a kitchen, but it was so perfectly positioned that it actually accented the room beautifully.

The magician girl continued, ignoring her friend, "Shanoa is addicted to the internet upstairs. Sara… I don't know what her deal is. She could be jumping into another time portal for all I know. Soma, Alucard, Dracula, and Isaac don't actually live here, and Joachim is a vampire. You won't find him up here during the daylight hours."

"Anymore," Leon piped in, his eyes still trained to the newspaper as he flipped a page.

"What do you mean?" Charlotte asked, arching a quizzical eyebrow.

"I used to leave the curtains and doors shut for him," the golden haired Belmont explained, a pained look of guilt crossing his sorrowful features. "But… Sara prefers to have natural sunlight indoors."

"No way," Jonathan said with surprise. "You're just letting her run over you like that?"

"I love her with all of my heart," Leon explained sadly.

"And Joachim is really ok with being trapped in your basement?" Charlotte prodded further.

"He's a good man. Vampire. Man-vampire…" Leon mumbled, his eyes clearly no longer focused on the paper in front of him, nor on what he was saying.

Jonathan knew a relationship problem when he saw it. Recognizing the signs of an issue he really didn't want to be a part of, he abruptly stood up, placed his dishes in the dishwasher, and announced, "I'm going to help Richter."

"Good luck with that one," Charlotte sighed.

"Hey, I'm the master of swinging downward in the air."

Halfway out the sliding glass door, Jonathan poked his head back in, strands of sunny blonde hair falling gently around his face in a way that Charlotte would almost say was _supposed_ to look adorable as he pleaded, "You could help?"

Knowing that it would be a futile effort, the girl grumbled, "fine." After cleaning her dishes, she stepped outside with her glass of water to watch as Jonathan tried to explain things to Richter. Simon was standing close at hand, shaking his head as he pressed his thumb and forefinger into the corners of his eyes.

"Down is this direction," Jonathan attempted to explain, whipping his own whip downwards. "You know, when you go _downstairs _where Joachim hides all day, you go down?"

"I thought Shanoa was in the computer room downstairs?" Richter asked back earnestly.

Charlotte tilted her head to the side, taking a small sip from her cup. No. They couldn't be talking about what she _thought _they were talking about…

Pulling his whip back, Richter whipped straight forward again, "Down!"

…then again, they could be. Charlotte calmly approached all of them, placing a hand on Richter's forearm to stop him from whipping again. In the kindest voice she could muster, she asked, "Richter, can you tell the difference between up and down?"

"I… I…" he stammered, looking around at the others.

"It's ok, Richter. It's really easy, actually. Here, I'll show you," Charlotte smiled kindly as she held forward her cup of water. "Up is like a cup. Down is like a frown."

Richter's brows furrowed and unfurrowed several times as he frowned, tracing the path, and studied Charlotte's cup intently.

A very tense few minutes passed. Charlotte looked at Jonathan. Jonathan looked at Simon. Simon looked at Richter. Richter looked at Charlotte's cup.

Suddenly, Richter brightened. "OH! _I get it!_"

"Truly?" Simon asked in disbelief.

"Up, down," The younger Belmont stated, pointing first to the sky and then the ground matter-of-factly. Then, he folded his arms, pouting at his grandfather, "Why didn't _you_ ever explain it that way?"

"I… don't know," Simon smiled, nodding to Charlotte in silent thanks. "Very well then, perhaps you can try 'up' again?"

"Sure!" He agreed happily. "Up!"

Once again, Richter Belmont whipped straight forward.

* * *

Soma was having a shitty day. Despite having carefully planned his ebay purchases, he had recently lost two of his week-long bids. He filled the afternoon air with a loud, anguished cry.

"Dude, keep it down. Some of us are actually trying to _watch_ the movie," an angry moviegoer grumbled from somewhere behind him.

In an effort to drown his sorrows, he tried going to see a movie, but it wasn't helping. He couldn't help but lament over his lost bids. Those glamorous pumps and open veil… when would he ever have the chance to bid on those things again?

Saddened, Soma went back to watching the terrible romantic comedy.

"**He walked from the theater, each step more trying on his resolve than the last. Romance had long left him, and should he fail, he shall never again feel its warmth. I fear for what he may someday become. I fear the blackness within his soul."

* * *

**

"Do you suppose lavender would work better here, or perhaps the periwinkle?" Dracula asked, holding two swatches of cloth up to the windows.

Isaac sighed from where he was sitting, carefully crafting a sledgehammer with his bare hands. He was starting to remember why he had ditched Dracula long ago. "They're both great. You choose."

"Isaac, you're not even looking!" the lord of the night exclaimed ruefully.

"Doesn't your party start in a couple days?" Isaac asked, trying to divert his attention. "Maybe you should be planning that or something?"

Dracula gasped. "Why… it does! What am I sitting around in this teleportation room for? There is so much to do!"

Both of the colored cloths fell to the ground as the lord of the night clasped his hands together. "I'll need servants around… and of course monsters."

"Monsters?" Isaac asked, finally looking up from his work. "I don't think you should…"

Before he could finish talking, a brilliant white light filled the castle. As it faded, the grueling sounds of zombies slowly pacing the hallways, harpies fluttering about the ramparts, and dead horsemen riding across the castle walls reached their ears.

"I knew the castle was missing something," Dracula took a deep breath and smiled. Then, he turned towards Isaac. "What were you saying, now?"

"If you bring the monsters back, _she'll_ be back," Isaac stated plainly, pointing behind the vampire.

"Who…?" Dracula turned around to see an open palm collide with his face.

"I hate you!" A beautiful voice screamed at him in a way that was somehow still seductive. It could belong to only one monster.

"Saccubus…" the lord of the night recovered, looking up to find the succubus in question with her arms folded underneath her ample bosom, her luscious lips quivering with anger. He wasn't sure how he had wronged her, but he ventured, "Forgive me?"

"Ok," she agreed quickly, drifting into his arms. At least, she tried to drift into his arms, but she found two pieces of fabric thrust into her hands instead.

"So what do you think? Would lavender or periwinkle complement the windows better?" Dracula asked, musing over the shades.

"Lavender," Saccubus responded confidently, throwing the periwinkle behind her. "Though, forgive my saying, does it really matter? This room will be filled with _sunlight_ most hours of the day. Would you not rather be elsewhere?"

"No room, no matter how insignificant, is unworthy of interior decoration!" The lord of the night declared. The mere thought of an undecorated room brought tears to his undead eyes. Immediately afterwards, he pulled out two more swatches of fabric. "Chocolate truffle or forest green for the pedestal?"

Rolling his eyes, Isaac left the room with his newly crafted sledgehammer. "If you need me I'll be at Leon's watching the UFC fight."

"Leon gets cable?" Dracula frowned. _He_ didn't get cable.

"Yeah, and he'll actually pay $50 for pay-per-view," Isaac noted.

* * *

Alucard was having a less than stellar day. He had spent the past evening listening to Maria's carefully laid out plans and filling her in on the nuisances of the modern day world that hadn't existed in her time.

"Hot… dog?" Maria arched an eyebrow at him suspiciously. "You are certain you are not making this up?"

"Yes. I wish I were," Alucard sighed as they passed the hot-dog stand on the corner. Indicating towards another shop, he mentioned, "That one sells 'ice cream.' You may actually like that. Ice cream is a mixture of milk, sugar, and…"

"Oh, I've had that. It's great," Maria said as she observed the ice-cream in the window.

Alucard turned to face her, his graceful platinum blonde hair falling in tantalizing waves across his delicate features. His lips parted slightly, captivating three women passing by merely by moving them. In a desirably deep tenor voice, he asked, "You have?"

Maria was unphased by his beauty. "Yeah, Dracula had a ton of it in his castle walls."

"Illuminating…" he murmured, mulling over his own thoughts as they continued down the street. Despite the recent ass-kicking she had delivered to him, he didn't hate Maria. Quite the contrary, he was coming to respect her now more than ever. It was out of this mutual respect that he finally brought up a topic that had been nagging his mind the entire evening. "Maria, you should know that this may not work."

"I know," the warrior woman's reply was swift as the falcons she tended to daily.

"You seemed so certain a few hours ago," Alucard said with mild surprise. "Why would you wish to do something which may fail?"

"Because," Maria turned to him, her trademark grin in place. "A real woman doesn't give up."

* * *

Jonathan and Charlotte managed to escape Simon's wrath at Richter's continued stupidity, retreating upstairs again. As they passed by Shanoa, still busily typing away in the computer room, Charlotte poked her head in and asked, "Do you need me to bring you food or water or anything?"

"No," Shanoa replied, her stony gaze still fixed intently on the luminescent screen. "I will be fine."

"Soap?" Jonathan ventured.

He was not graced with a reply.

As they began to walk down the hallway to their rooms, Jonathan paused, an odd thought coming suddenly to mind. "You know, the only thing I hear is Shanoa typing."

"That's because she's _always_ typing," Charlotte sighed in response.

"That wasn't my point," he replied, staring down the vacant hallway at the rooms they had yet to enter.

"Then what is your point, exactly?" She asked, twirling around to face him with her hands on her hips.

"Isn't there someone _else_ who is always upstairs?" Jonathan asked in return.

Finally, realization dawned on Charlotte. "Sara… but we never hear a peep from her."

Before Charlotte could tell him otherwise, Jonathan threw open the next door. An empty bedroom greeted him. "Well, she's not in this one."

"_Jonathan!_" the magician girl whispered harshly next to him. "_What are you doing?"_

"I don't know about you, but I don't trust Sara," he explained, opening the next door to find it yield less than the last. "We should find out what she's been up to."

"_But… we can't just invade people's privacy like this…_" Charlotte continued to whisper, her gaze darting up and down the hallway, fearful now that they might be caught.

"Sure we can," Jonathan replied jovially as he pulled open another door. Finding yet another vacant bedroom, he sighed. "This one's empty too? Why does Leon have to have such a big house?"

"Maybe because he's _loaded_?" the girl ventured, finally working up the nerve to grasp onto the doorknob of an uninspected room. She knew that this was for the better, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was somehow betraying Leon's trust. What would the Belmont think if he found her snooping in other people's rooms? Not that anyone was living in these rooms anyway. From the dust in the rooms alone, she could tell that they had been vacant for several years and likely…

"Hey, are you gonna open that door or what?" Jonathan asked, already halfway down the hallway.

"I _will_ open it! You just wait and see!" Gathering her resolve, Charlotte breathed in a deep breath, held it for a few moments, and pulled open the door.

Yet another empty, dust filled bedroom greeted her.

"I'm starting to notice a trend here…" she murmured, catching up to Jonathan. Having lost most of her hesitance, she began helping him throw open the doors until finally they reached the large set of double-doors at the end of the hallway. "She's got to be in here."

Jonathan caught her eyes with a silent nod. Holding up his fingers, he signaled to her.

Three.

Two.

One.

Jonathan threw open the double doors with great force, causing them to crack loudly into the walls.

The room was elaborately decorated, a four poster bed sitting neatly in the corner beside an ornate wooden nightstand. A large rug adorned the carpeted floor, adding a splash of deep crimson to complement the dark-stained cherry-wood furniture that lay about the room. Tapestries that looked like they came from centuries ago hung on the walls leading to a bathroom.

Sara was nowhere in sight.

"There's only one place left to look," Jonathan said quietly, taking a step towards the bathroom.

"Jonathan, no!" Charlotte exclaimed in a hushed voice. "She's a lady! You can't walk in on her!"

"Then you do it," Jonathan goaded her, pushing her forward into the room.

With a small squeak, Charlotte found herself standing on the rug. She didn't want to look. She really didn't. But she knew that if she didn't, Jonathan would, and she could never allow him to do that!

Determinedly, she paced forward until her hand fell on the decorative doorknob to the bathroom. Hesitantly, she glanced back at Jonathan, who gave her an encouraging thumbs-up. Mentally preparing herself for the worst, she twisted the handle and pushed the door open.

The room was bathed in sunlight from a large open window, adding color to the marble tiles and sink-tops. A large circular tub sat in the center of the room, and to Charlotte's relief, it was not being used. In fact, now that she thought about it…

"What'd you find?" Jonathan's voice reached the room, echoing off the tiles several times.

"Nothing," she answered quietly but clearly.

The room was empty.

* * *

Meanwhile, far away, in an island in the Caribbean, a lone figure continued to sit languidly in a beach-chair, chatting casually on his cell-phone between sips of his dirty martini.

"Oh really?" A deep chuckle rolled off his lips. "Why would anyone care about my identity?"

Silence filled the night sky as he listened with half-interest to the person on the other end of the phone. "Hmm, no. That would be quite unpleasant. Why are you still on the phone? You're boring. _Boring_."

With that, he snapped his cell phone shut with a satisfied sigh and leaned back into his chair to sip his martini beside the gently crashing moonlit oceanic waves.

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

**1 - Thank-you to all my reviewers! **It makes me so happy to see that so many of you are enjoying this fic!

2 - I've had a few people question how all the characters can be alive at the same time. Need I remind you that this is a **sequel**? You'll find your answers in _Requiem of Trust_. ^_^

3 - I've also had a few people request characters… Hector seems to be the most popular of the requests. Feel free to request what you'd like to see in the story. I'll do what I can to incorporate ideas and characters, but I can't make any promises!

4 - Congrats to ShinnYagami, Lupine Eclipse, SunLord89, Selfish Vampire Mint, Willowfur, and Auragonian for correctly answering the Chapter Trivia! Congrats to Auragonian, Willowfur, SunLord89, Lupine Eclipse, and ShinnYagami for correctly answering the Title Trivia!

5 - Did I mention that reviewers are awesome?

**Chapter Trivia #6 Answer:**_Alucard shifts form several times in his fight with Maria. How many different forms does our sexy piece of half-vampire meat have?_

Alucard has 4 forms: human, wolf, bat, and mist.

**Bonus Trivia #6 Answer:**_ In Castlevania: Harmony of Dissonance, which piece of furniture is as exactly as old as Simon Belmont?_

The Grandfather Clock was made the day Juste's grandfather, Simon, was born.

**Title Trivia #6 Answer:** _To which Castlevania title does "You were doomed as soon as you lost the ability to love" belong?_

Alucard says this to Dracula in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.

**Chapter Trivia #7:** One of our heroes has a great love of interior design and has been stealthily rearranging the furniture in Leon's house. Who is it?

**Bonus Trivia #7:** How can you cure Vincent Dorian from his vampirism in Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin? (Note: There is more than one way. Name them all.)

**Title Trivia #7:** Where does our title "What An Elegant Room! Maybe A Bit Tasteless…" come from?


	8. Laurels In Your Soup Enhances Its Aroma

**Chapter 8: Laurels In Your Soup Enhances Its Aroma

* * *

**

It took a while for Leon to notice, but eventually he discovered that he had two more house guests.

"Excuse me," Leon asked politely, sitting at the kitchen table beside the woman that he could have sworn had died a few hundred years ago. "Are you Maria Renard?"

"Yes," Maria replied, adverting her eyes only temporarily from the ham sandwich she was preparing for herself as she nodded to the Belmont.

"I thought you might be," he nodded. For a minute, both were silent. Finally, Leon strode over to the refrigerator. "Would you like some milk?"

"Please," she responded casually, taking a bite out of her completed work of art.

Moments later, Alucard materialized in the chair beside her. "Maria, it looks fairly grim. Are you certain…?"

"Quite," she answered firmly. "I will do whatever it takes, and I will not be dissuaded."

"As you wish," the dhampire sighed reluctantly.

Noticing that their numbers had grown again, Leon brought over an extra glass of milk for the half-vampire as well. "Will you both be staying?" he asked.

Alucard could have been mistaken, but it seemed Leon's voice was a bit more strained than usual. Picking up on the subtle tone, he responded, "Yes… I do hope that we are not imposing."

"Oh, no, not at all!" the Belmont responded quickly, causing Alucard to raise an eyebrow. He sounded completely sincere, but there was a nervousness hidden behind his voice that was difficult to completely identify.

"Are you certain? If it is too much a burden, I could take residence elsewhere…" Alucard began.

"Leon's loaded, that's not the problem," Jonathan announced, walking back to the kitchen with Charlotte in tow. "It's _Sara_ that he's concerned about."

"I… no… I didn't say that…" Leon mumbled weakly.

"Did you know that she's missing?" Charlotte asked.

"Was she kidnapped?" Leon cried, standing so suddenly that his chair crashed loudly to the floor behind him. "Heavens, no! If Mathias… but I thought they were getting along now… maybe someone else?"

Jonathan righted his chair (which he could have sworn was new but matched the wooden floor just right) and Charlotte calmly pushed him back down into it. "Relax, Leon, I doubt she was kidnapped. She disappears upstairs all the time, remember?"

"Oh," Leon sighed with relief.

Meanwhile, Alucard stealthily exchanged a smoldering glance with Maria. In it, he did his best to telepathically convey his thoughts and concerns, warning the warrior woman that this could be an indication of events which may go awry.

Maria just assumed he was being socially awkward again and ignored his warning.

"Is everything ok in here?" Richter asked, poking his head in though the open window. "I heard a crash and…. MARIA!"

Catching sight of the woman sitting at the table, halfway through her ham sandwich, Richter dove through the window and over the kitchen sink, rolling twice on the floor before he came to his feet in front of Maria.

Simon walked in through the sliding glass door.

"Dear lady, how are you?" Richter asked, sitting beside her. Noticing that Alucard was sitting next to her, he leaned in closer to her and not-so-discreetly whispered, "_have you saved Alucard's haunted soul yet?_"

Alucard rolled his eyes and did his best not to insult the youngest Belmont.

Maria grinned, tapping Richter on the nose. "Not yet. Have you learned how to whip up?"

"Not yet," Richter echoed glumly, his face obviously crestfallen. Then, remembering something very important, he brightened. "But I did learn something new!"

"Did you?" She asked. "And what would that be?"

Confidently, Richter pointed to the ceiling and then to the floor. "Up. Down."

Maria gasped, completely stunned. "Who… who managed to teach him that?"

"I did," Charlotte explained, raising a hand.

"You must be a brilliant woman," Maria observed.

"Oh, it wasn't much," Charlotte smiled, flushing slightly from the praise. "Simon has been doing most of the work training him."

"Yeah, he really has," Jonathan agreed, earning him a sour glare from the magician girl.

"Unfortunately, it's not as easy as it sounds," Simon sighed, muttering under his breath. "Hacking into the pentagon was simpler."

"Simon Belmont, and Charlotte Aulin, you have my gratitude," Maria said, respectfully nodding to each of them in turn. "Please continue to train Richter. I am indebted to you both. Do let me know if there is anything I can ever do to aide you."

"Maria, you're too kind," Charlotte murmured.

"I shall let you know," Simon agreed.

* * *

The day passed quickly by, with both Simon and Maria doing everything in their power to train Richter. Simon handed over the training only briefly to prepare soup for dinner.

"What are you doing to it?" Charlotte exclaimed as she watched Simon tear apart what looked like unsavory inedible leaves and throw them into the simmering pot of deliciousness.

"A young man once told me that adding laurels to soup will enhance its aroma," Simon explained, stirring in the leaves calmly.

Charlotte had to admit, the soup did smell quite nice.

"Charlotte, make sure Jonathan eats his soup, and if you wouldn't mind, set aside a bowl for Shanoa," Simon requested.

"Ok, if you really think she'll come downstairs," Charlotte said, as Simon brought a few bowls outside to an eager Richter and a thankful looking Maria.

While the youngest Belmont appeared to be even _more_ precise and deadly with his holy relics, he still had not succeeded in what both considered the simplest task.

As the sun finally dipped below the horizon, Simon sighed, "I believe that is enough for this day. Richter, we shall continue learning 'up' tomorrow."

"Oka—" Richter began.

"Not so fast," Maria cut him off, catching the attention of both Belmonts. "Richter, tonight we continue training."

"But it's _dark_ out," Richter pouted.

Maria's lips curled into a toothy grin, "What, are you afraid of the dark?"

"That's not fair, Maria, you know I am!" Richter whined.

"Nothing in this darkness is scarier than me," she correctly informed him. "Keep practicing!"

Knowing that she was right, he sighed, "Fine…" Aiming his whip at a nearby tree, he began to whip forward again. "Up! Up! Up!"

Like an intrigued voyeur, Simon watched on.

Meanwhile, inside, Joachim had worked up the nerve to finally make an appearance upstairs again. "Is it safe?"

"Of course, friend," Leon replied with a smile. "Simon would never harm you under my roof."

Despite his old friend's encouraging words, Joachim was skeptical. "Aren't we leaving for _Castlevania_ soon?"

"Tomorrow evening," Leon agreed. "Rest well. If I know Mathias, his castle will only be more challenging to traverse than last time."

"Does he really have a reason for that?" Charlotte asked.

"Because he's sadistic and evil." Joachim scowled, opening the fridge and searching its contents.

Charlotte looked to Alucard for the correct answer.

Alucard merely shrugged.

"He's formerly evil," Isaac answered from the other room, finally joining the conversation during a commercial break. "But he's OK now. Whines too much about drapes though."

"Well whatever he is, he had better stop making _horrible_ fashion disasters. That viridian scarf he wore last week was positively _dreadful_," Joachim shuddered at the thought, settling for a glass of fruit juice after his careful perusal of the refrigerator's wares. Spinning around, he shut the door with his mental energy and asked, "Leon, what will _you_ be wearing to Castlevania tomorrow? It had better not be that awful plaid flannel again."

"I like that shirt…" Leon pouted.

At that moment, the grandfather clock in the kitchen began chiming the hour, catching everyone's attention with its loudness.

Leon mused at the gigantic clock that he could have _sworn_ was in the parlor room. "Well, I think it's my bedtime. I shall see you all tomorrow." With a kind wave, the Belmont disappeared upstairs.

"I have to agree," Charlotte sighed. "If we have to face Castlevania again tomorrow, we had better be well rested. Come on, Jonathan, you too."

Before long, Isaac's pay-per-view fight ended, and he joined Joachim and Alucard at the kitchen table. All three of them watched and winced as Maria "trained" Richter.

"I've got to say, she's got spunk," Joachim commented.

"Richter deserves it," Alucard said with a frown.

"My my, the half-blood is broodier than usual," the vampire commented between sips of his juice. "Don't tell me you're _worried_ about something. Again."

"I have an ominous feeling regarding tomorrow," the dhampire commented slowly, his eyes narrowing on the activity outside. "I cannot explain why, but I have concern for my father's well-being."

"Not you too," Isaac groaned, tossing an empty can into the trash, finishing the second case of beer he brought, and moving on to the third.

"I'm afraid I lost you, dear," Joachim said, his eyes still trained on the unfortunate Belmont outside.

"Dracula keeps sayin' it too. 'I'm worried about Adrian. Leon's doing something stupid. Adrian's in trouble,'" Isaac repeated with a sigh and a sidelong glance at the half-vampire. "Have you really been in that much trouble?"

Alucard thought about it. He glanced at Maria. Alucard thought about it some more. "Yes."

Joachim opened his mouth, about to say something, when he heard the glass door slide open and _felt_ the presence of a Belmont behind him. A Belmont that he knew would have no qualms about making him dust. Without uttering a word, he closed his mouth.

"A wise decision," Simon commented, noticing the small gesture. Glancing over at Alucard, he asked, "Is Shanoa still upstairs?"

"Of course," the half-vampire nodded, gesturing with an elegantly gloved hand towards the newly repaired ceiling. "I dare say she may never leave."

"Not if I can help it," the Belmont muttered with conviction, each step through the wooden kitchen floor leading him closer to his destination. His determined footsteps brought him through the darkened entryway and up the grand staircase. With each stride, Simon was more passionate to finally put his plans into motion.

When he reached Leon's study, he found Shanoa dedicatedly clicking away, her pale face illuminated by the bluish hue of the computer screen. "Shanoa, I was informed that your phone was broken?"

"Yes," she agreed, making no further attempt to converse with him as she silently returned to her work.

"Am I correct in assuming that you would leave Leon's computer room if your cell phone were repaired?" He ventured again, pacing softly into the room until he stood behind her, eying the broken electronic object next to her.

"You are," Shanoa agreed again.

With his left hand, he retrieved the malfunctioning phone, noting immediately that the fix was, indeed, a simple one. Calmly, he laid his right hand on her shoulder, his voice lowering ever so slightly as he asked, "if I were to repair this for you, would you do me a favor?"

The conviction in his voice and touch actually caused Shanoa to pause for a moment. Her fingers hesitated over the keys as she gave full attention to the man standing behind her. Turning her head slightly to the right, she could just barely glimpse his profile in her peripheral vision. Assuming the worst, she stated softly, "I suppose. That would depend on the favor."

"Not to worry, I would never ask anything crude of you," Simon reassured her, popping open the case to her phone with his thumb and forefinger, locating instantly the cause of her electronic troubles.

Shanoa mulled over this proposal for a few moments before she finally swiveled completely around in the chair to face him. Her piercing blue eyes caught his, and she could sense no ill-will from behind them. With a small nod, she affirmed, "Yes."

"Done," Simon smiled, flicking out the broken fuse with his thumb and replacing it with one he had purchased specifically for her cell phone earlier that week. In less than five seconds, he had snapped the casing back on and placed her newly fixed cell phone back in her hands.

Shanoa stared with amazement at the tiny glow of her phone as its familiar welcome screen lit up. Standing up, she found herself mere inches away from Simon's face, holding his level gaze with her own. "You have kept your promise, and I shall keep mine. What do you require of me?"

"For now, not much," the Belmont admitted, his hands falling easily into his pockets as he turned from her and strode casually toward the door. "Go ahead and do what you want. You have the freedom now to leave this room. Charlotte saved you a bowl of soup downstairs. Eat something, take a bath, and catch up on your sleep. Goodness knows when you last used the restroom."

"Truly?" She asked, skeptical of his good graces.

"Truly," he agreed, "for tomorrow…"

Shanoa waited patiently as Simon Belmont glanced behind him, a grave and somehow eager look on his face. "…we leave for Castlevania."

* * *

"Father…" Alucard murmured.

"Not again," Isaac groaned.

"I have a terrible feeling…" the dhampire furrowed his delicate brows, about to delve into his theories.

"U.F.C." Isaac announced, tromping quickly across the kitchen and back into the T.V. room.

"Drink up," Joachim advised, sliding the brooding half-blood an appletini that he hadn't even realized the vampire prepared. "There is nothing you can do about him right now."

"There is," Alucard proclaimed, his voice carrying purpose as he shifted to his bat form and flew out the open window.

"Suit yourself," Joachim shrugged, taking the discarded appletini for himself.

"**As he passed by the domestic home, thoughts of sadness threatened his over-burdened heart. How he longed for the day when a little one would call him 'father!' Emptiness wages war over his soul, a dark boon he must carry deep within himself. Oh, do not give in! Do not fail now! If you do, all hope shall truly be lost for you, evermore."

* * *

**

Meanwhile, in a deserted section of the Caribbean coastline, a solitary figure nonchalantly lounged in a beach chair. "The plans are complete? Excellent. You have done well, but do not forget your place. Return immediately." The figure chuckled, closed his cell phone, and then allowed his laughter to resonate out across the darkened sea.

Far away, on the coast of Morocco, a local fisherman shrieked and feared for humanity.

After his bit of mirthful merriment, the unidentified figure sighed, brushing a few stray grains of sand from his Armani suit before returning his attention to his beverage of choice. "Ah, dearest adversary, there is much in store for you…"

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

**1 - Many thanks to everyone reading and reviewing!** When I read your reviews, it always makes me happy to see that many of you love Castlevania as much as I do. =)

**2** – Happy New Year, one and all! I hope you all had a great holiday season and that this year is a good one.

**3** – Things are starting to stir up a bit, aren't they? What is Simon's plot? What is Maria planning? Just who _is_ that mysterious man on the beach? Find out next time, on Dragonball Z— oh wait.

**4 - Congrats to everyone who correctly answered Trivia questions!** The following people answered the Q's right! (Listed in order of review time.)

**Chapter Trivia:** NeoseekerDarkKnight, Auragonian, Selfish Vampire Mint, Wild Fantasy, Lupine Eclipse, ShinnYagami, and SunLord89!

**Bonus Trivia:** NeoSeekerDarkKnight was the only person to correctly list **both** ways to cure Vincent, but Wild Fantasy and SunLord89 both named one way!

**Title Trivia:** Auragonian, Selfish Vampire Mint, Wild Fantasy, and SunLord89!

**5** – Dracula's a whiney little bitch, and he's sad that he wasn't in this chapter. He wants you to know that.

**Chapter Trivia #7 Answer:** _One of our heroes has a great love of interior design and has been stealthily rearranging the furniture in Leon's house. Who is it?_

Juste Belmont, of course! Who else has such a passionate love of decorating rooms in a castle he will soon destroy?

**Bonus Trivia #7 Answer:** _How can you cure Vincent Dorian from his vampirism in Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin? (Note: There is more than one way. Name them all.)_

Vincent can be cured by two means. You can perform the Sanctuary spell on him, or you can simply hit him with the Undead Killer whip.

**Title Trivia #7 Answer:** _Where does our title "What An Elegant Room! Maybe A Bit Tasteless…" come from?_

I doubt anyone besides Juste Belmont would care about a tastelessly elegant room in Dracula's basement. He says this when he first enters the room in Harmony of Dissonance.

**Chapter Trivia #8:** _Who is Maria's sister?_

**Bonus Trivia #8:** _What are Maria's sub-weapons based off?_

**Title Trivia #8:** _From where is the title "Laurels In Your Soup Enhances Its Aroma"?_


	9. Into the Shadows of the Hell House

**Chapter 9: Into the Shadows of the Hell House

* * *

**

It wasn't long before Alucard arrived at Castlevania. Noticing that the hallways were once again littered with the undead, he gave a tiny bat-sigh and flew around the castle until he found his father.

"Saccubus, do you suppose mahogany or terracotta would best frame the plants in the day-garden?" The lord of the night queried, holding up a piece of darkened wood in one hand and a well-crafted ceramic molding in the other.

"Who cares? It's the _day_-garden," Saccubus sighed beside him.

Tearful-fury built within Dracula's eyes as he cried back, "No room is unworthy—"

"—of interior decoration, I know," the succubus sighed, caving in to his usual demand and pointing to the terracotta.

Alucard swooped down, ready to shift back to his human form, but it seemed Dracula had already noticed his arrival. Tossing both pieces to the ground, the lord of the night quickly extended a gloved-hand, providing his son with a convenient perch.

Dracula smiled when he felt Alucard cling to his finger, flapping his leathery wings slightly to balance himself until he safely hung upside-down. Carefully, the lord of the night brought the peacefully dangling dhampire closer to him, beaming with happiness. "Adrian… you don't know how long I have waited for you come home of your own volition." Gently, he ruffled the small bit of fur on the bat's head with the gloved tip of his index finger.

"_That's_ Adrian?" Saccubus marveled, leaning in closer to peer at him curiously. "He seems a little… thin. Have you been feeding him properly?"

Alucard huffed a bit but chose not to reply. He remembered Saccubus from long ago. She was one of the many demons in service to his father that had treated him as a son when his true mother, Lisa, had died. The succubus fed him, sheltered him, and comforted him on those lonely nights when he had cried lonely angstful tears of sadness over his loss.

Though he had brutally killed Saccubus years later and condemned her to a fate worse than suffering in Hell, it appeared his father had successfully brought her back. He couldn't say that he was entirely unhappy about it.

It seemed Saccubus had forgiven him and had chosen to take her formerly caring role as she pricked the tip of her finger on one of her razor sharp fangs and offered it to Alucard. "You look half-starved. Here, drink up."

Before Alucard could even respond, Dracula had swatted her hand away angrily. "He doesn't drink blood anymore, did I not tell you that?"

"No, you did not," Saccubus responded, sucking on her finger to close the small wound and eyeing Dracula suggestively.

Her attempts at seduction fell on blind eyes as the lord of the night had already returned his attention to his son. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

Alucard squeaked a high-pitched reply.

"You are concerned that I am in danger?" Dracula asked, taken a bit aback. Glancing at their surroundings, he frowned, "We _are_ in the _day_-garden, but the sun is hours from rising. Adrian, where did you get this idea?"

They were graced with another small squeak.

"Intuition? Hmm…" Dracula furrowed his brows, a deep frown creasing his lips. "Then this must be very serious indeed."

Alucard merely blinked in reply.

"I have worried much about you, as well, and I am relieved to see you are safe," the lord of the night confessed, closing his eyes momentarily to breathe a sigh of relief. When he opened them again, he glanced quickly at Saccubus and then more carefully at Alucard, "Saccubus, prepare us dinner."

"Yes, my lord," the succubus curtsied and began to fly away.

"Oh, and don't make any more of those phony 'grape' flavored potions. Those were positively dreadful," the lord of the night called after her.

"Of course, my lord," she called back, disappearing into the next room.

Alone with his son, Dracula sat upon one of the marble benches adorning the garden. "Adrian, you look different. Or, should I say, more familiar? Change back, if you would." He suggested, carefully raising his hands into the air.

Alucard easily flew from his perch and shifted back to his human form, taking a seat beside his father. Instantly, his father's smile brightened. "Ah, _that's_ the boy I remember," he beamed, embracing the lithe blonde-haired dhampire beside him.

Alucard endured the hug and sighed, "It was not as if I had a choice."

Hearing this comment, Dracula gazed at his offspring critically, grasping him by the shoulders and observing him so much the half-breed wanted to fly away from embarrassment. Finally, he gasped, "Your magic levels… they are only a _fraction_ of what they used to be before your 'Genya Arikado' seal. What happened to you?"

"Leon blessed me," the dhampire grimaced.

"Leon?" Dracula frowned. "He never seemed like the sadistic type."

"_Sara_ wanted it done before their wedding," Alucard clarified.

The lord of the night scowled, "I never liked that woman." Angered by what had happened to his son, the vampire continued to fume. "If she ever harms you again, I swear that I shall break her seal and permanently confine her to that cursed whip!"

Lightly, Alucard touched his father's arm, "Do not swear to things you cannot take back. I do believe Sara will have a larger role to play in what is to come quite soon."

"You have had a premonition, then?" Dracula mused, leaning back as he watched his son nod in confirmation. "Do tell."

"The vision was perplexing, but perhaps it will make further sense to you," Alucard stated, digging into his memories. His clear grey eyes assumed a faraway look as he recalled everything he saw to the present. "You will be faced with terrible danger very soon. More than one adversary of the past will return to take something close to you. You will have several allies yet numerous enemies."

"Well that was vague," Saccubus declared, returning with various flavored potions, sans grape.

"No, no it wasn't at all," Dracula said fearfully with a distraught look at his son. Quickly, he pulled the dhampire close to him again. "Adrian! They mean to take you from me!"

"Who is _they?_" was Alucard's muffled reply from within the confines of his father's thick cloak.

"I have my suspicions," the lord of the night said, narrowing his eyes as he thought about all the possibilities. "But first, there are more important matters at hand."

Releasing his son, and ignoring dinner, Dracula looked at Alucard squarely in the eyes. The dhampire was prepared for the worst. Anything from telling him that the castle floors needed to be scrubbed to a declaration that he had decided to start burning and pillaging the countryside again would not have surprised him.

"Would you like to go fishing?" the lord of the night asked.

Alucard's eyebrows lifted in shock. "What?"

* * *

The evening passed without much event, and as the new day dawned, Maria finally allowed Richter back inside. Though the Belmont was sore and dragging, Maria assured him that he was more prepared now than ever before.

"Prepared for _what?_" Richter asked glumly. "Dracula isn't even evil anymore. Leon said so."

"Don't be such a downer," the woman commanded him, opening up the refrigerator and tossing him an apple. "Eat that and go to sleep. You never know what you may need your strength for."

Grumbling and half-chewing his apple, Richter walked sleepily past Soma as the youth barged into Leon's home unannounced. "nnn…goodnight…"

Soma brushed past the sleepwalking Belmont, throwing him a strange look. As he entered the kitchen, he immediately went to Leon's fridge, grabbed himself a can of Coke, and sat at the table. "What's _his_ problem?" he asked Charlotte, who was calmly spreading jam on her morning toast.

"Maria trained him all night," the girl explained helpfully.

"He must be prepared," Maria said severely, tossing back a large chunk of ham and a glass of milk. "Tonight, we go to Castlevania."

"Shouldn't he be prepared from the last two times he was at Castlevania already?" Jonathan asked.

"Richter must learn," the warrior woman's voice was grave as she set her empty glass of milk in the sink. "If he doesn't…"

Jonathan was expecting a response, or at least a continuation of that sentence, but he received neither. Instead Maria walked away, presumably to finally get some rest herself.

"Maria has a point," Leon said as he looked up from his morning paper. "It never hurts to be prepared when visiting Castlevania. Would you like to bring some vials of holy water? I have a few boxes stored in the basement."

"Please," Charlotte agreed.

Meanwhile, Jonathan had noticed Soma as he discreetly tried to place a small potted plant on Leon's table. "Aha! It's you!"

"Huh?" Soma asked intelligently.

"You're the one moving around the furniture around!" Jonathan accused, pointing a finger at the silver haired youth.

"Jonathan, don't point, it's rude," Charlotte criticized him, pulling his hand down. "Besides, that plant doesn't go with the kitchen décor at all. It's obvious Soma isn't the one."

It was true. The small plant bloomed with vibrant purple and pink blossoms, and on the rim of the simple orange ceramic pot, cheerful bubble letters claimed, "Good Luck!"

"Hey!" Soma scowled. "I have good fucking décor!"

"Of course you do," Simon agreed with a smile, sliding into the seat next to the pale haired youth with a plate of scrambled eggs he had prepared. "Soma Cruz, correct?"

"The one and only," Soma grinned proudly.

"Tell me, does Alucard emit any luminescent auras to you?" the Belmont asked casually, neatly collecting a few pieces of egg with his fork.

Soma stared at him blankly.

"Does he glow?" Charlotte rephrased for him.

"Ohhh!" Soma murmured in understanding, then seeing the odd look Simon was giving him, he coughed and attempted to deepen his voice. "Allie does lumence. A little."

"I see…" Simon murmured, then went back to eating his eggs.

"Well, that was random," Jonathan commented. "So Soma, you never explained why you brought that plant?"

Soma rolled his eyes. "My _mom_ heard I was going to a fucking housewarming party tonight and told me to bring it."

At this, Jonathan couldn't contain a snicker, "_Your mom_ gave you a plant… to give Dracula?"

"STFU!" Soma bellowed, folding his arms angrily.

Leon was perplexed by the new lingo, but chose to silently watch on.

"I wasn't actually gonna bring it anyway," the pale haired youth grumbled.

"Oh, really?" Jonathan said with a smile. "No problem, then, I'll bring the plant to Dracula."

Sensing that her counterpart was scheming something, Charlotte glared at him. Before she could say anything to him, Isaac leaned back in his chair from the other room and queried, "Hey, you guys ready to go to Castlevania?"

"Not yet," Leon said, shaking his head. "Richter and Maria just went to bed, and Joachim can't be outside in the daylight."

"Oh," Isaac frowned for a moment, then asked, "You mind if I buy another $50 pay-per-view UFC fight or ten with your account, then?"

"Of course you can," Leon agreed good-naturedly.

Jonathan leaned over and murmured to the magical girl beside him, "It's a good thing insurance salesmen don't know about him. Or Girl Scouts."

Charlotte nodded.

"Obviously you haven't seen the back room in the basement," Simon mentioned softly. When he noticed the quizzical looks from those at the table, he only chose to offer two words. "Thin mints."

* * *

Eventually, the sun set. Joachim's eyes snapped open immediately, and he tossed aside the covers, leaving his bed unmade as usual. Anxiously, he drifted upstairs, nearly colliding with Richter as he groggily trudged around, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Hey, watch it," the vampire sneered at him, making his way into the kitchen to prepare some much needed tea.

"Oh, sorry…" Richter mumbled as he bumbled into the next room, finding a kitchen full of people. Maria immediately pressed a warm turkey sandwich into his hands. "Eat this."

"Okay," he agreed, and dutifully started chewing the sandwich as he watched and listened.

In the kitchen, Leon, Sara, Simon, Juste, Soma, Jonathan, Charlotte, Joachim, Isaac, Shanoa, Maria, and Richter had gathered together. The group shared a final uneasy dinner, knowing that very soon they would embark upon a journey from which they would be unable to return for a few hours.

"Fucking shitty-ass housewarming parties," Sara scowled. "He's not even coming to our wedding."

"Honey, Mathias can't enter the church," Leon tried to explain cautiously.

"Then he shouldn't have chosen to be an evil vampire dark-lord, now should he?" She growled back.

Simon nodded in agreement, then turned from where he had just finished throwing the finishing touches into his soup. "Laurel soup, anyone?"

Having tried Simon's specialty laurel soup earlier, Juste, Jonathan, Charlotte, Shanoa, Maria, and Richter all shared a bowl with the culinary Belmont. The others remained skeptical and stuck to sandwiches.

"I simply cannot trust anything that has plant matter in it," Joachim declared as he sipped his tea.

Jonathan started to point towards Joachim's cup, but Charlotte quickly pulled his finger down. "Don't even bother."

Once they had finished dinner, Isaac looked at them all in turn, "Ready?" Seeing affirmations from each of them, he nodded back and set off wordlessly.

The group followed Isaac as he walked through the town, boarded a train into the city, got off said train, walked around through the somehow still crowded streets, boarded a bus, got off the bus, walked a few blocks further, and eventually stopped in front of a large building. As they looked up from the ground, the sheer black facing of the skyscraper seemed to go on forever, disappearing into the clouds above.

"**As he stepped off the rail-line, wandering the busy streets of the city, the weariness in his features was ever-present. He is lost in the sea of people. Would that he could be one of them! If only he could blend into the masses, leaving all his cares behind to return home to his beloved! But that is not meant to be, no, that is not his destiny. He must fight! He must continue to persevere! Only then can you return to your world and even hope to regain that which you have lost."**

"I never imagined he would choose such a high profile building," Simon murmured, watching the steady stream of people enter and exit through glass revolving doors.

"Tell me about it," Isaac grunted, leading them all through the doors inside. Once within, he showed something to the guards, who waved them all through.

"Isaac, are you sure this is the right place?" Leon asked, his eyes curiously following several people dressed in business attire. "This seems like an office building."

"It is," Isaac agreed, leading them through a series of hallways and doors until they reached a non-descript elevator door. Ushering them all inside, he grinned and added, "From the 94th floor down."

They all crammed into the elevator, sucking in their breath so that they would all fit into the small space. Once the doors closed, Isaac procured a magical emblem, causing a new elevator button labeled "97" to appear.

"97?" Soma frowned. "What's on the 95th and 96th floors?"

"A restaurant." Reaching through Juste's hair, Isaac pressed the glowing magical button.

Instantly, the elevator began racing upwards at a breakneck speed. Leon was certain that they would have all collapsed to the floor if they hadn't been crammed wall-to-wall against each other.

"I'm getting dizzy…" Shanoa murmured uneasily.

Richter, who was standing right in front of her, pleaded, "I don't like that."

Thankfully, a few seconds later, their ride came to an abrupt end. As the doors slowly opened, the group fell through the doors, gasping for breath.

"I see you all made it."

Recognizing the source of that voice, Maria stood up. "Alucard."

"Maria," he nodded back politely from where he sat on a decorative divan.

"Where are we?" She asked.

"We are in the lobby of the 97th floor," he answered, gesturing around them.

A large plush burgundy rug, embroidered with an oriental theme, covered a large area of the finely crafted mahogany wood floors. Intricate paintings adorned the beautiful marble walls, and various pieces of furniture, similar to the ornate piece the dhampire sat upon, were positioned tastefully about the room.

Juste narrowed his eyes at a table on the left hand side of the room.

"This doesn't look like Dracula's castle at all," Maria said with a small, suspicious frown.

"Of course not," Alucard agreed, standing from where he waited, "It is merely a precaution in case the magic charm on the elevator happens to malfunction and lead businessmen astray. Any who arrive here will find all the doors locked. Allow me to guide you the rest of the way."

The dhampire strode to a large set of double doors, resting his hands on the decorative wood and murmuring something. Slowly, the gateway opened of its own volition, and the group stepped through.

As Leon looked around, he smiled, "now _this_ is the Castlevania I remember."

Dreary dungeon-like stones surrounded them on the ceilings, floors, and walls. Ornate chandeliers hung from above, and tall candelabras lined the walls. The air was somehow filled with an earthen scent, and in the distance the quiet groan of zombies shuffling about could be heard.

"Indeed."

The group looked over as Dracula stepped out from his hiding place in the shadows, smirking in response to Leon's statement. With an over-flourished wave of his cape, he gestured for them to enter. "Welcome to Castlevania… again!"

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

**1 – Thank you, dearest reviewers!** It never fails to amaze me (and encourage me) that you like reading this story as much as I like writing it!

2 – In case you were wondering, yes, Alucard did take Dracula up on that offer to go fishing. If you would like to read about what happened, it's in the ficlet I wrote titled "Gone Fishing." The title may change soon, but chapter 1 will have the same name. I separated that fic from Modern Problems because it didn't blend with this story at all. Too much fluff, too much melodrama, not enough wimpy vegan Dracula or over-angsty Alucard.

3 – TrueHyperSonic, ShinnYagami, and anyone else who doesn't have PMing, please email me! I like to respond to all of my reviewers, and I don't know how to respond to you… =(

**4 –** **Congrats to the MANY people who answered the questions correctly this time around!** I've got to say, I'm impressed!

**Chapter Trivia** – ShinnYagami, Selfish Vampire Mint, Willowfur, Jotepaine, SunLord89, NeoseekerDarkKnight, Auragonian, and True Hyper Sonic!

**Bonus Trivia** – ShinnYagami, Selfish Vampire Mint, NeoseekerDarkKnight, Auragonian, True Hyper Sonic, and Heavenschoir!

**Title Trivia** – Selfish Vampire Mint, Jotepaine, NeoseekerDarkKnight, Auragonian, and True Hyper Sonic!

5 – Tee hee. Any of you happen to know what building they're in? ;D

**Chapter Trivia #8 Answer:** _Who is Maria's sister?_

Maria's sister is Annette Renard. She is engaged to Richter in Rondo of Blood, and later is assumed to be his wife in Symphony of the Night, if you managed to save her. However, it's never _proven_ that she ever married him… hmm… plot point, I wonder? ^_^

**Bonus Trivia #8 Answer:** _What are Maria's sub-weapons based off?_

Maria's sub-weapons are based off China's legend of the four sacred beasts. They have various names, depending on the game you play, but they are the Dragon, Tiger, Turtle, and Phoenix. (And yes, in Harmony of Despair, she can sing a holy song, part of Bloody Tears! All I've got to say is that her singing must be pretty awful if it kills things so easily.)

**Title Trivia #8 Answer:** _From where is the title "Laurels In Your Soup Enhances Its Aroma"?_

A random young man in the Town of Veros tells Simon this in Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest. He never says anything else.

**Chapter Trivia #9:** _In this chapter, it is mentioned that Alucard killed Saccubus long ago. When did he do this?_

**Bonus Trivia #9:**_ Magic points aside, can Alucard actually fly through all of Castlevania as a bat?_

**Title Trivia #9:**_ Where is the title "Into the Shadows of the Hell House" from?_


	10. Mankind Ill Needs A Savior Such As You

**Chapter 10: Mankind Ill Needs A Savior Such As You

* * *

**

Though Dracula had just welcomed them into his home, everyone continued to stand awkwardly by the doorway. The lord of the night frowned, "You are allowed to come in, you know."

Eventually, Jonathan was the first to step forward, offering Dracula a small potted plant.

"This is for you," Jonathan said with a grin, throwing a mischievous glance back at Soma. "It's from _Soma's mom_."

"I… no it's not!" Soma blurted out defensively.

"Oh, is it?" Dracula said, truly touched as he accepted the pink and purple flowered plant. He looked fondly at Soma. "It's beautiful! Please tell your mother 'Thank-you.'"

As the pale haired youth struggled to come up with a witty reply, Leon walked up to his old comrade with a grin, "Well met, Mathias."

"Dracula," the lord of the night reminded him.

"Sara and I brought this for you," the Belmont said, proudly procuring a banana cream pie.

"It's just from Leon," Sara scowled back.

Immediately, Richter shrieked, hiding behind Maria. The warrior woman rolled her eyes. "It is merely a _pie_! Do not be a baby."

Though he accepted the pastry, Dracula could only look at it hesitantly, "Thank you, I know you had the best intentions, but may I ask why you chose…. _this?_"

"It has a touch of darkness, so I figured you could eat it," Leon said happily.

"That's not how it works…" Dracula attempted to explain, but then he remembered who he was attempting to explain things to. "Why don't I show you around the new castle?"

"That sounds wonderful," Leon agreed, waving everyone forward. "Come on, everyone, don't be shy!"

Dracula glanced back at the crowd, noting that there were far more Belmonts in attendance than he would have liked, but he chose not to complain just yet. "That's right, I have instructed the monsters not to attack you, but I cannot guarantee what will happen if you provoke them."

With that ominous tidbit of advice, the party traveled through the front corridor, many of them amazed as the zombies lazily shuffled out of their way so that they could walk through and the bats avoided swooping too low so that they would not get hit.

"Oh wait, I have something for you too," Joachim said as they rounded the corner towards the next area of the castle. Pulling out a green box from an undisclosed location, he tossed it at the lord of the night. "Here you go."

Dracula caught the box easily and frowned at the label, "Thin mints?"

"A girl scout hit up Leon the other day," Joachim explained.

However, the lord of the night was not listening. Instead, he was making the worst mistake of them all. He was reading the nutrition information on the side of the box. "Why, these are TERRIBLE for you! The saturated fats alone would kill one of my poor bats! Adrian, don't eat any of these!"

"Of course not, father," Alucard sighed, knowing that this was only the beginning.

It was. As Dracula walked them through his brand new gardens, outer wall, battle arena, and marble gallery, he continued to explain the detriments of having a diet that was too high in saturated fats. Eventually they made it a beautiful large fountain in the center of the gallery, their host still busily at work.

"…and if it contains too many _trans_ fats, then those will permanently clog your arteries, leading to strokes and heart attacks at a young age!" the lord of the night ranted.

At this point, Simon Belmont stepped forward, "I've had about all I can take of your chatter." Before anyone had a chance to react, Simon had retrieved a small bag from his pockets and thrown it forcefully into the fountain.

The effects were immediate. A cloud of opaque gas lifted from the rippling waters, filling the chamber quickly with its fumes.

When the fog lifted, several of them were laying on the ground, unconscious.

Simon looked around at the people still standing, "I take it you all ate the laurel soup?"

Jonathan, Charlotte, Maria, Richter, Shanoa, and Juste stared back at him with confusion.

"What did you do to them?" Charlotte demanded, falling to her knees beside Leon. She pushed aside a lock of the unconscious Belmont's fair blonde hair, noting with relief that he was still breathing, and quickly opened her book to read the words of a healing spell. "How could you do this to _Leon?_"

Before she could utter a single word of the spell, Simon had closed her book. "I assure you, they will all be fine. The effects of the poison are temporary, and they leave no ill feelings upon waking."

"I assume you have a reason for doing this?" Shanoa asked, glancing away from her phone only briefly before resuming the constant watch over her ebay bids.

"Yes," Simon agreed, looking at them each in turn as he geared up for his next statement. "Castlevania must be destroyed."

Charlotte gasped, "But that's…"

"Absurd? Hardly," the elder Belmont scoffed, pacing around until he stood beside his arch nemesis. "For centuries Dracula has plagued mankind, killing more of my fellow man than I can count. Now, suddenly, he claims that he has turned over a new leaf? I doubt that."

"But he didn't seem bad…" Richter pouted.

"He is," Simon responded seriously. "Richter, he is very _very _bad."

"Oh, ok," Richter conceded, pulling out a handful of knives. "Should I just kill him now?"

"No," Simon said quickly, staying his hand. "There is much to be done before that. Shanoa and Maria, I would like to claim that favor now. Please aid me in destroying the castle."

"It seems like a waste, but very well," Shanoa nodded in agreement.

"Third time's a charm," Maria also consented.

"Wonderful," Simon turned to the others. "Juste, Charlotte, and Jonathan, I would very much appreciate your cooperation as well."

Silently, Juste nodded, his hair leaving a small bluish trail as he did so.

Jonathan looked skeptically at Charlotte, "I don't think…"

"We'll do it," Charlotte declared.

"We will?" Jonathan asked, throwing her a harder look.

"Simon… seems to know what's going on," she explained. "More than anyone else does. Did you _look around_ at the people in Leon's house? He was the only other person with half a brain."

Knowing where Charlotte was headed with her line of reasoning, Simon dutifully lifted his head, "After this is over, I will do what I can to return you both to your own time."

"Funny, I thought Dracula could open time portals to whenever he wanted," Jonathan commented.

"Who knows if he really can?" Charlotte sighed, shaking her head. "Besides, even if he could, he wouldn't do it until after Leon and Sara's wedding. Do you _really _want to go to that?"

Jonathan thought about it. Two seconds later, he looked over at Simon, "We'll help you."

"Wonderful. Now that we are all in accordance, I have much to explain to you, but we should head elsewhere, as the effects of the poison will soon fade," Simon said, kneeling beside Dracula. With a shrewd grin, he slid the elegantly crafted platinum ring off the lord of the night's finger. He gazed at the large ruby set in the ring for a moment before carefully pocketing the valuable. "There is much to be done."

"**Long accustomed to the poisonous fog you are, but will you be able to traverse your new surroundings? Though the castle has roots back to the Bernhard family centuries past, a new owner has ordained its creation in this perilous place. God bless that you adore high places! For if you did not, the fear that would grip you would certainly lead to your untimely demise. Do not give up faith now! You must continue on! Go, find your way through this maze, and reclaim that which you have lost!"

* * *

**

Soma awoke later with a groan, "Ugg, the fuck was that?"

Alucard was by his side instantly with a concerned frown, "You seem to have hit your head quite heavily. Soma, you should take it easy the next few days. Don't party too much."

The pale haired youth rolled his eyes, "_Yes, grandma…_ I'll eat my vegetables too."

Meanwhile, Dracula was scowling at Leon, "_Your_ descendants."

Leon pouted forlornly, "I'm sorry, Mathias, I didn't think they would do that again."

"Never underestimate _Simon Belmont_," Dracula advised with a frown. "He even took my ring. I liked that ring."

"Good thing we already started moving to another country," Isaac commented.

"Isaac! Hush! You never know where they may be hiding!" The lord of then night cried, glancing furtively around them.

Joachim sat up with a soft murmur, clutching his head for a moment until the dizziness faded away. "Leon, I don't know what happened, but I know it was _your fault_."

"Of course it was Leon's fucking fault. He's such a moronic shit-head," Sara glowered at Leon, who pouted cutely back at her. Immune to his cuteness, she snarled back, "I knew this was a bad idea, but nooo. Leon never thinks going to Castlevania might be a fucking _dangerous_ idea."

"I am sorry dearest, you are right, of course," Leon agreed, causing Dracula to involuntarily retch in the corner. "Is everyone ok? We seem to be missing some people."

"Yes, half of them seem to have defected to Simon's side," Alucard noted. His eyes narrowed as he calculated their reasoning in his mind. "If I were to guess, I would say they are planning to destroy Castlevania again."

"Good luck with that," the lord of the night scoffed. "They'll have to get through my guardians before they can take down the castle's power sources."

For a moment, everyone was silent.

"Simon Belmont," Joachim reminded him.

"Damn it," Dracula swore quietly, clutching his chest with reminiscent pain. Determination set in his eyes as he looked up. "Then we have a mission of our own. We must protect the guardians of Castlevania."

Immediately, Soma whooped with joy, "All right! I can show you my bitchin' attack!"

"The one that doesn't exist?" Joachim questioned.

"I told you, it's bitchin'. And it exists," the pale haired youth declared.

"Sure it does. And I'm actually a really nice guy underneath it all," the vampire said with heavy sarcasm.

"I know you are," Leon agreed with a confident smile.

Joachim didn't know how to respond to that.

It was Isaac who eventually spoke up, "Wait a minute, why'd we put the guardians in the castle if we have to protect _them_?"

"Simon Belmont," Alucard sighed the explanation again.

Isaac was skeptical. "How tough can he be? Looked like a nerd to me."

"Never underestimate Simon," Dracula advised, pronouncing each word deliberately and carefully as he thought of the best course of action. "We should split up."

"Oh, great, that always works," Joachim, who had spent the last few years glued to HBO, rolled his eyes. "We may as well just ask them to pick us off one by one now."

"That may not be wise, father," Alucard said cautiously. "The majority of us do not know the new layout of Castlevania. Perhaps we should remain together, at least for the time being?"

"You were always so smart, Adrian," the lord of the night beamed at his son, ignoring the others, then turned around with a dramatic swish of his long cape. "The first guardian is nearby. Come, let us be on our way!"

Reluctantly, the others followed.

* * *

Simon continued to lead them efficiently and quickly through the castle, occasionally marking down where they had walked on a small map he had drawn.

"How do you know where to go?" Richter asked, glancing at the piece of paper curiously.

"The way to the heart of evil is clear," Simon explained with a confident grin.

"Oh," the younger Belmont murmured, feeling as though his question hadn't really been answered at all.

Fortunately, the monsters of the castle were continuing to leave them alone, making their progress through the dank corridors and occasional rooms filled with platforms rather easy.

After proceeding through enough of the castle, they arrived at a very pleasant centrally located room. It was unlike any of other they had encountered so far. Soft browns and greens colored the walls, which were lined with a variety of potted plants. Flowering and hanging plants circled the chamber upwards to the ceiling, which lifted several stories into the air. A clear open window at the top allowed in a beautiful view of the starry sky.

The room itself was simple yet tasteful in design. A round mahogany pedestal graced the center of the room, filled with a multitude of foliage and surrounded by a few extremely comfortable looking plush chairs. Periwinkle curtains adorned the various windows that provided a pleasant view of the city below.

"Here," Simon decreed, turning to face them all with certainty. "This appears to be the centermost place in the castle. This will be our meeting ground, once you have accomplished your tasks. Unless the castle begins crumbling, of course."

"What tasks?" Juste asked, regarding his grandfather with calm grey eyes.

"Our common task is to destroy Castlevania once and for all. God, I'm sick of this place!" the elder Belmont sighed. "We shall accomplish that by taking down the foes that guard Dracula's power. As usual, they appear to be littered throughout the castle."

"That sounds simple enough," Shanoa agreed, not bothering to look up from her cell-phone as she dutifully clicked away, noting that this room had great reception.

"It should be, but beware, the castle seems different this time." Simon rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a moment as he cautioned, "I cannot place _why_ but the castle holds a very familiar feeling, even though this is the first time I have seen it."

"Maybe because you already destroyed Castlevania five times in the past?" Charlotte offered helpfully.

"I was tempted to brush it off as nostalgia myself, but now I am certain it is more than that," Simon closed his eyes for a moment in thought. Coming to a decision, his piercing brown eyes opened with clarity. "We must work together on this one."

Carefully, cautiously, Simon gazed at each one of them meaningfully, calculations racing through his mind at blinding speed. Richter, unaware of this process, was beginning to wonder if his grandfather was constipated. Just as he was about to offer his advice to eat prunes, Simon's eyes fell on him. "We will travel in pairs. Do not separate from your partner."

"Ok," Richter agreed. "I get to be with Maria!"

"Yes. You are best suited to work with her," the elder Belmont agreed. He then turned to the rest and decided, "Charlotte and Jonathan, you two appear to have worked together to traverse Castlevania in the past. I am certain you can do this again?"

"Of course!" Charlotte agreed cheerfully, while Jonathan offered a, "No problem!"

"Good," Simon nodded, turning to the last two. "Juste, Shanoa, I believe you two may find that you have more in common than you think."

Understanding the unspoken command, both Juste and Shanoa nodded back silently.

"But what about you, Grandpa?" Richter asked with a frown. "Are you going to be all alone?"

At this, Simon could not resist ruffling Richter's hair. "Yes, but do not worry. As Charlotte said earlier, I have traversed Castlevania five times already. I will be all right on my own."

After he had finished, the elder Belmont looked pointedly at each of his teammates. "Richter and Maria, take the passageway to the north. Charlotte and Jonathan, the long corridor east belongs to you. Shanoa and Juste, your duty lays to the south. I shall travel west, but I will do my best to keep up with all of you."

Leaning in closer to Charlotte, Jonathan whispered, "How does he plan to do that?"

"I don't know," the girl murmured back.

"Are there any questions?" Simon asked.

Richter raised his hand.

Simon sighed, knowing that he should have expected that, and eventually gestured to him. "Yes, Richter?"

"What if we do get separated? What should we do?" Richter asked.

"Your task is to find and destroy the guardians of Castlevania, but please do not separate from your partner," Simon sighed, glancing at Maria. "Keep an eye on him, if you wouldn't mind."

"Certainly," Maria agreed, having already had many years of experience doing just that.

"One more thing," Simon cautioned. "Should you run into the others, they may not approve of our actions. I chose all of you, because I knew that you would understand the situation. However, they simply may not realize the evil that this castle has wrought in the past and what it is capable of now. _Pacify_ them, if you must."

With those ominous orders, the team silently spread to their respective corners of Castlevania.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the sandy beach in the Caribbean islands, a lone figure sat by another lone figure in a beach chair by the shore.

"Though you have recently returned, you are needed elsewhere again," the first said, his voluminous voice filling the nighttime air. Casually, he took a sip of his dirty martini, taking a few moments to lounge and enjoy the flavor.

The other waited patiently by his side.

Eventually, he spoke again, "return… and remember to report their progress. When the time is right, finish the task."

The other fidgeted uncomfortably, looking to the first with unease. "Pardon my saying so, but are you _certain_ this is necessary? It seems as though—"

"_Yes, it is necessary!_" The first roared back, placing his martini on a small side table and focusing his complete attention on glaring sourly at the other. Meaningfully, he commanded, "do not forget your place."

"Forgive me. It will be done," the other said in a low voice, bowing quickly before disappearing into the night.

"Indeed it shall," the first chuckled, retrieving his drink and taking a moment to revel in the cool breeze. "Soon, old foe, soon…"

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

1 – **Thank you for the reviews!** I adore you all! =)

2 – Simon's plot should be a little more clear now, and if you're a hard-core Castlevania fan, you probably know _exactly_ what he's up to.

3 – Any of you play Harmony of Despair out there? I do! 8-bit Simon Belmont rocks my world. ^_^

4 – Congrats to everyone who got the chapter 9 trivias correct!

**Chapter Trivia 9** – Willowfur, Jotepaine, Selfish Vampire Mint, Lupine Eclipse, SunLord89, True Hyper Sonic, Shinn Yagami, NeoseekerDarkKnight, heavenschoir, Auragonian, and Arbl A-17!

**Bonus Trivia 9** – Willowfur, Jotepaine, Selfish Vampire Mint, Lupine Eclipse, SunLord89, True Hyper Sonic, Shinn Yagami, NeoseekerDarkKnight, Auragonian, and Arbl A-17!

**Title Trivia 9** – Selfish Vampire Mint and True Hyper Sonic!

**Chapter Trivia #9 Answer:** _In this chapter, it is mentioned that Alucard killed Saccubus long ago. When did he do this?_ Alucard killed the succubus in Symphony of the Night during the Nightmare stage. The half-breed was none to happy that she messed with his memories of his momma. (By the way, yes, she also is the succubus from Lament of Innocence. Hmm… another plot point, perhaps? ^_^ )

**Bonus Trivia #9 Answer:**_ Magic points aside, can Alucard actually fly through all of Castlevania as a bat?_ No, he cannot. Several things would get in his way, one of which being those pesky things called doors.

**Title Trivia #9 Answer:**_ Where is the title "Into the Shadows of the Hell House" from?_ This is originally from the introduction to Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest. This very line (including everything else) has been reused in the game Castlevania: Harmony of Despair.

**Chapter Trivia #10:** _Throughout time, the Belmonts have defended the world from Castlevania. Which Belmonts have been shown in pixilated 2D sprite glory?_

**Bonus Trivia #10:**_ What item in Castlevania 1 produces an effect like a Laurel from Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest?_

**Title Trivia #10:** _Where is the title "Mankind Ill Needs A Savior Such As You" from?_


	11. You Seem Much Too Weak

**Chapter 11: For one that served under Dracula, you seem much too weak.

* * *

**

"Maria, I don't get it," Richter murmured as they walked through the oddly deserted corridors of Castlevania towards their first destination.

Patiently, the warrior woman waited for Richter to embellish on that point. When he didn't, she sighed and asked, "What don't you get?"

"Is this _really_ a housewarming party? Because last time I went to one, this didn't happen," the Belmont pouted, kicking a stray rock from the floor into the solid stone wall. The sound echoed eerily down the corridor. "Last time there was cake. And juice. And dancing."

"Richter, that was Annette's _birthday party_," Maria sighed. "But no, housewarming parties typically are not about destroying the house."

"Then why is this one?" Richter asked.

"Because it's Castlevania?" the woman offered.

Silence filled the dead air between them, interrupted intermittently by mermen as they splashed out of the waters beside them only to return promptly without doing anything.

Maria knew better than to ask, but something had been bothering her. There was something she just had to know. "Richter…" She began quietly.

"That's me!" He proclaimed cheerfully.

"What do you think of Annette?" She asked carefully.

"Annette is the love of my life!" Richter cried loudly, causing a slime to look their way with aggravation before it continued to slither on its way through the walls of the castle. "She is a dear lady, so beautiful, and her hair smells so nice _all the time!_"

"I see," Maria thought about his words, walking cautiously around an une plant that Dracula had chosen to place in the middle of the walkway for some reason. The warrior woman pondered the situation seriously for a short time, debating whether or not she should ask her next question. Would Richter be prepared to answer something so serious? The thought alone may destroy the poor man! But, if she never asked, then the consequences could be even direr.

Eventually, she took a deep breath, preparing herself for the worst. "Richter, I have a serious question for you, so think about this carefully," she said, giving him only a few moments to process that statement. "What if you couldn't be with Annette anymore?"

Her words were greeted with silence.

Maria sighed. She should have known that would be too hard of a question for him. "Look, Richter, I didn't mean…" However, as she spun around, it was Maria that gasped in surprise.

Richter Belmont had vanished.

* * *

Meanwhile, Shanoa had the distinct feeling that she had received the raw end of the deal. When Simon had split them into pairs, she had at first been thrilled to be paired with the silently beautiful Juste Belmont. He didn't mind when she took frequent breaks to check her ebay bids, he wasn't bad looking, and his residual blue glow provided a convenient flashlight in the dark underground cavern.

However, that had all changed with the opening of one door. As they looked around the gaudy basement room, Juste's eyes narrowed. "How tasteless…."

Shanoa had to admit that the gold molding on the ceiling completely clashed with the chartreuse wallpaper, but she was willing to overlook that detail.

Juste, however, was not.

It had been ten minutes since they arrived in the basement room. Shanoa had already checked all of her ebay bids twenty times and finally sighed, "Are you going to be done anytime soon?"

The Belmont, who was in the middle of dragging a large sofa across the room, paused for a moment and looked over her way. "Soon."

Shanoa sighed and took a seat on a high-backed wicker chair nearby. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

"Jonathan! Are you sure this thing is safe?" Charlotte screamed.

"What?" Jonathan yelled back. "Speak up, I can't hear you!"

"I _said_ ARE YOU SURE THIS THING IS SAFE?" the magician girl shouted at the top of her lungs, clinging to her counterpart for dear life.

A few moments later, Jonathan slowed down and carefully came to a stop. "Sorry, what did you say?"

Charlotte sighed, taking the opportunity to hop off the mysterious motorcycle that they had found in one of the rooms in the castle. "I don't think this thing is safe. Besides, I didn't know you knew how to use one of these."

"I didn't either!" Jonathan smirked back, patting the expertly finished side of the mechanical masterpiece. "Really, it seems to ride itself. Whoever made this must be a genius!"

"Or insane," Charlotte agreed, recalling the ease with which Jonathan had managed to traverse the rooms filled with platforms, waterfalls, spikes, and various other eccentricities that came with the castle. She had screamed more than once into his ear, (because he really deserved it anyway) and though she was certain they would die at least a few times, miraculously, they made it through. "I wonder what sort of person would know so much about mechanics?"

"Who knows? Who cares?" Jonathan hopped back onto the cycle with a broad smile, extending his hand towards a rather pale-looking Charlotte. "Let's go!"

With a resigned sigh, she accepted his hand and clung tightly to him once again as he peeled away, nearly avoiding a relaxing bone pillar.

* * *

"I've decided that Simon Belmont isn't a very nice guy," Dracula said as they crossed through a mystically glowing cavern. Stalactites and stalagmites hung from the ceilings and floors, colored in various deep hues. Gremlins flew haphazardly around them, taking care not to run into them.

"Thank you," Leon said, nodding to one of the little green creatures as it provided helpful little fires in midair to light their way.

The gremlin mewled back.

The Belmont was taken aback. "I never knew they sounded like that."

"You've never tried being nice to them, have you?" the lord of the night asked, raising a questioning eyebrow at his old comrade.

"No, I suppose I haven't," Leon agreed.

"Adrian knows how friendly and playful the monsters of the castle can be," Dracula said, looking fondly at his son. "Don't you?"

"If braiding my hair was friendly, then I suppose they were," Alucard replied, instinctively running a hand through his hair to rid it of the knotted memory.

Soma, already in a foul mood because he wasn't allowed to collect the monsters' souls, screamed suddenly in anguish.

Concerned, Alucard turned around quickly to find the pale haired youth weeping at his cell phone. "Soma, what happened?"

"I… lost," Soma reluctantly admitted. "Fucking ebay…"

Gleefully curious as to what Soma had lost, Joachim drifted behind him and peered at the tiny screen. With a scowl, he slapped him in the back of the head. "Have you _no fashion sense at all?_ Sequined dresses went out in the 70's!"

Isaac shook his head but refused to comment.

Clearing his throat to get their attention, Dracula gestured down the hallway to a pulsing ebony door, engraved as before with a blood-red demonic skull. "Our first guardian awaits."

"Mathias… couldn't you choose something a little less…" Leon's voice trailed off, not wishing to say anything too rude about his old comrade's taste in décor.

"…god-damned _hideous_." Sara finished for him, her lips curling into a sneer as she folded her arms.

"I would have gone with tacky," Joachim mused, folding his arms and gently touching an index finger to his chin in thought. He glanced sidelong at the lord of the night and questioned, "I thought you remodeled?"

"It's Dracula," the lord of the night huffed first at Leon, then turned his attention to Joachim. "And there are some traditions with which you simply cannot trifle."

Alucard sighed, growing annoyed with the continued banter. Sweeping past his father, he led the group ahead. "Father, perhaps you should inform us of what awaits us behind this door?"

"It is not a matter of _what_, but _who_," Dracula replied ominously, flaring his cape for added effect.

Curious as to who was behind the door himself, Isaac asked, "When did you put the guardians in their rooms?"

"When you were shopping for flour," the lord of the night scowled in response.

"Fair enough," Isaac muttered back. Unafraid of whatever may lay ahead, the red-haired former devil-forger pressed his hands to the door, pushing the massive stone barrier down with one mighty heave.

"Destructive as ever, I see."

Isaac froze at the doorway, struggling to see clearly in the sudden darkness of the room. "That voice…"

"Move it, we don't have all day," Sara barked angrily, shoving her way past the statuesque man and into the room. Eventually the others, including Isaac, followed suit.

After a few moments, their pupils began to dilate in adjustment to the lower lighting. Though Dracula distinctly recalled installing mounted torches to the walls and fashionable chandeliers to the ceiling, the only lighting came from one sad candle in the center of the room, its wax slowly dripping onto the wooden table it rest upon. A pitiful figure sat in a lonely chair, resting his elbows on the table and his head in his hands.

As they came closer, they could clearly see the empty expression beneath the gently waving silver hair that fell around his face. The blue shirt beneath his dark vest appeared to be covered in dust, a clear sign that he had been sitting stationary for quite some time. Lifeless grey eyes looked past the crowd to the former devil-forger in the back of the group. "Isaac… perhaps you can destroy me as well?"

"Hector," Though Isaac's voice was low, it gave no trace of emotion. Sensing that there was more here than they knew, the others moved aside to allow room for the muscled man to stride forward. Slowly but determinedly, he walked up to the table and took a seat in the chair across from his oldest friend and nemesis.

Silence filled the room as the two men stared across the empty space of the table at each other with set, stony expressions. The flickering candlelight cast shadows about their faces, lending a more macabre atmosphere to the reunion.

Eventually, it was Isaac who spoke first, "Did you fuck her good?"

"I tried," Hector admitted, casting his gaze roughly aside.

"Trying isn't good enough," Isaac ordered, flexing the muscles in his shoulders and arms instinctively. "_Do_ her, or _don't do_ her."

Hector trembled, shaking his head with self-pity, "But there is no point in trying anything anymore. The world is a sad, dismal place. There is no hope, no light, which can release me from my sorrows."

At this, Isaac's eyes narrowed. "What happened to Julia?"

"Nothing, but…" the silver haired man sighed deplorably, his vacant expression again lifting to his former comrade. "…oh, there is no point. Kill me now, Isaac, and end my misery."

After shifting awkwardly around for a while, Soma eventually leaned closer to Alucard, murmuring, "Allie… the fuck is going on?"

"The man you see sitting across from Isaac is Hector, his former friend and ally. They both served my father long ago, but Hector left to pursue a happier life with a woman named Rosaly," Alucard began his explanation, noticing that he had the attention of everyone but the two sitting at the table. "Isaac killed Rosaly, pulling Hector back into the darkness. After much hardship, Hector managed to defeat Isaac. Ironically, he fell in love with Isaac's sister, Julia, and the two were wed, living a happy life together."

"Oh, that's cool," Soma responded, feeling unimpressed with the story.

"No, it is not 'cool.' Hector died long ago." The dhampire frowned, peering closer at wretched man sitting at the table and then shifting his gaze to that of his father. "Why is he still alive?"

"I borrowed him from his time," Dracula explained with a shrug. When he noticed that he was receiving non-approving glares from both Adrian and Leon, he expounded, "He did not appear to be enjoying himself anyway, so I made him one of my guardians."

"Mathias, are you sure that was a good idea?" Leon asked, frowning as he observed the sad man sitting at the table. "I feel sorry for Hector; he doesn't look very happy…"

"Life is meaningless! I can't go on!" Hector wailed, cutting Leon off from his dialogue. Retrieving his sword from where he had discarded it on the floor, he thrust the hilt into Isaac's hands and pressed the tip of the blade to his chest. "End it now!"

A strange expression crossed Isaac's face. After several moments, he calmly placed the sword on the table, stood up from his chair, walked over to where Hector sat, and punched him in the face.

Hector flew across the room from the force of the blow, colliding with the stony castle wall roughly and falling to the ground. Isaac paced across the room to him with a deep frown. "That is _not_ how a man talks, especially not one who is _fucking my sister_. Get up."

When he didn't receive a response, the former devil-forger spoke a bit more forcefully than the last time. "_Get up!_"

Finally, Hector pulled himself to his feet, and Isaac could clearly see how wretched the man had become. What were once skin-tight leather pants now hung loosely around his gaunt frame, his shoulders drooping as sorrowfully as his eyes. The golden metallic belt that was once easily secured itself around his waist now threatened to fall off every time he moved.

"Hector… what happened to you?" Isaac demanded.

"I… I…" Hector attempted to explain his situation, but found that words had failed him.

"He looks like a _fucking emo _to me," Sara scowled from across the room, drawing everyone's attention. "Were you seriously counting on this pathetic suicidal pussy for something? Because I wouldn't."

Though Leon would have said it in nicer words, he had to agree with Sara. Cautiously, he approached the forlorn man, placing a comforting hand on his bony shoulder. "Hector, my name is Leon Belmont. I would like to help you, if I may. Is there anything I can do…?"

"Just… end my miserable existence," the silver-haired man pleaded softly.

"This doesn't look good," Leon turned helplessly towards his oldest comrade, "Mathias, is there nothing we can do?"

"It's Dracula, and our choices are slim," the lord of the night frowned. "I have attached the key to the first power source to Hector's very soul. Removing it is risky… he may not survive."

"I have no soul…" Hector wailed.

"Neither do I, but at least I _pretend_ to get along with everyone," Joachim grumbled snappishly, casting his gaze at Leon. "Leon, I hate to say it, but I think it's obvious what has to happen from this point. Call it."

"Very well," Leon nodded, looking seriously at the wretched man standing before them. "Hector is coming with us."

"Fuck no!" Soma cried out, shaking his head and taking the coolest outraged manga pose he could imagine. "He's such a downer! He'll totally ruin my bitchin' attack!"

For a moment, the room was silent. Then, Isaac grimly placed both hands on Hector's shoulders, looking his former companion and enemy in the eyes. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but I did _not_ leave Julia to this. Hector, you're coming with us until you learn to man-up again."

Sorrowfully, Hector bowed his head in defeat.

* * *

Dealing with the suicidal Hector turned out to be more work than they had bargained for. Only ten minutes had passed, but already he had jumped into two different spike-pits, walked into a wall made of pure fire, and drowned himself in a small pool, all easy to do, considering they were in Castlevania. Despite having impaled himself with what should have been mortal-wounds, burning to a skeletal frame, and fleeing to the bottom of Davy Jones's locker, the others resolutely rescued him from his grisly fate, reviving him back to normalcy.

After rescuing him for the third time from a pit of spikes, Leon finally noticed that Hector's wounds were quickly closing of their own volition. "How is this possible?" The Belmont wondered out-loud.

"Despite his wishes, he cannot kill himself," Dracula answered with a sigh, pulling Hector by the collar of his shirt away from the pointy end of a ruler sword. "By binding his soul with one of the keys to the castle's power, he has become tied to the castle. I'm sure you know what that means, Leon."

"If challenged, he must fight to defend the castle. Only then can he be defeated," the Belmont nodded, remembering a darker time in his own past not too long ago.

"Just let me diiiiiiiieeeeeee!" Hector wailed. "I can't go on anylon—"

Suddenly, a loud thump echoed through the room, and all eyes turned to find Isaac hefting an unconscious Hector over his broad shoulder. "Can't take his bitching anymore."

Though Leon felt a little bad for Hector, he had to agree.

"**Tempted are you to end it all as well, but you must not! You cannot succumb to the sweet calls of Death, for then you will never be able to return to your home. Suicide is for weaker, lesser, beings than you. Carry on! Persevere! Only then can you set this terrible tragedy right."

* * *

**

In the shadows, Simon Belmont lurked close by. He had not foreseen Hector's dilemma, but he was not about to give up. No, he would wait for a more opportune time.

* * *

Meanwhile, in an island far away in the Caribbean, a solitary figure lounged in his chair, luxuriously sipping his dirty martini while chatting idly on the phone. "Is that so? It is but a minor setback. Continue as planned. One of them will certainly… _rectify_… the situation soon."

Snapping his cell phone shut, the figure tossed his full mane of hair back behind him with a glorious sweep of his head and sighed with satisfaction. "Yes… it is only a matter of time…"

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

1 - Yeah… about Hector… you knew the risks when you started reading this fic! ^^;;

2 – Congrats to everyone who correctly answered the Trivia Questions! The Chapter trivia was long this time, so I gave credit to anyone who listed a correct Belmont.

**Chapter Trivia: **Willowfur, NeoseekerDarkKnight, Jotepaine, Selfish Vampire Mint, ShinnYagami, and Sunlord89!

**Bonus Trivia: **Selfish Vampire Mint!

**Title Trivia: **Willowfur, NeoseekerDarkKnight, Jotepaine, Arbl A-17, Selfish Vampire Mint, ShinnYagami, Auragonian, Lupine Eclipse, and Sunlord89!

**Chapter Trivia #10 Answer:** _Throughout time, the Belmonts have defended the world from Castlevania. Which Belmonts have been shown in pixilated 2D sprite glory?_ All of them except Gabriel and Christopher! Ok, that was the cheap answer. Here's the list: Simon (CV1,2,.. ah, I'm done listing the games he's in), Leon (Summon in Portrait of Ruin), Trevor (Castlevania 3, and a summon in Portrait of Ruin), Sonia (CV: Legends), Juste (Harmony of Dissonance, and a summon in Portrait of Ruin), Julius (Aria and Dawn of Sorrow), Richter (Rondo of Blood, Symphony of the Night… see previous chapters for more), Desmond (Order of Shadows).

**Bonus Trivia #10 Answer:**_ What item in Castlevania 1 produces an effect like a Laurel from Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest? _ The invisibility pot!

**Title Trivia #10 Answer:** _Where is the title "Mankind Ill Needs A Savior Such As You" from?_ This is a quote from our lovable Richter Belmont in Symphony of the Night. Good job, Mr. Re-re! ^_^

**Chapter Trivia #11:**_ Hector has an unhealthy infatuation with a certain everyday object. What is it?_

**Bonus Trivia #11:**_ What was character designer Ayami Kojima before she started doing illustrations for the Castlevania series? (Hint: it's probably why all the males look like girls.)_

**Title Trivia #11:** _Where is the title, "For one that served under Dracula, you seem much too weak" from?_


	12. I May Not Have The Whip's Power, But

**Chapter 12: I may not have the whip's power, but I can still kick your ass!

* * *

**

Richter Belmont had been chattering for at least ten minutes now as he walked through the castle's corridors. Maria was always such a polite listener, she let him talk for hours without interrupting him sometimes. He paused every now and then to open up various colored treasure chests that Dracula randomly placed in his hallways, smiling with happiness every time.

"Ooh! A paludamentum!" Richter cried happily, placing the cape around his shoulders, atop the other three he had picked up recently. He felt extra cool now that he had so many capes.

But suddenly, a thought struck him, and he frowned with sadness. "Alucard is gonna be _so_ jealous…" Richter knew he would be, because Alucard always wore so many capes. What would he think if he saw Richter out-caping him?

Concerned, Richter stopped and frowned at the floor for a couple minutes. Eventually, he came to a conclusion, "I better share with him." Happy with his decision, Richter continued to stroll down the corridor, chatting merrily to Maria.

* * *

Meanwhile, Maria Renard was having a hell of a time finding Richter. The castle seemed to have more twists and turns than she remembered, and despite sending several of her animal friends forth to find him, none had yet returned with positive news.

Finally, one of her pet war doves returned, chirping urgently in her ear. "Thank you, friend." Maria steeled her gaze in front of her and powered forward, skillfully jumping over a lounging axe armor.

* * *

Though she had recently won two more items on ebay, Shanoa continued to be bored. "Juste, are you planning on taking much longer?" She queried from where she lounged on a newly repositioned wicker chair.

Juste, who was in the middle of carrying an expensive-looking Persian lamp across the room, looked over and quietly murmured, "…no."

Shanoa sighed with boredom. Her next ebay bids weren't up for a few more hours, and she really had nothing to do. Sliding her phone into a hidden pocket, Shanoa pulled out a bag of chips from another. If she couldn't do anything else, she could at least enjoy a snack while she waited.

However, no sooner had she ripped open the package when she heard a very loud crash behind her. Immediately, Shanoa whipped her gaze backward, to find an (even more) pale Juste backing away from her. The lamp he had been carefully carrying earlier was now in pieces all over the floor. "Juste, what's wrong?"

The Belmont panted, as if gasping for air, as he continued to back away, "Those chips…"

"Oh, would you like some?" the woman asked, holding out the small bag to the panicked man, doing her best to calm him down.

But calm him down she did not. Instead, Juste practically screamed, dashing quickly from the room, his blue outline hesitantly following him like in a cartoon.

"Well, at least he's done remodeling," Shanoa sighed, closing the bag of garlic salted chips and walking smoothly from the room.

* * *

Finally. They were finally standing in front of one of those demonic boss doors. "Standing" being Charlotte's favorite of those words.

The magician girl felt like her legs were jelly when she finally hopped off the motorcycle. "Jonathan, next time I'm driving."

"What, I did fine! I made all the hard jumps and didn't even hit a single monster," he proudly proclaimed, flicking a hand through his hair.

"I could have _sworn_ that you didn't even turn the handlebars a few of those times," Charlotte murmured, eyeing him suspiciously.

"No way! I mean, it's all inertia and momentum," Jonathan said knowingly. Seeing that Charlotte was still skeptical, he decided that changing the subject was his best course of action. "Hey look, a demonic boss door!"

"Yes, it looks that way, doesn't it?" the girl sighed, allowing her friend some leeway as she opened her large tome and flipped a few pages in. Finding the passage she desired, she carefully read the inscription, causing the door to swing open of its own volition. "And… we're in!"

A large trailer of lavender colored mist poured from the room, pooling ominously around their feet. Though Charlotte wanted nothing more than to back away, she firmly held her ground. "I'm suddenly getting a very bad feeling about all of this…"

"Hey, you were the one who wanted to help out Simon," Jonathan pointed out, fanning some of the light purple vapors away with his hands. "If you're serious about it, we'll go in. If you don't want to anymore, and I really wouldn't blame you, then we can always go back to Leon."

"We could… but this is our best chance of getting home. We have to go in," Charlotte decided, taking the first brave steps through the door with Jonathan following close on her heels.

Once inside, the mist began to recede, revealing a land full of extraordinarily tall mushrooms of various hues. The ground, though still covered by a dense layer of fog, felt spongy beneath their feet. Even the air took on a musty scent, lending a forest-like feel to the immense room.

"How are these mushrooms so large?" Charlotte marveled, touching a hand to the chitinous wall of the fungus closest to her.

"I think the better question is _how did Dracula fit all this in a high-rise?_" Jonathan wondered, observing that the room seemed far larger than the building they had walked into should have allowed.

"Welcome to my kingdom," a familiar voice greeted them.

Immediately, both of them froze, glancing quickly at each other.

"That voice!" Jonathan whispered urgently. "It's…"

"I know," Charlotte nodded, her eyes fixed ahead of them. "But how is this possible?"

"Anything is possible, darling," the coy voice taunted them again. Finally, a figure stepped from the mist, revealing herself. The woman wore an oddly frilly dress, adorned with multiple layers of white and blue that hugged her generous bosom tightly. Glamorous ruby slippers adorned her feet, which were covered in black and white striped stockings. Pristine long white gloves covered her hands and arms just past her elbows, and an interesting white and blue striped frilly Victorian era collar framed the chestnut curls of her hair.

A few things disturbed Jonathan, causing him to grip his whip tightly in preparation. Her skin was paler than normal, one of her eyes was red, and an ominous pair of fangs were just barely visible when she smiled. And oh, did she smile. "Stella…"

"Actually, I'm Loretta," the girl said, glancing at him curiously.

"What? But those…" Jonathan began, pointing at the overly gratuitous cleavage pouring out of her dress.

His hand was immediately smacked down by Charlotte. "Jonathan, don't point!"

"Oh, I took them from Stella," she commented, waving it off. "She wasn't using them anyway."

At this, even Charlotte stopped mid-swat, instead resting her hand almost fearfully on Jonathan's. "You… you what?" Charlotte squinted, focusing her gaze on the vampire's giggling chest. Despite her partner's recent accusation, she couldn't see anything different about Loretta's breasts than the last time they had met.

"Tis a silly matter," Loretta grinned, spinning once for fun. Charlotte was convinced it was just to show off that she could float. "But now they're mine. Want to see how I can use them?"

"Use…?" Jonathan blinked. Vivid memories of fighting a certain Egyptian goddess long ago flashed back to him.

"Temptation!" Loretta purred, lifting her hands into the air and sending an array of magical hearts their way.

Immediately, Charlotte raised her hand to cover Jonathan's eyes. "No, Jonathan, don't look!"

Jonathan couldn't see, but he could _feel_ the impact as the tiny fragments of the spell hit him, quickly sinking in.

He was done for. He knew it. It would only be a matter of seconds before he was under her spell, captive prey to the vampire's every demand.

"Tee hee hee, that's right…" Loretta cooed.

Though he felt Charlotte pull her hand away from his eyes, he still kept them tightly shut, trying his best not to be tempted. He wouldn't fight Charlotte again! He wouldn't be a victim to Loretta's demands!

"Come here…" he heard the vampire command.

A few moments passed, and slowly, Jonathan came to realize that he wasn't moving. Hesitantly, he opened an eye. What he saw made him snap both open in alarm. "No…!"

_Charlotte_ was slowly walking forward, gingerly reaching to take Loretta's outstretched hand. "Yes… master…"

"That's _mistress_ to you," Loretta winked, capturing Charlotte's hand and pulling her closer.

"Yes… mistress…." Charlotte responded, her monotonous and droning voice almost chilling to hear compared to her usually lively chatter.

For a moment, Jonathan paused. Had he really sounded like that too?

Then, he remembered what he had to do. "Charlotte, no!" Jonathan shouted, running as quickly as he could towards the girls. However, he was a few moments too late. Just as he reached them, the two disappeared into the purple mist. He hesitated at the wall briefly before setting his resolve and plunging in.

At first, he coughed with every breath, the sweetly scented vapors intrusive to his lungs, but as he wandered blindly through the chamber, he found that the discomfort passed. "Charlotte, where are you?"

As he ran forward, Jonathan's foot suddenly caught on something, and he flew to the ground, catching a face-full of half-bloomed flowers and moss.

"Hey, watch it!"

Ignoring the mild pain from the fall, Jonathan quickly spun around to find… "A shovel?"

"Yeah, what'cha gonna _do_ about it?" the shovel bristled with righteous anger.

Jonathan blinked. "You're a shovel."

"And you're American, but do I discriminate against you?" the shovel scoffed.

"Fair enough…" he responded, ready to walk away from this confusing yard tool.

"Oh, you'd better watch out," the shovel cautioned, showing a rare compassionate side. "The vampires are going to eat you."

"That's… really not cool," Jonathan sighed, kneeling down next to the shovel so that he could observe it better. Though the shovel appeared to be made of ordinary wood and steel, it _glowed_ with a strange aura. Perhaps it wouldn't be too bad to keep a shovel like this around? Deciding it was for the best, he reached down and grabbed the shovel by the handle.

"DON'T DO IT JONATHAN! YOU'RE FREAKING TERRIBLE AT FIGHTING WITHOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND! YOU DO 1 DAMAGE!" the shovel screamed.

Startled, Jonathan hesitated, turning the shovel over a couple times in his hand to see where the sound was coming from. "I don't have a girlfriend, and what is 1 damage?"

Angered, the shovel returned his question with stony silence.

"Suit yourself," he shrugged, adding the shovel to his collection of tools.

It was only a few moments before he came upon a clearing. A clearing of the heavy clouds, that is. Jonathan almost took a step back as the sheer strangeness of the area hit him.

Flowers grew through the cracks in the ceiling and floor, and brightly colored squares hovered in various places in the air. The room itself was filled with ghostly figures he both recognized and did not. In the distance, he faintly heard guitars strumming and chimes ringing in his ears.

As he stepped into the room, he came face to face with a bright blue square. Curious, he reached his hand up to touch it.

"I wouldn't do that."

Startled by the voice, Jonathan spun around. It seemed this castle had a creepy sense of humor, because he knew this voice too. This particular voice brought feelings of anxiety, anger, and happiness in one terrible package. "Where are you?"

"I… was standing in front of you." The voice said with a heavy sigh.

On edge now, Jonathan twirled quickly back around, noticing the ghostly figure just on the opposite side of the square. The figure looked so familiar… a man from his memories long ago… "Da—"

"Don't say it," the ghost advised, holding up a finger. "And don't touch that either. You never know what may happen."

"You left me…" Jonathan began sorrowfully.

"This again?" the ghost sighed. "I thought Eric already explained that to you."

Jonathan stood there awkwardly, examining the faintly blue-auraed ghost in front of him. There was no mistaking it. The soul in front of him could be no other than that of his father. But his father had died years ago…

There were so many things that he had always wanted to tell the man, but now that he stood before him, he found that those had all vanished.

"How are you here?" Jonathan finally asked.

The ghost smiled sadly, "I think you will figure that out soon enough."

"That was illusive," he pointed out, but received no further explanation.

After a couple minutes of a tense silence, the ghost finally offered, "That's a dead pixel."

It took a moment for Jonathan to realize he was talking about the floating blue square in front of him. "What? You mean that thing Shanoa was complaining about on Leon's computer?" he asked.

The ghost gave a grim nod. "There's no telling what may happen if you touch it."

"Why are you telling me that random bit of information? It's not like it's ever going to be important in the future or anything," Jonathan scowled. "Shouldn't you be telling me about something worthwhile? Like, what happened when you died? Or maybe you can explain why this shovel was talking to me…"

The spirit raised a cautious finger to the air, silencing Jonathan with the simple motion. As if on cue, a scream that could be none other than Charlotte's echoed through the clearing. "Gyaaa!"

"It sounds like your friend is in trouble," the spirit observed. "Go to her."

"But you…"

"But nothing," the ghost shook his head. "Go."

Grimly, Jonathan nodded, fixing the ghost of his father sternly, "Don't you dare disappear. We're not done yet." He didn't wait for the ghost to respond before running towards the origin of the scream.

Jonathan tore through the mist, running as quickly as he could. "Charlotte, hang on, I'm coming!" He shouted, hoping against all odds that she could hear him.

When he finally reached the next clearing, he found what looked like a medieval torture chamber. It fit Castlevania perfectly.

Shackles and chains of various sizes hung from the dreary stone walls, and strange tables and chairs affixed with a variety of tools Jonathan didn't recognize were scattered about the room. The place gave him the creeps, but he wasn't about to vocalize that.

In the center of the room, he noticed a large chair with its back turned to him. Charlotte's bound arms were wiggling from the top, the only part of her that he could see. "Charlotte!" Worried for his friend's safety, he started forward.

"Nngg!" She yelled back, her voice muffled by what must have been a gag.

"Careful," his father's ghost advised, suddenly materializing beside him. "Just undo her bindings from here. She'll never forgive you if you look."

Gasping, Jonathan turned to face the ghost. "Where did you come from?"

"I have always been with you Jonathan," the spirit answered solemnly.

"Oookay. That's a little creepy," he sighed, approaching the chair swiftly. Pulling out a knife, he carefully cut through the ropes binding Charlotte's hands to the chair.

Within seconds, her hands disappeared down, and though he was sorely tempted to look, he heeded his father's advice and refrained.

Moments later, he heard Charlotte's voice, a little more shaken than usual. "Thanks Jonathan. I don't know what came over me." Her arm reached out to the side, grabbing a pile of clothing that Jonathan hadn't realized was laying beside the chair.

"Yeah, what do you need that girl for? You've already got a gorgeous guy right here," Jonathan smirked, relishing throwing her words back at her more than he probably should have.

She chuckled back, and a few seconds later she stood from the chair the same Charlotte he had always remembered. Her hair was a bit mussed, and she did appear shaken, but he decided that would be a story for another time.

"My pretty pet, I've brought the…." Loretta said in a sing-song voice as she skipped into the room, her ample bosom heaving with every jump. Suddenly spying the duo, she stopped, her lips pouting. "This wasn't part of the plan… how did you escape the mist of confusion?"

"I had a little help?" Jonathan ventured, glancing over at the lingering ghost of his father.

Loretta grinned, "Well, it's no matter. The end will be the same anyway. But, two against one isn't very fair, is it? Oh Steeeeeeeeeeella!~"

A few moments passed by in dreaded silence.

Loretta frowned, her eyelids fluttering shut as if this were a common annoyance. "Stella!"

Yet a few more soundless moments passed by.

Visibly angered, Loretta's eyes snapped open as she turned angrily to the next room and growled, "STELLA!"

Finally, a pale Stella stumbled into the room, wearing clothing similar to Loretta's but dusted in a fine white powder. The vampire walked a few more haphazard steps before slumping heavily onto her sister's shoulder.

Loretta sighed, "You've gotten into the stash again, haven't you?"

Lazily, Stella nodded her head in affirmation, running a delicate finger sloppily across Loretta's cheek fondly.

"Ugh, you know that man gave us _specific instructions_, Stella! If you keep this up, we won't be able to carry out the plans," Loretta pouted, hoisting her sister up so that she could glare at her face to face. "Look, you think you can still fight Jonathan and Charlotte?"

Stella looked hazily into her sister's eyes before bobbing her head down again in affirmation.

Loretta gazed at her skeptically but finally nodded. "Ok, then off you go!~" With that, she pushed her sister in Jonathan and Charlotte's general direction.

Immediately, Jonathan tensed, ready for action, but Stella completely ignored him, sweeping past him to tackle Charlotte to the ground. In the process, she knocked the girl's book from her hands, sending the heavy tome flying until it slid just beneath a dead pixel.

Realizing that since Stella had gone for Charlotte, Loretta would probably attack him, Jonathan turned around, readying his whip again. "Ha!" He exclaimed, whipping forward.

His whip met with thin air.

"Wha?" he exclaimed. Spinning around, he found that Loretta had ignored him so that she could help Stella tackle Charlotte too.

"Jonathan, a little help!" the magician girl shouted, frantically flailing her arms to fend off the vampire sisters.

"I'm on it!" Gritting his teeth, Jonathan pulled his arm back, then whipped forward with all his might.

His whip bounced effortlessly off the curls of Loretta's hair, doing 1 damage. Loretta turned around briefly and frowned. "Hey, watch it. It took me an hour to get my hair so perfectly luscious this morning."

Infuriated, he grabbed a vial of holy water from his stash, throwing it at Stella this time. The water rolled off the folds in her clothing, actually cleaning some of the white powder from her garments.

"Try attacking them," the ghost of Jonathan's father offered from beside him.

"_Thanks…_" Growling, Jonathan pulled his energy around him. That was it. He had been mocked long enough! Focusing the energy into one powerful point, he threw his head back and shouted, "Aura blast!"

Fire-like waves of energy erupted from his body, cascading over the sisters in shockwaves of devastation. As dust flew across the scenery from the attack, he hoped that Charlotte would forgive him for killing the vampire sisters right on top of her, but he could see no other alternative.

However, as the dust settled, it became clear that something was very wrong. The sisters looked the same as always. A few hairs were out of place, but other than that, nothing had changed.

And, as before, they appeared to be ignoring him.

Jonathan cried out-loud in anguish, "What's wrong with me? What should I do?"

"Told you, it's Level 1 Capped Hard Mode. Try not to die," the shovel suggested snidely from his hip.

Suddenly, all three women turned their heads towards Jonathan, as if just noticing his presence.

Stella was the first to stumble off her victim and stagger in Jonathan's direction; however, Loretta managed to float to him first. After the two sisters got off her, even Charlotte stood up, timidly walking toward her partner.

Scared, Jonathan backed up. "Wha-what's wrong with you?"

"That voice…" Stella cooed.

"…it's so adorable," Loretta finished for her.

"My voice?" Jonathan asked, skipping backwards away from the slowly approaching women.

"Not your voice, _that other voice_," Charlotte breathed, reaching out to him.

"What… other voice?" Jonathan asked hesitantly.

"Oh no… not again!" the shovel moaned.

Immediately the girls all bust into a choir of "aww"s. "It's so cute!"

Very quickly, Jonathan found himself cornered as the girls approached him. What could he do? His best attacks did nothing against the vampire girls, and he couldn't bring himself to attack Charlotte again. Feeling trapped, he glanced quickly at the ghost of his father.

The ghost only shook his head.

"No… keep them away from me… keep them away!" the shovel pleaded, trembling at Jonathan's side.

Pulling the shovel from his store of weapons, he looked at the mystically glowing weapon. "It's _you_ that they want?"

"The things they have done haunt my nightmares every night," the shovel responded sadly.

Jonathan knew then that there was only one option left. He had to do something drastic. Something unpredictable. Something even his father would never have thought of.

"I am sorry, friend," Jonathan said solemnly, eyeing the shovel with the utmost sincerity.

Just a moment before the women reached him, Jonathan threw his newfound shovel into the dead pixel in the center of the room.

"Nooo!" The girls all screamed, reaching for the shovel as they ran to it.

Jonathan managed to catch Charlotte before she could reach the pixel. The twins, however, were not so fortunate. As soon as they touched the dead pixel, both girls vanished.

A few moments of silence passed by. "Where did they go?" Jonathan finally voiced.

"Help… help…" the shovel sputtered weakly from off to their left.

Following the sound, they found that the shovel had been transported across the room and was now laying dejectedly beside the wall. Next to it, they found an even more shocking surprise. Both Stella and Loretta ran side by side at an exactly even pace…

…_inside_ the wall.

Curiously, Jonathan tilted his head slightly as he approached the peculiar sight before him. "Interesting… what do you make of this Charlotte?" After a few more moments of silence, he asked again, "…..Charlotte?"

Turning around, he found Charlotte tenderly holding the shovel. Rolling his eyes, he snatched the garden tool from her. "Twins in the wall. Why?"

After recovering from the initial shock of having the shovel so rudely taken from her, Charlotte finally assessed the situation in front of her. "It looks like something I read about…"

Carefully, the magical girl retrieved her book from beneath the dead pixel, read a short passage or two, and came to her conclusion. "They've glitched into the wall."

"They've what?" Jonathan asked, his head swooping forward in surprise.

"It seems like something about this square…"

"It's a dead pixel," Jonathan informed her.

"Something about this _dead pixel_…" Charlotte continued, not missing a beat. "…caused something of an anomaly to occur in this room. When Stella and Loretta touched the pixel, they were transported into the wall, and now… it looks like they're stuck."

"Can't they just… _teleport themselves_… or something?" Jonathan asked.

"That's not how a glitch works," Charlotte explained, flipping to another place in her book and reciting from the text. "A glitched character may or may not possess some or any of the traits originally possessed."

"English…?" her counterpart sighed.

"They're stuck, and they can't teleport," she explained simply.

For a few more moments, they lingered beside the trapped sisters, watching them soundlessly flail in place. Jonathan wasn't sure why, but something about it seemed very _very _gratifying.

"Can we kill them?" he asked.

"Observe," Charlotte said, moving her hand straight through Loretta's torso. "We can't even touch them."

"I'll take that as a 'no.'" he said, pointing towards the pair with a sigh.

"Don't bother pointing," Charlotte shook her head, pulling down Jonathan's hand. "For all practical purposes, we have defeated them. Let's just go."

"The exit is that way," the ghost of Jonathan's father said, pointing toward one of the misty walls.

Vaguely, Jonathan wondered why Charlotte didn't bother his father about pointing, but he dismissed the thought in his eagerness to leave.

However, as they approached the indicated wall, it faded away to reveal a swirling dark portal.

"Before you say anything, _no_ I didn't make this one," Charlotte said, admiring the nice quality of the portal. Someone talented must have fabricated it, and she was oh-so-envious. "What do you think are the odds that this one leads home?"

Jonathan shrugged, examining the looming dark circle before them. "Does it really matter? We're going in, right?"

With a grim nod, Charlotte walked through. Bracing himself, Jonathan jumped in with a "Wahoo!" Who knew where this would lead them? Who cared?

At least he had found a really cool shovel to keep him company.

* * *

"Looks like someone beat us here," Leon said as they reached the open boss doors.

"No shit, what gave you that idea?" Joachim rolled his eyes, floating closer to the entranceway. As he approached, he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Drac, why did you fill this room with LSD mist?"

"I didn't," the lord of the night frowned, peering into the room distastefully. "What were those twins doing?"

Alucard pulled Hector forward, away from a candle that he had been trying to use to burn himself. As the dhampire entered the room, he cautiously noted, "Though the mist seems to have receded enough to negate the hallucinatory effects, it would still be wise to proceed with caution."

However, Soma did not. Charging blindly into the room, he ran right into a large round pillar.

Nodding with approval, Dracula swept around the wall. "See, Issac? I knew it would come in handy."

Isaac shrugged.

After the rest of the party walked _around_ the stone columns that were randomly scattered through the entranceway, they reached an interesting garden of sorts. Flowers were haphazardly planted in clumps on the floor and on the ceilings.

Snatching a somewhat poisonous-looking flower away from Hector as he tried to eat it, Soma puzzled up at the flowers on the ceiling. "…the fuck did you do that?"

"It's _art_," the lord of the night scoffed. "I thought the vampire girls would appreciate it. Instead, all they did was steal my shovel…"

"Vampire girls…" Alucard murmured, his delicate eyebrows lifting ever so slightly, the only indication of his surprise. "Father, did you take both Stella and Loretta from their time as well?"

Though Dracula chose not to answer that, the answer became clear when they entered the farthest part of the room. A large blue square floated in the middle of the chamber, and an odd assortment of chairs littered the room.

A small squeal echoed from wall to wall, invading their ears.

"Shut the fuck up already, would you?" Sara scowled at Joachim.

The vampire huffed indignantly. "As if I would make a sound like that… it was _him_." He said, indicating with a clawed finger to Hector, who had already fallen happily into one of the downy moon-chairs.

Isaac shook his head, but decided that it beat the alternative.

Curiously, Soma approached the blue square, reaching out to it.

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you," Dracula cautioned him, causing Alucard to immediately pull the boy back with concern.

"… the fuck not?" Soma asked, still trying to look at the odd square closer, despite being held back by his collar. It was just so… _square_.

"That is a glitch-spot," the lord of the night explained. "The effects of touching one are quite unpredictable."

For a moment all were silent.

"Mathias, why would you make one of those?" Leon asked, seriously questioning his old comrade's motives.

"It's Dracula," the lord of the night sighed. "I am obligated to place at least one glitch in the castle every time I reconstruct it."

Again, all were silent.

"Why?" Leon asked again.

"Because otherwise some of the kids can't get through," Dracula explained with embarrassment.

"Kids?" Leon continued to puzzle. "Why are children in Castlevania?"

"Oh look, the twins!" Dracula exclaimed, pointing to Stella and Loretta, who were both still running inside the wall.

Instantly distracted, Leon ran to their aid, only to find out that he couldn't touch either of them. Frantically, he turned toward his comrade, "This is terrible! Please help them out!"

"If I must…" Dracula sighed, making a small flipping gesture with his hand.

Instantly, the vampire sisters popped out of the wall, and fell to the ground in a drug-induced stupor. Loretta softly murmured incoherent words, and Stella immediately passed out on her shoulder.

"I don't know what they're on, but I want some," Joachim commented, nudging one unresponsive girl with the tip of his boot.

"This must be _that man's _fault," Dracula scowled, taking a head of lettuce from the folds of his clothing and drawing its delicious veggie juices to calm him down.

"That man?" Soma asked.

"He should be guarding another portal, but it appears as though he has left his chamber," the lord of the night frowned.

"The twins will be fine," Alucard announced, standing up from where he had been inspecting the girls. "But might I suggest returning them to their own time, father?"

"I could never say no to you, Adrian," Dracula beamed, opening a time portal beneath the girls and allowing them to fall through to their own time.

"Wait, are Stella and Loretta carrying a part of Castlevania's power within them?" Alucard asked, recalling the pivotal plot point revealed to him earlier.

"They are, but we can always rectify that situation sometime later, when Jonathan and Charlotte finally realize that I'm the only one who will ever be able to send them back to their own time," Dracula explained cheerily.

Bored with the plot, Sara walked up to the dark portal on the wall, offering a few words before slipping through. "Meet you losers on the other side."

Soma jumped back, just realizing that the ominous portal was there. "… the fuck did that thing come from? Nuh-uh. Not again."

"Though I am not exactly enthusiastic either, I assume we need to travel through the portal to protect Castlevania," Alucard said, his words paining even himself. "I would suggest that we refrain from putting off the inevitable."

Reluctantly, the group grabbed a crying Hector and jumped through.

"**How dearly you must wish that portal goes to you home world, to your love! Do not falter now. You must stay strong, otherwise terrible devastation may wrack your reality. Go now! Jump into the unknown! Only then can you ever hope to save your world!"

* * *

**

Elsewhere, somewhere in the Caribbean Islands, a lone figure lounged in a beach-chair, chatting casually on his cell phone. "…they have? Perfect. Be prepared, it will not be long now."

Caustically, the man snapped the cell phone shut, setting it on the side table and taking a sip of his dirty martini. "Old foe, soon you will know the meaning of pain."

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

1 – **Thank you, reviewers!** Reading your thoughts makes me smile. =)

2 – LateNiteSlacker does not promote or condone drug usage; however, she does find watching the effects of it on others to be quite funny. Sometimes.

3 – Fun fact: most of this chapter was written along to a song by the Plain White T's called "Welcome to Mystery." Listen to it while you read, if you like.

4 – Thank-you, Shovel, for everything you do. ^_^

5 – Congrats to the people who got the Chapter 11 trivia questions right!

**Chapter Trivia:** NeoseekerDarkKnight, Arbl A-17, ShinnYagami, Auragonian, SunLord89, Selfish Vampire Mint, Jotepaine, MoonlitLuna, and Torchic373!

**Bonus Trivia:** ShinnYagami, Auragonian, Selfish Vampire Mint, Jotepaine, MoonlitLuna, and Torchic373!

**Title Trivia:** ShinnYagami, Auragonian, SunLord89, Selfish Vampire Mint, Jotepaine, and Torchic373!

6 – Remember, reviewers are awesome. =)

**Chapter Trivia #11 Answer:**_ Hector has an unhealthy infatuation with a certain everyday object. What is it?_ Hector loves chairs, of course!

**Bonus Trivia #11 Answer:**_ What was character designer Ayami Kojima before she started doing illustrations for the Castlevania series? (Hint: it's probably why all the males look like girls.)_ Although when this question was written, I believed that she had her background in fashion design, that has since had no indication whatsoever of being true. However, Ayami Kojima _did_ do illustration for various manga series before Castlevania, which likely lent to her incredible talents.

**Title Trivia #11 Answer:** _Where is the title, "For one that served under Dracula, you seem much too weak" from?_ Trevor Belmont says this line to Hector in Castlevania: Curse of Darkness. This happens when Trevor first meets Hector, finding him a pale shadow of the man he once was. Hmm… for some reason, this sounds familiar.

**Chapter Trivia #12:**_ Who is Jonathan's dad, and what game does he come from?_

**Bonus Trivia #12:**_ Why is it ironic that there is a glitched spot in the chapter featuring Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin characters?_

**Title Trivia #12:**_ From where is the title, "I may not have the whip's power, but I can still kick your ass!"_


	13. Go To Hell

**Chapter 13: Go to Hell**

* * *

By the time Maria finally caught up to Richter, she almost didn't recognize him underneath his burden of capes. "Richter," she began, when she suddenly noticed that the Belmont was chattering happily to himself.

Again.

Someday, she really had to break him of that bad habit.

"…really delicious sometimes! I wonder if _A_lucard will ever come over for supper again?" Richter puzzled to himself, rolling his shoulder to shift his mountain of capes around.

"Richter!" She spoke a little louder this time, commanding the Belmont's attention.

Turning around, he grinned at her from beneath his pile of fabric. "Maria! Is it not wonderful? The monsters do not attack, and there is treasure _everywhere_!"

"Richter, put some of those capes down," Maria said slowly, making certain that he would understand her. "In fact, put them all down."

The Belmont pouted. "But I have to share them with _A_lucard, remember?"

"No, I do _not_ remember. You wandered away and have been talking to yourself this past hour. Again," the warrior woman pointed out with a sigh.

"Oh. I am sorry Maria," Richter frowned, doing what he could to look both adorable and pathetic. It was a combination that always worked on Maria.

It worked this time too. The woman sighed regretfully, plucking the top-most cape off the burdened Belmont. "It is ok, but do take these off. You have no need for such elaborate garments."

"Okey-dokey," Richter agreed, taking all 9 capes off (he could only carry 9 for some strange reason) and throwing them on the ground. Then, looking at the pile sadly, he picked up the top-most paludamentum, rubbing the soft fabric fondly between his thumb and forefinger. "Can I keep just one? Please?"

Maria threw him a hard expression, the ferocity of her glare making him want to shrivel away and forget that he even asked about his silly cape.

"Fine, you may keep _one_," she acquiesced with a sigh, as Richter happily threw the bright blue fabric around his shoulders. At the very least, he would be harder to lose again.

Maria glanced around them, gauging their relative position in the castle based off where they had entered. She knew that there was no way an _ordinary_ castle could have fit within the confines of the city high rise, but then again, they weren't in an ordinary castle. "Richter, your detour has cost us much time. We must be on our way."

But as Maria turned around, she found that Richter was already lumbering down the hallway, his brilliant blue cape proudly flowing behind him. With a sigh, she followed behind him. "Richter, where are you going?"

"I saw a duck," He explained simply.

Maria blinked. "A duck?"

"Yup!" He agreed, still in pursuit of the feathered creature he had seen moments ago.

Maria had to remind herself that Richter had managed on his own through Castlevania before.

"Come back here duckieeee!" the Belmont cried, disappearing down one of the hallways.

With a heavy sigh, Maria followed Richter and the duck.

"**Long have the ancient signs led you on your journey. Mystic creatures and even the ancient Gods have aided you in your quest. Perhaps this avian beast, too, may lead you to salvation? Go now! Follow that bird! Let us hope that it can lead you away from your dark inheritance, that deep boon which you must bear, and back to your darling and thus the light!"**

* * *

Meanwhile, Shanoa was finding that traveling with Juste Belmont wasn't all that unpleasant after all. Despite his oddities, the beautiful Belmont seemed quite attuned to the castle, anticipating every turn and each randomly placed monster. She assumed that his natural vivid azure glow had something to do with it, but she couldn't help but shake the feeling that Juste knew _more_ about the castle than he should.

However, when she had inquired about this very fact, he had simply turned to face her, his glamorous white tresses fanning beautifully behind him, framing his pale face perfectly, and said, "Don't you?"

"No," Shanoa replied, reluctantly putting away her cell phone as they entered a more hazardous area of the underground, filled with cascading waterfalls, deep pits, and the occasional row of deadly spikes. "Though I am grateful you know the castle this well, you seem to know the locations of every secret room, all the hidden treasures, and each save point."

A bone ark passed by them, the relaxing bone pillars on top turning their way and nodding to them nonchalantly.

"I like… to explore…" Juste finally offered in a droning monotone voice as he turned back to his task, mumbling something about "200% map completion."

Shanoa was about to point out that impossibility when a figure caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. It was a man with whom she was all too familiarly acquainted. At least, she thought it was, but he had jumped, dashing away far too quickly for her to completely identify him.

The woman gazed shrewdly at the lit entryway in the distance, her feet already carrying her quickly to where she had seen the phantom silhouette.

Juste paused in his search, following her with wraith-like silence. His words alone alerted her to his presence behind her. "The boss... is this way."

"That's fine. I have to know if it's him," Shanoa said, thinking of the one man that had truly impacted her life the most. For years, she had lived on, thinking him dead, but she had forgotten that the typical rules of physics and logic seldom applied to Castlevania.

Hastily, she ran through the twisting passageway, thankful for the meager torch-lights which faintly lit the coarse stone, casting eerie shadows along the way. Unfazed by the spooky surroundings, Shanoa continued in her pursuit, finding it odd that the passage could go on for so long in one direction.

"Just ahead…. Boss…" Juste reminded her cryptically.

"Yes,_ yes_, I _know that!_" Shanoa growled back, irritated that she was so close and yet so far from the truth.

Though she did not say anything out-loud, Shanoa prayed inwardly to whatever deities were out there that their encounter would not be like her last with Albus.

Finally, the corridor ended. The duo found themselves face to face with a giant demonic boss door, the crimson skull pattern etched formidably into the large ebony door.

The door was already open.

Wasting no time, they walked smoothly inside. Shanoa froze, doing a double take as they entered the room.

They were standing in the local Starbucks where she worked. Everything from the smell of coffee lingering in the air to the perfectly placed rows of merchandise on the walls was exactly the same. Ghostly patrons sat at the tables, sipping their various beverages and snacking upon small cakes and crumpets, enjoying their time and company.

Shanoa glanced hesitantly at Juste. The Belmont merely stared at an oddly placed lounge-chair in the corner with a frown.

Gazing around the chic-styled interior, the woman shrewdly assessed the posh leather chairs, the stained-glass covered lights, and the yuppie consumers that filled the room. Her eyes drifted from patron to patron as they walked through the room until they finally reached the counter. She regarded the barista with the utmost seriousness. "Hello Albus."

The man behind the counter had wild brown hair, a loose-fitting white shirt beneath a detailed leather vest, and a rather plain looking pair of grey pants. His left hand twitched nervously, fingering a gun that rested in its holster at his side. His sea-blue eyes darted furtively back and forth through widely dilated pupils, and he licked his chapped lips a few times before replying. "Yes!"

Shanoa had always suspected that she had bad luck. But she had stayed positive when the other grade school kids had overlooked her on their teams, when she never won the "everyone is a winner" games at the carnival, and even when that time portal had opened beneath her feet a few months ago. She had stayed upbeat as she found a job at Starbucks, quickly learning the ways of this futuristic time period, as she suffered several losses of her precious ebay items, and even when Soma had recently "accidentally" walked in on her showering.

It was a miracle Soma's hair survived the flames.

Now, she was suspecting that her run of poor luck was more than just a coincidence. Not only had her partner Juste abandoned her yet again to move around the furniture, fate had also decided to lay this cruel card before her. And, worst of all, one of her ebay bids (that she was currently losing) was close to being up.

However, some things were more important than that delightful purse she wanted.

"Albus, you promised me you would stay clean," she said, her low voice sounding demanding even to herself.

The man jumped, sniffing the air quickly a few times and drumming his fingers along the countertop. His eyes widened to the point where Shanoa feared his orbits would pop out. "No I didn't. You did. You're out to get me. They all are! AAA!" With a small shriek, he skirted away from her, down to the end of the counter.

Juste paused in the middle of dragging the lounge-chair across the room. "…caffeine?"

"Worse," Shanoa sighed, placing her hands on the countertop and vaulting easily over. Calmly, she walked up to her former comrade. "Albus, why are you here?"

"Can't tell you. He'll get me. Vampire with the scary—AAA!" he shrieked, dancing quickly away as Shanoa approached him. "You stay there— _stay there!_ You're one of them!"

"One of who?" Shanoa asked, sensing that something terrible was about to happen. If she knew her luck, then things were about to change very soon.

She was right.

"Just like them. Those vampire twins. You're here to take it too!" Albus's eyes filled with a sudden rage, and he pulled the gun swiftly from his side, aiming it directly at Shanoa's forehead. "_I won't let you!_"

Shanoa activated her magnus glyph, pulling herself up to a metallic light fixture just in time to avoid the bullet. A ghostly couple nearby glanced over, frowning at the interruption.

Clinging to the fashionable dangling lamp, she grimaced. Despite certainly being under the influence of narcotics, Albus's reflexes were as quick as ever. "Please, don't do this! I do not wish to fight you."

Unfortunately, her former comrade seemed a little too far gone to hear her words. "It's mine!" Kneeling down, he jumped forcefully into the air, reaching where Shanoa clung to the ceiling.

Shanoa flipped backwards, narrowly avoiding a powerful kick to the side, and landed atop the spotless counter. A cold, hard look fixed itself across her face. "I see you will not listen to reason. Very well, it seems I shall have to use force to pacify you first…"

"I'd like to see you try!" Albus grinned, teleporting instantly behind her.

Recalling this move from before, the woman elbowed him in the gut, then activated her Sinestro Custos glyph. A large fiendish Cerberus head materialized between them, lunging at Albus and throwing him into the refrigerated glass casing.

The man fell through the glass, uttering a guttural "ugh!" as the glass rained down around him. As the Cerberus head approached him again, he quickly grabbed a handful of frosted pumpkin bread slices, throwing them into the hell-hound's mouth.

The Cerberus head snapped up the sweetened bread happily and disappeared.

Shanoa knew she should have fed it better, but she did not allow herself to dwell on this unfortunate incident. She had already slid quickly behind the serving counter, opened the refrigerator, and procured two cans of whipped cream.

Albus was already on his feet, jumping high into the air again, this time with several Torpor crystals in hand. At least, Shanoa _thought_ they were Torpor crystals. Regardless of their nature, she steadied her hand, holding both cans of whipped cream up in the air, and sprayed them at full force.

The whipped cream froze instantly upon contacting the crystals, exploding with brilliant light blue icicles as the crystals affixed themselves to the whipped cream. The whipped-cream-icicle-bombs flew up into the air, propelled forward by the pressurized metal canisters, straight for Albus.

Not about to be bested by his own attack, Albus backdashed in the air, landing atop one of the tables in the center of the establishment.

The two ghostly patrons sitting at the table scoffed, picking up their laptops and moving to another table.

Throwing the emptied canisters to the floor, Shanoa rolled out of the way of the falling ice-bombs and glanced quickly in her partner's direction. "Juste! A little help might be nice…!"

The Belmont was more than halfway across the room with his chair. He paused momentarily and glanced up, "yes."

"Yes… he says _yes…_ ugh, why must my luck be so—" the woman grumbled, but quickly stopped as a charge of electricity flew past her. The bitter smell of her own burnt hair hit her nose, making her realize just how close of a call that one was.

"Tisk tisk, Shanoa!" Albus jeered, aiming his gun again in her direction. "Take this seriously… or die!"

Realizing that she had to move, Shanoa activated her Rapidus Fio glyph, dashing quickly over the counter and to the walls, narrowly avoiding a barrage of bullets. As she passed by the walls of merchandise, the pressurized shockwaves created from her speed slammed into the microwave-and-dishwasher-safe mugs, exploding the vessels. Shanoa winced, knowing that if this were her store she would have hell to pay for that.

A few more disgruntled ghost patrons indignantly brushed the powdery debris off themselves and calmly walked away.

Reaching quickly over, Shanoa grabbed a couple cups of scalding hot coffee from the last remaining ghostly customers' table.

"That won't help you! _Nothing_ can help you now!" Albus roared.

As she suspected, Albus teleported right behind her again. This time, she threw the cups of coffee behind her, and as Albus dodged the burning hot liquid, she caught him by his fancy vest and threw him to the ground.

Albus hit the ground with a grunt, but he already had his single barreled Agartha out again. "You'll never win…. I have _infinite_ _mind points!_"

Alarmed, Shanoa activated her Volaticus glyph. Brilliant violet wings appeared at her back, lifting her away from the first of the volley of magical rapid-fire bullets. As she flew around the room, Shanoa noticed that, indeed, Albus's threat seemed real. Bullets littered the ceiling in more places than not, and all but one glass lamp had fallen to the floor.

But what could possibly be giving Albus this endless reserve of mental energy? What was causing him to be so wired?

Then, Shanoa realized the obvious answer. "God damn it. Why can't he just stay _clean_?"

Quickly, Shanoa looked to the extremely pale Belmont, ordering him, "Juste, if you have a purification spell, I need you to use it!"

Juste calmly finished pushing the brown leather lounge-chair across the room. "Ok."

Then, she threw her hands in front of her, activating her Globus glyph and summoning a multitude of glowing magenta spheres which quickly filled the room, making it impossible to see anything.

Meanwhile, Albus's eyes widened, trying frantically to focus on one sphere or another. "No… no! They're everywhere… _everywhere!_"

Suddenly, a beautiful fairy dressed completely in white appeared. Her robes and long purple hair flowed behind her, and with a coy smile, she emptied a teal container across the room. Light blue sparkles drifted soothingly around the room as the globi faded away.

Shanoa eyed the mystical being, finding it impossible not to feel calmed merely by her presence. The summoned angel smiled, waved, and faded away.

Juste, who had for some reason been suspended awkwardly in the air, slowly lowered back to the floor, placing a black book back in the folds of his long red jacket. "Purified…" he murmured, glancing first at Shanoa, and then at Albus.

Realizing that Albus was laying in the middle of the floor, Shanoa drew in a short breath, running to him and kneeling quickly at his side. "Albus!"

The man grimaced up at her, a look of horrific pain crossing his face. "Shanoa… you…"

"I am terribly sorry… I never meant to—" she began.

"…ruined the… best high… of my life…" Albus grunted, uttered two more words, and passed out on the floor. "fucking bitch…"

"Go to hell," Shanoa stated calmly.

Realizing that Albus was back to normal, Shanoa stood up and turned instead to the Belmont. "Thank you, Juste. You brought him back to himself. I was skeptical of you, but now I see that you have your value."

Juste nodded silently in response.

"I knew you would make an excellent team."

Both Shanoa and Juste turned to the entrance, watching calmly as Simon Belmont strode through the open door. "You are the first to defeat a guardian of the castle, without Dracula and his pesky crew sticking their noses into things."

"What is that supposed to mean?" the woman asked, watching as Simon walked into the room and knelt beside the passed-out Albus. "What exactly _are_ you planning?"

"Time will tell, dearest," the elder Belmont responded, laying a hand on Albus's chest. Moments later, a soft, glowing white light radiated from his body, fading quickly away.

In Simon Belmont's hand a small, yet ornate, platinum key was left behind. "I should have known Dracula would literally make a _key_ to his power sources…"

"What are you talking about? And what have you done to Albus?" Shanoa demanded.

"I have simply removed the key that fiend of the night Dracula placed in his body," Simon said, walking confidently to a large dark portal that had just revealed itself behind the counter.

Juste followed silently behind Simon and did not question when his grandfather placed the key in his hands. "The key…?"

"Yes, there are other things which I must attend to," Simon explained. "Beyond this portal lays one of the power-sources Dracula is using to fuel Castlevania. Use the key on it, and leave this section of the castle as quickly as you can."

"You are not coming along?" Shanoa asked.

"No, I trust that you two can handle things," the elder Belmont said in a very reassuring way. He watched as the two silently walked into the portal before pulling out a peculiar device, pressing a few buttons, and disappearing.

* * *

Elsewhere, through the first mysterious portal, Alucard, Soma, Dracula, Joachim, Leon, Sara, Isaac, and Hector found themselves in a strangely flat and neon land. The floors, ceilings, walls, and even candelabras were paper thin, radiating vivid hues.

An impossibly thin purple and black bat flew past them.

Soma Cruz looked from the bat to the bright orange floor to Alucard. "…the _fuck?_"

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes**

**1 – Thanks, reviewers**! I apologize for the wait on this chapter. Life's been a bitch. It happens.

2 – It's been my privilege to play Castlevania: Harmony of Despair with some of you online. Email me if any of you are interested, and we'll party up sometime. ;)

3 – Dracula wasn't in this chapter either, and he feels bitchy about it. He wants you to know that.

4 – Congrats to everyone who answered the Chapter 12 Trivia correctly!

**Chapter Trivia 12:** Renuarb, SunLord89, Jotepaine, Willowfur, Nisteriuscide, Heavenschoir, ShinnYagami, PuddinPandaLover, and Selfish Vampire Mint!

**Bonus Trivia 12:** Renuarb, SunLord89, Jotepaine, Nisteriuscide, and Selfish Vampire Mint!

**Title Trivia 12:** Renuarb, Jotepaine, Willowfur, PointOfNoReturn76, ShinnYagami, Nisteriuscide, and Selfish Vampire Mint!

**Chapter Trivia #12 Answer:**_ Who is Jonathan's dad, and what game does he come from?_ Jonathan's dad is John Morris. He and Eric Lecarde are the main characters in Castlevania: Bloodlines.

**Bonus Trivia #12 Answer:**_ Why is it ironic that there is a glitched spot in the chapter featuring Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin characters?_ Most Castlevania games have a glitch or two here and there, but Portrait of Ruin takes the cake. I challenge you to get through that game without glitching _something_…

**Title Trivia #12 Answer:**_ From where is the title, "I may not have the whip's power, but I can still kick your ass!"_ Our charismatic hero Jonathan says this line after he defeats Death in Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin.

**Chapter Trivia #13:** _Albus appeared in this chapter. Which Castlevania game is he from?_

**Bonus Trivia #13:** _In this chapter, Juste uses a special attack. How do you perform this attack?_

**Title Trivia #13:** _From where is the title "Go to Hell"? (Two possible answers!)_


	14. Changing Countries From Good To Bad

**Chapter 14: Changing Countries From Good To Bad**

* * *

Leon stood next to the castle wall, fondly admiring the brilliant fluorescent hues of the bricks and stones. Even the monsters seemed to give off a lovably vivid glow.

Meanwhile, Soma was confused. "Everything's flat…"

"Whatever do you mean?" Leon asked, his eyes still fixed to the hypnotic neon orange block.

"I mean… look at this," Soma frowned, grabbing a bat and holding it up to the light between two fingers. The little creature squeaked in indignant outrage as the youth wiggled it back and forth. "It's more fucking anorexic thin than Mina."

"Yeah, so?" Joachim sighed, prying the Belmont from where he was stuck marveling at another brightly colored block. "Really, have neither of you _ever_ seen a retro-game?"

"I don't play games. I am not a gamer," Leon replied.

Dracula gazed at this old comrade piteously.

"But if I _did_, I am certain it would not look like this," the Belmont mused. "I'm sure everything would have three dimensions…"

"Hey Allie, aren't these things bad for you?" Soma asked, poking one of the bright orange blocks cautiously. "_Radioacting_ or something?"

"Radioactive?" Alucard scoffed, pulling Hector away from the edge of a platform that overlooked a bottomless pit. "Hardly. Father was simply into his 'neon phase' at this time..." Accusingly, the dhampire turned his calm grey eyes to Dracula. "…weren't you?"

The lord of the night faltered for a moment, before finally admitting, "Yes."

Leon was confused. He had the feeling something important just happened, but he couldn't place what it was.

Sara rolled her eyes at her betrothed's stupid expression and growled, "God-fucking-_damnit_ Leon! You really are an imbecile."

Soma didn't get it either, but he wasn't about to admit it.

"We have traveled _back in time_," Alucard finally explained, pausing stoically while the nonexistent wind blew his magnificent tresses and capes. Sara was unaffected by his beauty. "The portal seems to have lead back to a much earlier era. This particular layout of the castle appears familiar to me… 1476, perhaps?"

"Wasn't that the year Trevor destroyed the castle, along with his comrades: Grant, Sypha, and…you?" Leon asked the dhampire.

"Ugh, don't remind me," Dracula scowled.

Alucard turned to the Belmont quickly, "it was. And since the castle is still standing, we would do well to hide ourselves as best as possible. I am no expert in the ways of time paradoxes, but I do think it would be unwise if I were to meet my former self… or if any of us were to even interact with any of the people from the past."

"But why?" Leon asked.

Joachim slapped Leon upside the head.

"That didn't help," the Belmont frowned.

"It could rewrite history," Isaac stated with an awesome sense of finality, plucking a live grenade from Hector's hands and throwing into a pit. A few seconds later, a dull booming sound echoed through the room.

For a moment, nobody questioned Isaac's statement. Then, Soma raised an eyebrow. "Hey… wait a sec…. where did that grenade come from?"

A moment later, Jonathan jumped down from the rafters above and landed beside Leon. "Aha!"

Immediately, the Belmont tensed, pulling out two daggers and holding them to Jonathan's neck instinctively.

"Woah woah woah… _relax,_ Bellsy. It's just me, your old pal…" Jonathan gently pushed the daggers away so that he could spin around and pose. "…Jonny Crossbones!"

"Bellsy…" Leon chewed his lip, putting the knives away as he mulled over the name. Who was Jonathan talking about?

"Jonny _what?_" Joachim frowned, regretting coming to Castlevania with them more and more. Why didn't he just stay home tonight and watch reruns of _Glee_ like he had planned? Why?

"You know, me, I'm your rock-n-roll skeleton friend!" Jonathan grinned, snapping his fingers. "I may not know much, but I _love_ to _rock_ and _chew bubblegum!_"

To accent his point, Jonathan blew a large pink bubble and popped it, giving them a thumbs up afterward.

Silence filled the room.

Eventually, Soma asked, "….the fuck?"

"He thinks he's a skeleton," Charlotte's voice drifted in from somewhere nearby.

"I'm a _rock-n-roll_ skeleton," Jonathan corrected her.

"Yes, whatever," the girl sighed back.

"Charlotte, is that you?" Leon asked, calling out to the large room loudly.

"Yes. I'm sorry, but I can't show myself," the girl explained apologetically. "If I do, Jonathan will go crazy again."

"And that is different from now, how?" Dracula asked, observing as Jonathan bust into an air-guitar rift, a suspiciously familiar looking Shovel in hand.

"Oh, trust me, it's worse," Charlotte's voice conveyed her exasperation clearly.

Before anyone had a chance to do anything else, the unmistakable sound of tromping boots reached their ears. As one, they scattered, ducking into various nooks and crannies of the castle. Dracula, Alucard, Soma, and Joachim transformed into bats, fluttering into the cobweb-filled corners of the ceiling. Isaac pulled Hector behind a massive stone pillar, and Leon ducked behind another one with Sara in tow.

Jonathan continued to air guitar in the middle of the hallway.

"Jonathan! You've gotta get out of there!" Charlotte hissed at him.

"_Who_ are you talkin' to?" Jonathan grinned then blew another large bubble with his saccharine gum.

"Ugh, fine, _Jonny Crossbones_, move out of the way!" the magician girl whispered frantically, clearly panicked as the footsteps drew nearer.

Jonathan snapped his fingers, pointing in a random direction as he sauntered off to another room. "You got it, babe."

The wannabe skeleton disappeared just as the wooden door to the room burst open, revealing an equally bizarre group of people. A perplexed Soma fluttered closer to Alucard, whacking the black bat with his white wing.

The disgruntled dhampire gave the colorless bat a disapproving glare and softly squeaked, _"What?"_

"_Why are those people so skinny?"_ Soma squeaked back.

"_I would imagine this world's lack of a third dimension has affected them as well,"_ Alucard surmised.

Soma the bat stared at Alucard with incomprehension.

The tiny black bat sighed, regretting bringing the youth along again. However, his desire to educate Soma overcame his feelings of disgruntlement, and he began to quietly explain, "_They are skinny because everything else in this world is."_

"_Ohhhh…." _The white bat sigh-squeaked with understanding. _"So who are those people, Allie?"_

"_The one wearing all the fur and wielding the Vampire Killer is Trevor Belmont, one of Leon's descendants. You know what they do."_

Soma winced, shaking off the memory of Leon's divine whip-lashes from when they had fought not too long ago. "_Yeah, I remember… who's the one dressed like a pirate?_"

"_That would be Grant. Apparently, father killed his family, and he is currently seeking revenge,_" Alucard continued his explanation.

"_His family was so annoying. I challenge any of you to live with them and not do the same,_" Dracula growled beside them in what came out as a high pitched little shriek.

"_Who's the guy in the tacky blue robe?_" Joachim asked, finding his movements perplexing. "_Doesn't he know that robes of that fashion were __**never**__ in style?_"

"_**He**__ is actually a __**she**__,_" Alucard corrected the vampire, peering carefully at the woman wearing the flowing blue robes. "_Her name is Sypha. After Trevor freed her from the magical imprisonment of a spell, she followed him. Apparently she has 'sacred gifts,' though I have yet to see them._"

"_Yeah whatever, she's totally butch,_" Soma decided, then indicated to the last person. "_Who's that guy?_"

"_That's Adrian!_" Dracula answered proudly.

Alucard knew it was coming.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

"…_the FUCK?_" Soma screeched.

Ah, there it was.

"_Allie, that guy doesn't look __**anything**__ like you!_" The boy complained.

"_I was very young for a dhampire,_" Alucard explained with slight embarrassment. "_I had yet to fully reach the extent of my capabilities._"

"_So what, you hadn't hit puberty yet?_" Joachim grinned impishly. To the average observer, the purple bat looked the same.

"_Adrian knew the form of the bat already! And hellfire!_" Dracula huffed then turned his eyes regretfully to his son. "_And he would have known so much more if he hadn't insisted on sleeping away his time in that cave… why did you do that, Adrian?_"

"_I missed mother… and you never played with me. All you ever did was go on murderous rampages_," Alucard pointed out, huffing at the youthful memory and looking determinedly away from his father like a spoiled prince.

"_Grant's family was annoying..._ " Dracula began to explain, when he was quickly swatted by a purple bat-wing.

"_Sssh! Alucard's looking this way!_" Joachim hissed.

"_No he's not,_" the lord of the night countered, glancing at his peacefully hanging son.

"_THAT Alucard!_" the vampire squeaked, pointing with his violet wing to the tall dhampire with short black hair on the ground below.

Indeed, his reddened eyes were fixed on the four bats. Ominously, he opened his cape.

"_He's going to use hellfire!_" Alucard screeched. "_Fly away!_"

Leon watched as the multicolored bats scattered and flew away, just as young Alucard silently opened his cape, sending a neon orange circle at them. The reddish-orange circle collided with the ceiling and disappeared.

That was a close one. The Belmont sighed in relief, seeing that his friends were safe.

It did not take long for the four paper-thin people to scuttle across the room and through the door on the other side.

"Should we follow them?" Charlotte asked from her undisclosed location.

"I think we should leave," Leon said carefully. "The sooner the better, really."

"I wonder if the power-source is still intact?" Dracula questioned randomly, murmuring this bit of information to himself as he reappeared in the center of the room with a frown. "I should check…"

"Power source?" Alucard asked, arching a wary eyebrow as he returned to his human form beside his father.

"Never mind that," the lord of the night glanced around suspiciously and waved for the rest to come out of their hiding places. "Come along, we should make haste to the exit portal."

With that, Dracula began following the paper-thin crew.

"Uhh… Drac, isn't the portal out, _that_ way?" Soma asked, pointing back the way they came.

"No, the portal _in_ is that way," the lord of the night explained.

"….the fuck?" Soma murmured, earning himself a glare from Alucard.

"Say that enough and it will be the only thing you can say," the dhampire cautioned crossly.

"The portal out's attached to the power source," Isaac answered everyone's unspoken question, pulling Hector along with him into the hallway. With a slight jerk of his head, he beaconed the rest forward. "This way."

For some reason, nobody felt like arguing with Isaac, who was dutifully pulling Hector along by the red sash tied around the frail warrior's torso.

Before they walked through the door into the next room, Alucard casually turned to Dracula, "Father, when you said _power source_, I hope you didn't mean…"

"Aaaiiieeee!" Hector screamed from the other room, catching everyone's attention with his shrill voice.

When he entered the room, Soma was only mildly surprised to see Hector dangling off the edge of a platform, suspended only by the red fabric tied around his waist. With one mighty tug, Isaac pulled Hector up like a ragdoll, causing him to fly into the air and hit the ground with a loud smack. Soma cringed.

"How unusual…" Charlotte's voice drifted in from off-screen.

"No, it really isn't. The fucking dipshit tries to kill himself every page or so," Sara proclaimed grumpily while glaring at the pathetically writhing man.

"I don't think that's what Charlotte was talking about," Leon said, peering over the landing that Hector had fallen from. "Come take a look at this."

"Stairs?" Soma gaped, glad that he hadn't been the first one through the door. "Allie, how'd he _fall through the_ _fucking_ _stairs?_"

Alucard sighed, remembering this room all too well. "This castle is not all it seems. We must make haste up these stairs quickly, if my memory serves me correctly, we haven't a moment to lose."

Just as those words left the dhampire's mouth, a loud crashing sound echoed ominously through the room from the floor below. "See you at the top," Joachim smirked, drifting up the staircase. However, just as he reached the mid-point of the flight of stairs, he suddenly found himself unable to go up any higher. "_What the hell?_"

"Adrian is correct. This room has a very peculiar magical charm. We would all do well to move up," Dracula murmured, following Joachim up the stairs. "The floor below us will disappear while the floor above us appears. You can't go any higher than the screen allows."

"Screen?" Joachim narrowed his eyes, pushing with all his might at the invisible barrier in front of him.

Not about to be left behind, Soma started to run towards the stairs too. Alucard caught his hand just as he fell through the staircase. "…the fuuuuuuuuuuuuck?"

Pulling the startled pale haired youth to safety, Alucard set him on his feet. "These stairs must be climbed in a very particular manner. If you don't press up, then you will fall through them."

For a moment, all remained silent. Then, the loud crashing sound from before rang through the room again, calling their attention.

"Woah woah woah… you're talkin' too technical for ol' Jonny," Jonathan said, sauntering up to the stairs. "Whatdya mean, 'press up?'"

"Observe," Alucard said. A moment later, he shifted his weight to his other foot, threw his shoulders and cape back, and stood stoically still for a moment. His hair waved gently around his manga-cool stance. A few seconds later, he shifted back. "That is how it is done."

"But all you did was _pose_ for a couple seconds!" Soma complained.

"Correct. If you press up normally, you will pose dramatically; however, if you are close enough to a staircase…" the dhampire trailed off, walking until he was so close to the stairs that the tip of his left boot was hanging over the edge of the floor. Then, he started to pose, but instead began to ascend the staircase. "…you will climb up."

Leon nodded, "Ok!" Without hesitation, he walked up to the stairs, began to raise his whip, and instead climbed the stairs. Moments later, Jonathan reached up to flick his hair nonchalantly, Sara began to grow wings, Isaac started to raise a meaty fist, and Hector tried to shrink into a ball of shame. All four ended up climbing the stairs instead of finishing their actions.

Soma alone remained at the base of the stairs. "This is… this is fucking stupid. It's… it's just _retarded_…"

Knowing what that meant, Alucard descended the staircase again with concern, "You never learned a dramatic pose?"

"I have _lots _of cool poses!" Soma growled back angrily, showing the dhampire a few of them, most involving flicking his middle finger in various directions.

"It looks like they're just not cool enough," Joachim scoffed, finding that he could hover a few steps higher as the loud crashing sound filled the room again. "You obviously know nothing about drama."

"Then maybe you could help him?" Leon suggested hopefully. "You watch all of those dramatic TV shows and movies!"

"You do watch an abnormally large quantity of chick-flicks," Alucard noted. "Think, Joachim, what is something a character such as Soma would do for a dramatic pose?"

For a moment, the vampire assessed Soma critically, folding his arms and listening to the floor crash once again. Soma, sensing the empty void just below his feet, began to panic. "Hurry the fuck up, Joachim!"

"Shut up! Don't spoil my concentration!" Joachim growled back. "Hmm… it's not perfect, because he's so wretched and deprived looking, but… Soma, shift your weight to your right leg, throw your head back, and touch that pendant hanging around your neck."

"…the fu—" Soma began.

"Just do it!" the vampire shrieked at him.

Feeling incredibly self-conscious, Soma did as instructed, shifting to his right side, tossing his fluffy silver hair back behind him, and reaching for the amethyst pendant Mina had given him.

At least, he _tried_ to do these things; however, before he could accomplish any of them, he suddenly found himself walking up the staircase. A few seconds later, the crashing echoed through the room again, and the floor that he had just been standing on disappeared into the void.

"That was far too close for comfort," Leon shook his head, urging everyone as high up the staircase as they could go before they ran into the invisible barrier half-way up the staircase. "Let's stick close together and make certain everyone makes it through."

The floor crashed again, consuming the bottom part of the staircase and allowing them to travel up a few more stairs. Gleefully, Joachim glided ahead of the group up to the landing.

Suddenly a skeleton materialized out of thin air and ran into Joachim.

"Eeeyyaa!" The vampire cried, flying backwards far more than he thought a skeleton should have been able to knock him.

Leon caught his old comrade by his tailcoat, pulling him back to the staircase. "Careful, friend, I fear that this room may be…"

"_Cheap as hell_," Joachim scowled, mentally sending his favorite five blades forth to demolish the skeleton that had dared to appear before him. "Drac, _why did you build this godawful room?_"

"I was certain its unique qualities would finish Trevor off before I had to bother with the dreadful task," Dracula explained, double-jumping to the next platform when the room crashed again. As he began to open his cape dramatically, the vampire instead ascended the next staircase.

The others followed suit behind him, and Soma growled, "Newsflash, Trevor's up there," the youth growled, glancing up to where the paper-thin crew was indeed several stories above them. "_We're_ fucking trapped down here!"

"No, soon we will be up there too," the lord of the night pointed out.

He was right. They bravely faced the hazards of randomly placed platforms and spontaneously appearing enemies, all the while barely avoiding the terrible void that threatened to devour them just below their feet. It was not long before they reached the top of the stairs.

Eager to be out of the room, Soma ran to the nearest door. "About fucking time!"

"I do not recall that doorway existing in the past…" Alucard murmured cryptically.

"Just built the power source there last week," Isaac said, pulling Hector away from the menacing void below.

"I don't care what's behind that door, it's gotta be better than this!" Soma cried, throwing open the wooden door and plunging into the next room.

Soma Cruz fell through the stairs.

A small, enraged bat-squeak filled the air as a white bat flew back to the platform, landed, turned back into human-form Soma, and punched Dracula.

"Careful!" Dracula bellowed, rubbing his arm tenderly. "I have sensitive skin."

The stone chamber crashed one final time, enough encouragement for all of them to whisk into the next room, each posing dramatically and climbing the initial set of stairs. Leon had to marvel at the design as he looked up. Interlocking staircases spiraled all around them, filling the entire tower. Coincidentally, this tower looked far more modern than the rest of the castle.

"**Confused though you are by this troubling world, you must not give up hope! The two dimensional world is not a challenge for the faint of heart. Its toils are great, but you must see your way through them all! Only then will you reach the exit, the first step on your journey home. Your journey to triumph!"**

Suddenly, Soma whooped with joy. "Omg, I won!"

Nine pairs of eyes fell on him critically.

"The ebay item I was bidding on? Duh?" Soma explained matter-of-factly. "I can't believe it. This is the first one _that person_ hasn't outbid me on…"

"Hey Bellsy," Jonathan commented as they climbed. "We still hiding from those paper guys?"

"I think so… why?" The Belmont responded in earnest.

"Because they're staring at us," Jonathan answered, pointing up just a few staircases above them.

Indeed, the 2D Trevor, Sypha, Grant, and Alucard stared back with skeptical brightly colored eyes.

"Mathias, should we follow them?" Leon asked.

"It's Dracula," the lord of the night sighed reluctantly. "And yes, we have to. The exit portal is that way."

"If you're so good at making time portals, why don't you just make one right here?" Joachim asked snidely, tired and bored with the endless staircases.

"Yes, please send us back to our time!" Charlotte pleaded from off-screen.

"Oh no, you don't!" Sara growled, slapping Dracula's hand as he began to raise it, causing the lord of the night to wince and pout. "Not until after the wedding."

Before anyone had a chance to react, an impossibly thin axe spun down from above, falling just barely between Isaac and Hector. As another one flew toward them, Hector tried to walk into it. Isaac quickly batted it away with a swipe of his meaty fist. "They're attacking. We might want to attack back."

"Couldn't we try to reason with them instead?" Leon asked doubtfully, maneuvering around an axe as it fell right in front of him. "Attacking might cause problems with time and history. I don't want to cause problems."

"Such a fucking pussy, like we have a goddamned _choice?_" Sara scowled, marching up to where Sypha was raising her wand mysteriously and delivering a solid punch.

However, just before she made contact, Sypha launched her ice attack, hitting nothing, and began climbing the stairs. And walking through the wall.

"_Get back here you fucking cunt!_" Sara screeched, summoning her wings, which were now a stormy grey color. Determinedly, she flew after the blue robed woman who was now apparently climbing up nothing to the floor above.

Cautiously, the group watched Grant as he shifted, then sprung to the ceiling, clinging upside down on the stone roof. Slowly, he crawled to the right. A few seconds later, he crawled to the left.

The paper-thin Alucard glared at them menacingly from the stairs but did nothing.

Trevor alone continued to bombard them with axes.

"Not that I care, but why the fuck isn't the other you attacking?" Soma asked, looking at the modern day Alucard expectantly.

Alucard turned aside harshly. "I… didn't know how to attack on the stairs back then."

The group managed to ascend the staircase, while Trevor continued to throw axes at them. The other three continued to do nothing.

Finally, they reached the top, and everyone surrounded Trevor (aside from Sara, who was still chasing a climbing Sypha.)

Leon came forward first. "Trevor, it is I, Leon, your ancestor."

Trevor stared back at him blankly.

"I know this is complicated, but all of the people around you are good. Even Dracula… _this Dracula_… is good," Leon continued.

Trevor continued to stare back at him blankly.

"We will not harm you, or your companions," Leon said. Then, remembering Sara, he looked up at where she was still furiously flying after Sypha. "Honey, could you please stop attacking them?"

Sara, who was finding it impossible to follow Sypha through the ceiling, cried out a string of expletives in fury and eventually descended back down to the ground. "_Goddamned fucking bitch-ass cunt! Leon, I swear this is __**your**__ fucking fault you shit-nosed asswipe!_" Eventually, she flew back down and landed calmly beside Leon.

Trevor, once again, stared at them blankly. Then he threw another axe.

The axe arched high in the air, spinning dramatically, and came crashing down on a cup of coffee nobody seemed to realize Joachim had. Even me. And you.

The vampire shrieked as the hot liquid fell to the ground. "How _could_ you?" He bellowed, instinctively sending his favorite five blades at Trevor.

The 2D man grunted almost inaudibly as the first four hit him, and as the fifth blade struck him, he fell to the ground in a pile.

"Trevor!" Leon cried, falling to his knees beside his poor descendant with a healing potion in hand already.

Meanwhile, Soma glanced skeptically at Alucard. "Five hits? Really? That's all he can handle? You guys pummeled the shit out of me the other week."

"You deserved it," the dhampire replied with the utmost certainty.

Suddenly, something none of them expected happened. Simon Belmont swung in from above on a rope, landing beside the fallen Trevor.

"You!" Soma scowled, "you fucking drugged us!"

Simon arched an eyebrow at him with a cocky grin. "You deserved it."

Nobody could argue with that one.

"How did you get up here without us seeing you?" Charlotte asked from afar.

"I simply went an alternate route, my dear," Simon answered as he knelt beside Trevor, placing his hand on his body. Moments later a glowing 3D key emerged from his 2D body.

"Hey Bells, what's goin' on?" Jonathan folded his arms across his chest and demanded.

Simon looked up at Dracula with cunning, ready to explain what was going on to everyone. "Though your guardians were Stella and Loretta, the vampire twins, you hid the key to this power source within the very world. Clever. It would have been even cleverer if I didn't figure it out."

"How dare you!" Enraged, Dracula sent a slow-moving dark inferno at him. Simon jumped out of the way, letting it continue traveling slowly across the way to where Isaac stood. The red haired former devil-forger wafted it away lazily.

With a loud "Wshr!" sound effect, Simon double jumped high in the air over Dracula. A sinister grin played on his lips as he threw a well placed cross, breaking off the lord of the night's tiny pinky fingernail. Expertly, he did two back-flips, retrieving the fallen fingernail, and landed in front of a peculiar machine that certainly did not look like it belonged to the era.

"No!" Dracula roared, though he knew it would have no effect on the decisions of that bastard.

It didn't. Simon, without so much as a glance backward, shoved the key into what looked like a lock on the device. Immediately, a blinding light filled the room, and a pulsing wave of energy passed through each of them, leaving behind a tingling sensation akin to static electricity. Then, a well-crafted portal appeared.

"I would suggest that you all exit now… while you have the chance," Simon advised, then jumped through.

"I'm outta here," Soma declared and ran through the portal, eager to be out of this awful world. As the room threatened to crash around them again, the rest decided to follow his lead.

They emerged in Stella and Loretta's boss room.

Dracula fretted, pacing quickly back and forth with an agitated and worried expression on his face. "Simon Belmont… of all the Belmonts…. _Simon Belmont!_"

"He knocked us out, but he's not that bad," Isaac commented.

"Not that bad?" the lord of the night roared. "He just took out one of my power-sources, and he stole my fingernail on top of that!"

Dracula observed the missing nail with a frown. "Leon, your descendant has peculiar habits."

"Yeah, that's kind of gay," Soma said, then turned to Alucard. "Hey Allie, why did Simon do that?"

"It may be because…" the dhampire began to explain.

Suddenly, the room shook violently around them. "hey bro, what's happenin' to your pad?" Jonathan asked, eyeing Dracula expectantly.

"I am not certain, but I have a feeling we should leave this wing of the castle immediately," Alucard answered cryptically for him.

They ran through the hallways of Castlevania in a group. Frightened monsters leapt, shuffled, and flew after them, none to pleased with the rumbling.

Suddenly, they heard the unmistakable sound the castle collapsing behind them.

Even more determined than before, they picked up speed until they reached the central atrium in the castle. Filled with plants, the room spiraled upward to a glass ceiling that offered a beautiful view of the sky, and several were tempted to fly away to safety, but the rumbling ceased just behind them.

Stones filled the doorway to the atrium from the East wing of the castle, barricading the collapsed section of the castle from them forever.

Dracula should have known it would happen, especially with this many Belmonts in his castle. Now, there was absolutely no denying that he would be forced to rebuild the castle once again by the end of the night. "Shit."

* * *

Meanwhile, far away in the Caribbean islands, a lone figure lounged triumphantly on the sandy beaches in his wooden beach chair. With one hand, he sipped a victorious dirty martini, and in the other, he gleefully conversed on his cell phone.

"Phase one went off without any problems? Excellent," he said, his rich voice echoing through the very airwaves. "Hmm? No, it doesn't matter that they survived. Let them live for now. It will make this little game all the more interesting…"

With a deep chuckle, he snapped his cell phone shut. "Mathias Cronqvist, scream and writhe like the traitorous maggot you are as your castle falls piece by piece to the ground."

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

1 – Thank you, kind reviewers! I hope that you haven't given up hope of me continuing during this long absence. I assure you, I have no intention of quitting now!

2 – Life continues to be a bit of a bitch, but at least it's nice out! Hello rollerblading.

3 – Congrats to everyone who managed to answer the Chapter 13 trivia questions right! Some of them were a little challenging this time. Oh, who am I kidding? They're always challenging, and you should always be happy if you got them right!

**Chapter Trivia #13:** Renuarb, nisteriuscide, Willowfur, ShinnYagami, PointOfNoReturn76, Biofreak659, and SunLord89!

**Bonus Trivia #13:** *gasp!* This stumped everyone?

**Title Trivia #13:** Renuarb, nisteriuscide, Willowfur, ShinnYagami, PointOfNoReturn76, and SunLord89!

**Chapter Trivia #13 Answer:** _Albus appeared in this chapter. Which Castlevania game is he from?_ Albus appears in the game Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia.

**Bonus Trivia #13 Answer:** _In this chapter, Juste uses a special attack. How do you perform this attack?_ Juste has many cool spells, but you can summon a pretty sweet fairy if you combine the summoning tome with holy water.

**Title Trivia #13 Answer:** _From where is the title "Go to Hell"? (Two possible answers!)_ Shanoa says this line both times! The first appearance is in Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia just after defeating Brachyura in the lighthouse. (A very cool scene, might I add.) The second appearance is in Castlevania: Harmony of Despair if Shanoa defeats a boss.

**Chapter Trivia #14:**_ In this chapter, retro 2D Trevor, Alucard, Sypha, and Grant appeared. Which Castlevania game are they originally from?_

**Bonus Trivia #14:**_ What cartoon mistakenly made Sypha a man?_

**Title Trivia #14:**_ From where is the title "Changing Countries From Good to Bad"?_


	15. GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK

**Chapter 15: GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER**

* * *

Richter Belmont stopped running just short of the graveyard. A large black demonic boss door had been neatly pried open, as if friendlily inviting him inside. Despite the wooden sign hanging overhead telling him "Welcome to the Graveyard," he was somehow still uneasy about entering the place where Castlevania's dead were buried. And it was dark.

Maria paused beside him to catch her breath. "Did you finally lose sight of that duck?"

"No, it ran in here," Richter said, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. Every moment the duck got farther way. And yet, it was so dark in the graveyard. The decision was far more than he could handle.

Suddenly an old woman hobbled slowly by and shouted, "GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER"

Slowly, the old woman hobbled away, into the graveyard.

"Sage advice," Maria commented, then stepped into the dimly lit terrain, watching as her companion eyed her fearfully. "Richter. It's time to get over your dread of the dark. A real man shouldn't fear the dark. You're a real man, aren't you?"

"But… it's not _just_ dark… it's _so_ dark…" Richter said, shrinking back out into the hallway. But, he couldn't ignore the old woman's words! Could the graveyard duck be the one he was following earlier? If he got a silk bag from that graveyard duck, maybe he could live longer? Maybe he would finally be able to make Annette happy?

"YES!" Richter cried out the answer to his mental questions, eliciting a curious quirk of the eyebrow from the woman as he followed her with determination.

The graveyard was indeed spooky. As usual, it was nighttime in the castle, and the shadows of clouds passing over the full moon above sent wraith-like apparitions before their eyes. The moist grassy ground squished below their feet, and lone gravestones were scattered throughout the terrain. Maria could have sworn that this place was far bigger than the confines of the building should have allowed.

Suddenly, a bat flew by.

"GRAND CROSS!" Richter shouted, hurling his holy relic in front of him as a giant pyre of holy fire filled the entire graveyard with light for a few brief moments.

The bat gave one gasping squeak and expired into dust.

"Richter!" Maria reprimanded in a tone that made the man cringe immediately.

"Did I do something wrong again?" he asked glumly, fiddling with the cross nervously before finally stowing it away.

"Not only are the monsters _tame_, you have no need of such a powerful attack right now," she said irately. "A real woman knows when it is necessary to attack with force and when it is not."

"But I'm not a woman," Richter pouted. "And it's dark."

Maria sighed. "Look, just don't use Grand Cross like that unless you _really_ have to, ok?"

The Belmont squinted at her, beginning to recall something. Did this happen another time? Were there other people who weren't so happy he had used Grand Cross? Was one of those people…

Suddenly, another bat flew by.

"GRA—" Maria caught Richter's hand before he could throw the cross in front of him and quickly covered his mouth.

This was going to be a long evening.

Just before they reached the first gravestone, a shadowy figure appeared before them. Maria, aware of Richter's destructive tendencies in the graveyard, grabbed his hand quickly before he could reach his cross. "Not yet, Richter. Let us see what it wants first."

"It can talk?" Richter asked, gazing with wide blue eyes back at his friend.

The hidden soul, garbed in an orangey salmon colored cloak, shifted back and forth hazily, finally saying, "I'LL GIVE YOU THIS SILVER KNIFE TO SAVE YOUR NECK." In the figure's hands, a gleaming silver dagger appeared.

"Thanks!" Richter grinned, accepting it happily. "I guess not everything in the graveyard is bad."

Maria, however, was a little more cautious. "Wait. Why are you giving him a dagger?"

"Have you eaten garlic lately?" The soul asked.

"Yes!" Richter cried. "Simon put it in the laurel soup!"

Though she was surprised the Belmont had somehow managed to hold onto this piece of information, Maria remained suspicious. "What does that have to do with _anything?_"

Rather than answer her, the soul conveniently disappeared.

"Wonderful," she sighed. Before she had a chance to contemplate the oddities of the graveyard any further, Richter suddenly perked up.

"Duckie!" he shouted, hopping over a gaudy blue-green fence and running at full speed between the gravestones after the waggling tail-feathers of the graveyard duck.

Dutifully, Maria followed after them. This was going to be a _really_ long day.

"**Wary you are of the Graveyard for it holds much which brings you sadness. But do not give in to the despair! Do not give into the pain! You must go forth, brave one. You must endure. Only then can you return to your beloved!"**

* * *

Leon did a quick count, making certain they were all there. "Charlotte?"

"Still here," she replied from off-screen.

"AaaaAAhh!~" Soma cried in near orgasmic delight as a few hundred monster souls flew into him all at once. "Oh yes… Drac, collapse part of your castle more often…"

Isaac raised an eyebrow at him, but refrained from commenting. A real man didn't comment on gay shit like that.

Sara glowered at Soma, then socked him across the face.

"Oww!" the pale haired youth cried in outrage. "The fuck was that for?"

"You looked _far_ too happy," Sara commented. She paused for a moment, assessing the frown now on Soma's face. "That's better."

"My poor monsters… Leon, why did you bring Simon Belmont?" Dracula growled furiously, pacing up to his old comrade with anger. "Of all your descendants, _he especially_ has a knack for destroying my things!"

"I am sorry, Mathias," Leon pouted sadly. "I did not realize he would do this…"

The lord of the night tried to stay mad. He really did. Then, he sighed. "It's Dracula. And Leon, I know you did not realize what he would do. You have never been good at that."

The Belmont stared back at him blankly.

"Point made," Joachim snickered, taking a sip from his newly refilled coffee cup. "Now Leon, do us all a favor and advance the plot."

The Belmont nodded, aware of his duties. "It appears that someone has attacked Castlevania and collapsed the East wing. Fortunately, the rest of the castle appears intact. We need to find out who did this and defeat him."

"Or her," Joachim added. When Leon gave him a pitifully empty look, he attempted to explain. "It could be a girl, so you have to use him or her. You know, grammar?"

Leon continued to look at him vacantly.

The vampire sighed, "nevermind."

"Was it Simon? I'll pound that nerd," Isaac offered helpfully.

Dracula shook his head, "no, much as I also desire to pulverize Simon Belmont, I get the distinct impression he is not the cause of the East wing of Castlevania's collapse. There was an ominous energy behind that attack. A familiar energy, filled with sinister power."

"Well _duh_. We're in fucking Castlevania!" Soma cried, gesticulating wildly.

"Indeed we are," Alucard acknowledged, his mysteriously deep voice resonating off the walls of the atrium. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other in one fluid motion, his blonde hair cascading behind him in magnificent waves, dramatically contrasting his dark cape. The dhampire then reached a delicate hand forward, powerfully yet gracefully pulling Hector out of a pool of water to prevent the pitiful man from drowning himself. The droplets of water sparkled as they flew through the air, a few of them landing on Alucard's pale skin, causing him to sparkle as well. He shook them off with indifference, casting his brilliant dark eyes to the side.

Somewhere off-screen, Charlotte sighed happily.

On-screen, Jonathan glared at Alucard unhappily.

Oblivious to this interchange, the dhampire continued, "if I may suggest, perhaps we should continue to explore the castle. We may find clues that could prove useful to solving this mystery."

Soma rolled his eyes, "yeah whatever grandma. I'm sick of waiting to get attacked. I want more souls, bitches!" With a cackle, he ran off through a door.

"No! Not my poor monsters!" Dracula cried, running after him. "They have souls, _hearts_ even, of their own! Are we not all creatures of the same universe? Do we not all deserve to _live_?"

"Even Simon Belmont?" Isaac asked with a quirk of his lips.

"Fuck Simon Belmont," the lord of the night spat.

* * *

Meanwhile, Shanoa and Juste were working remarkably well together, despite their peculiar surroundings. "It's a painting," Shanoa observed in monotone.

"Yes," Juste agreed.

The two continued to stare at the glowing portrait for a few more moments. Shanoa tried to check her cell phone, but discovered to her dismay that she didn't get reception in this world. Juste discreetly tipped the edge of the painting, realigning the crooked edges.

Suddenly, the air behind them cracked, and a jolt of static electricity passed through the room. A moment later, two unconscious vampire girls were dumped unceremoniously onto the floor.

Juste stared at the two. Shanoa blinked.

Then, Juste walked over, lifting the two girls with strength that shocked Shanoa. "They… do not belong here," he explained, carrying them off.

Shanoa made one final futile attempt to check her bids and followed wordlessly behind them.

* * *

Elsewhere, Richter had finally managed to catch up to the Graveyard Duck. Maria only had to stop him from using Grand Cross three more times. He was pretty proud of himself. As the feathered creature came into view, Richter cried, "MARIA! I found it!"

Hearing his loud booming voice, the Graveyard Duck quacked, ruffled its feathers, and scuttled away.

"No, Mr. Duckie! Come back!" the Belmont pleaded, lumbering after the avian creature.

Maria sighed and followed Richter up a winding pathway, lined on both sides by tombstones. Together, they forged up an earthen spire of a mountain into the darkness of the night. The spire was nestled into a mountain range that she was certain shouldn't have fit within the building. Annoyed by this peculiar detail, the woman swat the lights of wayward spirits aside as she tore after the Belmont, wondering just how the Graveyard Duck could possibly be this fast.

They arrived at the top of the spire, where a sinister cliff-side supported one lonely dark tree barren of any leaves. Thunder rumbled ominously in the background, causing Maria to further wonder if they truly were still within the structural confines of Castlevania. Beside the wretched tree, the Graveyard Duck sat, preening its feathers.

And beside the duck, Richter was on his knees, begging it, "please Mr. Duckie! I need you to make Annette like me!"

Maria froze, watching as the Belmont lumbered after the duck in circles around the withered tree. So Richter knew there was more at stake than it seemed. Though her heart went out to him, a real woman knew that emotions were foolish, especially in these matters. She would wait for Alucard to finish his mission, and only then would she resolve her mind.

Just as the warrior woman was about to step in, a bolt of lightning suddenly arched across the sky, and with a loud clap of thunder, the old crone from earlier appeared before them. Then, shockingly, she strode up to Richter and proclaimed, "I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER."

Startled, Richter stopped chasing the duck and looked up. The bird hid warily behind the tree. "Ok. Hi, I'm Richter!"

"I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A GOOD LOOKING GUY LIKE YOU," the woman declared.

The Belmont paused, attempting to process those words. Eventually, he settled for, "Ok!"

Maria finally decided to stop being shocked, and demanded, "just who are you?"

"HIT DEBORAH CLIFF WITH YOUR HEAD TO MAKE A HOLE," the old woman declared.

"Your name is Deborah?" Richter smiled, finally understanding something. Politely, he bowed to her and said, "dear lady, it is nice to meet you."

Suddenly, the spirit from the graveyard entrance appeared and pleaded, "PLEASE! TAKE MY DAUGHTER!"

Though Maria was extremely confused by what was happening, Richter smiled good-naturedly. He understood perfectly. "I am sorry, Deborah, but I already love someone. Her name is Annette..."

The spirit sputtered, but the Belmont took no note of his non-corporeal sputum.

Richter's smile broadened as he thought of his beloved. "Annette is the most beautiful girl. She is nice, and soft, and has hair as beautiful as the sun! Her smile is beautiful and beautiful! Even Dracula wanted to steal her, and Joachim told me that Dracula doesn't even like girls!"

Maria arched a curious eyebrow at that statement but chose not to comment. A real woman didn't comment on gay shit like that.

"Annette is so nice to me. No matter how much I mess up, she always is," Richter proclaimed with a smile at first, but then his expression grew more solemn. "But I… do not always do the right things. I do not know why… they seem right to me, but people tell me they are wrong. A few days ago, I really messed up. For the first time, Annette was not so happy with me."

It wasn't the first time. In fact, it was far from it, but Annette had the patience of a priest forced to continuously chant scriptures in a dead language nobody could understand. Maria could only hope to have her tolerance of stupidity some day.

"Annette… told me to leave. Maybe forever." The Belmont then turned his sad blue eyes to the Graveyard Duck that still peeked its curious head out from behind the tree. "So that's why I need you, Mr. Duckie. I need you to give me good luck so I can be with Annette again. I love her with all my heart. A world without her would be sad."

The Graveyard Duck blinked at him, not comprehending a single word of human speech. With a sigh, Maria sent one of her birds to relay the message to its brethren.

Moved by the tale of sadness and woe, the Graveyard Duck waddled uncertainly out from behind the tree and up to the Belmont. It sniffled back a tear, dug its yellow bill into its feathery coat, and produced a small silk bag.

"Mr. Duckie?" Richter knelt down beside the duck with happiness in his entire being. Carefully, he took the silk bag from the duck and held it close to his heart. "Thank you so much, Mr. Duckie! I will never forget this!"

The Belmont smiled with happiness, dangling the silk bag in front of his eyes. "It is so pretty. Maria, do you think this will make Annette like me again?"

"You will have to see for yourself," Maria advised; however, in truth, she knew there was more to it than that.

There was no doubt in anyone's mind that Richter loved Annette, but there was something else that had troubled Maria's sister about the Belmont. It was, in fact, the reason Maria had followed him these past few days, which had eventually lead to jumping through that time portal into the modern day. It was something that she had even recruited Alucard into carefully researching.

Maria watched on as Richter carefully put away the silk bag, a big happy smile on his face. It was still too soon to tell, but she feared the worst.

Moved by the Belmont's tale of sadness, the old spirit wept ghostly tears and blubbered, "WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE WOMEN LOVED ME…"

Richter turned to him with a look of sympathy. "That's ok, just find a ghost woman!"

The wizened ghost appeared elated, as if it had never considered that possibility. Then, for apparently no reason, he screamed, "I'LL GIVE YOU A DIAMOND!" The spirit then handed the shocked Belmont a clear gem and disappeared.

"Thank God one of them is gone," Maria murmured. She didn't know how Richter felt, but she knew it was high time they left this haunted graveyard. "What do you say we get out of here?"

"It's so sparkly..." Richter murmured, entranced by the gem.

She really should have seen that one coming. With a sigh, the warrior woman strode over to the Belmont, staring at him with intense hazel eyes that told him she wasn't messing around. "Richter, it is time to leave."

Suddenly, the old crone cried, "NO! I WILL NOT LET YOU TAKE HIM! HE AND I WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER!"

In one quick motion, she whipped off her cloak, revealing that she was actually a young woman with glowing eyes and a nest of knotted snakes for hair. In her hands, she clutched a bow, and a quiver of arrows hung behind her serpentine body. Free from the former pretenses of actually being normal, she reared back to reveal that she was nearly twice her former height.

"You're a monster!" Richter cried.

Maria gazed pensively at the grotesque gorgon. She hadn't seen this one coming. Fortunately, Richter seemed to have the right idea this time. If all went well, she wouldn't even have to lift a finger to resolve this.

"FOREVER! I WILL KEEP YOU FOREVER!" the woman screamed, pulling back an arrow and releasing it straight for the Belmont with a loud twang.

"WHAT the—" He jumped swiftly out of the way, letting the arrow lodge itself into the withered tree behind him. As the arrow sunk into the wood, the venom wormed its way into the cork, petrifying the tree down to its very roots. "—HEeeeeEEY!"

Ok, so maybe it wasn't such a good idea to sit this one out. Maria leapt forward, dodging and knocking away a barrage of rapid-fire arrows with quick strikes of her fists. The tension began to build in the air as she made her way closer and closer to the gorgon. A quick glance to the side told her that Richter was also steadily making progress forward too.

This would be easy. Maria didn't even know why she was concerned at all. They would reach her, take away her bow, take her down, and be out of this graveyard by…

Suddenly, the monstrous woman threw her head back and screamed a baleful wailing shriek.

Richter held his arm in front of his face, shielding himself as best as he could from that horrible sound. The sound waves threw him through the air, and he crashed forcefully into the petrified tree. Thankful that the tree had kept him from flying off the edge of the cliff, he cautiously peeked out from behind his arm.

What he saw made him gasp. Maria was poised for battle, a menacing gleam in her eyes as she stared their enemy down with an unwavering gaze, as a real woman would. The warrior woman's right fist swung in front of her, directly for the monster's face. She was fearless and beautiful.

And made entirely of stone.

"MARIA!" Richter cried out, ready to run to her side. However, a tug at his boot stopped him from dashing blindly ahead.

It was the Graveyard Duck, slowly shaking its feathery head. It was almost as if it was telling him that it had seen this sort of thing before. That he should try something else.

"But what can I try?" Richter wondered outloud.

The duck narrowed its already tiny eyes and indicated with its bill towards the Belmont's pocket.

"My shirt? How will that help me?" he continued to ask outloud.

Annoyed, the avian creature flapped its wings, lifting itself into the air, and pecked at Richter's pocket, pulling out the diamond with its bill and flipping it at the stupid man.

"The diamond?" Richter asked, not seeing the point. Nothing made sense. How was he supposed to use a diamond against a giant arrow-shooting snake-lady that turned people into stone? Richter was about to go back to his original plan of dashing blindly ahead when suddenly a very peculiar thing happened.

Something tugged at the corner of his head. Something that caused the Belmont to grimace. He didn't want it, whatever it was, but he knew that he would need it if he wanted to save Maria. Desperately, he squinted his eyes shut, putting all his might into that strange sensation.

And in that glorious moment, Richter Belmont _remembered_ something.

"_I'LL GIVE YOU THIS SILVER KNIFE TO SAVE YOUR NECK…_" the spirit's voice from exactly half an hour ago drifted back to him.

"The silver knife… the diamond…." Richter's eyes widened, pulling the knife out and looking back and forth from it to the patiently awaiting monster. "I get it! Maria, I get it! I need to use—!"

He glanced over at Maria, recalling that she had just been turned into stone.

Oh, right.

With a confident grin, he took on a battle-ready stance and shouted. "—SUBWEAPONS!"

In a burst of newfound intelligence, Richter threw the diamond, watching as it slowly bounced off the floor, penetrated the hideous reptilian skin of the monster (eliciting a cry of displeasure from her), ricocheted off the mountain wall, off a tree branch, and back to him. Happily, he caught it, then turned his hardened gaze to the creature. "That is what you get for hurting my friend!"

Again, Richter threw the diamond at the monster, but this time it was only as a distraction. While the gorgon was preoccupied with dodging the slow-moving subweapon, the Belmont dashed to her left with his whip in hand. "Die monster! You don't belong in this world!"

He then released a barrage of straight-forward whip attacks that the monster found difficult to counteract with her arrows. Slowly, with every strike, Richter drove her closer and closer to the edge of the cliff.

Just before her snake-like body touched the edge, she threw her head back to scream her petrifying shriek.

Without hesitation, Richter threw the silver knife that the spirit had given him, plunging it straight into the gorgon's wide open mouth. The monster wailed a gurgling mournful cry as it slumped forward and then slid into a tangled pile on the stony ground.

Richter felt like cheering, but he knew that there was something more important he should be doing. He turned around and noticed that Maria was still stone.

Oh, right.

"Maria!" He cried, his brows furrowing as he approached the woman, not sure how to proceed. What should he do? "Are you dead?"

It began as a small rumbling. Richter looked around for the source of the shaking, eyeing the Graveyard Duck suspiciously, but the duck just stared back at him.

Then, it grew into a deeper shaking, almost causing Richter to lose his footing. Finally, he noticed the source of the minor earthquake.

Maria's statue trembled violently, swaying back and forth until the woman burst free with an Amazonian war cry, bits of pulverized stone flying free from her perfect skin.

"Maria! You're ok!" The Belmont rejoiced happily.

"Of course," the warrior woman responded with a confident grin. "A real woman doesn't have time to be petrified."

"forEVER!" The crackling scream pierced through the graveyard, calling both of their attention.

The defeated form of the gorgon rose from the ground, as things in Castlevania's graveyard were apt to do. The snake heads at the ends of each of her serpentine strands of hair screamed as her bloodied form lunged for Richter. As she came closer, the Belmont could see that it was no longer her, but the multiple scaly snakes on her head that were screaming at him. "YOU will be MINE forEVER!"

She reared back again, throwing her gaze up at the sky, and Richter knew that in the next moment she would scream that horrible petrifying scream again. He had to do something, and he had to do it fast.

"Die now, and leave this world!" Richter shouted as he took the diamond, which he still had clutched in his hand, and threw it at her. When the monstrous woman brought her petrifying gaze back down, it hit the diamond before her face, reflected back, and turned her grotesque body into stone.

The diamond bounced off her stony form, off the bill of the Graveyard Duck as it flew overhead, and back to Richter, who caught it happily. "This diamond is the best subweapon ever!"

Maria stared on in disbelief. "I… can't believe that actually worked. Good job, Richter."

"Thanks!" He said with a cheerful grin, pocketing the diamond. "I could not have done it without Mr. Duckie though! He is so smart! Maria, did you know that animals are really smart?"

Maria blinked at him. The doves resting on her shoulder and the Graveyard Duck blinked at him too. "Yes. And Richter, for the record, 'Mr. Duckie' is a girl."

"Oh!" Richter exclaimed, his eyes widening as he bowed deeply to the Graveyard Duck. "I am sorry, dear lady!"

The Graveyard Duck, who continued to not understand a word of human speech, just stared back at him vacantly.

Maria couldn't help but smirk at his silliness, which lead her to remember something else. "Also, Richter, do you remember when I said you should only use Grand Cross at the right time?"

The Belmont smiled happily, "I was good, Maria! I didn't even use Grand Cross once against her!"

"I know," Maria sighed. "That would have been a good time to use it."

"Oh. Hey, can we leave the graveyard now? This place is creepy," Richter asked, a chill running up his spine.

"I could not agree more," Maria nodded in consent. However, as always, it seemed fate was working against her.

A dark portal opened up in the tree, as if practically begging them to come in.

Then, though things seemed like they couldn't get more random, they did. Simon Belmont appeared between them, pocketing a strange mechanical device.

"Wow! Grandpa, you are so cool!" Richter beamed.

"Richter. Maria." Simon said, nodding to each of them in turn. "You have done well to defeat this boss of Castlevania. However, Dracula's evil does not end here. We must venture into this next realm and put an end to the evil dwelling in this portion of the castle. Come, follow me."

Richter followed him without question, whooping, "WOoooaaaaAAAAuuuhhAAAAAUUUU!"

Maria glanced behind her once, not particularly fond of this path but not certain what else she could do. "Hurry, Alucard." Then, she turned and followed them into the darkness.

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

1 – Do you realize how hard it is to include all these characters in every single chapter? Yeah. Didn't think so.

2 – Congrats to all you lovely people who got the last chapter's trivia correct! Pat yourself on the back for me, because you deserve it for this round!

**Chapter Trivia** – Nisteriuscide, ShinnYagami, Jotepaine, Renuarb, and Wild Fantasy!

**Bonus Trivia **– Nisteriuscide, ShinnYagami, Jotepaine, Renuarb, and Wild Fantasy!

**Title Trivia **– Nisteriuscide and Wild Fantasy!

3 – Reviewers, you rock.

**Chapter Trivia #14 Answer:**_ In this chapter, retro 2D Trevor, Alucard, Sypha, and Grant appeared. Which Castlevania game are they originally from?_ These wonderful characters appear in the game Castlevania 3: Dracula's Curse.

**Bonus Trivia #14 Answer:**_ What cartoon mistakenly made Sypha a man?_ Captain N featured a very strange episode that included man-Sypha, 80's punk-Alucard, and dick-wad Simon.

**Title Trivia #14 Answer:**_ From where is the title "Changing Countries From Good to Bad"?_ This fun little line is from the opening sequence of Castlevania 3.

**Chapter Trivia #15:** _In this chapter, the Graveyard Duck saves Richter from certain doom. Did the Graveyard Duck actually exist in any of the Castlevania games?_

**Bonus Trivia #15:**_ How many times has Medusa (or the Gorgon) been a boss in the __**middle**__ of a level?_

**Title Trivia #15:** _Which Castlevania game contained the title "GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER"?_


	16. No, what have I done?

**Chapter 16: No… What Have I Done?**

* * *

Dracula couldn't help but notice that things hadn't gone quite as planned this evening. Then again, when did they ever? For centuries, Belmonts had been spoiling his fun, destroying his castle, and killing him. Why should tonight be any different?

As the lord of the night laughed at the absurdity, even Soma paused in his mad dash away to look at him warily. "The fuck? What's gotten into you, Drac?"

"I am going to die tonight," Dracula responded somberly, catching up to the pale haired youth where he stood before the entrance to his night garden and sighed deeply.

"…so? Aren't you already dead?" he asked.

This made the lord of the vampires pause for a moment to think. "Yes."

By this time, Alucard had managed to reach where they stood in the stone corridor. The pale light of the moon gently flowed through the colored panes of a stained glass door, illuminating the dhampire in an ephemeral glow. The multicolored light caught the tresses of the half-blood's platinum-blonde hair in a beautiful yet majestic way, bringing out his stunning facial features as he spoke. "Father, if anyone desires your death, they will have to challenge me first," he said, his desirably pleasant voice tumbling out like a waterfall, its echo cascading down the stony passageway.

From a short distance away, an ice shade sighed happily. Sara, who had also caught up with them by now, remained unaffected by his beauty.

"He or she," Joachim corrected him. At Alucard's puzzled expression, the vampire explained, "When you use a singular word like 'anyone' you can't follow it with a plural word like 'they.' You have to use 'he' or 'she.' You know, grammar?"

After this lengthy explanation, everyone had managed to catch up. They all stared at the vampire expressionlessly.

"Really?" Joachim scoffed. "Heathens…"

"Alucard is right," Leon decided to state, disregarding the confusing concept his old friend had just explained. "Mathias, we will stand by your side."

"It's Dracula," the lord of the night smiled, brought nearly to tears by the conviction in the voices of his friend and his son.

However, his happiness was quickly taken away as he shuddered. "Ugh… no…"

"Father, what is it?" the dhampire asked with concern.

"Medusa has been defeated. Fortunately she is only a mid-boss, so whoever did that will have to face another before they can unlock the power source," Dracula explained.

"He or she," Joachim murmured, taking a sip of his coffee to console himself as the masses remained ignorant.

"The fuck do we do, then?" Soma asked, rearing back with impudent discontent. "We can't fucking protect _all_ your fucking bosses all at fucking once!"

"Actually, we can," Alucard interjected, surveying the group briefly. "Our numbers are great enough that we can split up without much risk. Some of us can stay here, at the gardens to protect the boss within. Some can travel to Medusa's lair to follow the group that defeated her. And lastly, some can travel to the south wing, where Albus has likely fallen by now."

For a few moments, everyone stared at each other uncomfortably, nobody wanting to be the first to decide where to go.

"Sara and I will pursue the ones who defeated Medusa," Leon offered, turning to Joachim. "Old friend, will you accompany us as well?"

"Do I really have a choice?" the vampire sighed.

"Fucking _cocksucking cunt_ just expects me to follow him like a good little _dumb as shit_ housewife," Sara growled lowly.

"Will you, dearest?" Leon asked hopefully.

"Fuck you," She sneered, the heat from her enraged aura causing Hector to fearfully skip away from her a few feet.

Leon continued to smile at her hopefully.

The angry woman sighed unhappily, jabbing her thumb at Joachim. "What he said."

"I'll hit south," Isaac finally offered, pulling Hector along with him.

"So I'm left to fucking rot here with Grandma Allie breathing down my neck?" Soma moaned, leaning back on the spotless glass doors woefully.

"Watch it boy!" Dracula exclaimed suddenly, pulling Soma away from the door. For a few tense moments, he carefully examined the colored glass, then wiped it with the edge of his cape. "You will smudge the glass."

"The fuck? Oh for crying out—" the pale haired youth complained, then stopped as he noticed the others leaving. "No! Leon-fucking-Belmont, don't leave me with this!"

"I am truly sorry, but I have responsibilities," the Belmont explained regretfully. A few moments later, he, Sara, and Joachim had disappeared down one hallway.

By the time Soma thought to seek refuge in Isaac, the man had already wordlessly left, no doubt dragging Hector with him. That left only the cockblocking Alucard, whiny vegan Dracula, and one other psychotic individual to entertain him.

* * *

Johnny Crossbones was having a fantastic day. With his trusty air-guitar (aka: Shovel) he had rocked out to all his favorite tunes, and his dad hadn't even complained about the noise once! And now, in this hip multicolored light, he practically sparkled like a gift from God.

"Put me doooooooown!" Shovel cried, sobbing from all the use.

"Yes, I agree," John Morris concurred from where he stood nearby, the boredom radiating off his blue-tinged ghost-like form. "Maybe you should actually do something?"

Johnny spun around mid-guitar rift, pointing at the spirit. "Hey, don't cramp my style, old man!"

"I would never dream of it," John said flatly. "But –oh! Is that a Charizard over there?"

"Where?" Johnny Crossbones had a new mission. Find the Charizard. "Where did you go, Charizard?"

With that, he ran down the hallway after Isaac and Hector.

* * *

Soma watched with disbelief as Jonathan flipped his shit and then ran away. Well, that left only two people to entertain him, and he was already fucking _bored_.

"I'm going in," the pale haired youth announced, pushing open the doors to the night-garden and strolling inside.

Within the garden he found various exotic plants, all meticulously cared for. A pathway of small marble rocks, illuminated clearly by the moonlight, led the way deeper into the garden.

"Soma? Where are you going?" Grandma Allie's nagging voice echoed to the youth's ears, setting his nerves on edge. Oh no, he was _so_ not getting stuck with that buzz-kill dhampire.

Quickly, he ducked off the path into a small bamboo forest, weaving his way through the hollow green stalks and snickering as he heard Alucard's voice grow fainter. "Soma do not stray too far otherwise you may awaken…"

Lost him. Soma grinned to himself. That was even easier than last time. But why stop here? Why not make sure that there was as much distance between him and that wet towel Allie as possible?

The youth's pale hair flew behind him as he ran out of the bamboo garden, past some carnivorous plants which snapped playfully at his coat as he ran by ("Fuckers!"), and into a damp wetland area where striking rainforest plants dotted the path. He held his nose as he sailed through a swampy area, changed form to a bat to fly more easily through a tranquil lagoon, and changed back to his human form to take in the fresh scent provided by a forest of pine trees.

Soma ran until he suddenly found himself at the edge of a massive balcony. The night garden faded away and his view exploded with the lights of the city. The skyscrapers which sported brightly lit large-lettered titles such as "Marriott" and "Hilton" sprang from the ground and shot into the darkened nighttime sky. The rectangular windows from nearby high-rises were lit to reveal dull offices where some poor saps were working late overtime hours, pounding multicolored lights of clubs, and even one or two where couples had forgotten to close the drapes before engaging in rather scandalous activities.

Soma watched on in envy.

"feeling jealous? i can fix that baby'

Soma froze, wondering for a brief moment how Alucard could have possibly caught up with him so quickly, when it dawned on him that the voice was not male but _female_.

His heartbeat kicked up a notch as he turned around, finding a drop-dead-gorgeous babe. She was different from the other girls, he knew that she was way hotter and better than the others just from what she said. Her mysterious black hair fell in waves around her face, and her amethyst eyes sparkled like diamonds. She wore a t-shirt from Hot Topic that gave off that "yeah, what do I care? Fuck you" attitude, and combat boots were visible underneath her faded jeans.

Soma didn't know why, but he knew this babe was awesome. He had to have her. "Fuck yeah."

"**Jealousy of companionship, unsurprising given your current state. The touch of another. The gentle caresses of your dearest. All things which you must overcome on your sorrowful journey. Now go, heed that longing in your wretched heart and make it through, back in time to where your painful destiny awaits! I believe?"**

* * *

It wasn't long before Alucard realized that Soma had managed to get away from him. He quickly turned to his father, who was hovering closely behind him, and nearly ran into the vampire. "Father, I can watch Soma, but I am concerned about the others. Would you mind aiding them?"

"For my Adrian?" Dracula said, indecision evident on his face as he fought over the instinct to stay close to his son and the logical choice to watch the others. "I shall."

"Thank you," the dhampire said with a small smile, lighting fond parental fires within the lord of the night. "Please help them."

"Of course," the vampire nodded, flicking his hand to the side. A dark portal appeared in the air beside them. "Besides, they will need my help if they want to get anywhere."

With that, he stepped through the portal and disappeared.

* * *

Leon hummed happily with his beloved and one of his oldest friends by his side. That is, until Sara swore at him so much that he stopped. Then, he just walked quietly and tried to keep a smile on his face.

"Leon, can I ask you something." Joachim said, his question sounding more like a statement. Indeed, before the Belmont could answer, he continued. "Did you know this was going to happen tonight?"

"That we would—" Leon began to ask, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Because I did," the vampire continued, not giving his old friend a chance to finish. He drifted ahead of the two, spinning to face them while continuing to float down the passageway. "You must not care much about Dracula, to allow this danger into his home."

"I didn't—" the Belmont began again.

"But then again, you were never the brightest, were you?" Joachim sighed, shaking his head. "It's possible that you brought Simon Belmont, Dracula's worst threat, into his castle without even realizing what it was you were doing. After all the random stuff that happened in your house before we came here, I would have been a little confused too. Just kidding! I wouldn't have. I've seen far too many movies to be fooled by that."

Leon looked helplessly over at Sara, confused beyond belief, but the woman only shrugged. "He's your psycho friend."

Sara's words reminded Leon that he was, indeed, this crazy vampire's friend. "Old friend, I know not what you speak of, but maybe if we watched more movies together I would. This '_Inception,_' perhaps? Maybe this time—"

The vampire sighed, "Leon, if you didn't get it after the first twenty six times, I doubt—"

Joachim was cut off as a dark portal opened in front of them and Dracula stepped through. "Come with me," he stated, eager to finish this chore so that he could get back to Adrian. Without wasting time, he opened up a different portal and stepped through.

Leon looked at the others, shrugged, and followed the vampire lord.

They reappeared in a graveyard atop a spire beside a withered petrified tree. Yet another dark portal waited for them.

"Really? _Another_ fucking portal?" Sara scowled, the heat from her pure fury incinerating the nearby blades of grass as she paced through.

When they reemerged, Leon found himself in what appeared to be a library. Shelves full of books stretched as far as he could see, interrupted only by oddly placed stairways in the middle of the room. A soothing melody filled the air, as if coaxing him to fall asleep.

"Is this room upside down?" Joachim marveled, pulling Leon out of his reverie. The vampire drifted to a chandelier that appeared to be hanging _up_ from the floor. Cautiously, he extended the sharp tip of his index finger, touching part of the glass.

The inverted chandelier burst into flames. In its place, a small heart sat on the ground/ceiling.

"Oh good, I could use more subweapons," Leon smiled, picking up the heart and shoving it into his pocket. "Thanks, Joachim, you are a good friend."

"No! Those are for Adrian!" Dracula cried.

Leon, Sara, and Joachim all eyed the lord of the night peculiarly.

"Fucktard, your boy isn't even here," the furious woman pointed out.

"I am sorry, Mathias. I didn't know he needed it," the Belmont said regretfully, taking the heart out of his pocket and offering it back to his friend.

"It's Dracula," the lord of the night sighed. "And you can keep it. I suppose I shall just have to find something else to give him."

"He can have this can of Diet Coke," Joachim offered, pulling it from wherever he had it concealed and handing it to Dracula.

"Diet Coke?" the vampire asked, his eyes narrowing as he took the can.

"Yes, they were handing samples out at the grocery store we passed on the way, and…" Joachim began to explain.

"_Diet Coke?_" Dracula roared, the flimsy aluminum can beginning to buckle beneath his fingers as his grip involuntarily tightened.

"Oh dear. I think you upset him," Leon murmured.

"Do you realize how _bad_ DIET SODA is for you?" he continued, oblivious to the winces of the two males and the bored indifference of Sara. "Artificial sweeteners fool your body into actually craving _more _sweets, the acid leeches calcium from your bones, the caffeine causes insomnia, and aspartame will give you CANCER!"

"And it tastes bad," Joachim mused.

"Is all of that really true?" Leon looked around for Alucard. Not finding the dhampire anywhere, he frowned sadly.

"Diet soda is terrible in _every way!_" enraged, Dracula threw the can against a bookshelf, allowing it to explode and make a sticky mess of a large section of tomes.

From a distance, what sounded like a wizened old man croaked, "Noooo, not the books!"

Sara rolled her eyes. "Like any of that matters? Shitfucks, I thought we had a job to do."

"Quite so," the lord of the night agreed, calming down quickly. With a swish of his cape, he spun around, heading for where he could sense intruders in his castle.

"You know, you could have saved everyone a hell of a lot of time if you did this earlier," Joachim commented.

"Did what?" the Belmont asked.

"Not you," the vampire scowled, then indicated to Dracula with a nod of his head. "Him."

Leon gazed at him vacantly.

Joachim sighed, "he's actually _going_ to the intruders in his castle? He's not just waiting around in his throne room?"

"Ohhhh," the Belmont responded with a look of understanding. "Yes, that really _would_ have saved everyone a lot of time. We could have defeated him much sooner."

Dracula scowled, and huffed, "you don't know that. Besides, if I did, then Castlevania would not have been much fun, would it?"

Joachim could almost imagine Soma swearing, "Fucking _fun_? You asshole!" and then socking Dracula in the face— where was that ineloquent little turd, anyway?

Before he could dwell on that important issue any longer, a loud shout that sounded suspiciously like Richter echoed from a nearby room. "Oh gosh! I am sorry, Maria!"

"Well, at least we know who came this way," Joachim mused. "I wonder what trouble he's caused this time?"

"Richter does not mean to cause trouble," Leon defended quickly, feeling bad for his slightly less than intelligent descendant. "He is only doing what he thinks is right."

At this comment, the vampire cocked his head to the side, a snarky grin on his lips. "Who said anything about Richter?"

Indeed, as they ran through what Leon could have sworn was a shiny and new looking pulsing black boss door, the sight they were greeted with was puzzling to say the least.

It was a bedroom. A messily unmade bed with a lush electric green and purple print bedspread greeted them. Matching drapes adorned the windows that lead to who knew where. The color of the walls was barely discernable beneath a wallpapering of posters. Emo bands, movies, and animes covered the walls from top to bottom, creating a sea of shininess.

The room had a computer, mega-sized plasma-screen TV, and far too many anime trinkets laying about. Not one but two walk in closets were filled to the brim with overpriced shirts, pants, and accessories from Hot Topic, Hollister, and the Forever 21.

Dracula wrinkled his nose. "What a gaudy bed. And whoever owns it has the audacity to leave it unmade."

Joachim frowned at the lord of the night. "Making beds is just a waste of time. Why do you even care about it? In your former life, did you not leave the bed unmade before going off gallivanting with Leon in the Crusades?"

"I did, but that was another lifetime ago. And Elisabetha made the bed anyway. Now, I prefer a more cultivated appearance, and cultivation for the day begins with a properly made bed," Dracula huffed.

"Ugh, you sound so prim and proper. Just like _him_," Joachim complained with disgust.

"I am sorry," Leon apologized. "I like to make my bed in the morning."

"I wasn't talking about you," the vampire sighed.

"You talk far too much."

The unmistakable voice filled the room, drifting in from the doorway at the far end. Next to a black IKEA dresser, garnished with stick-on lightning bolts, shiny purple ribbons, and three pink feather boas, Simon Belmont lounged in the doorway. As if their presence there was of no consequence to him whatsoever, he cocked a grin and waved them into the next room. Without another word, he disappeared back through the doorway.

"I'm not sure how I feel about that invitation," Joachim mused, casting a glance at his old friend. "I don't think he was quite sincere."

"When is Simon Belmont _ever_ sincere?" Dracula growled.

Leon glanced up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "Well, there was that time he did the laundry. And all those times he made dinner. And—"

"It was a rhetorical question!" the lord of the night roared.

"If you're all too fucking pussy to go in, I'll catch you cuntfucks later," Sara calmly said, walking through the doorway.

What she saw made her do something she hadn't done in a while. Sara laughed.

"Darling, what is the matter?" Leon asked, racing to her aid in alarm at the unfamiliar sound. However, as he caught sight of the next room, even he had to stop and gaze in wonder.

The room was laid out in a very bizarre fashion. The center of the room contained a clear chamber, only accessible from a large clear funnel above. A metal catwalk circled the room, where Maria stood, perplexed by the sight below.

Not one but two Richters paced around the chamber in the center, fumbling around and occasionally trying to whip the solid walls, but to no avail.

"Richter! You need to jump up to get out!" Maria yelled from above.

"Maria?" Both Richters exclaimed in unison. "Where are you?"

"I am up here! Look up!" the warrior woman shouted down again.

Both Richters looked side to side, not seeing her.

"I don't know how you sleep at night knowing that one of your descendants is this dumb," Joachim remarked from beside him.

Even Dracula appeared baffled, "Leon, I thought you told me he had learned up and down?"

"Apparently, he has difficulty remembering," Simon answered from where he stood calmly observing beside Maria.

"Richter, you need to _jump up_!" the woman continued to shout, annoyed exasperation evident in her

Cautiously, Leon walked up to the clear walls, tapping them with his hands. One of the Richters pouted, holding his hand sadly to the glass. "How did he even get in there?"

"He slipped up and fell in," Simon explained simply.

"Slipped… up?" Leon asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion as he stared helplessly at Richter through the clear glass. "What is Richter trapped inside?"

"It's a spider-trap," Sara grinned, barely able to control her gleeful laughter again. Then, seeing her betrothed's pitiful expression, she sighed but explained with delight, "it is a contraption devised so that spiders, or in this case your imbecilic Richter, will fall through the funnel at the top and into the chamber below. Once inside, it is impossible for the dipshits to climb out of the trap."

"I don't think the funnel's entirely necessary for Richter," Joachim commented.

"Yes, I have to agree," Dracula concurred.

For once, Leon looked at the others with exasperation clear in his voice. "Please don't talk about him that way. Let's get him out of there!"

As Leon jumped up to the higher ring, intent on finding a way to get his poor descendants out of the trap, Simon held him back. "I wish it were that simple, Leon, but this spider trap is more complicated than it appears. A heavy magical aura surrounds this trap. Can you not feel it?"

Indeed, if Leon tried, he could sense a malignant magical barrier. "Then we must break it."

"It can only be broken from within. Once inside, those misfortunate enough to fall in must battle until only one remains. Only then will the barrier be lifted and the victor allowed to escape," Simon recited ominously.

"How do you _know_ all of that?" Leon asked incredulously.

"It's on the sign," the other Belmont replied, indicating to what looked like a terribly handwritten sign taped to the wall.

Stricken by what would have to happen, Leon looked down at the lord of the night, anger evident in his voice. "Mathias, why would you create such a terrible thing?"

"It's Dracula, and I did not make it," the lord of the vampires responded, testing the magical barrier curiously. He opened his cape with a flourish, pulled out an apple, and began to drink its sweet fruity juices. "Someone else must have fabricated it. Someone with great power indeed."

"Grandpa! Help me out!" Richter called through the clear barrier, the sound echoing out from the funnel above him.

At this, Simon gazed down at his mentally challenged descendant darkly. "Richter, you must defeat that other form of yourself to get out."

"But, he's me," Richter pouted, looking at the other version of himself sadly.

The other Richter nodded in agreement.

For a moment, nobody moved. Nobody did a thing.

Suddenly, a dark mist began to fill the spider-trap, clouding everyone's view of what was inside. When it settled, both Richters looked at each other, shrieked, and began to fight.

Astounded, Leon's mouth dropped in surprise. "What… what happened?"

"Things were getting boring, so I moved it along," Sara replied with a sinister grin, leaning forward to better watch the fighting. "Right now, they both think the other is a giant crème pie."

"Crème pie…" Maria's eyes narrowed as she focused her intent gaze even closer at the two. "…his biggest fear."

Clearly, neither Richter was having fun being locked in a room with a crème pie. "Hyah!" One Richter shouted, whipping straight forward at the frightening pastry.

"Yaaaah!" The other Richter retaliated, whipping straight forward into the creamy meringue.

Soon, the fight escalated to moving slowly around the chamber and whipping, and then throwing the occasional knife and ax. Still, both Belmonts were at an impasse.

"Drac, I have a very important question to ask you," Joachim said quietly, almost seriously, as his pale grey eyes locked onto him. At the lord of the night's nod of consent, he continued, "how were you defeated by _that_ man?"

Dracula looked shiftily away.

Richter Belmont didn't know where this giant crème pie had come from, but he knew one thing for certain. It had to go away. One way or another. So far, the pie had managed to somehow block all of his attacks. Nothing seemed to work on it.

But he couldn't give up hope! He had come too far for that. The silk bag given to him by the Graveyard Duck still felt warm in his pocket, and the thought of Annette's beautiful smile as she opened her gentle arms to him renewed his courage. He had to defeat this terrifying dessert. He HAD to.

And then, it began to happen again. Something was tugging at the corner of his brain. A memory that wanted so badly to be remembered.

It hurt. Richter nearly lost his focus as he fought to grasp the memory and call it back. But then, suddenly, it came back to him in a burst of understanding.

A memory suddenly appeared in his mind, of the Graveyard Duck tugging at his pocket and pulling out the diamond.

Determinedly, he reached into his pocket, pulled out the diamond, and threw it at the pie across the room. "For Anneeeeeeette!" he shouted, as the diamond ricocheted across the chamber, striking the creamy pastry multiple times.

With a cry, the banana crème pie fell, and Richter caught his diamond, replacing it in his pocket. "This really _is_ the best subweapon ever!"

The clear walls of the chamber began to crack, the fracture lines running deeper and deeper until it reached the edges. Then, without warning, the crystalline walls shattered, falling all around Richter in tiny specks. As it fell, the illusion he had unknowingly been bound to also broke, revealing that it was his other self laying defeated on the ground and not a giant crème pie. "No… what have I done? Other me!"

Richter ran to the aide of his other self. At the same time Simon jumped down from above with a loud thud, seizing a glowing key as soon as it emerged from the fallen Richter's chest. "I'll be taking that."

Recognizing Simon's intent, Dracula teleported forward, appearing beside the Belmont and snatching the key back. "It's rude to steal other people's possessions."

"You know what else is rude?" the clever Belmont asked. Without warning, Simon plunged his hand through the many layers of Dracula's wardrobe, pierced through the vampire's skin and sinewy muscle, and closed his fingers around one of his ribs. With one powerful pull, he ripped the rib from his body.

As Dracula cried out in shock, surprise, pain, and general discomfort, Simon took the opportunity to steal the key back and backflip across the room. In the corner, he inserted the key into an inconspicuous looking device, which caused the room to fill with light momentarily and a dark exit portal to appear.

Finally recovering from the attack, Dracula growled with fury and unleashed a barrage of rather quick dark infernos.

With the speed an agility of a rabbit, Simon held forth the vampire lord's rib, shielding himself from the attack. "I'm leaving now. I would suggest you all do the same." With that, he disappeared through the dark portal.

"Richter!" Leon jumped quickly down, healing his battered descendant, who was still laying on the floor where he had fallen. As the poor Belmont began to stir, Leon quickly looked up to the others, saying firmly, "you should all leave before he awakens. I will explain this to him."

Nobody argued, and before long, Leon found himself alone in the room with his poor defeated descendant. The younger version of Richter's eyes fluttered open, and seeing Leon, his face lit with a happy smile. "Grandpa? I had a weird dream… that there were many strange people… and there was another me… and a crème pie attacked me."

"Yes, that is very strange," Leon agreed, helping Richter to his feet with a caring smile. "But you must put the dream behind you now and go ahead. You have much to do."

Richter grinned, "that's right! I can't let _A_lucard win!"

Leon didn't quite understand, but he smiled sympathetically. "I think Alucard will be fine on his own. Trust me on this one. Why don't you find Maria instead? I think she is waiting for you somewhere."

"Maria!" Richter's face lit with alarm. "I left her in the other castle! I'm sorry, Grandpa, but I have to go!"

Leon smiled as he watched his descendant run through the bedroom, out the door, and back to where his destiny awaited him. Turning back around, Leon walked into the dark portal, where his own fate lay.

He was greeted with an ominous rumbling and Joachim shouting in his ear. "_Leon, it's eating shit! Get out now!_"

The graveyard lurched beneath his feet, knocking him to the ground. As he struggled to get up and keep his footing, he noticed that all the others had already jumped through a new dark rift, that he could only assume his old comrade had created. Only Mathias awaited him beside a new portal, grasping his arm and pulling him urgently through.

They arrived before the entrance to the night garden. Beneath their feet, the castle continued to shake. In that moment, Leon worried about the others that he had brought to Castlevania. He should have heeded Sara's words about the dangers of the castle. He should never have put them in this much peril.

However, just as he was beginning to think that they may all be doomed, the shaking stopped. "Ugh…" Dracula grunted, stumbling back into the wall as he clutched his chest.

So much had happened that Leon had nearly forgotten about what should have been a mortal wound for his comrade. "Mathias! Your rib…"

"Dracula… and I shall be fine without the rib," the lord of the night reminded him, a pained expression crossing his face. Pressing his eyes shut, he shook his head. "That's not it… that's not it at all."

"Then do enlighten us," Joachim sighed with an eyeroll. "What is _it_?"

The lord of the night opened a pained eye, his voice rasping as he said, "The northern wing of the castle… has fallen."

* * *

Meanwhile, on a beach in the Caribbean islands, a lone figure lounged triumphantly in his wooden beach chair. Everything was going entirely as planned, and very soon, it would be time for him to make his move. He downed the remainder of his dirty martini, then quickly snapped his fingers, ordering another one.

Another figure materialized beside him, the billowy robes causing the first to frown. "Another dirty martini, sire?" He asked, holding the drink out with a frail skeletal arm.

"Yes," the first replied, taking the offered drink and merely holding it victoriously in his hand. "And move aside. You are shadowing the moonlight."

"Certainly, sire," he replied, drifting aside. "I trust you are pleased with—"

"Yes, it is all according to plan," the first interrupted. "Now, away with you. You know what must be done next."

"Yes, sire," the shadowy figure replied, disappearing in a pulse of darkness.

Alone again on the beach, the first leaned back, rich laughter rumbling from deep in his chest. "Oh yes, run while you can, Mathias. Run while you can."

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

1 – Readers, you are so patient. Thank you for sticking with me!

2 – Shanoa and Juste weren't in this chapter, but they don't really give a shit.

3 – Congrats to everyone who correctly answered the Chapter 15 Trivia questions correctly!

**Chapter Trivia – **Willowfur, Auragonian and MoonlitLuna

**Title Trivia – **OrgXIIIisbetterthantheAkatski, MoonlitLuna, and The World type BETA

4 – Thanks to everyone who tried the trivia questions! Even if you didn't get them right, it makes me happy to see people answering my questions. =)

**Chapter Trivia #15:** _In this chapter, the Graveyard Duck saves Richter from certain doom. Did the Graveyard Duck actually exist in any of the Castlevania games?_ No. The Graveyard Duck never really existed, though there was a spirit in the graveyard. Was it a duck? No.

**Bonus Trivia #15:**_ How many times has Medusa (or the Gorgon) been a boss in the __**middle**__ of a level?_ Medusa is a mid-boss in four Castlevania games. Castlevania 3: Dracula's Curse, Super Castlevania 4, Castlevania: Bloodlines, and Castlevania: Harmony of Despair.

**Title Trivia #15:** _Which Castlevania game contained the title "GET A SILK BAG FROM THE GRAVEYARD DUCK TO LIVE LONGER"?_ This line is from Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest.

**Chapter Trivia # 16:** _The crew jumps back in time once again in this chapter. Which game did they jump back into?_

**Bonus Trivia #16:** _Why is Richter deathly afraid of Crème Pies?_

**Title Trivia #16:** _Where is the title "No, what have I done?" from?_


	17. This is ART!

**Chapter #17: This is ART!**

* * *

"What do you mean, the northern wing has fallen?" Joachim asked skeptically, as he took a long sip from his coffee cup.

"The castle is divided into five sections. The north, south, east, west, and central," Dracula explained, still clutching his pained chest. It was odd. He had never thought about his rib before, but now that it had been brutally ripped from him, he kind of missed it. "Thusfar, the east and north wings have collapsed, leaving us only with the night-garden to the west, the catacombs to the south, and the atrium in the center."

"That's bad, isn't it?" Richter asked.

The lord of the night turned a wary eye on the less than scrupulous Belmont. "Yes. It's a bad thing that _you_ helped cause."

"Sorry," Richter murmured, truly appearing regretful of his actions.

"Don't blame Richter," Maria interjected quickly. "He was only following orders. For that matter, so am I."

"_Am_?" Joachim picked up the tense quickly, with a curious arch of his brow.

"Yes, should the time come, I still have a debt to repay Simon," Maria explained.

"Wait… something is wrong here," Leon frowned, puzzling through the woman's logic. "Something…"

Sara growled in frustration, having heard enough of her betrothed's inane stupidity. "Richter never learned up and down. Simon didn't actually teach him that, or he would have jumped out of the spider trap last chapter. Fucking dumbass."

"Don't talk about Richter that way," Leon frowned.

"I was talking about you."

"Oh."

Maria shook her head. "Be that as it may, I still am honor-bound to repay Simon. I shall aide you in what way I may, but should the time come, we may do battle."

"Okey dokey," Leon agreed.

"What?" Dracula roared incredulously at his old friend, then winced immediately his still not fully closed wound throbbed. A bit more quietly, he said, "How can you say that?"

"It's not her fault. I mean, she can't help it," the Belmont explained his logic soundly.

Oddly enough, it did make sense.

"Where do we go?" Richter asked, eyeing the large stained glass doors in front of them. "Can we see behind those doors?"

"Isaac shall be fine on his own, but Adrian and Soma may have difficulty. The last boss was not who I expected," Dracula reasoned, carefully opening the stained glass doors.

"Who were you expecting?" Richter continued to ask, already stepping through the doors ahead of a scowling lord of the night.

"Not the other you," the vampire responded, sweeping into the room himself. "Let us venture into the night garden."

* * *

Jonny Crossbones was continuing to have a fantastic day. His air guitar (Shovel) pumped out sweet jams, and he could have sworn that once or twice he even caught sight of that Charizard.

His floating ghost father seemed far less amused. John Morris continually made loud, irritated sounding sighs and glanced at his watch impatiently. It wasn't until the two noticed a loud splash in the distance that the ghost perked up. "What was that?"

Jonny grinned, busting out an air guitar rift, his nimble fingers dancing across the wooden handle of the Shovel with impressive speed. "I don't know, but I'll bet it has to do with _Rock 'n Roll!_"

John Morris seriously doubted it.

"_Stop that!_" The Shovel demanded. "_That tickles!_"

Jonny Crossbones was in no mood to stop, but suddenly he heard it. The voice. The one that called to him from above. "Jonathan, stop messing around! We've got to catch up with Isaac and Hector."

"Who you talkin' to, babe?" Jonny grinned, popping a large bubble from his chewing gum.

The voice sighed with irritation. "Fine, fine. _Jonny Crossbones_, let's get going!"

With a grin and a flick of his hair to the nearby wall, Jonny Crossbones agreed, "Right on."

As he approached a lake up ahead, Hector suddenly surfaced from its still waters, flying through the air with a frightened wail. Moments later, Isaac strode stalwartly from the lake, just in time to catch his sodden silver-haired friend and deposit him unharmed onto the ground. "I give you props. Drowning isn't the easiest way to go. Don't do it again."

Hector faced his friend with a sheepish and withered expression. "But there is no reason for me to continue. My dear Julia…"

Hearing her name, Isaac eyed him dangerously. "Julia _what?_"

Realizing that he was braving perilous waters, Hector did the smart thing and shut up.

It was the perfect time for an air guitar solo, and Jonny Crossbones wasted no time starting one. As he finished, the two former devil-forgers watched on with an awed expression that he took for admiration.

"_No please! Don't use me like that anymore!_" Shovel pleaded but quickly found himself shoved into Jonny's pants to shut him up.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Isaac finally cleared his throat and spoke up. "You're coming?"

"Yes! Please!" Charlotte pleaded from off-screen. "It's safer with you!"

The beefy red-haired man nodded. "You'd better keep up." Then, he pulled on the sash around Hector's waist, urging the other on ahead.

It wasn't long before the group arrived at what looked like a bombed-out Starbucks. Broken plates and cups littered the room, and bullet holes adorned nearly every surface of the establishment. Across the ordering counter, a dark portal beaconed them like a foul temptress of desire.

For just a moment, Jonny Crossbones resisted the temptation to dive into the dark unknown depths. But just for a moment.

Eventually, they all answered her call and found themselves dumped unceremoniously into what would have been a rather ordinary castle. The streaks of multicolored paint seemed a bit overdone, but Jonny Crossbones wasn't about to fault someone for art.

"I recognize this place, but something seems wrong," Charlotte murmured from off-screen. "This way, follow me!"

"Which way?" Isaac asked. "We can't see you."

Charlotte froze in her invisible tracks. A terrible decision faced her. She knew where they were in time.

They were in Castlevania, 1944. Though technically they _were_ back in their time, somehow they had arrived a few months too soon. Brauner had yet to be defeated, Dracula had not yet been revived, and technically, past versions of herself and Jonathan were still in the castle somewhere.

It wouldn't be hard to run away with Jonathan, leaving all of this mess behind, hide away somewhere, and conveniently reappear as soon as her former self decided to test out time-traveling.

It wouldn't be hard, but it wouldn't be right either. Charlotte sighed. Why did she always have to do the _right_ thing?

Steeling herself for what was to come, she called down to them in warning. "Ok, I'll show myself, but be prepared to run! Jonathan might go crazy again."

With a deep breath, Charlotte removed her cape of invisibility.

Suddenly, Jonny Crossbones's eyes went wide. Not twenty feet in front of him, the most beautiful object of his desires stood, in perfect glory, just waiting to be captured by him.

A Charizard.

"Charizard! I choose you!" He cried, running instinctively toward the large yellow-ish creature, pausing only once to do a heavy strum on his crotch air guitar.

"You've got to stop watching afternoon programming with Joachim!" Charlotte shrieked and began to run, leading them through a way that she was certain looked just a tad off. Little things were different than she remembered. A table moved into the corner here, a crooked painting adjusted there… small things.

She barely realized it as she breezed through a pulsing black demonic boss door that she was certain had not been there the last time they visited the castle.

With a small cry, she ran straight into Juste Belmont. Running into his frigidly cold skin was like running into a wall. Despite the burden of carrying what appeared to be a passed-out Stella and Loretta, he didn't budge.

Charlotte promptly found herself on her bottom, with Jonathan quickly atop her.

"I choose you!" he continued to shout, a happy smile on his face.

"You can't say that until you have captured…. Agh! This is stupid! Why am I arguing with you?" the girl cried.

"_Yes, please stop him!_" Shovel pleaded.

Hearing that alluring voice, Charlotte suddenly reached into Jonathan's pants, removed the Shovel, and quickly used it to knock him out. As Jonathan fell peacefully onto the stone floor, the magician girl panted, her breathing still ragged from the recent sprint.

Then, realizing that she finally had her precious Shovel, her fingers curled around the handle, and she drew it close to her, hugging it tightly.

"_Aaaaa! No! Let me go!_" Shovel pleaded.

But Charlotte did not.

Having just checked her internet, again finding it down, Shanoa looked up and arched her eyebrow at the sight. "Interesting."

"Indeed," Juste responded, intent on continuing ahead. However, as he glanced away from the girl, his eyes caught sight of something that needed to be fixed immediately.

A chair was out of place in the corner of the room.

Shanoa watched from behind her cell phone, continually pressing the "reconnect" button, as the Belmont set the vampire twins down, walked over to the chair, and began to slowly push it across the floor.

It was at that moment that Isaac managed to drag Hector into the room, catching up with them. For the first time since their recent meeting, Hector's eyes suddenly alit with a passionate fury. "What are you doing?"

With an enraged cry, Hector pulled forward so hard and so suddenly that his crimson sash ripped, leaving just a stub in Isaac's hands while he ran free. Usually, when he managed to free himself, he tried to find the quickest way to commit suicide as possible, but this time things were different. This time it was personal.

A chair was involved.

A loud snarl left Hector's lips as he pounced upon the chair, knocking it free from Juste's calmly pushing hands. "It belongs in the center of the room, where it can be proudly displayed and cherished!" The former devil forger insisted, using his forward momentum to plunge the chair that much closer to the middle of the room.

"Madness!" Juste scoffed, leaving blue afterimages of himself behind as he dashed quickly forward and grasped the edge of the chair. "It clearly belongs alongside the wall, exactly 45 degrees from the painting of that blob."

"Actually, it is a magnificent butterfly."

All eyes turned to the entryway of the room, where the vampire Brauner stood, a crazed look on his face as he eyed the barren walls. Walls that clearly needed art.

Shanoa continued to click the "reconnect" button as she watched the vampire run around the room, facing the wall and doing something mysterious with his hands below his waist before an explosion of color appeared on the stone. As each brilliant hue was added to the otherwise plain walls, Brauner grunted, "ART!"

Sadly, this was nothing compared to some of the things her customers did at Starbucks.

Even Hector and Juste temporarily forgot about their chair struggles as Brauner pranced through the room. "ART! ART! ART!"

Charlotte, however, continued to gently show her affections to the Shovel. Jonathan remained passed out.

"Why is he doing that all over the walls?" Hector asked. "Shouldn't he use his art on a canvas or something?"

Brauner paused briefly, glancing over with a condescending air. "I don't want to limit myself." He then zealously continued.

Eventually, it was Isaac who stepped in. With slight aggravation, he rumbled, "Look, we're busy. Cut it."

Somehow, this pulled Brauner from his artistic reverie, and he finally noticed the two unconscious girls on the floor. "What have you done? No, my daughters!" After pulling up his pants, he was by their side in a flash, drawing the girls carefully into his arms.

"I shall leave you alone! Just please don't hurt my daughters!" With a loud sob, Brauner whisked the girls out through the boss door and slammed it behind him.

"**How you must long for the days when you could appreciate art with your dearest! Alas, those days are long gone, left behind in a wasteland of despair. This world is madness, but you cannot give into the call of that foul temptress. No, your path is one much harder. Your path of perseverance must go on, I believe?"**

"Well that was convenient," Shanoa commented, taking a seat in a nearby metal chair. If she knew Juste by now, she knew that it would be a while before this rearranging was done. In fact, in this area alone they had stopped several times while he made the castle more "tasteful." The Belmont rarely left a piece of furniture untouched.

Certain as the sun rising in the East, Juste and Hector quickly resumed their squabbling. At first, Isaac was tempted to break it up, but then, thinking better, continued to stand back, deciding to wait and see what would happen. This was more animated and lively than he had seen Hector in a very long time. Maybe a good fight was what he needed.

As the two continued to struggle, laying ruin to everything around the room except the paintings, which mysteriously seemed to regenerate, Charlotte continued to dote upon the Shovel. It wasn't long before Jonathan moaned.

Feeling threatened, Charlotte clutched the Shovel possessively, waiting to see what would happen. The blonde haired boy moaned again, seeming like he really was in pain. Maybe she had hit him a little too hard? Nah. "C-Char…?"

Her eyes narrowed, clutching the Shovel tighter, she raised it up.

"…Charlotte?" Jonathan finished.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, she lowered the Shovel. "Oh, thank goodness…"

"Did you really just hit me with that Shovel?" He asked, pointing in accusation. "And where did the Charizard go?"

"Uhh… it flew away," she answered reluctantly.

"You're a terrible liar," he responded dryly.

"Wait," Charlotte's eyes narrowed again, ignoring his statement. "What's your name?"

It was Jonathan's turn to glance at her skeptically. "How long have we been friends?"

"Just answer the question," she insisted.

"Fine, fine," he sighed, holding his hands up. "My name is Jonathan Morris."

"OhThankGod!" the girl breathed a sigh of relief, tucking the invisibility cape away for good.

"You ok? You're acting strange," he continued, pointing at her again.

"_I'm_ acting strange?" Charlotte laughed. "You don't know the half of it. What about _you?_"

"I'm fine, but you aren't. For example, you still haven't put that Shovel down," Jonathan commented.

Charlotte knew that she hadn't.

"Why don't you give it back to me? I'll keep it safe," he said, holding his hands out.

Instinctively, she drew the Shovel closer to her. "No!"

Jonathan's eyes narrowed, "It's my Shovel. I found it."

"It's better off with me!" Charlotte insisted.

"_I don't want to be with either of you!_" The Shovel wept.

"Shut up!" They both barked at it in unison.

Shanoa and Isaac watched as yet another struggle over an inanimate object broke out. Normally, Shanoa could have cared less about who fought over a shovel or a chair, but circumstances were different this time. This time, she had been stuck in this world for far too long.

A world without internet. A world without ebay.

Very quickly, Juste, Hector, Charlotte, and Jonathan all found themselves on the receiving end of an angry blast of lightning. Seeing that she had their attention, she glowered at them. "Silence. I have an ebay bid to win. Isaac, you take the shovel. Hector and Juste, leave that stupid plastic child's toy alone."

As they all looked down, it became glaringly obvious that the object of Hector and Isaac's affection was indeed two feet tall, bright yellow, and made of plastic. It was a small chair, best suited for a five-year old.

Though both Hector and Juste were prepared to disagree further, a deadly glare, followed by sharp pillars of ice entombing the chair where it lay, encouraged them to get over their differences. Isaac was quick to snatch the gardening tool from the squabbling Jonathan and Charlotte. Neither of them dared to protest.

Dutifully, everyone followed Shanoa through the next door.

If the previous room had been boring, this room was a snooze. They appeared to have stepped into a very long and very mundane looking stone corridor. A simple, plain door beaconed them forward in the distance.

Two Dead Warriors and a Quetzalcotl chilled peacefully on the far side of the room.

"I'm getting a very bad feeling from this," Charlotte murmured.

Not wasting any time, Shanoa walked across the room with the others in tow, like a mother duck leading her ducklings.

Suddenly, the Dead Warriors sprung to life, galloping at them with loud angry whinnies, and the Quetzalcotl began to bob up and down from its perch on the wall, hissing at them angrily.

"Aaa! I thought the monsters weren't supposed to attack us!" Jonathan shrieked, whipping one of the Dead Warriors out of existence just as it began to bare its hooves down on him.

Isaac shrugged at the question. "Sometimes they don't listen."

Juste quickly ended the other Dead Warrior in the same manner, and Shanoa blasted the Quetzalcotl with lightning before it could even think of attacking.

"We have no choice," the woman said simply as she plunged through the door. "We must continue forward."

Immediately, they were greeted with blasts of lightning, machine gun fire, and homing missiles from a room filled with Creatures.

"Oh _hell_ no!" Jonathan shrieked, rolling out of the way as a homing missile exploded where he had just been standing. He ducked behind Charlotte as the girl brought up a magical shield, doing what she could to protect them from the onslaught of attacks.

One by one, Juste began to stealthily take out the Creatures, seemingly appearing behind them and finishing them off with a few well placed strikes of his whip and magical fire. Shanoa calmly filled part of the room with her frigid fury, encasing several creatures in frozen icicles again and again until they fell apart.

Hector, seeing a way to finally meet his doom, began to walk forward with his arms outstretched into the room of Creatures. With a disgruntled sigh, Isaac followed him, punching the lightning and missiles out of the way. Taking a cue from Isaac, the others quickly got behind him, defending the rear as they moved in one collective group across the room.

Just over halfway through the room, Isaac's eyes narrowed as a Creature leapt into the air, intent on smashing Hector with its massive weight. Gripping the shovel tightly, he swung it like a baseball bat, propelling the monster into the wall. The force of the blow, in addition to the Creature's great mass, knocked a hole in the wall, revealing a room full of mermen swimming in water. The mermen frowned as the water began to rush into the room, carrying them with it.

Charlotte's eyes widened as she realized what would soon happen. They were close to the exit door, but not quite there. "Everyone get through the door! Hurry!"

In a burst of speed so fast that it looked as if he teleported, Juste sped forward, pulling open the door just as the water contacted the first Creature. The monster roared, filling the room with a cacophony of sound and light as it exploded.

Juste plunged into the next room, and Isaac heaved Hector through, not looking back as the water continued to crash into the room with ferocious speed, igniting each Creature it touched and causing general discomfort to the mermen.

By the time Shanoa sped through the door, the edge of the water had just reached them, splashing up onto her designer pumps. The woman frowned with distaste. She knew she shouldn't have worn her favorite blue pumps tonight.

Electricity flew through the water, causing both Charlotte and Jonathan to cry out in pain. The world blurred around Jonathan as the water came upon them. Though everything was happening very quickly, time seemed to slow down to a crawl in his mind.

A part of him wondered if it was a side effect of Stella and Loretta's drugs.

"_Jonny-boy, you've reached the end of the line,_" the ghost of John Morris said from beside him. "_I'm just glad that you don't think you're a rock-n-roll skeleton anymore._"

"Thanks dad, you're so encouraging," Jonathan grunted, watching with amusement as the water, Charlotte, and even his own body appeared to move in slow-motion.

"_You're too far away. There's no way you can both make it through that door in time,_" the ghost said solemnly. "_You know what you have to do._"

"I… I know," he murmured back, the true meaning of his father's words suddenly clear to him.

Another wave of electric water sluggishly sloshed onto them, and Charlotte was ever so slowly turning around to face him, a terrified look in her eyes.

This was it. He knew what he had to do.

"Jona—" Charlotte began to shout, her voice as slow as her body. Jonathan could swear that he saw fear in her eyes, not because she was afraid of losing her own life, but because she knew what he was about to do.

Charlotte knew. She always knew.

Jonathan didn't say anything as time suddenly sped back up. He used his forward momentum to shove Charlotte through the doorway, just before the final wave of water crashed into him from behind, slamming the door shut in front of him.

That was it. He had sealed his doom, but at least she was safe.

Electrified water rushed around him from every direction, sending jolts of pain through his body. He wasn't sure how much electricity was good for him, but since he was as good as dead anyway, it didn't really matter, did it?

As the water-level finally rose over his head, Jonathan smirked, focusing his gaze on the nearest Creature. Maybe he was about to die, but at least he could go out with a bang.

Throwing his head and arms back, he gathered what was left of his waning energy into one final Sonic Strike. Dashing forward, which wasn't nearly as fast as he had imagined underwater, he gave everything he had into one last punch, easily driving through the Creature. However his forward momentum wasn't stopping there. He was about to hit the wall behind the Creature with alarming speed.

"Wwwwoooorlp!" His cry came out gargled as it reached the surface of the water. In a last unconscious effort to dodge the wall, he jumped up and braced himself for the impact.

He never felt himself hit the wall. Instead, there was only a strange sensation of being lifted high into the air. He felt like gravity had stopped working on his body entirely, like some divine force was pulling up.

Maybe this was what it felt like to go to heaven. He thought with a smile, "_Dad… I'll see you soon._"

* * *

"JONATHAN!" Charlotte screamed, falling to her hands and knees after being shoved forcefully through the door. Her palms were dirtied by the murky water that seeped into the room along with her, and her book had flown from her grasp, but she didn't care. At this point, only one thing was on her mind.

And she kept screaming it as she ran back to the door… "JONATHAN!"

And pushed with all her might…. "JONATHAN!"

And found that the door wouldn't budge but kept shoving anyway… "JONATHAN!"

And was eventually pulled backwards by Isaac and flung over his shoulder. "JONATHAN! JONATHAN! JONATHAN!"

"Quit it. He can't hear you. Let's move," he suggested, his boots crunching on bones as he moved through the room where the others had already laid waste to most of the Yoricks.

Charlotte was an expressionless drooling mess. Shanoa pitied the girl, retrieving her book and stowing it away for later. She would get over the loss of her partner soon. If Jonathan was anything like Albus, about 45 seconds should suffice.

Isaac carried the girl through the next few rooms, punching any enemy that dared come close into submission. A part of him wondered who the boss was that he was supposed to protect. Dracula had filled the castle, and its linked past incarnations, with monsters while he had been out to buy flour. He hadn't thought to ask the vampire which monster he should keep alive if they all happened to decide to attack them.

Like now.

Shanoa and Juste didn't seem to have any trouble taking down hordes of Minotaurs, Mothmen, Bone Arks, Gold Skeletons, and more. Like a deadly and ferocious duo, they utilized magic that Isaac had long since abandoned to obliterate everything in their way. Though he would have preferred to beat the monsters into submission with his fists, Isaac still had to admit that he was impressed with their skill.

Shanoa had bravely plunged forward into each new room, regardless of what they found inside, but it wasn't until they reached one particular room that she balked just a bit. Eager to see what was making this powerful woman pause, Isaac peered over her head inside. What he saw made him grin with excitement.

A gigantic Gergoth paced around the center of the room, surrounded by Abaddon, who was happily teaching his locusts to dance, Aguni, basking in the flames of his own heat, Balore, who was checking out how he looked with a monocle in Aguni's giant mirror, and a fake Sypha, Trevor, and Grant, who were all busy playing Bridge with a shadow doppelganger.

Oh, and not just any shadow doppelganger.

Isaac's shadow doppelganger.

"A moment please," Shanoa said, politely bowing as she backed up a bit and closed the door. Gravely, she turned to the others. "We need a plan of attack."

"Why attack... when you can just die?" Hector moaned deplorably, earning himself a punch from Isaac.

"I'll go," Isaac offered, crushing his fist into his other palm.

Wary of both of these suggestions, Shanoa looked to Juste, but the Belmont merely stared mysteriously at her.

Finally, it was Charlotte who murmured. "I have an idea."

Realizing that she was done being all bitchy and emo, Isaac put her down. Charlotte still appeared extremely sad, but as she dusted off her skirt, she collected herself. "Shanoa, may I have my book please?"

With a nod, Shanoa handed over the large tome. The magical girl opened the pages gingerly, pointing out the monsters they had just witnessed. "I've seen all of them before. Here, in my book, I wrote down everything last time I encountered them with J-Jonathan…"

As Charlotte showed them all her book, they were all impressed with her attention to detail. Everything from the monster's strengths and weaknesses to their favorite leisure time activities was carefully scrawled down onto the pages of her book.

It took them several minutes, but finally, they had devised a plan of attack, each based off their own respective strengths and in some cases their favorite snack food when they couldn't decide. However, as they all entered the room something very peculiar happened.

All of the monsters parted way as Isaac approached.

The Gergoth carefully stomped aside, pulling Abaddon in its wake. Aguni shifted slightly to the left, Balore politely moved his gigantic hand back, and even the fake trio scooted around to let the red haired man through.

Isaac's shadow doppelganger inclined his head slightly in his direction. "Hey."

"Hey," Isaac responded, noting that his doppelganger even reclined back in chairs like he did. "You're me?"

"Almost," the shadow doppelganger admitted. "Name's Caasi," he said, accenting the letter "I" at the end of his name.

"Cassie?" Isaac repeated, accenting the initial "Ca" syllable. "A girl's name?"

All the monsters in the room gasped and took a step or scoot away. Even Abaddon's locusts scuttled to the edges of the room in fear. "Oh no you _didn'!_" the bug-man jeered.

Caasi's eyes narrowed dangerously. "_No._" Slowly, he rose from his seat. As he did so, the fake trio quickly scattered from their chairs, fake Sypha floated away, fake Grant jumped up onto the ceiling, and fake Trevor tripped over his chair during his effort to get away.

Isaac was starting to get the picture. His small grin grew wider as Caasi approached, and he nodded to another part of the room. "In the center. Where it's fair."

Caasi dipped his head slightly in agreement, pacing Isaac slowly to the center of the room, never letting his eyes leave the other's for a moment.

Hector, Charlotte, Shanoa, and Juste, who had followed Isaac up until this point, took a cue from the monsters and stepped back.

As the two red-heads reached the center of the room, Isaac tilted his head to the side and back, cracking his neck in anticipation. Caasi wound his left arm around, cracking some of his shoulder and back. The maniacal grin never left either of their faces.

Moments later, they both stood, eager for what was to come. Caasi's eyes never left Isaac's as he commanded, "Aguni. Call it."

"This… this is far too much pressure… I don't think I can…" the fire demon muttered the phrases in short quick spurts.

"Do it." Isaac rumbled back.

"Aie!" Aguni ducked away in fear, then nodded enthusiastically. He tapped his fiery claw against his mirror three times, causing a loud ringing sound to echo through the room, then squeaked. "Fight!"

Immediately, both fighters sprung into action.

Isaac swung first, with a left jab to the side, but Caasi quickly blocked it with a flying knee to the head.

Hector screamed, cringing into a little ball as Isaac came flying his way. Fortunately, the red-haired former devil-forger went flying right over his head, but unfortunately Aguni wasn't fast enough.

The warrior flew through the fire demon's chest, rupturing its flaming skin and breaking through its molten body. Aguni's shrill cry of defeat resonated through the air as Isaac crashed into the demon's mirror, shattering it into pieces.

Isaac grunted as he hit the ground, the flames left over from Aguni's body circling around him. The light of the flames reflected dangerously off his eyes as he lifted his head up, his grin wider than ever. "Finally…"

Charlotte watched on in awe as Isaac strode through the flames, like a dark messenger from hell, or in this case, an ultra-beefy man bent on destroying his shadow doppelganger. She couldn't help but compare this to the time she had faced her own shadow doppelganger.

It had been hell. Jonathan had just barely managed to pull Charlotte from the room before her shadow had driven the sword and axes from her own tome of arms into her chest. After several failed attempts to defeat the shadow doppelganger, they had finally come up with a solution that seemed to work: removing all their weapons and armor.

Unfortunately, that solution seemed to have no effect on Isaac's shadow doppelganger, as the man already wore nothing but plain jeans, boots, and a Henley shirt. As for weapons, he only seemed to use one: his fists.

And use them he did. By the time Isaac had reached his shadow again, Hector had recoiled back into one of the folding chairs the fake trio had sat upon earlier for support. Shanoa, Charlotte, and Juste took a cue from him and backed as far away as possible.

Unfortunately for Balore, as Isaac lunged forward and Superman punched Caasi, the shadow flew right through the giant creature's fingers as it readjusted its brand new monocle. The shadow cracked right through the glass, pierced through Balore's eye, ruptured vital arteries in his brain, and flew out the backside of the monster's skull.

Before Caasi could fully recover, Isaac was upon him again. He drew his arms close as he lunged in to heft his shadow into the ceiling, where fake Grant expired quickly, knowing that his work here was done.

Caasi was not about to be bested and, while on his way down, struck his counterpart with a boot to the head, which sent Isaac careening into Abaddon, smushing it. "Aww shiiiiit…." The bug-man croaked as his life faded from him. Thankfully, he didn't have to witness the aftershocks of the blow extinguishing the lives of his dear locusts.

Isaac flipped up to his feet again quickly, but just as swiftly his shadow was there to deliver a turning side kick. The former devil-forger expected the attack, however, and caught his foot. Using that moment of unbalance to his advantage, Isaac spun around like a top, lifting his shadow into the air.

Fake Sypha received a number of blows to the head as Caasi's beefy arms crashed into her each time Isaac spun him around. With one tiny scream, she fell to the ground and disappeared.

After he had reached maximum speed, Isaac released his shadow from his grip, hammer-tossing him into fake Trevor. Nowhere near the mettle of a true Belmont, fake Trevor fell over and expired silently.

"The chair! Give him the chair!" Shanoa shouted in encouragement.

"No! Don't give it to him!" Hector wailed, clinging even tighter to his folding chair.

Distracted by Hector's sissy antics, Isaac found himself on the receiving end of a guillotine choke. Caasi had jumped onto his left shoulder, curled his left arm around Isaac's neck, and used his weight to pull the fighter down.

This was bad. Isaac knew this submission hold would be tricky to break out of, if it were possible at all. He would need to do something drastic if he was to win, and he knew just the thing.

Unable to completely see where he was going, Isaac stumbled in the general direction of the Gergoth. As he ran into the once gentle creature's nose, the Gergoth squealed and pulled its head back. Angered, the giant beast gathered its energy and blasted a deadly beam of charged light at them.

It was enough to knock Caasi off his back. The shadow doppelganger grunted, rolling across the stone floor from the force of the blow. The choke-hold had winded Isaac though, and as he fought to catch his breath, his shadow had already sprung to his feet. To make matters worse, the Gergoth was also starting to look a little pissed that he was standing there, and it had opened its mouth wide as it reared back, likely to snap Isaac up for dinner.

After sprinting halfway across the room, Caasi jumped and kicked, his dangerous boots aiming directly for Isaac's head again. At the same time, Gergoth seemed to have reared back as much as he could, his mouth just beginning to dive forward to swoop Isaac up.

This would take timing. Having never been good at music, Isaac wasn't sure he had it, but he could damn well try.

3. 2. 1.

At the perfect moment, Isaac dodge-rolled out of the way, letting Caasi fly right into the Gergoth's mouth.

For a tense moment, nobody spoke. Nobody moved. Only the Gergoth paced uncertainly forward.

Suddenly, Caasi burst forth from the Gergoth's stomach, littering the floor with the monster's bloody entrails. Crimson liquid flew from the Gergoth's chest as he arched back in one final elephant-like cry of defeat. Like a feral animal, Caasi shook the blood from his body, pacing forward toward Isaac.

Isaac knew this was it. He had to take his shadow doppelganger down before any of his friends were hurt.

It seemed his shadow had the same idea, though his friends had already met their doom. He would never know how that game of Bridge was to end. He would never know, and it made him mad.

Both fighters sprinted toward the middle of the room, where one would meet his certain doom. Oddly, both seemed to relish the idea, excited grins plastered across their faces. When they finally reached their final destination, Caasi was the first to throw a knock-out punch.

Unfortunately for Caasi, Isaac had jumped legs first, making it easy to flying scissor heel hook him around the neck into submission.

Both fighters fell to the ground, one being strangled to death. The other, not. "Give up?" Isaac grunted with a grin, already knowing the answer.

"Ne…ver…" Caasi managed to croak somehow, though he was being choked by the other's overly muscular thighs.

Charlotte could barely manage to watch. It was manslaughter. It was wrong. But then again, it was a shadow doppelganger, and after that horrible time it gave them last time, that fucker deserved it.

A half-hour later, even Shanoa was beginning to lose patience and was tempted to jump in. However, as soon as she moved, Isaac caught her movement and shook his head. "This one's mine."

Caasi's face had turned blue already, but still, he refused to tap-out. He refused to submit. With a grin, he inclined his head slightly in acknowledgment and died.

Isaac stood, nodding to his shadow. "Almost."

Shanoa sighed in boredom, "Finally. Let's go, I have an ebay bid to win."

Though she had been a positive mess, Charlotte had kept track of the number of rooms they ran through and the direction of each door and stairway. If her calculations were correct, and they always were, there was only one room left before they should reach the end.

Without hesitation, Shanoa threw open the door, daring to brave whatever terrible foe may lay ahead.

The room was largely empty. Surrounded by crows, a black demon stood stoically in the center. When it saw the group approaching, it slowly began to raise its large black wings.

"A Malphas? Seriously?" Charlotte couldn't help exclaiming. "We went through all that shit, Jonathan DIED… all to fight a Malphas?"

"It would appear so," Shanoa replied calmly, readying her weapons as the demon continued to ever so slowly raise its wings in preparation to attack. "You have counted the rooms as well, haven't you? You know this is the last monster standing between us and our way back home."

"This _is_ my home," Charlotte responded crossly, turning her back on the Malphas and drawing everyone's attention but Isaac's, who knew that some boring estrogen-filled plot was about to happen.

It was. Tears appeared in the magical girl's eyes as she said, "This is Castlevania, 1944. It's technically a few months earlier, but it's _my time_. And Jonathan's too. I was thinking of running away with him earlier before…"

Though he remained silent, Juste nodded.

She shook her head, wiping the moisture from her eyes. "I didn't do that though, because it wouldn't have been the right thing. Because I chose not to, he's gone. He is…. _was_… my best friend and… well, I can't imagine living in this world now. Not with him gone."

Hector couldn't imagine living in this world either, with its terrible lack of chairs.

"I will follow you," Charlotte continued. "I will see this through and make sure that we get back, and that Dracula finishes his stupid house-warming party, and that Leon and Sara have the most amazing wedding ever! Jonathan would have wanted that. He would have wanted me to live my life to the fullest and to make sure everyone else was as happy as possible."

Isaac nodded, "Let's go."

Charlotte gave a tearful but happy smile. "Yes, let's defeat this boss and return to the modern time… for Jonathan."

Shanoa didn't quite agree with her reasoning, but she knew they had better attack the Malphas soon. It seemed to be taking the demon quite some time to charge up its attack, but she knew it wouldn't be pretty if the creature were allowed to actually follow through with it.

Charlotte brought out her book, a hard glint in her eyes as she faced the Malphas. Confidently, she took one step forward.

Suddenly, a loud cry echoed through the room, stopping her in her tracks. A blur of red flew through the ceiling and walls of the room, landing atop the dark demon's head and killing it.

The Malphas vanished in a puff of black smoke, leaving behind only a struggling mass of red and orange fabric. "Woah… tingly!"

Recognizing the voice, Charlotte gasped and ran forward, helping Jonathan untangle himself from a tattered looking orangey-red cloak and get onto his feet. "Jonathan!" Without waiting for him to say anything, she slapped him across the face. "How could you?"

"Gah!" Jonathan rubbed his stinging cheek. "It's nice to see you too…"

"You went off to die and left me behind! How inconsiderate!" she continued to fume.

"I… brought you this cape?" Jonathan attempted. "I feel stronger _and_ smarter wearing it!"

"That raggedy thing?" Charlotte frowned in disgust. "Where did you find that?"

"In Dracula's bedroom?" he answered. Then, seeing the look of horror on his partner's face, he attempted to explain, "Look, it's been a weird night for me too. I thought I was going to die in that room full of Creatures too, but for some reason I ended up in Dracula's bedroom, where I got this cool cape!"

Charlotte continued to look at him skeptically. "Dracula's bedroom? So did you have to fight him or something?"

"No, that's the great thing," Jonathan inhaled in preparation for the continuing exposition. "Dracula wasn't there, so I didn't have to fight him. For some reason, his door was locked. I couldn't get out! So, I started practicing some martial arts, but I almost ran into a wall with my sonic strike. I didn't want to ruin this gorgeous mug, so I jumped, and suddenly I ended up back here."

"I still can't believe—" the girl began.

"Save it for later," Shanoa interrupted, brushing past the two and walking up to a device in the corner of the room. "Ebay."

Charlotte continued to send dangerous looks Jonathan's way, but she couldn't deny Shanoa's logic. It was definitely time they left this world. Reluctantly, she murmured, "I'm glad you're safe."

"Yeah, me too," he agreed.

It wasn't until Shanoa pulled out the key she had received from defeating Albus that Isaac realized he might perhaps have been doing the wrong thing this whole evening. Wasn't he supposed to stop the power sources from being unlocked? Didn't Dracula tell him he needed to _protect_ the boss?

He supposed killing most of the enemies and allowing Jonathan to fall on top of the final boss hadn't exactly been his most shining moment. Neither was this for that matter.

Before he could say anything, Shanoa had already inserted the key, causing a bright flash of light to pulse through the room and a dark portal to open. "Let's leave," she said, walking through.

The group exited the portal into the bombed-out Starbucks just as the tremors began to flow through the castle. "What's going on?" Shanoa asked.

"This happened last time the castle collapsed on us!" Hector wailed. "Maybe this time… I can finally die…"

"No," Isaac grunted, hefting his comrade over his shoulder. He turned to the others and offered only one word of advice before dashing away. "Run."

Shanoa, Juste, Charlotte, and Jonathan did indeed run after their beefy friend, back through the Starbucks, catacombs, and underground lake areas until they reached the atrium in the center of the castle.

Moments after they arrived, the south wing of Castlevania collapsed.

"Damn." Isaac shook his head.

Dracula was going to be pissed. But then again, wasn't he always? Isaac decided not to worry about it, since he could always just build another Castlevania.

* * *

1 – Caasi is pronounced (cuhs-EYE). Isaac pronounced it (KAH-see).

2 – Just for fun, do any of you remember the last time Isaac used a Flying Scissor Heel Hook?

3 – Congrats to everyone who answered the chapter trivia questions right!

Chapter Trivia #16 – Lupine Eclipse! Congrats on being the only one to get this one!

Bonus Trivia #16 – The World type BETA, Malik Fairworth Armster, and PointOfNoReturn (because your answer was hilarious!)

Title Trivia #16 – The World type BETA and Malik Fairworth Armster!

**Chapter Trivia # 16 Answer:** _The crew jumps back in time once again in this chapter. Which game did they jump back into? _They jumped back into Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.

**Bonus Trivia #16 Answer:** _Why is Richter deathly afraid of Crème Pies?_ In Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin, Richter (or in that game, the "Whip's Memory") is weak against only one thing: Crème Pies. Apparently, they contain a bit of a dark attribute, and some bad memories for the poor Belmont.

**Title Trivia #16 Answer:** _Where is the title "No, what have I done?" from?_ Richter says this in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night when he wakes up from Shaft's possession.

**Chapter Trivia #17:** _In this chapter, Jonathan claims he went to Dracula's bedroom. Does Dracula's bedroom actually exist in any Castlevania?_

**Bonus Trivia #17:**_ What other Castlevania games featured a concept similar to that of the Nest of Evil from Potrait of Ruin (a Gaunlet of enemies, so to speak)?Boss Rush modes don't count!_

**Title Trivia #17:** _From where is the title, "This is ART!"_


	18. You Now Prossess Dracula

**Chapter 18: You Now Process Dracula's Rib**

* * *

Isaac knew Dracula would be pissed about the recent loss of the South wing, especially after he had taken so much time decorating that Starbucks with Saccubus. However, it was nothing that couldn't be rebuilt, and he was fairly certain that the smell of a stiff drink would put the vampire out of his misery for a while.

As if she had some sort of strange intuition, Saccubus swooped in from above. Some of her long red hair had come free from her hairdo, and even her voice sounded frazzled when she exclaimed, "Isaac! Have you seen what's happened to the castle? Most of it has vanished!" The succubus appeared distraught, as if she truly cared about those decisions she had helped Dracula make earlier that week. The butternut yellow flooring in the catacombs had been a particularly tricky compromise.

"Power-sources to the North, East, and South were cut," Isaac explained.

"But Isaac, _you_ went to the south!" the succubus proclaimed with a frown.

"Yeah," he agreed. A real man didn't dwell on the past.

"Well, regardless, our lord has asked that whatever creatures remain gather here in the Atrium or head to the Night Garden," she informed them. "Have you seen Death? He should be back from vacation by now."

Isaac shrugged in response.

The succubus sighed, "you're no help at all. I'm leaving." And then she did exactly as she said. She left.

Isaac couldn't say he was upset. That broad could be a pain.

It wasn't long before they reached the night garden, where the stained glass gates had already been thrown open. The pleasant aroma of nature's foliage wafted toward them, mixed with the sweet scent of various exotic flowers Dracula had chosen for his decorations. As they walked along the gravel pathway, a frantically pacing lord of the night came into view.

Seeing them approach, Dracula was at Isaac's side immediately. Isaac knew he was in trouble, but before he could open his mouth to explain, the vampire was already demanding, "_have you seen Adrian?_"

That hadn't been what he was expecting. Realizing that he was off the hook for the moment, Isaac responded. "No."

"Adrian is missing. This is terrible! I knew I should never have left him alone…" Dracula wailed, stuffing his fist in his mouth and blinking back bloody tears.

"Want a drink?" Isaac asked, offering his flask to the lord of the night.

"Is it 100% organic?" the vampire sniffled, reaching out to it.

"You bet."

"Wait," Dracula gasped, pulling his hand back. "You're just trying to knock me out again!"

For a moment Isaac was silent. "Let's look for Adrian."

Completely forgetting about the flask, the lord of the night nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, we must hurry! There is no time to waste! He could be in terrible danger!"

"Why would he put terribly dangerous things in his home?" Jonathan murmured to Charlotte, pointing at the vampire in the lead.

"It's Castlevania," she explained simply, smacking her friend's finger down. "But knowing Alucard, he is probably just fine."

* * *

To say that Alucard was not enjoying his evening would be an understatement. Not only had he lost track of Soma again, but his father's castle was slowly being destroyed by some unknown means. Again.

It wasn't that he minded the destruction of Castlevania all that much, but it bothered him that it was happening with all of them still inside it.

"Hey!"

Alucard froze in his tracks. That voice. That horribly annoying voice.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Listen!"

The dhampire had known that all of his father's creatures had been resurrected recently; however he had forgotten, nay, had _hoped_ that this one would not return.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned around, only barely daring to see the truth. The horrible creature that had come back into existence and would no doubt follow him around to the ends of the earth.

His fairy familiar.

The little fairy giggled at his sour expression, her blonde hair and green dress flying about her as she twirled around. "Master, why don't we turn that frown upside down? There's no need to look so long, when you have the gift of song!"

"Please no…" Alucard attempted.

However, as always, his attempts were of no use. The fairy perched on his shoulder, cleared her throat, and began to sing. "Here a goddess of happiness cries, an endless timeless lullaby. Sings her song of the dreams she has, the sadness fills her eyes. End of Love. Love is gone. No more dreams to dream about, so life is done. If it's so, cut the thread. It's time to let it go."

"Would you at least mind singing about something other than the depressing death of my family?" the dhampire scowled, feeling more miserable with each word the fairy sang.

Unfortunately for him, the fairy had no such thought in mind. In fact, she seemed almost chipper as she continued to sing, "Tears they flow to the thirst of the gods, the oceans roars drowned out by rain. Blameless wolf carries on alone, the silence now surrounds him. Sooner than, dreaming ends, morning of the dawn will bring another day. Turn around, you have found, a different place to dream."

Alucard couldn't wait for this night to end.

"**You wait for the end of this miserable night, but will it ever come? Already you have forged through lands of unspeakable treachery and evil. Any man composed of lesser mettle would certainly have met his doom. You have no time to sit and ponder what the fairy would sing about your family, or of the sweet sorrow she would make of your dear one. Onward, you must continue."**

* * *

Leon actually found Mathias's choice of décor in the night garden to be fascinating and beautiful; however, he found himself nodding dutifully along with his betrothed as she raged beside him.

"Stupid fucking Goddamned plants! They _reek_, they're _in my way_, and they _invite every_ _**fucking cock-sucking shit-eating bug in the world!**_" the woman screeched, swatting away a monarch bitterfly as it threatened to fly too close to her.

"Not that I'm a nature lover or anything, but would it kill you to _like_ something every now and then?" Joachim commented whilst preening his hair carefully from the most recent digital picture of himself. He was only just quick enough to drift out of the way as Sara angrily swiped at his camera. "Hey, watch it, I need that!"

"The only thing you need is my foot up your ass!" Sara screamed, her claw-like fingers again swooping for the camera.

"Not _your_ foot, sweetie," Joachim taunted, drifting farther away.

Maria watched the exchange stoically. A real woman didn't get involved in such petty affairs.

Richter pouted at Leon. "Grandpa, why are they fighting?"

The elder Belmont smiled kindly at his descendent. "Don't worry, Richter. They just don't understand each other."

"Oh," Richter murmured. Using the best of his mental capabilities, he deduced one more thing. "They're getting really far away."

Indeed, Sara had pulled free her wings and started flying after the now frantically drifting vampire. Leon shouted, "please wait! We might lose you in here!"

"I suspect we would both benefit from losing _her!_" Joachim's reply elicited a screech of fury from his pursuer.

It wasn't hard to keep up with them, as Sara's cries of anger and Joachim's yelps of fear never seemed to stop.

Suddenly, both shouted and went silent, causing Leon's heart to leap in fright. What had happened? Were his betrothed and his old friend ok?

As they came into a forested clearing ahead, Leon sighed in relief. They had only run into Alucard.

The dhampire appeared to be less than happy, as both Joachim and Sara had slammed into him, leaving him at the bottom of a squirming pile.

Once he realized who the others had run into, a big smile lit Richter's face. "_A_lucard!" he cried merrily, reaching past Sara's handfuls of dark energy and Joachim's telepathically levitating blades to pull his best friend out of the mess.

"Not you…. anyone but you…" Alucard muttered underneath his breath.

The Belmont tilted his head to the side, perplexed. "_A_lucard, it's me. Richter! Did you forget me?"

"No, I think that would be impossible," the dhampire moaned, pulling himself free from the other's grasp. In an attempt to discourage Richter from talking to him, he turned to Leon. "Have you seen Soma?"

However, Leon was far too caught up with the battle between his friend and betrothed to respond. "Sara… Joachim… please stop fighting. I do not wish to see either of you hurt."

"HA!" Joachim cackled, a maniacal glint in his eyes as he sent one of his favorite five blades swooping toward his foe. "You obviously aren't listening to your SOUL!"

Sara knocked the blade away with a blast of dark energy from one hand, tossing another at the vampire with her other. "You're just jealous, little cunt."

"Oh sweetie, if only you _knew_…" The vampire began to taunt, but quickly found himself on his back, with Leon's boot atop his chest.

"That is quite enough," the Belmont declared to Joachim, then sent the hardest glare he could muster at Sara. It ended up looking like a pleading puppy-dog face. "And if you would please stop pursuing him, I would very much appreciate it. This evening has been trying enough."

With what appeared to be regret, Sara allowed her fury to subside, the dark energy fading from her fingers as she folded her wings back and vanished them away. With a glance in Joachim's direction, she sneered, "you're lucky I need Leon alive."

Seeing that the crisis had been abated, Leon removed his foot from the vampire's chest and looked in Alucard's direction. "My apologies for being so inattentive to your question. I have not seen Soma since we parted ways earlier this evening."

"I fear he may have wandered into a situation even he cannot remedy," the dhampire frowned. "I would like to continue my search for him. Will you aid me?"

"Yes!" Richter agreed happily, causing Alucard to narrow his gaze and shudder instinctively.

As the others walked ahead, Maria pulled Alucard aside. Her intense hazel eyes burned into his soul when she asked, "the matter we spoke of earlier… have you noticed anything?"

Alucard shook his head, his eyes fixed on the Belmonts ahead. "I have, and it does not appear positive."

"It is as I feared," the woman responded with a small shake of her head. "Annette will be most displeased to hear this news."

"I doubt it is anything she has not already suspected," the dhampire murmured.

"True. You are certain?" Maria asked one last time.

Alucard nodded. "Indeed. Long have I known Leon Belmont, and in the time I have known him, little has changed."

As the group continued to walk forward, they suddenly found themselves on a large balcony overlooking the magnificent lights of the nighttime city below them. The sight was breathtaking, marvelous, and certainly planned in excruciating detail by Dracula and Saccubus.

Maria gazed stoically at the city below. "I thought this was the _night_ garden?"

"It is at night," the dhampire explained. "During the daylight hours, this part of the garden is the day garden. This is where I typically enter the castle."

"Grandpa, is that the train we took earlier?" Richter asked, pointing to a familiar silver train as it ran its course through the city.

"Yes, Richter," Leon responded.

"How did it get so small?" the younger Belmont asked.

Before Leon was burdened with answering that question, Soma walked up to them and waved once in greeting. "hey guys wuts sup"

"Soma!" Richter said happily. "_A_lucard was looking for you!"

"he was?" Soma responded with a small laugh as he scratched the back of his head. "Oops! sry Alucard!111"

The dhampire shook his head, his magnificent golden tresses swaying from side to side as he did so. "Unfortunately, it is nothing I am not already accustomed to, but do not let it happen again."

Soma bobbed his head once in agreement. "U got it"

At this, Alucard arched an eyebrow. "Interesting…"

"What's interesting, master?" his fairy familiar shouted loudly in his ear, panting as she finally threw her tiny body onto Alucard's shoulder again. "Master left me behind by accident… was I not singing enough? Shall I sing more?"

"No!" the dhampire reprimanded loudly, attracting Soma's attention.

"Alcarde wats wrong?" the pale haired youth asked, at his side immediately, the concern evident on his face.

Before Alucard could answer him, his fairy familiar opened her mouth and began to sing a terribly off-key song. "When the boy killed his father again—"

Alucard's brow twitched only once before he snatched the fairy tightly in his hand. "You. No more singing." Then, he turned sharply to Soma. "And you. Show your true self."

Soma took a step back. "alucard wut R U talking about"

"Yeah, what are you talking about?" Richter asked.

"Richter, stay out of this," the dhampire said in a tone that meant business.

Though the Belmont knew a thing or two about business, he had no idea what his dear friend could be talking about. "Stay out of what?" He asked, turning and taking a step toward Soma. "Do you know what he means? Can you tell me, please?"

"He lacks Soma's _colorful_ language… among other things," Alucard replied in response, his eyes narrowed with distrust. "Richter, that is not Soma."

"Yeah it is, just look at him!"

"richter… o richiter…" Soma said with a smirk, shaking his head as he walked up to the Belmont. "u really r the stupidest of the Belmonts"

Suddenly, a bright mystical light engulfed Soma. When he reappeared, he wasn't a he anymore. He was a she. And she certainly wasn't Soma.

Instantly, Alucard could tell that this girl was different from the others. Her raven dark hair splayed in gentle waves around her face and upper torso, and the deep lavender color of her eyes sparkled in a playful way. Her expletive Hot Topic t-shirt, combat boots, and faded jeans did nothing but accent her bountiful breasts and flat stomach. This girl was beautiful and perfect in every way.

"blinded by my beauty?" she asked coyly, lifting her hand into the air. As if on command, a large metal scepter, crowned with a giant sapphire, appeared in her hand. "alucard alucard i already have soma and now u 2 will b mine."

The girl pointed the impressive sapphire at the dhampire, and he felt himself being drawn toward her. Slowly, he placed one foot in front of the other, beaconed forth as if by a siren singing a lovely song at sea.

"Alucard, don't be fooled!" Leon cried.

Joachim scoffed, "For real. Why would you want to have sex with a girl?"

Spitefully, Sara glared at the vampire and discreetly stomped on his foot.

"am i beautiful?" the girl asked.

"You are beautiful…" Alucard droned, taking a step closer.

"am i sexy?" the girl asked.

"You are sexy…" Alucard murmured again, taking yet another step closer.

Meanwhile, Richter smiled and said, "_A_lucard's in love."

"No, he is bewitched," Maria murmured, realization dawning on her a moment too late.

Before anyone could react, Alucard had made his way to the girl, allowing her to place her delicate fingers around his jaw, pulling him closer until their lips lightly met.

At that exact moment, Dracula emerged from the forest into the clearing, followed by Isaac, Hector, Jonathan, Charlotte, Shanoa, and Juste. "Adrian no!" he cried. "You mustn't fall prey to her ways!"

"Who is _her?_" Jonathan asked, receiving a smack upside the head from Charlotte.

"Who is _she?_" the magical girl corrected.

Whoever she was, it was already too late. The girl smiled coyly as Alucard turned around, a vacant expression in his eyes. "my name is Tatiana and i am your worst nightmare" With a gleeful cackle, she held the scepter aloft.

Rays of blinding light pierced through the darkness of the castle, far brighter than any of the city lights below. Instantly, all of the girls in the room and Hector fell to the ground, bound to the earthen floor by blindingly bright chains. "lets see… charlotte maria sara shanoa and alucard's fairy… nope i never liked any of you"

Tatiana squinted closer at a skeletal silver haired heap and chuckled, "oops sorry hector u looked like a girl too oh well"

Juste silently knelt next to the bound Shanoa. The woman indicated to her cell phone, which had been knocked out of her hands by the mystical chains. Nodding in understanding, Juste placed the phone in her hands. Appeased with her ability to once again check her ebay bids, Shanoa quietly said, "thank you. I shall offer you sexual favors later."

"You're a witch!" Richter cried, angered that Tatiana had hurt his friends. He ran forward to attack her head-on, and he almost reached her; however, the jewel in her scepter shone again, chaining the poor Belmont down.

"its a shame Richter, you are so cute but… _so_ stupid" she sighed.

Knowing that he had to make a move quickly, Jonathan had used Richter's attack as a distraction, sonic striking until he was right behind Tatiana. Just as his fist was about to reach her scepter, ready to knock it out of her hands, he was thrown to the ground.

Alucard stood like a monolith of power above him, gazing down at Jonathan with indifferent eyes.

Tatiana cackled again. "good boy alucard. i knew i could count on u"

"Who is she?" Charlotte demanded again, just barely able to twist her head far enough that she could face Dracula. "And why the hell did you put her in your castle?"

"I did not choose to have her here. Tatiana appeared on her own," the lord of the night murmured with horror, his eyes fixed on his possessed son. "She controls everything with the scepter she bears, and nothing of this world can stop her."

"What kind of demon is that?" Richter cried.

Dracula gazed at the less-than-knowledgeable Belmont with pity.

"A self-insert."

The horrible words filled the air with a looming sense of dread. Though none but Charlotte fully comprehended the terror, everyone could understand that they were in deep shit.

"A self-insert?" Isaac asked.

"Yes, I am afraid so," Dracula responded gravely, recalling that Isaac had been locked away for the past 400 years, thus keeping him oblivious to certain progressions of the modern world. "The author of this story inserted herself with the resurrection of Castlevania a few days ago, and I have thus far been unsuccessful containing her. I had thought she was happy watching the spider-trap in what she called the "Symphony of the Night Game," whatever that means, but I was wrong. Somehow she must have switched places with the past Richter, placing him back in his world and reappearing in the Night Garden."

"omg boring. thats enough information from u" Tatiana rolled her eyes, pulling what looked like a piece of glowing tape from her scepter and flicking it in Dracula's direction.

Instantly Dracula found himself chained to the ground, the "tape" covering his mouth so he couldn't speak.

Meanwhile, Jonathan and Alucard were fighting it out in the background. "Alucard, come to your senses!" Jonathan shouted, knowing that it was useless. He remembered what it was like to be charmed. He'd never tell Charlotte, but it was actually pretty nice. Nothing mattered. There was no pesky indecision or lack of self-appreciation. The world was just _love_. Love and beauty, and if you protected that, everything was golden.

Unfortunately, Alucard seemed to be in that fantastic world right now, as he expertly swung one of his arsenal of blades in his direction. Though Jonathan was managing to hold his own against him, he was sure a little help would be nice.

"Yes," Juste responded, his lengthy pale locks sweeping behind him as he stepped in and deflected Alucard's blade with his own Vampire Killer whip.

Jonathan would have thought about that a bit more, but he didn't have time to. Quickly, he rolled out of the way of a hellfire blast from the dhampire, giving Juste the opportunity to attack while Alucard was focused on him. The dhampire managed to deflect Juste's whip, swiping his blade behind him just in time.

Unfortunately, he never saw the cat coming.

Though the woman remained chained to the ground, Maria's feline was beneath him before he knew what was happening, tripping him and giving Jonathan just enough time to jump forward, kneeing him hard in the side.

"your best move" Tatiana noted, nodding appreciatively at Jonathan. "but three against one? thats not fair"

With a snap of her fingers, Soma jumped down from the trees nearby. Like Alucard, his eyes were also vacant, his face expressionless as he held up his hand. "Dark Inferno. Dark Inferno. Dark Inferno."

"You've got to be kidding…" the blonde haired teen began to say, but the sudden barrage of Dark Inferno blasts shut him up pretty quickly.

It was Isaac's turn to strut forward with determination. Realizing that he was still holding that shovel, he tossed it aimlessly in Leon's direction. He could have sworn he heard Charlotte cry out in the background, but that didn't matter. A real man fought with his fists.

However, Tatiana was far from a real man, and she easily deflected his blow with her scepter, throwing him to the ground in blindingly bright chains as well.

"Augh! How are we supposed to beat her?" Jonathan panted between dodging Soma's lightning attacks and whipping at Alucard.

"She's a Self-Insert. You can't beat her with anything from this world!" Charlotte recalled, thinking her hardest back to the short amount of time she had to observe modern computers. And modern fanfiction.

"Then how the hell do we win?" he shouted back, narrowly dodging a plate of hot curry as Soma viciously tossed one in his direction.

"You have to find something _from her world_, and use that to beat her!" the magical girl responded loudly. "Like—!"

"youve talked enough 2" Tatiana moaned, flicking tape onto Charlotte's mouth too.

"Seems pretty hopeless, doesn't it?" Joachim commented, sipping his coffee idly.

"Indeed, but nothing is hopeless," Leon replied, narrowing his eyes as he assessed the situation.

"Your future marriage is hopeless," the vampire pointed out.

"Quiet, I'm thinking," the Belmont murmured, and from the look on his face, he did indeed appear to be deep in thought.

"Oh? That's new," the vampire said with a note of mild surprise. "Let me know how that one works out for you."

As he watched the self-insert gleefully observing the fight between Alucard, Soma, Jonathan, and Juste, a smirk slowly crept onto Leon's lips. "It's working out well, friend. It's a long-shot, but it may be all we have."

"_We?_" Joachim asked immediately. "I don't like the sound of that."

"You shouldn't. You're bait," Leon said, swiping the vampire's coffee from his hands.

Seconds later, Joachim found himself pushed into Tatiana's arms.

"oooo U R cute" the self-insert crooned, petting his silver hair fondly.

"Aaiiieeee!" Joachim let out a blood-curdling scream, drifting out of her arms. Quickly he brought his swords up in front of himself defensively. "Stay back, fiend!"

"now thats no way 2 talk 2 a lady—aaAAA!" Tatiana screamed, filled with a sudden ripping sensation.

Leon had meant to strike her in the back of the head with Isaac's discarded Shovel, but it seemed that just having the object close to her was enough. "You don't like this Shovel much, do you?"

"this feeling… this soulless emptiness… it's pulling me back… no…. NO its pulling me baaaaaaackkkkkk!" Tatiana screamed, clutching her hands to her head.

Leon would have thought the girl was merely losing her mind, but it was true. In the air between the girl and the Shovel he held in his hands, what seemed to be a small black spiral appeared. An ominous whirling, accompanied by the sound of computer circuitry and the clicking of keys on a keyboard, resounded from the darkness, which appeared to be growing by the second.

"No! Shovel is crying!" Charlotte pleaded, tears brimming in her eyes. "He's saying 'don't leave me with her!'"

"i can't go back! don't make me go back im nobody in my world! here soma and alucard are both my boyfriends and i can do anything but back home im NOBODY!" Tatiana begged, her amethyst eyes fixed to Leon. "everyone at school hates me and i don't have a boyfriend and im not really this pretty and my life is boring! its so so so so so BORING!"

Though the Belmont did feel pity for her, he shook his head. "I'm truly sorry, but you don't belong in this world."

"Yeah!" Richter agreed.

"But Tatiana, do not despair," Leon continued, his brilliant blue eyes somehow comforting her soul. "Everybody is somebody. If you find your life boring, perhaps you should try getting off the computer and doing something else? I know it would greatly help some of us."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Shanoa muttered, her eyes still fixed to the tiny cell-phone screen in her hands.

"what… what do you mean?" the miserable girl asked, her eyes still fixed to Leon, despite the growing void between them.

"Talk to your family. Hang out with your friends. I know you must have a close friend or two," the Belmont explained, smiling as the girl nodded. "Everybody doesn't have to like you, but if you have one or perhaps two good friends in your life, that is enough," he said, glancing in Dracula and Joachim's directions briefly.

"Oh, don't even," Joachim sneered, reclaiming his cup of coffee from where Leon had considerately placed it on the ground. "Next time _you're_ bait."

It seemed like Dracula too desired to say something. Though the tape still covered his mouth, his eyes wept bloody tears.

The dark spiral grew wider, and the self-insert began to feel it tugging her back into reality. With her last breath in the fantasy world, she smiled a genuine smile and said, "tha—"

The darkness expanded large enough to engulf both the self-insert and the Shovel, then in a flash, it disappeared, taking both with it. Then, in its place, the typical time-portal to another world appeared.

An instant later, all of the chains and tape disappeared from everyone. A single pink letter, carrying the scent of rose petals drifted down into Leon's hands. He opened it up and read aloud, "thank you, Leon. I didn't have a chance to say that. I am sorry for what will happen in the near future. I can't change the plot this far into the game, but know that I am rooting for you. Love, Tatiana. P.S. Thanks for the Shovel. P.S.S. Don't tell anyone this but my real name isn't Tatiana. That's just some cheesy name I made up last night. It's actually—"

Leon gasped, "oh. I guess I'm not supposed to say that."

"The fuck just happened?" Soma moaned, rubbing his head. "I feel like my head's made out of fucking marshmallows."

Jonathan smiled, remembering that it did feel like that. Until Charlotte had hit him with her fifty pound book, that is.

"I suspect that we were both charmed," Alucard hypothesized, touching two fingers to his forehead briefly as he awaited a bit of dizziness to pass. "Jonathan and Juste, I apologize for attacking you."

Jonathan sighed, truly glad it was over, and obligatorily responded with his trademark, "No problem."

Juste nodded discretely.

"Leon, is that all her letter says?" Sara asked, brushing off a bit of dirt from her skirt.

"Yes, that and her true name, but I can't—" Leon began to say.

"That's right, fucking bitch-whore better know her place," the angry woman growled over whatever her betrothed was trying to say.

Dutifully, Leon shut up.

"I certainly appreciate that her place is no longer my castle," Dracula remarked, breathing a sigh of relief. "And I cannot tell you how pleasing it is to have that tape removed. The electrons in that tape were damaging my skin and could have given me cancer!"

His relief, however, was extremely short lived.

From the trees above, Simon Belmont jumped down, landing in front of the lord of the night. "I would have preferred that she left the tape on." Like Kiddo from Kill Bill, Simon's ninja-like hand darted quickly forward, plucking Dracula's left eye from its socket.

"Dracula, I now process your rib, fingernail, ring, and eye. Dare you follow me?" Simon asked with a smirk.

"GAAAAHHH!" Dracula screamed, clutching his marred face.

"Process?" Shanoa asked, not taking time to look up from her phone.

"Possess, my apologies. Old habits are hard to break," Simon waved, diving into the nearby time portal before anyone could interfere. "Adieu!"

"Master!" Saccubus cried, swooping down conveniently with potions in hand. Quickly she opened one and poured it into the injured vampire's eye socket.

"GAAAAHHH! Saccubus, you moronic succubus! That is _not_ how potions work!" Dracula raged, snatching a few and chugging them until the bleeding stopped.

"Damn, Simon's kind of a dick, isn't he?" Soma asked.

Isaac nodded.

"So you think we should follow him?" the pale haired youth continued.

"I don't see what other choice we have," Leon sighed. "We must attempt to right whatever wrong he is about to do."

With that, he led the way through the newest portal.

Maria pulled Alucard back, choosing to enter the portal last so that she could have a private word with him. "You were possessed, but did you see what happened?" she asked, excitement in her eyes.

"It is difficult for me to recall, but I think I burned some of Jonathan's hair," Alucard guessed.

"No, not that," the woman replied, shaking her head slightly. "Leon."

Alucard blinked at her. "I apologize, my mind was on other things."

"Leon _used his brain_ to think of a solution. He took out the most challenging boss we have yet to face by _thinking_ his way out of the situation," Maria explained excitedly.

A rare smirk graced the dhampire's lips. "Why so he did. Leon realized that the Shovel, an ordinary creation of the modern world, was typical enough to have been from the self-insert's world too."

"Could it really talk?" Maria asked. "I never heard it."

"Neither did I, but Charlotte seemed convinced," Alucard shrugged.

"Perhaps Richter is not doomed after all," Maria mused.

At this, Alucard scowled. "Speak for yourself. Richter is the Belmont who teamed up with Shaft and fought me because he thought it was all a _game_."

"Wait, I thought he was possessed?" Maria narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

"No, he thought we were fighting to see who could 'win faster,'" the dhampire growled.

"He did?" Maria asked, arching an eyebrow in surprise.

"Yes. Apparently I 'won,'" the dhampire grumbled.

"I lost to _A_lucard," Richter sighed, pouting as he stepped up to them from behind some bushes. "He was the gooder man."

"Richter!" Maria gasped, spinning around quickly to face him. "I thought you went ahead."

"Nope, I stayed behind to listen," the Belmont replied.

"Then you must know why Annette sent me to follow you," Maria assumed, casting her gaze harshly aside.

"I do?" Richter asked.

"Then there is no further point in hiding it," the woman sighed, not noticing the Belmont's puzzled expression. "She sent me to see if you could ever become more intelligent than you are."

"She… she did?" The Belmont asked, hurt now evident in his eyes.

"Oh, I see you did not know," Maria stated, turning to face him regrettably. "To put it simply, she fears your lack of intelligence may weaken the blood-line."

Richter wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about, but he was able to get the gist of it. "I am… too dumb?"

Now that he was faced with the hurt Belmont, even Alucard began to feel sorry for him. "We suspected that. For the past few days, Maria and I have observed your predecessor, Leon Belmont, to see if it could be possible at all for you to become more intelligent. Just now, Leon did not disappoint us."

"Leon was too stupid too, so Annette doesn't love me anymore?" Richter asked sadly.

Alucard was beginning to have doubts about cheering him up. "Richter, Leon _won_. He showed that it was possible to use his brain and win. And, though I regret saying this, the same may be possible for you."

"It is?" the Belmont asked, perking up.

"Yes," Maria answered simply. "I shall tell Annette of what I observed here today. That will clear up any misunderstandings."

Richter smiled and said, "that makes me happy!"

"Glad to see you are back to yourself again. Now head forward. We are falling behind," Alucard advised, in no mood to continue chatting in this place that had caused him so much pain.

"Okey dokey," the Belmont agreed.

"Oh, and Richter," Maria said, catching him just before he jumped into the portal. "Annette still loves you. That has never changed."

"Yeah!" Richter cheered, beaming as he ran through the portal.

"I think that went rather well," the dhampire surmised, a faint smile still on his face. That is, until his fairy familiar found him once again.

"Master! Thank goodness you are free! Now you can hear me sing again!" she shouted happily, flying to meet him as fast as she could.

Alucard ran smoothly and quickly into the dark portal.

When he reemerged, he found himself standing in a mostly barren room, comprised of vividly glowing dark orange bricks. Four multi-paned glass windows lined the back wall and an extremely flat looking greenish wooden table sat in the corner.

"The fuck is your problem?" Soma was already demanding a rather rotund elfin man dressed in a purple tunic.

The elf continued to stare at him with unblinking eyes, and though his heavily bearded mouth never appeared to move, he said. "I am error."

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

1 – Happy Holidays, one and all! This is my early gift to any of you who are still reading! Thank you for your gift of patience. =)

2 – Congrats to the people who answered the last chapter's trivia correctly!

Chapter Trivia – Willowfur, The World type BETA

Bonus Trivia – Renuarb, The World type BETA

Title Trivia – Willowfur, Auragonian, The World type BETA, PointOfNoReturnxx

**Chapter Trivia #17 Answer:** _In this chapter, Jonathan claims he went to Dracula's bedroom. Does Dracula's bedroom actually exist in any Castlevania?_ No. Though Dracula has many colorful areas in his castle, his bedroom has never been one of them.

**Bonus Trivia #17 Answer:**_ What other Castlevania games featured a concept similar to that of the Nest of Evil from Portrait of Ruin (a Gauntlet of enemies, so to speak)?Boss Rush modes don't count!_ Order of Ecclesia and Harmony of Dissonance both feature a giant gauntlet of enemies.

**Title Trivia #17 Answer:** _From where is the title, "This is ART!"_ Brauner says this in both Portrait of Ruin and in Harmony of Despair.

**Chapter Trivia #18:**_In what Castlevania game does Alucard have a singing fairy?_

**Bonus Trivia #18:**_ There are two ways you can hear Alucard's fairy's Nocturne. What two things can trigger the song to play? (hint: one way is only possible in the Japanese version of the game.)_

**Title Trivia #18:**_ Where is the title "You Now Process Dracula's Rib" from?_


	19. I Am Error

**Chapter 19: I Am Error**

* * *

It was all rather inconvenient. Alucard couldn't help but think about their time traveling misfortunes as he stood before the rotund purple-clad elf. He may have been his father's son, but he had no idea what terrible force had compelled the vampire into linking this particular world with Castlevania. It was entirely unfamiliar. Even the air felt unnatural, as if it were laced with some potent mythical magic.

"Yeah, I heard you the first fucking time. Now you gonna answer me or what?" Soma demanded of the elf. "Where the fuck are we?"

"I Am Error," the elf stated again, through unnaturally unblinking eyes.

Joachim leaned in closer to the pale haired youth and offered his sagely advice. "Call it a hunch, but I don't think we're going to get anything out of that one."

If the elf heard, he made no effort to acknowledge it. At all.

"We're wasting our time here," Shanoa declared with a frown, noticing that once again, her phone was out of network, leaving her painfully unable to check her ebay bids.

"Father, are you quite all right?" Alucard asked with a frown, peering closely at his father's empty eye socket. "You have yet to fully heal."

"These things take time," Dracula scowled.

"Maybe you'd heal faster if you actually drank blood every now and then," Joachim offered, earning him a suspicious glare from Leon.

Dracula was far more vocal about the suggestion. "Drink blood? Of baby animals I presume?"

"Oh no. You've started it," Jonathan sighed, elbowing Joachim in the side for his folly.

The lord of the vampires began what ended up being a very long rant, spanning from the cruelty and abuse of baby animals to the terrors of deforestation in the rainforests. As he ranted, the others decided to leave the house of the elf claiming to be Error.

However, they were shocked to find that the extremely flat interior of the house did not match the 3D exterior. They appeared to be standing on a grassy field before the entrance to a castle, an extremely unhealthy looking black cloud hanging overhead, casting a shadow over the moonlit sky.

"This… I do not remember this," Dracula murmured, frowning and touching a hand to his chin in thought. "In fact, the room of that 'Error' seemed a bit off too. That portal should have led to the year 1691, but instead…"

"Hey! HEY! Listen!"

Alucard stiffened. No. Not again. He had thought he left that damned fairy behind.

However, as he grudgingly turned to the source of the sound, he noticed that the fairy looked nothing like his fairy at all. In fact, she seemed to be nothing more than a ball of light with wings. "Hey! Hey! Hey!"

It still didn't make her any less annoying.

A troubled looking young man glanced tiredly up at the fairy as it flitted psychotically from a few rocks to blades of grass and back again.

Joachim pitied the elf, and his obvious lack of fashion sense. Though he could get into the soft blonde hair, the floppy green hat was an absolute no-no. He supposed that if the elf were on a quest, a tunic may be appropriate, but tights? Really? And those hiking boots went out at least three decades ago.

Just as the vampire was about to open his mouth to point these travesties out, Leon stepped forward, offering his hand in greeting. "Hello, my name is Leon Belmont. Might you by chance know where we are?"

"Ah—!" the elf replied, smiling and nodding.

They waited in silence for a moment before Leon realized that the elf wasn't going to say any more. "Umm…"

"Watch out!" the fairy suddenly shrieked, floating next to a skeletal looking creature as it burst from the earthen ground. Then, the fairy did something none of them had seen before. It placed vivid yellow arrows around the skeleton.

The elf quickly drew a simple but flashy metal sword and slashed it at the creature with a "Hya!"

"I thought the monsters were friendly now?" Richter asked with a pout.

"We are no longer in Castlevania, Richter," Maria explained, beginning to second guess her decision to tell Annette there was hope for the Belmont's intelligence.

The skeletal monster burst into dust. In its place, a single green gem balanced perfectly on one point above the ground. Finding absolutely nothing unusual about this, the elf happily picked it up and placed it in his pocket.

"Thanks for taking care of that monster," Leon said.

The elf nodded.

For a couple moments, everyone stood in silence. Then Leon attempted to ask him again, "So, about where we are…"

"Does it really matter where the fuck we are?" Soma finally blurted out, tired of waiting for the mute elves in this land to talk. "All I know is that we have to get back."

"The wannabe has a point," Shanoa stated, causing Soma to almost say something back to her. One dangerous glance from the woman shut him up. "We have stumbled upon many worlds, yet the objective is always the same. Find the key. Get back to our world."

"Sounds simple enough. All right, let's do this," Jonathan agreed.

"No!" Dracula suddenly shrieked, drawing everyone's attention to him. Even the little fairy began to circle around him curiously. "We can't do that!"

"Why?" Richter asked, tilting his head to the side.

"It would wreck horrors on Castlevania," the vampire explained.

"Why?" the Belmont asked again.

"The castle would have a greater chance of collapsing completely."

"Why?"

"Because only one power source would remain to support the entire castle."

"Why?"

"Because the other ones have already been cut off."

"Why?"

"Because _all of you_ destroyed them!" The vampire scoffed back, then held up a hand in Richter's direction as the Belmont began to open his mouth. "Do NOT ask why again."

"Then wh—" Charlotte began, pausing and cringing only momentarily as Dracula glared quickly in her direction. "_what_ are we supposed to do? Stay in this 'error'-land forever?"

"Of course not."

Recognizing the voice, they looked up to find Simon Belmont perched atop the wall surrounding the town. "We simply must find the way out. It's probably this way." Then, Simon disappeared over the wall into the town.

Dracula had his reservations about following his nemesis, but as the others had already taken off he had no choice but to go after them. He actually began to feel a bit more at home as they walked through the main square filled with zombies. The vampire frowned as the elf attacked and destroyed one on the way. Nobody ever appreciated the zombies.

Nobody ever appreciated him, for that matter. The world needed a lord of darkness around. Who else could keep all of that unsightly holiness in check? Who could stand to face the constant onslaught of knights out to make a name for themselves? Very few people, he was sure.

And yet, what did he get for all of his efforts? Robbed of his favorite ring, fingernail, rib, and eye. Oh, and constantly slaughtered by his oldest comrade's descendants.

Dracula was beginning to feel a little under-appreciated.

As the vampire wallowed in his own self-misery, he didn't even notice as the world suddenly turned flat again.

Alucard, however, noticed that the annoying fairy had vanished, and for that, he was eternally grateful. The elf traveling with them seemed to have changed too. Though he still wore the same type of garment, his hair had somehow grown long and brown. Of all the crazy things that had happened this day, it was really the least of his concern.

The group stormed into the castle, avoiding a barrage of arrows and deflecting the swords of guards dressed in cumbersome green armor. They valiantly fought a menacing dark knight who swung what appeared to be Jonathan's level 9 wrecking ball around at them, saved an elfin princess, and traversed their way to a magnificent throne room.

Finally, Jonathan couldn't take it anymore. He turned to Charlotte and shouted. "_Where is this music coming from?_"

The girl struggled to hear him over the loudly blaring trumpets and orchestra that seemed to come from every angle. "What?"

"The MUSIC!" the teen yelled back. Truthfully, he thought it sounded pretty cool when they first entered the castle. He hadn't minded it back then, just as he had appreciated having his own soundtrack when he and Charlotte stormed through Castlevania not long ago. But this was a bit much.

Charlotte shrugged back, still not able to hear her friend as they walked through the throne room.

Immediately, Hector dove into one of the downy pink throne chairs. Isaac sighed and shook his head.

The walls were lined with pillars and oddly hanging blue draperies. Dracula was not so secretly appalled by the gaudy taste in décor as his mouth hung open in horror. The dual pink thrones at the head of the room reminded him of something Saccubus had wanted him to install in his newest rendition of Castlevania, and the gigantic coat of arms with the tacky pink decorations brought to mind the horrors Isaac had worked on his actual throne with his hands.

Meanwhile, the others were standing awkwardly around, trying to figure out what to do. Simon must have come this way, but he left no evidence of his passing, which was a shame, since they could really use the help.

It looked like the princess was trying to tell the elf something, but every time she spoke, her words were drowned out by the loudly echoing music.

Growing bored with the situation, Soma walked up to one of the draperies and lit it on fire, finding a plain barren wall behind it. Alucard was about to reprimand the boy, when he realized that his words would have even less effect than usual if Soma couldn't hear him over the music.

Mistaking Soma's boredom for intelligence, Juste whipped another of the draperies down, finding nothing behind it. Together, Juste and Soma destroyed all of the blue drapes, unfortunately having no effect, other than slightly improving Dracula's mood.

Soma was about to go crazy. "The fuck kind of fucked up place is this? What the fuck am I supposed to do? Fuck!"

Alucard was thankful that he couldn't hear him.

Suddenly, the cymbals gave one final deafening crash, and a crimson figure swooped in from above, delivering a powerful kick to the side of the coat of arms. As the heavy mantelpiece shifted aside, it revealed a hidden staircase.

The music ceased as the man stood with his back to them all, his shaggy brown hair and the frayed ends of his long crimson garment rustling in the cool dank breeze from the sewers below. When he turned his head to the right, they could see the grim weathered expression on the profile of his face through his gritty stubble. Saying nothing, he gave a slight tug to the whip he had used to swing in, calling it back to a brutal looking combat cross in his hand.

Suddenly, guards began to flood into the room. The frightened elves hurried down the stairs, and soon the splash of their feet in the waters of the sewers below echoed up to the throne room. The mysterious man also headed down the stairs, the metal of his boots clicking audibly for a few paces and suddenly disappearing.

Leon found this a bit strange, but he knew they didn't have time to think about it. The guards were approaching, and he really didn't feel like knocking out any more people if he didn't have to. "Quickly, everyone, let's hurry!"

Isaac pried a sobbing Hector from the throne room chair, fireman carrying him over his shoulders and down the stairs.

As Joachim drifted after his old friend down the stairs, he was thankful that he would not have to sully his shoes with the grimy sewer water below. However, the disgusting sewers he was expecting never seemed to come. Instead, they found themselves at the bottom of a barren pit. Though he looked around for their whereabouts, the elf with the poor sense of fashion and the princess seemed to have disappeared.

The floor appeared to be comprised of very brightly colored red, green, blue, yellow, orange, cyan, and purple blocks, laid out in a peculiar jagged fashion. Festive Russian music played hypnotically in the room in an audible but not overpowering way. Charlotte couldn't help but sway her hips a bit to the tune and smile. Jonathan looked at her strangely.

Just then, from across the room, a horrible crashing sound echoed their way. Leon was getting a very bad feeling about this.

"Hey guys, the sky is yellow!" Richter exclaimed happily.

As they looked up, they could see that indeed the ceiling above them was yellow. And, it was falling their way.

"Richter, that is not the sky," Alucard responded. "We must move, and quickly."

The dhampire lead the way across the room, climbing atop a tall cyan tower. As everyone made it up to the top, they watched with horror as a large yellow cube fell from the ceiling and crashed into the indentation on the floor where they had just been standing.

"What sort of madness is this?" The lord of the night muttered.

"It's not madness," Soma responded slowly, watching as a jagged red part of the ceiling fell perfectly into another indentation on the floor. He turned to them all with a maniacal glint in his eyes. "It's Tetris."

The group stared at him blankly as a purple and then a deep blue part of the ceiling fell behind them onto the ground.

"Oh, you've gotta be shitting me, am I the only one who knows about it?" Soma asked incredulously. He turned to Shanoa, "you're always on your cell phone. Tell me you've played Tetris!"

"Angry Birds," the woman replied.

"Fuck those birds!" the pale haired youth shouted, then groaned, realizing that it was going to be up to him to get them out of this mess. "Ugh, I hate responsibility."

"I agree, it appears to be a word you loathe, but now would be an excellent time to try it out," Alucard advised, ushering Soma forward so that the youth could better observe the falling blocks.

Soma watched with a hand poised on his chin in deep thought as a green jagged block and a long orange block fell into place on the ground. However, as a very long cyan block appeared above them, beginning its descent into a perfectly sized hole, Soma's eyes suddenly widened. He shouted, "Look out, she's gonna tetris!"

"Wha—" Richter managed to say just as the cyan block locked into place.

Suddenly, the ground beneath them disappeared. Hector squeaked as he fell hard onto his bottom. Most of the others, caught by surprise too quickly to materialize wings or levitate, landed with loud thuds beside him. Only Joachim, who had been hovering the entire time to preserve his precious shoes and coffee, drifted down to them gently.

"What the fucking shit-fuck was that?" Sara demanded, thrusting her angry face right in front of Soma.

Instinctively, the teen backed away from the scary woman and hastened to explain, "a tetris. It happens when the player clears out a row of four blocks all at once. She must have planned that."

"She?" Jonathan asked with interest.

"Yeah, the player's a girl," Soma agreed.

"How do you know that?" he pursued.

"Because Tetris is a girl game, duh," the youth explained matter-of-factly.

"Then why do you know about it?" Jonathan pointed out, inclining a finger at the other teen with a grin.

"Because…" Soma began, feeling heat rise to his cheeks.

"Because?" Jonathan grinned, egging him on. "Are you saying you're a gir—"

"STFU Jonathan I _SWEAR!_" the pale haired youth shouted back reflexively. "It's because Mina likes Tetris and I… I might have watched her play it once or twice, ok? Geez!"

Soma had spent exactly 172.3 hours watching Mina play Tetris.

"Would you two mind _not shouting_ for a couple seconds? I'm trying to figure something out here," Charlotte said crossly, as she glanced from her book to the falling ceiling. As a tall deep blue block fell down beside them, she lead the way up, buying them a bit more time to think before the next inevitable tetris. "My book says nothing about this, but from common observation, we can deduce that there is only one exit to this chamber."

"The way we came in?" Leon asked helpfully.

"That would be nice if it still existed, but as you can see it has disappeared underneath the blocks," the magician girl pointed out.

"Up," Maria offered, her fierce gaze intent on the multicolored blocks falling from above.

"That's right," Charlotte agreed with a nod. "I think that's our way out of here."

"But how do we get up there?" Richter asked.

At that very moment, the crimson-clad man from before appeared on a yellow block, which was currently descending down. With a determined grunt, he slung his whip to the next block, high above. Once the end of the whip was secure, he swung to the edges of the walls, running along the cylindrical border of the room and pulling with his impressive strength until he was at the same level as the block. Then, angelic wings appeared at his back for the briefest of moments as he pushed off the wall, giving him the extra boost he needed to spring atop the next block. After repeating this maneuver a few more times, he disappeared out of sight.

Isaac nodded with respect.

"The fuck?" Soma gaped, stewing in jealousy as he watched the impressive show of acrobatics and strength.

"Who _is_ that guy?" Leon wondered out loud.

"Obviously nobody from our dimension," Alucard commented. "Though I would venture to say we are no longer in our dimension. We must focus on the task at hand and return as quickly as possible to our own realm."

"I hate to say it, but Grandma Allie's right. And I know just how to do it." Soma said, a smirk on his lips as he busted out what he assumed was a cool pose, flicking off the blocks above with one hand and Alucard with the other. "We've gotta make the player lose."

"Splendid idea, and how do you suppose we should do that, hmm?" Joachim sneered, not bothering to offer any suggestions himself.

"See the blocks falling from the sky?" Soma asked.

"YES!" Richter agreed enthusiastically.

"Uhh… yeah. That was a rhetorical question, but whatever," the pale haired youth continued. "The player is calculating her every move very precisely. She's flipping and placing the blocks so that they fit perfectly in the grooves on the ground. We've got to somehow make the blocks all jacked up so that she can't tetris. When the blocks get high enough off the ground, we should be able to climb up and get the fuck outta here."

"That was surprisingly logical," Alucard agreed. "However, that begets the question, 'how is such a feat possible?'"

"On it," Isaac stated. Placing Hector on the ground, he jumped off the tower where they were standing and landed on the multicolored ground below. He waited as a brilliant red Z shaped block descended from ceiling. Just before it landed, Isaac reeled his fist back and swung it into the block with the might of 1000 men.

The block shifted one space to the left and landed completely out of place, creating and oddly balanced monument on the ground, and more importantly, an empty cave below.

A purple block began to fall Isaac's way, attempting to fix the damage that had been done. Once again, a well placed punch knocked it one space off-track, creating more unsightly gaps in the floor.

Hector crawled on his hands and knees to the edge of the platform, observing his oldest comrade at work, and wondered out loud, "Should we help him?"

"Nah, Isaac's got it covered," Joachim commented, then called down to the heavily muscled man below, "You're doing great, Isaac! Keep it up!"

"If it will get my 3G network back faster, I will help," Shanoa stated, then jumped down as well. After a quick nod to Isaac, she began to pummel blocks with her lapiste rock fists.

Not about to leave Shanoa to do the work alone, Juste leapt gracefully to the floor below, his silver hair cascading beautifully behind him as he fell. With silent conviction, he whipped the blocks with fire-infused damage. Together, they were able to knock the blocks two and three places off track, causing even more trouble for the player.

Soon, everyone had to start climbing the blocks, jumping from one precariously placed piece to the next. Progress was a nice pace. At first.

They couldn't say when it happened, but it suddenly felt as though the blocks were falling a bit faster than before. The enchanting Russian music in the background also began to speed up.

Sweat began to form on Shanoa's brow as she, Isaac, and Juste struggled to keep up with the quickening pace of the blocks. Soon, however, they found that they didn't even need to try to knock the blocks out of place. They were falling so quickly that the player seemed to be misplacing them all on her own.

Their struggle switched quickly from a battle of skill to a test of speed. Frantically, everyone moved from block to block, running, jumping, and climbing as fast as they could. They knew that in this battle, to be left behind would mean being buried alive.

Above, the ceiling shimmered a promising white, and desperately, they reached ahead.

Joachim emerged from the large green pipe first and immediately examined his shoes, expecting the worst. "I _knew_ we would end up in those filthy sewers! My poor shoes…"

"Outta the way pansy," Sara growled, shoving Joachim off the top of the pipe as she climbed up.

Leon was thankfully able to separate the two of them as he climbed out next, then held a hand out to Charlotte, helping her out.

"Thought I was done for," Jonathan groaned, cringing at the thought of perpetually fleeing the falling blocks. "Soma, you said people actually _like_ that game?"

"It's not as bad when you're not fucking running for your life," Soma grumbled. "It's not that great either…"

"Angry Birds," Shanoa offered as she exited the pipe and promptly tried to check her ebay bids. Finding that she still lacked service, she frowned. "Let's get through this quickly."

Leon looked around and was struck by the remarkably beautiful environment. Despite the glaring lack of 3D, the sky was a bright blue, the sunlight warm on their shoulders, and the even the little turtles marching their way seemed to carry a smile on their faces.

He couldn't say the same for the brown mushrooms.

As the fungi slowly oozed in their direction, Charlotte was quick to stomp on them with her foot, flattening them out of existence. "Gross gross gross!"

"Well you didn't have to step on it. Don't you have other weapons you can use?" Jonathan pointed out, and promptly received a book in the face.

"Isaac… can't you put me down?" Hector pleaded. "Pleeeeeeease?"

Isaac knew it probably wasn't a good idea, but he had been listening to that whining for far too long. No sooner had he put Hector down then the silver haired man ran off ahead. "Shit."

Eager to end his miserable life as quickly as possible, Hector ran blindly forward, certain that there must be something extremely dangerous ahead.

He ran into a turtle. Disappointment flooded his features for a brief second before something very peculiar began to happen. The world began to grow larger around him, at least twice, if not three times the size it was before.

Isaac towered behind him before he knew it, delivering a swift punch to the turtle, knocking it back into its shell. Without any words or explanation, he reached his hands, which were now large enough to wrap completely around Hector's torso, around him and hefted him back over his shoulder.

"What happened to Hector?" Leon asked, his eyes wide with concern.

"He got small, Grandpa," Richter explained.

Maria pat him on the back.

Richter smiled.

"It's likely an effect of this new world. If we touch the monsters, we will shrink like Hector the first time. But who knows what will happen the second time?" Charlotte explained, as she continued to wipe the mushroom goo off her dainty shoes. "We should proceed with caution and be careful about what we touch."

Wary of Charlotte's caution, the crew proceeded carefully at first; however, soon Dracula was again complaining. "I fail to see how this is challenging at all. My monsters are far more clever, the pits deeper, and the lava a thousand times hotter."

"What seems to be the problem now, father?" Alucard asked with an obligatory sigh.

"The monsters! All they do is walk straight forward! And what kind of variety is this? They're all reptilians and fungi!" Dracula cried.

"That one had wings," Richter pointed out helpfully.

"And that one had spikes," Leon added.

"Screw the wings and spikes! When I wanted Castlevania to be challenging, I let my infinite monsters fly through the walls where nobody could reach them, and I put spikes EVERYWHERE!" the lord of the night roared.

"You bastard!" Soma growled, punching the lord of the night and eliciting a wimpy "oww" from him.

With a smirk, Joachim egged the other vampire on. "Even the sun doesn't burn."

Forgetting the punch, Dracula picked up his former rant and shouted, "_**Even the sun doesn't burn!**_"

"Father, why don't we just take this as a blessing? The less hazardous the terrain, the _better_ it is for us," Alucard explained.

Dracula huffed, "blessing, you say? We'll see how much you like this in a few hours."

A few hours later, after they had traversed one sunny flat land after another, with the occasional interlude in the sewers or a minor lava-filled fortress, they found Dracula's words to be true.

"I'll bet you wish you had something interesting like a haunted confessional to break up the monotony now, don't you?" the lord of the night commented airily to his son as they reached yet another large pyramid of blocks with a tall flagpole just visible beyond.

"All right!" Soma whooped, climbing the blocks and leaping to snatch a large green flag at the top of the flagpole. "Fuck yeaaaaaaaaaaah!" he cried as he swung down to the bottom of the pole. When his shoes hit the ground he beamed at his handiwork. "That'll NEVER get boring!"

With a sigh, Alucard and the others just walked around the blocks, flag, and Soma.

"This castle appears larger than the others," Shanoa commented, casting a glance at Juste. "Perhaps we have finally reached the end?"

Juste Belmont nodded silently in affirmation.

"Oh I fucking hope so," Sara exhaled exasperatedly, pushing open the doors to the large castle. "I don't know how much longer I can stand you morons."

They pushed through the hallways of the final castle, carefully timing leaps between angry looking plants and avoiding pits of lava. After a few minutes, however, they began to notice something very peculiar.

"Does this hallway ever end?" Soma lamented loudly. "I swear we've passed by the same three pipes like a million times now!"

Hearing this, Alucard suddenly stopped moving.

Soma smirked and turned around. "What, is age finally catching up with you, Grandma?"

"No. I have a theory. Please go ahead. I will meet you shortly," Alucard said cryptically.

Not about to miss a chance to get away from the dhampire, Soma sprinted away. However, barely a few seconds later, he found the stoically standing form of Alucard ahead. "No way!"

The dhampire nodded. "It is as I feared. We are caught in an annoying game loop."

"There must be some way out," Charlotte mused, taping a finger to her chin thoughtfully. "We could use trial and error. If we go through each of the pipes, we'll eventually find the right way."

"That'll take forever!" Jonathan complained.

And it did. Except forever was more like ten minutes. Ten awful minutes of running down the same corridors, sliding down pipes, avoiding flying fish, and dodging fireballs that were somehow spinning in the water.

Ten agonizing minutes later, they emerged from a pipe to find a long corridor made of stone with an ominous black wall to either side of them.

"How are we dry? Weren't we just swimming underwater?" Jonathan asked.

Soma smirked, "obviously you've never played a retro game."

"Uhh… no? Hello, they don't exist in my time?" the blonde haired teen pointed out.

"Quiet, Jonathan!" Charlotte shushed him quickly. "Do you hear that?"

Ahead they could hear the feral growls of what was surely a terrible creature. The roars grew louder as they approached the final room. What terrible monster awaited them ahead? What horrific creature would be their final nemesis?

Dracula instantly conjured mental images of what they could expect. A skeletal figure, cloaked in a hooded dark robe with a very large sickle that took up at least a third of the room. The monster could fly anywhere it chose, damaging whatever it touched. And there would be sickles! Flying sickles everywhere!

Or perhaps, since the theme of this dungeon was lava, the monster would be made entirely of fire? Again, it had to fill at least half of the room, a creature so great had to be fitting in size! It could make the room shake with its fiery bellows and hide in mirrors!

"Glorious!" Dracula roared loudly to his own thoughts.

Alucard arched an eyebrow at his father but dared not provoke him into starting another rant about something.

However, when they reached the final room, Dracula's face fell. What waited ahead was not at all what he had anticipated. It was another puny reptile, with barely a few spikes on its back. And… was it throwing _hammers_ at them?

"Hammers are not sharp at all!" The lord of the night shouted loudly. The creature, unphased by the vampire's outburst, continued to jump and throw hammers in their general direction.

Isaac, perplexed over Dracula's strange outbursts, relaxed his grip on Hector's tiny torso enough for the silver haired devil forger to squirm free. With a laugh, Hector ran toward the hammery doom ahead. "Yes! End it! End it all!"

As Hector ran, miraculously avoiding the shower of hammers, the reptilian creature jumped in perfect time, allowing the silver haired man to run right underneath him. Hector, not about to have his spirits crushed, ran for the sharp looking axe ahead. Certainly, that axe would help him end his miserable life!

However, when he reached the axe, the most peculiar thing happened. Almost as if it were planned, the weapon slipped free from where it was perfectly balanced on its handle and cut a single rope that was somehow suspending the entire bridge. In one terrible move, the bridge, reptile, and hammers all fell into the lava-filled pit below.

Hector, puzzled by his bad luck, continued to run forward. What he found was a little bit shocking.

It was a girl. Despite being in a dingy dungeon, her red and white dress was spotless, and every piece of her pixeled strawberry blonde hair was in place. The dull crown atop her head glowed in the dying light of the lava behind them as she bellowed, "THANK YOU MARIO! YOUR QUEST IS OVER. WE PRESENT YOU A NEW QUEST. PUSH BUTTON B TO SELECT A WORLD"

Hector wasn't sure how to respond to that. Eventually, he said, "my name isn't Mario, it's Hector, and my quest isn't over."

The silver haired devil forger paused for a moment, suddenly astounded by his own words. "That's right, my quest _isn't_ over! There is still so much I have yet to learn, like how to please Julia!"

The girl said nothing more, but as Hector approached her, babbling happily to himself about his purpose in life, she leaned in ever so slowly. Her large pixeled pink lips came closer and closer to his…

Suddenly, Hector found himself flying across the room and crashing into the wall.

Isaac, his fist still smoldering with rage, declared, "don't cheat on Julia."

"…never… dream… of it," Hector quietly moaned in response from where he lay imbedded upside-down in the wall.

"Would you hurry it up? I grow weary of maintaining this bridge," Dracula huffed at the remainder of the group, as they cautiously picked their way across the bridge of skeletons holding hands and feet that he had materialized for them.

Once they had assembled around the princess, the group looked around the dark room, unsure of what to do. Leon knelt down next to the tiny princess girl, gazing kindly into her large rectangle eyes. "Dear lass, might you by chance know which way leads out of this castle?"

The princess gave no indication that she had heard him at all. In fact, the girl did not even blink in response to his question. She merely turned the other direction, her soulless brown eyes gazing at the blank black wall ahead.

"I think… she wants us to go through that wall," Soma said slowly. "I think I remember playing this once or twice when I was younger."

Soma had played Super Mario Brothers a total of 292 times.

"If you played this game, then shouldn't you know where we go at the end?" Jonathan pointed out.

Soma had never reached the end of the game.

"Of _course_ I know," the pale haired youth barked back, shuffling uncertainly toward the wall. He held his breath, and stepped through the black wall.

When he walked through, he was greeted by a world nearly as dark as the wall he had just materialized through. Gentle flakes of snow swirled through the frigid air of the sparse cliff side. Dark clouds hung overhead, complementing a menacing looking tower in the distance atop an even higher mountainside where ominous demonic-shaped figures took to the skies.

Standing at the edge of the cliff, looking over the dismal terrain below was the figure of the man they had seen earlier. He seemed oblivious to the specks of snow that stuck to his hair and tattered red garb, which appeared far too meager for the harsh climate. In his right hand, he held a wicked-looking combat cross, which he seemed to clench a bit tighter as he gazed at the perils ahead.

"Hey, you!" Soma said angrily. "You're that show-off from before!"

"That _does_ seem to be him," Jonathan agreed, making Soma turn around to realize that the others had all made their way through the mysterious black wall too.

The man did not turn. Rather, he simply exhaled a sigh which frosted in the chilled air, as if the weight of the universe hung on his shoulders.

"I think he thinks he's better than us," Joachim suggested, setting fire to Soma's ego immediately.

"You fucking think you're fucking better than us? No fucking way!" the pale haired youth roared. "We went through the same fucking worlds and you didn't fucking even fucking help kill the fucking turtle! Fuck!"

Alucard thought the last "Fuck" was definitely unnecessary.

It took a moment, but the man eventually turned around, the weathered look beneath his eyes only marginal compared to the determined fire burning within him. His gaze touched each of them for but a moment, but in that time, they could sense the despair in his heart and his desire to surmount that, no matter the cost. To this desperate man, their struggles were child's play. Leon pitied him, knowing that his journey would likely not end well.

The man did not bother to shake his head as his rugged brown hair blew in the frigid wind. Instead, he deliberately proclaimed in what appeared to be an antiquated Scottish accent, "You are all very silly."

With that, he turned and leapt off the cliff.

Gasping with alarm, Richter dashed to the cliff's edge but found that the man had somehow extended his cross into a whip and used it to swing to another ledge below. He continued to climb, run, and swing towards the tower in the distance, and within moments, he had vanished out of eyesight.

"**Long have you waited to return to this dismal world you call your own, enduring the chicanery of the motley crew presented before you. Though their world was trying on your patience, your own will test the mettle of your very soul. Many trials you have endured, yet your journey is far from over. You must continue onward, if you ever wish to save your dear Marie. Go now, Gabriel, to the tower in the distance, and reclaim your dark legacy!"**

They stood in silence for a few moments.

"Seriously, has anyone figured out where that voice is coming from?" Charlotte asked.

"I think it's coming from your head," Jonathan suggested, earning him a fireball in the face.

"Humorous though it is to watch this exchange, I do believe it's time to depart from this world. I thought you were not far behind me, and I already spared you the effort of activating the power-source key. Alas, you were farther behind than I thought. The dimensional rift is growing thin," Simon declared from where he was suddenly standing off to their right. Behind him, they could see the fibers of a dark portal that did indeed look a bit worn out.

"Simon Belmont! I will see that terribly not-nice things happen to you soon!" Dracula roared menacingly.

"I invite you to try," Simon chuckled in response. Before any of them could object, he walked backward through the portal.

With an enraged cry, Dracula flew after the Belmont, the others close behind him. When they exited the portal, the ground began to tremble beneath their feet.

"Hmm. Ground shaking… castle wing potentially crumbling…" Jonathan paused to muse to himself for a moment.

"Jonathan what are you doing?" Charlotte screamed, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from where they had emerged on the balcony of the night garden. "We've got to go NOW! The castle wing isn't potentially crumbling, it _is_ crumbling! Look, even _Richter_ knows to run!"

Little did she know that Maria had convinced the Belmont to play "tag." Richter was "it."

"OkaaAAAAAYY!" Jonathan yelled, pulled along by the surprisingly strong girl.

"Simon Belmont! I will not forgive you for the destruction of yet ANOTHER of my castles!" Dracula continued to roar into the night.

"Mathias, we really need to go," Leon advised, panic evident in his voice despite his calm demeanor. "I would hate for you to die needlessly again."

"It's _Dracula!_ And I shall _not_ die needlessly again! _Simon_ shall die needlessly again!" the lord of the night roared.

"Drac, are you even listening to yourself anymore?" Soma questioned. Suddenly, the balcony railing began to collapse, and the teen's eyes widened. "Damn! Shit just got _real!_"

The teen spun around, trying to remember which way he ran through Dracula's various ecosystems to get from the main castle to the balcony. As his eyes darted between all the paths leading to the balcony, Isaac's beefy form, now carrying a normal sized Hector over his shoulder, ran past him and down one of the paths. "Here," the man grunted.

Everyone was quick to follow the man who had spent the last week crushing rocks with his bare hands to form all the pathways for the night garden. Without ever growing short of breath, Isaac ran in large even paces through the garden and past the stained glass entrance doors.

Leon was the last to run through the doors, prodding the angered and dismayed Dracula along. The entire time, he had dodged falling plants and trees as the castle quickly collapsed behind him, and as he ran through the doors, the stained glass burst into multicolored fragments around him. The Belmont brought up his gauntleted hand to shield his face but continued to run ahead, undeterred as the pieces clattered to the ground.

By the time they reached the center, the corridor leading to the west wing and the night garden had fully collapsed and had been blocked by stony debris. Dracula bowed his head in the center of the room. "No… the north, south, east, and west wings have all fallen… all my monsters are gone…"

"I am coming, master!~" Saccubus called seductively, swooping down from above to embrace the lord of the night. "I tried to get the other monsters to wait here, but alas, they grew too bored! But fear not, I shall never leave your side. I will never—NNNYAAAAAHHH!~"

Saccubus cried out in a complicated mixture of pain and pleasure, bursting into a flurry of rose petals as Simon drove his fist through her chest. And into Dracula's.

"Simon Belmont—!" Dracula cried out in shock, feeling the man's hand wrap uncomfortably around his undead heart.

Simon Belmont stood with a triumphant grin on his face, as he gripped the vampire's heart tighter. "How fortunate, that I should kill the last two monsters residing in this castle in one strike. Farewell, old foe, you have yet to experience the pain I have in store for you."

"What?" Dracula gasped, truly not comprehending what the Belmont meant.

It was the last thing he would say before Simon Belmont ripped his heart out.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the beach of a small island in the Caribbean, a lone figure laughed triumphantly. He took the final sip of his dirty martini then cast the empty glass onto the sand beside his wooden beach-chair.

The glass plopped into the sand, completely intact. The figure frowned with dissatisfaction. "Destroy that."

A second figure materialized out of thin air and crushed the glass with the blunt end of a very large scythe. He looked back at the first and grimly reminded him, "Sire, vacation is almost over."

"Yes, it is. Go ahead, and ensure that things do not end too quickly," the first ordered. Silently, the second figure nodded and disappeared again.

Alone again on the deserted nighttime beach, the figure stood from the beach-chair, relishing the last few rays of moonlight. With deep ominous laughter, he dissolved into a demonic colony of bats and flew away.

* * *

LateNiteSlacker's Notes

1 – Wowwwww. That took a lot longer than planned. Work, school, volunteering, etc. get in the way, but I will finish this!

2 – Congrats to the lovely people who answered the last chapter's trivia right!

**Chapter Trivia:** VladCT, Biofreak659, The World type BETA, and Culebra del Sol

**Bonus Trivia:** The World type BETA

**Title Trivia:** VladCT and Biofreak659

3 – Review please! I love to feel the love.

**Chapter Trivia #18 Answer:**_In what Castlevania game does Alucard have a singing fairy?_ Alucard has a singing fairy in Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.

**Bonus Trivia #18 Answer:**_ There are two ways you can hear Alucard's fairy's Nocturne. What two things can trigger the song to play? (hint: one way is only possible in the Japanese version of the game.)_ There are two ways to trigger the song. In the PSP version of Symphony of the Night, there are actually two fairy cards. If you activate the fairy that wears the green dress, she will sing for you if you sit in a chair long enough. This will earn you the English version of the song. The other way to trigger the song is by simply beating the Japanese version of the original Playstation game. That one, of course, will unlock the Japanese version of the song. In my humble opinion, the English version is the prettier of the two and thus is the version featured in Modern Problems.

**Title Trivia #18 Answer:**_ Where is the title "You Now Prossess Dracula's Rib" from?_ This lovely phrase is from Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest.

**Chapter Trivia #19:**_ In this chapter, the cast traversed many classic games. Can you name which games they traveled through?_

**Bonus Trivia #19:**_ The last world the cast travels to is Castlevania: Lords of Shadow. What areas of the game are described in this chapter?_

**Title Trivia #19:**_ From what game is the phrase "I am Error"?_


	20. The Morning Sun Has Vanquished

**Chapter 20: The Morning Sun Has Vanquished the Horrible Night**

* * *

"Holy _fuck!_ You killed him!" Soma expelled, taking a leap away from Simon Belmont, who was now holding Dracula's undead heart aloft.

"I'm not dead!" The lord of the night spat, angrily realizing that he was missing a few more organs than he would like.

"Yet," Simon finished. With lightning-like speed, the Belmont pulled the Vampire Killer from his side and whipped Dracula's head off his body.

The head rolled over to rest by Charlotte's feet, who unthinkingly kicked it away. "Eww, gross!"

"Now who's being rude?" Jonathan asked, pointing at her with a cocky grin.

"Shut up, Jonathan," she muttered, smacking down his hand.

Dracula didn't have time to retort about his outrage and anguish before his body disintegrated into dust and disappeared.

As the dust vanished, Leon angrily clenched his fists. "Simon, that was uncalled for!"

"On the contrary, it was quite called for," Simon said, beginning to fish around in a satchel that Leon hadn't noticed he was carrying.

"Explain yourself," the elder Belmont demanded. He wasn't about to let his friend get killed for no reason. Not on Leon Belmont's watch.

"I intend to," Simon said calmly, as he procured an odd assortment of items from the bag like a weird hobo. "For centuries, Dracula caused humans pain and suffering. He killed innocents by the hundreds in his pillaging of the villages. And where were you when this massacre was happening, Leon?" Simon Belmont took a moment to glance up at the eldest Belmont. "You had already passed on the whip, handing over the reigns of the Belmont legacy to your descendents. You had washed your hands of any duty. I wonder if you even felt any guilt about what happened?"

Leon's eyes narrowed with hurt. That wasn't exactly how things went down in the past. Of course he felt guilty! He hated that dreaded vow to hunt the night the moment he said it, but it was already too late to take it back. Leon would have liked to point this out, but knowing that Simon was far from finished, he instead remained politely silent.

"You left the family nothing, Leon. Nothing but a terrible dark legacy that followed us like a plague. A faithful descendant, I traveled to Castlevania when you alerted me to its existence. I fought and killed your 'friend,' Dracula, as I have just now. And what did it gain me? A terrible curse that has plagued me for centuries. I could not sleep. I could not die. I could only exist. You forced me to do what I am about to do again, Leon," Simon continued, holding aloft what Leon recognized as Dracula's ring, fingernail, rib, eye, and heart. "I brought back our family's nemesis so that I could kill him again and end the curse that plagued me!"

The relics in Simon's hands began to glow and rose into the air of their own volition. What started as a light breeze became a windstorm that ravaged the plants of the atrium and pushed everyone to the sides of the cylindrical room. Simon shouted like a madman over the wind. "Last time I revived and killed Dracula, I regained my ability to sleep. Perhaps this time, I will be_ able to die!_"

"But wait, if the first time you killed Dracula was four hundred years ago, and the second time you killed him was just now, shouldn't you be able to die already?" Charlotte screamed back over the howling wind.

Simon's smile only broadened as he proclaimed with relish, "Perhaps, but I love killing that bastard."

One final gale of wind filled the room, forcing them all to close their eyes against the burn. When Leon opened his eyes again, he was relieved to see his friend again in the center of the room, hunched over and sputtering for air. "Mathias!"

"Dracula," the lord of the night reminded him, coughing at the pain of being undead again. He blinked, and realizing that both of his eyes were back, he gingerly touched his fully fingernailed and ringed fingers to his chest, happy to discover that his rib and heart were also back in place. "What just happened? Did I die again?"

Rather than answer the question, Simon drew his whip and aimed it for Dracula's head.

Isaac caught the end of the whip in his meaty hand and threw it back to the Belmont. "Quit it."

"Ah yes, that's right. You have _friends_ this time, don't you, demon?" Simon murmured. Though he should have been worried or at least a bit concerned that he was greatly outnumbered, the Belmont only continued to grin. "Fortunately, I do too."

With a snap of his fingers, Maria found herself running to the Belmont's side, readying her birds of war on her arm. "What?!" The woman exclaimed as she glanced from side to side, completely baffled by her own actions.

Beside her, Richter had his whip ready to attack. Shanoa, Juste, Jonathan, and Charlotte were also at Simon's side, poised for battle.

"I can see you are confused," Simon said, with a tiny note of sympathy in his voice as he glanced at the warrior woman. "The laurel soup you all ate earlier protected you from my poison, but it also contained a bit of suggestive magic. You vowed to come to my aid when needed. That time is now."

"This isn't fair at all! Charlotte made that promise, not me!" Jonathan exclaimed, and he would have pointed at Simon if he were able to. Much to his chagrin, he found that he could only grip his whip tighter. It was an annoying disposition, and he vowed to get back at Simon for this later. "Simon, I'll get back at you for this later!"

"By all means," the Belmont agreed. "But I need you to attack them first. Now."

With that one statement, Jonathan found himself springing into motion, sending his whip lashing at Sara, who he really didn't mind attacking anyway. The woman was quick to materialize a set of twisted dark wings and fly out of range. As she flew into the air, a piercing cry caught her attention and caused her to look up. Sara's eyes widened as one of Maria's war birds took a dive at her, talons extended. The bird's razor-sharp claws managed to graze her cheek enough to draw blood as she dove back down into the fray below.

Joachim, who happened to notice the drop of blood falling his way, was sorely tempted to collect it in his coffee cup, but seeing as Juste was relentlessly casting several forms of powerful magic at him all at once, he was reluctant to oblige that whim. Plus it was _that woman's_ blood. The vampire shuddered at the thought of ever consuming her filth, and sent his favorite blades at the silently powerful Belmont.

One of the blades collided with a plate of curry that Soma was attempting to throw at Shanoa, who had found a way to counter every one of his magical attacks. Nonplussed by the particular attack, Shanoa materialized a giant Cerberus head, which snapped up the entire dish, plate and all, in one bite. Then, the hound turned its attention to Soma and growled. The youth's eyes widened as he yelped, "Oh shiiiiiiit!"

Hearing the youth's loud swear, Alucard frowned. "Soma, watch your mouth," he dutifully called out to the pale haired youth, who he was certain exclaimed, "_seriously_ _Grandma?!_" However, he couldn't turn around to see if it was actually Soma who said that, since Richter's attacks were commanding all of his attention.

Despite Richter's lack of intelligence, the Belmont was an extremely skilled warrior. Though he only whipped in one direction, his attacks were powerful, and he was giving the dhampire a difficult time. "I'll win this time _A_lucard! And then _you'll _be _it!_" Richter grinned happily as he whipped straight forward at him.

Alucard's frown deepened. "Richter, this is _not_ a game!"

Maria rolled her eyes at Richter's continued lack of intelligence but remained focused on the task ahead of her. Despite having sent her war phoenix, turtle, cat, bird, and dragon at him, Isaac had yet to budge from where he stood. A monolith of power, the man had grasped the dragon's mouth as it lunged in to bite him, used it to knock both her birds out of the air and thrown it down on top of her cat. Then he had caught the phoenix by one of its extended talons and set fire to her turtle with its flaming plumage.

Maria knew that she would not be able to rely on her animals to win this one for her. She would have to win it like a real woman. Her gaze narrowed, watching while Isaac fearlessly paced forward, his very demeanor practically begging her to do her worst. As Maria sprung into action, leap-kicking toward Isaac, her foot crashed through one of the many ice needles that Charlotte had aimed for Dracula and connected with Isaac's chest.

Dracula was having a difficult time avoiding Charlotte's rapid-fire attacks. "I could have sworn it took you longer to cast these spells last time…" the lord of the night grunted as he teleported away from a fireball.

"I spent the summer memorizing the spells I learned from your monsters. I don't really need the book anymore," Charlotte explained, indeed taking barely any time to cast Sanctuary, just for fun.

"What?! Then why the hell have you been carrying that thing around?!" Jonathan exclaimed, suddenly abandoning his fight with Sara so that he could join the conversation. Casually, he whipped at Dracula's foot.

"I write notes in it," the girl said unconvincingly, throwing a handful of Demon Seeds in Dracula's general direction.

"Bullshit! You could write your notes in anything! You don't need that gigantic brick! Or any of the others!" the blonde haired teen argued back, whipping lazily at Dracula's shoulder. "After all those times you made me haul around your heavy books, you owe me an explanation!"

"Ok, ok! It's because I love my books!" Charlotte guiltily confessed, glancing quickly at Jonathan and catching his dumbfounded expression.

Even the compulsion of Simon's spell couldn't make Jonathan move. The boy's face was expressionless as he said, "you can't be serious."

Sensing that one of his allies wasn't doing his part, Simon backflipped away from Leon momentarily, whipping diagonally upward to cast away one of Charlotte's energy flows and kicking a plate of spaghetti out of Soma's hands. When his feet touched the ground, he gently but firmly placed his hand on Jonathan's shoulder, reminding him, "you have work to do."

The words, and perhaps that extra magical reinforcement Simon had just given him, sent Jonathan back into action with renewed vigor. Without a second of hesitation, he sent the forceful energy pulses of an aura blast at Dracula. Simon grinned as the unexpected attack knocked the vampire into one of the atrium walls. Adding insult to injury, a potted plant that the lord of the night had painstakingly planted fell upon the vampire's head.

The Belmont did not have long to relish the attack, however, because he quickly found himself whirling around within one of Leon's axe tornadoes. Leaping from one axe to the next, Simon sprung free from the tornado and landed on his feet before his ancestor. "Ah, it seems you have finally decided to get serious."

"Indeed," Leon agreed, shaking free his blindingly bright angelic wings behind him. "Simon, while I sympathize with you, I cannot allow you to do this to our descendants."

"Technically only Richter and Juste are our descendants," Simon reminded him, tilting his head to the left to allow one of Shanoa's icicles to fly past him.

Leon hopped to the side, out of the way of one of Joachim's blades. He didn't even take the time to ask the vampire what he was aiming for when it crashed into the wall behind him. Instead, he continued to face Simon with the utmost seriousness and said, "they are all family to me now. I will not allow you to make them kill each other."

"I actually believe most of them would fight regardless of my influence, but think what you like," Simon grinned, beaconing him forward. "Come, let us _battle!_"

Soma, despite being at his wits end fighting Shanoa, took a moment to glance down at his phone. "Fucking fuck! This battle's at the worst fucking time!"

Shanoa grimaced, feeling exactly the same way. Several of her ebay bids were going to be up very shortly. Though she had monitored her bids as closely as possible the entire evening, she had been without reception many times, and had come back from Castlevania's various time portals to find herself losing all of her bids. Fortunately she had rectified that just before this battle, but the crucial hour was near.

In a few minutes, fifteen of her bids would all be ending. Everyone knew that the truly important time for an ebay bid was right before the end. For weeks, the battle between her and USUCKCOX had raged on. Glamorous pumps, wedding veils, sparkly dresses, delicious pink thigh-high boots, and far more had been on the line, but every time she had managed to win. Everything except that purse she had lost while out of reception once this evening.

Shanoa's eyes narrowed. She had to finish this battle with Soma quickly so that she could check those bids and win! She wouldn't lose to USUCKCOX again!

Soma put up a final guard shield, buying him a few precious seconds to check and see that he was losing his most important ebay bids. Quickly, he bid higher than that stupid SHANOA79, swearing loudly, "fuck you, SHANOA79! Those pumps are mine!"

Shanoa's right eye twitched, and for a moment she stood motionlessly. "Usuckcox?" she asked, her voice murderously quiet.

Gasping overdramatically, Soma's eyes flicked over to the dark haired woman in front of him. "SHANOA79…. _You're SHANOA79?!_"

Sensing that another of his allies had ceased to do her part, Simon leapt to Shanoa's side. However, before he could even place a hand on her, the woman let out a blood-boiling roar, materializing a large scythe above her head. The scythe swung down, splitting Soma's weakening final guard shield in half. "You will NOT BEAT ME AGAIN!" She declared.

Pleased with the outcome, Simon focused his attention back on Leon.

"Oh yes I will!" Soma, enraged, managed to jump out of the way of her scythe. "It's finally time!"

"What time is it?" Richter wondered out loud, hearing Soma's loud exclamation.

"Adventure time?" Jonathan provided helpfully, remembering the afternoon programming Joachim had made him watch as he threw a few vials of holy water at Dracula.

"No! It's time for my BITCHIN' ATTACK!" the pale haired youth roared, gathering power around him.

"The one that doesn't exist?" Joachim asked snidely, then yelped as Juste burned off part of his sleeve with some kind of explosive fire magic.

"It does exist! And it's bitchin'!" Soma shouted. After collecting sufficient power, he roared and threw his hands in the air. "I HOPE NONE OF YOU BITCHES ARE EPILEPTIC!"

The lights around them flickered and went out, replaced moments later by several multicolored strobe lights. A giant ethereal disco ball dropped down the center of the tower into the atrium, reflecting the lights onto all the surfaces. Fog machines spewed thick clouds of mist from every level of the atrium. Skeletons, dressed in skimpy dance rave clothes, emerged from every facet of the room, and began to strut their stuff. Some of the girl skeletons wore tiny brightly colored neon skirts, brushing up suggestively against everyone as they wiggled around. Some of the male skeletons lumbered by with gold chains draped around their necks and hanging out of their pockets, carrying large boom-boxes all pumping out the same tune as the excessively loud surround sound system overhead.

Vampire Killer. Club remix.

For a moment, Shanoa simply gaped at the nonsense around her. "What is this?"

Soma grinned. "I got it from the Dance Rave Skeleton Soul! Bitchin'! Yeah, I bet you're shaking with fear now!"

"Oh I'm shaking all right. Shaking with laughter," Shanoa chuckled, an odd and forced sound that caused Juste to look over with concern. Then, she materialized a large rapier from behind her. In between flashes of bright blue, pink, and green strobe lights, Shanoa whipped around in a circle, taking out a dance rave skeleton girl in the process, and thrust the weapon at Soma.

Maria didn't even hear all of the commotion around her, and she really didn't care. Even Richter's stupidity was miniscule and insignificant right now. For once, life was exactly as it should be. Everything was perfect. This fight was perfect. The smile on her face was maniacally wide, her teeth clenched in frenzied happiness as she struck Isaac hard in the jaw.

Isaac reeled back, cracking his neck side to side as he stood back up. Like Maria, the grin on his face was equally maddened. He didn't bother to wipe the blood from the corner of his lip as he threw a forceful punch back at her.

Maria was only able to brace herself for the attack, flipping in the air as she flew back. She planted her feet on the wall, crunching through part of the ceramic tiles. Before gravity could pull her down, she pushed off what was left of the wall and kicked Isaac solidly in the chest.

Though the force of the kick propelled him back, Isaac grasped her foot and hammer tossed her high into the air.

The woman flew up three stories and crashed through the gigantic glass window that was the ceiling of the room. Reaching the apex of her flight, she somersaulted in the air and kicked back down through the falling glass shards and back into the fray.

Richter frowned as the glass fell around him. Alucard watched with amazement as the Belmont put away his whip and carefully began to kick the fragments of glass around the dancing skeletons into the corner of the room. "Richter, what are you doing?"

"Someone could get hurt," he explained.

Slowly, the dhampire agreed. "…..yes. Someone could get very very hurt. You had best continue to clean."

Seemingly from out of nowhere, Simon flew in, placing a hand on Richter's shoulder. "A lot more people could get hurt if you don't finish the fight."

Suddenly, Richter was ten times more energetic than before. He hurled three containers of holy water and five crosses at Alucard and shouted, "GRAND CROSS!"

The club music suddenly phased out of the throbbing beat and to a quieter sound. The skeletons, now that the dance pulse had vanished, began to slowly flail their arms around awkwardly, not sure what to do at this part of the song.

Dracula winced as the divine energy from the Grand Cross propelled him hard into the walls. Had he known that he would be thrown into these walls so many times, he would have chosen a much softer material rather than the unforgiving cement and ceramic. Perhaps a padded wall, with a delightful mauve matte finishing would have gone well with a few more layers of gently vining plants.

Sadly, the lord of the night had little time to contemplate the interior decoration of the room, as several aura blasts and energy flows consumed his attention.

Likewise, Joachim had also experienced a bit of disgust for the wall as the Grand Cross threw him into it. He was certain that with the arsenal of magic at Juste's disposal, that this particular Belmont probably had a few Grand Crosses up his sleeve as well. Already he had fought off Juste's summoned fire demons, a downpour of holy water rain, and a barrage of expertly aimed crosses. He was starting to wonder just how he had managed to stay alive this long, all things considered.

Ever so slowly, the club beat began to come back, followed by the loud shrilling sound of techno sirens above.

As he stood amongst the pulsing lights and the throbbing rave beat, he remembered just who he was. And, despite having died to him three times already, how many times he had actually _avoided_ being killed by Leon Belmont. He brought his swords up, using them as a shield as hurricane-like winds propelled another holy water rain at him like tiny bullets. "I am _Joachim Armster!_ I had **thirty seven** cups of coffee today and _**you will not beat me!**_"

And finally, the music came back. Bloody Tears. Dubstep remix.

Juste, unphased by the words, crashed through his sword-barrier whip-first. However, he found that Joachim had already teleported away, leaving behind a glowing ball of energy. The brightly colored ball exploded, causing several earthen spikes to stab at the Belmont from the floor. Juste managed to get away with only a few tears to his wardrobe. Seeing Joachim now surrounded by a fiercely glowing blue aura, he nodded. "You have magic too? Good."

Sara, having been forgotten by everyone it seemed, was perfectly content to fly out of range of the entire battle and watch from a high perch at the top window. She scowled as Soma actually started dancing along with the beat of the music. The wind from the newly opened sky-roof tousled her dark hair and wings pleasantly. "I can't wait to get out of this hell-hole." She murmured to herself.

"I can send your soul to the real Hell."

The voice was familiar, but not so familiar that she knew who it was right away. It wasn't until she looked up, seeing the iconic dark robes, skeletal frame, and large scythe, that she knew who she faced. "Death? I knew you'd come for me one of these days."

"I try not to discriminate," the reaper agreed, materializing his scythe beside her neck in an instant. As the wind rustled the woman's hair, a few strands were sliced by the razor sharp blade and fell into the fray below.

Despite the perilous situation, she grinned, "For centuries I prayed to the only god I knew was real: You. I prayed that you would come and end my miserable existence in the vampire killer whip. And yet, it seems you did not hear my call until now."

"I have many obligations," Death apologized.

"I'm sure," she mused. "You know, Death, any other century I would have gladly accepted your offer. I would have gladly given you my life, but now…" Sara's voice trailed off as she lunged forward, quickly grabbing the handle of Death's scythe. With gravity on her side, she pulled the weapon from the reaper as she fell into the pulsing music of the atrium below. Once the blade was hers, she quickly propelled herself back into the clear night sky. Standing lightly on the jagged edge of the broken sky window, she hurled the scythe at Death with all her might. "…you're going to have to fight me for it!"

Death extended a skeletal hand, easily catching his weapon. "Offer accepted."

A tiny squeak escaped Hector's lips as yet more glass fell down from the window above. When all the fighting started, he had ducked underneath the platform in the center of the room. It had seemed like the safest place to go at the time, but now he was having his doubts. Life was such a bitch. A few hours ago he would have welcomed the buffet of death, but now he actually wanted to live! He had to get back to Julia. He had to show her what he could do!

Fearfully he wailed again as a misplaced fireball grazed his shirt. He curled up in horror as a rave skeleton girl tried to get him to come out onto the dance floor. He squeaked once again as a semi-charred body hit the ground and slid into him.

Joachim sputtered out blackened pieces of his inner cheek, his vampiric flesh already attempting to heal itself. "Belmonts," he muttered with disgust, his only word of inspiration before sliding back out into battle.

As Joachim's blackened arm brushed against him, leaving disgusting burnt flakes on his shirt, Leon took a moment to glance at his companions. Though Joachim was definitely the most burnt, the others were also a bit worse for wear. His grip on the vampire killer hardened. He would have to defeat Simon soon, before they truly had a massacre on their hands.

It was time for drastic measures. Leon knew what needed to be done, but he couldn't risk hurting everyone else in here. "Simon, I think it's time we stepped outside," he said gravely, indicating with a jerk of his head up above.

"Thank goodness, this music is starting to get annoying. I don't know how everyone puts up with it every time they come to Castlevania," the other Belmont agreed. Taking a running start, he whipped up to one of the balconies above, pulling himself up. Sequentially, he whipped and climbed higher and higher while Leon flew up the middle of the atrium.

Both burst through the remainder of the glass ceiling, and Leon just barely avoided the end of Death's large sickle. Sara, meanwhile, took advantage of the distraction to throw a mass of sticky dark energy at the reaper. As the dark goo clung to his robes, slowing him down, the reaper gave a distinct sigh of annoyance.

"I did not realize you had sided with Death," Leon commented.

"I didn't either," Simon agreed, his brow furrowed in suspicion.

The reaper turned a skeletal head to face Simon. "I am not your ally. I am here to claim the souls of _everyone!_" With that declaration, demonic laughter echoed through the night and the true source of the reaper's difficulty appeared in the air all around them.

Tiny sickles. Everywhere. The blades surrounded Leon, Simon, and Sara at the apex of the building, and flooded the atrium below, where the massive dance rave battle still raged on.

Isaac, too enthralled by the fiercest battle he had ever faced, didn't even bother to knock a sickle away as it lightly nicked his left cheek. Battling Maria was life itself. It was the pure essence of the fighter within him.

Maria's madwoman grin complemented his, and she didn't bat an eyelash as a sickle flew by her, chopping off a generous lock of her hair. Before the lock could hit the ground, she had already leapt forward, back spin-kicking into action.

Meanwhile, Jonathan was having vivid lucid nightmares. "This… Char, we've done this before." A dance skeleton streaked by him. Jonathan blinked blankly after it.

"Dueled both Death and Dracula simultaneously? Or gone to a dance party?" Charlotte asked, bringing up a shield as a few of Death's sickles threatened to hit them both. "Come on Jonathan, like you said, we've done this before! What are you worried about?"

"Feel free to stop fighting anytime," Dracula commented, panting from the exertion of avoiding the duo's attacks. His poor clothing was already ripped, burned, and frozen in more places than he would care to admit, and he glared angrily at the sickle that tore another hole in his cape. "Charlotte, might you try another spell besides Deathscythe? It is making my clothing quite unbecoming. Soon I'll be indecent, and you wouldn't want that, would you?"

A skeleton girl wiggling suggestively beside him suddenly stared at him, appalled. Slowly, she danced away.

Charlotte shuddered at the thought of him interrupting an intimate moment. "I didn't cast it this time!" She protested from behind her shield.

"But if you didn't, then…" Dracula gasped with realization. "Death is back from vacation?"

"The fuck?!" Soma cried, taking a half-step back as he lamented his misery to the world. "Why is DEATH attacking us too? Drac, he's _your_ fucking monster! Tell him to stop!"

"I intend to," Dracula said quietly, too quietly for anyone to really hear. His eyes narrowed as a deep dark energy surrounded him. The brightly colored lights flashed illusively around his form. For once he was not concerned as Charlotte lobbed a fireball in his direction. Seconds later, his body dematerialized into a cloud of bats, and with lightning speed, he flew to the high tower above.

Dracula was fully intent on chewing out his minion. He would give him the old what's for! Never should he have to deal with this haberdashery!

Then he realized that Simon Belmont was up here too.

"Eeek!" The Lord of the Night shrieked, ducking just in time as Simon tactfully whipped where his head should have materialized. It was almost as though they had fought several times before, until Simon finally perfected the method to kill him.

Leon watched the exchange quietly, and though nobody caught it, there was an ominous quality to his voice as he calmly said, "everybody, out."

Sara briefly caught a glimpse of Leon throwing a vial of holy water into the air and the blinding white gleam of his magic. Before she could even speak, the vial exploded into large disk of water, surrounding everyone. She felt as though she were caught in a flushing toilet as the water ushered her around the rooftop twice and flushed her back down into the atrium.

"Leon!" She shrieked as she fell, unable to stop herself from descending. With a loud splash, she landed in a large pool of awaiting holy water below.

Beside her, Dracula screamed, frozen in place for a moment before he could jump out of the water. "Leon! Why did you throw me in a pool of _holy water?_"

"I am sorry, old friend, but it needed to be done," Leon said, never once taking his eyes off Simon. "This is my battle. Everyone stay down there."

"I must say I am impressed," Simon commented. "To have gained such remarkable control over the basic Aqua Disc technique you had before is truly extraordinary. You even sent Death and all his sickles below."

"This is our arena. I cannot allow any other to be hurt by what may happen, even if it is the lord of Death," Leon explained.

"How chivalrous," Simon noted.

"I've been called that," the elder Belmont agreed. "But that ends here. Simon, you are dear to me, but I cannot allow you to kill my friends and descendants. I will offer one last time, though I know your answer. Will you not cease this madness?"

"As you said, you know my answer," the dark haired Belmont replied, taking a stance that let Leon know he meant business.

"I see. Then Simon, I am sorry. I will miss you," Leon took one deep breath, burning the image of Simon into his memories. He may have been the cause of all this havoc, but he never wanted to forget him.

And then, the moment was over. Reaching into his pockets, the blonde haired Belmont pulled forth handfuls of knives, axes, crosses, and holy water, throwing them all into the air at the same time. His luminescent wings flared out, glowing with the extent of Leon's magical abilities as he summoned forth his reserves. "BLADE SERPENT! AXE TORNADO! SIX SAINTS! JUDGMENT!"

Simon's eyes narrowed, quickly glancing at the metallic blade serpent that materialized beside him, ominous dark tornado filled with glinting metal, crosses that surrounded him, and blinding light that pierced the nighttime sky.

His third wife had put him through worse.

The dark haired Belmont dove to the left as the axe tornado whirled his way, using his whip to knock a few of the axes out of the tornado in Leon's direction. As the massive blade serpent came for him, its mouth wide open, Simon did the unthinkable and plunged into its sharp and pointy maw. The timing was perfect, and the light from the holy Judgment as well as the homing lasers of the Six Saints crosses all reflected off the metallic serpent.

Simon broke free of the magical creature, breaking its head into a myriad of knives, which rained down into the atrium below. Then, he glanced at Leon, who seemed to have avoided the axes. The serpent's jagged interior had made some superficial cuts on his skin, but it was nothing compared to what he was sure was coming. "I certainly hope you have more in store."

Leon acquiesced with a simple nod. "I wanted to give you a fair chance to see the type of spells I have in store for you. That's why I said their names, but… I don't actually have to." Another handful of subweapons was thrown into the air. Followed by another. And another. And another. True to his word, Leon didn't bother saying the names of the spells anymore, opting to simply let the magic work.

Simon's eyes widened as the nighttime sky filled with gigantic blade serpents, far larger than the one he had just demolished. Angry cyclones filled with axes and knives picked up the broken glass from the atrium ceiling, adding to the whirling catastrophe. The entire sky darkened even further as the rumblings of holy judgment threatened nearby. The entire mess was encased in a cylinder of crosses, protecting the city below, starting at the top perimeter of the building and raising up far past the clouds.

Match point. Simon Belmont smiled. _This_ is what he had hoped for. If Leon could produce this type of power, then maybe he would be able to lead the family in the right direction after all. Glancing down, he noticed that Leon had summoned a protective barrier of magical water just below them, severing them off from the fight below.

Like a specter of divine judgment, Leon drifted about ten feet away, slightly above eyelevel. He held all of his spells at bay as he regarded Simon sadly. This world simply wasn't right for him, not anymore. Simon hadn't realized it, but Leon had watched over him these past few centuries. With the passing of each century, his unfortunate descendant became more despondent and fell deeper into despair.

He didn't blame Simon for anything that he had done. After all, were he not charged with the task of keeping balance between good and evil, Leon might have also fallen into the same trap. With the passing of each of his loved ones, wives, children, grandchildren, and so on, Simon fell further into the bottomless pit of his own depression. Leon supposed he should have reached out to him sooner, but he doubted that would have changed anything.

Simon simply could not be happy anymore. He wanted death more than anything else in this world. Honor-bound as always, Leon could not allow anyone else in the world to give that to him. He had brought this folly upon Simon and the world, and he would end it himself.

"Goodbye, Simon."

A moment later, the entire area filled with electricity, holy energy, deadly forces of wind, and a myriad of blades. There was no possible escape, for Leon had sealed the entire area. Even the angelic Belmont, despite placing a protective aqua barrier around himself, was thrown into the wall of crosses that made up the side of the cylinder, struggling against the force of his own power.

In that moment, everyone below gazed up at the aquatic ceiling, reflecting the brilliant strobe lights and protecting them from whatever was above.

"Holy fuckshit! The fuck is that?!" Soma bellowed, holding a hand up to the blindingly bright ceiling.

"That's Leon," Dracula answered simply.

"You see what I have to deal with?!" Joachim shrieked to nobody in particular.

"Allie, I'm so fucking glad we used manners against him," Soma decided.

"Indeed," the dhampire acquiesced. "I doubt we would have defeated him otherwise."

Above the aqua disc, Leon's wings quivered and his fingertips trembled from the exertion. He couldn't stop here, though. He couldn't risk leaving this terrible task unfinished. With one last cry, he filled the area with the gales of a Vanish Storm.

The dark clouds filled with small bits of metal combined with the axe tornadoes to speedily exterminate everything away with abrasive force. Leon's blade serpents perished and fell to the aquatic floor, reduced to small metal shavings. Darkness blotted out the homing lasers of the six saints and the divine light of judgment.

Hidden in the dark gales of the storm, Leon openly wept.

The blonde haired Belmont was unsure of how long the storm raged on. When he finally had no more left in reserve, his hands fell to his sides, extinguishing all of his magical spells. His wings also faded away, their power vanishing with his magic. With nothing left to hold him up, he fell through the shattering remains of his aquatic barrier, crosses, metallic dust, and holy water falling beside him.

Dracula sighed. This was going to hurt.

The Lord of the Night braced himself as he shifted into a colony of bats, disappearing from where he stood and materializing beside the falling Belmont. He cursed as the holy water stung and burned his skin, temporarily stunning him as he shifted back to his vampire form. Wasting no more time, he clutched the Belmont, and with a sweeping flourish of his cape, he teleported them both safely to the ground.

Leon coughed a few times, having inhaled some of the water and metallic dust. Then he gazed blearily up at his oldest friend. "Thank you, Mathias. You are indeed a true friend," Leon murmured, attempting to sit up despite his weariness.

"You did this all for me. You are the true friend," Dracula finally realized, not bothering to correct Leon's name mistake. "Leon, I feared and hated Simon Belmont, but… I am sorry."

Leon's brow furrowed with sorrow, and rather than say anything else to the vampire, he simply nodded. Turning his attention to the reaper hovering a few feet away, he implored, "Death, has Simon…?"

"Simon Belmont's soul is no longer of this realm," the lord of Death declared, too stunned by what had just happened to argue. A Belmont just killed a Belmont? It was simply unheard of.

Leon smiled sadly, making the sign of the cross and murmuring to the night sky, "I hope this time you can rest in peace, Simon."

"Did Leon just kill Simon?" Jonathan whispered to Charlotte discreetly, pointing his finger at the blonde haired Belmont in awe.

"Yes," she confirmed, pulling his finger down. "Don't point at Leon. It's rude."

"Does that mean we don't have to fight Dracula anymore?" he asked.

"I don't particularly feel like fighting him, do you?" she responded, twirling her long honey brown hair in one finger thoughtfully.

"Nope," he agreed. "So does that mean Simon's spell is broken?"

"I think so."

"Then why are they still fighting?" Jonathan asked, pointing again.

When Charlotte looked to where her partner was pointing, she was too awed to tell him to stop. Isaac and Maria had begun fighting again, both of their faces and hair caked with blood. Shanoa and Soma had also begun a particular battle, each attempting to snatch, kick, punch, or magic away the other's cell phone.

"Give it up! I saw that dress first!" Soma roared, ninja chopping Shanoa's cell phone out of her hand.

"No you didn't. JOACHIM666 did, but I outbid him before you!" Shanoa retaliated, back spin kicking Soma's phone from his hand.

Both held the other's cell phone, glaring dangerously at each other's technical device. This was a tense mind-game. Soma didn't know if he could handle it much longer.

"Soma," Leon said softly. "Let her win."

"Leon-Fucking-Belmont, that shit you just pulled was so real, but I can't!" Soma trembled, glancing at Shanoa's phone, the items he so desired brightly displayed on the screen. "She's winning right now, and…"

"Let her win," Leon insisted. "There will be more sequined dresses to bid on. More glamorous pumps and wedding veils."

"But…" the pale haired youth protested weakly.

"You can make it up to her later," Leon insisted with a firm smile.

Soma, knowing exactly what the Belmont meant, gave a resolute sigh. With his head hung low, he slowly trudged up to Shanoa. "Here." He muttered, giving her prized cell phone back.

Shanoa accepted her phone. Though she skeptically glanced at Soma's phone, she eventually handed it back.

Soma watched in horror as the timer counted down on his prized items.

5

4

3

2

1

And Shanoa had won the bids.

Soma gave a quiet cry of anguish.

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes**

1 – As usual, sorry for the wait, and thanks to those of you still sticking around! Barring any horrible injuries or accidents, I can safely say I will update sooner. The rest of the story is almost done!

2 – I will truly miss Simon Belmont. He was one of my favorites.

3 – Congrats to everyone who answered the trivia correctly!

**Chapter Trivia 19: **PointOfNoReturnxx, Willowfur, and The World type BETA

**Bonus Trivia 19:** Nobody got this one right? Wow, guess it really was challenging.

**Title Trivia 19: **Renuarb, and The World type BETA

**Chapter Trivia #19 Answer:**_ In this chapter, the cast traversed many classic games. Can you name which games they traveled through?_ Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Tetris, Super Mario Brothers, and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow.

**Bonus Trivia #19 Answer:**_ The last world the cast travels to is Castlevania: Lords of Shadow. What areas of the game are described? _Frankenstein's Castle is the tower described in the chapter. Some inspiration also came from Carmilla's castle.

**Title Trivia #19 Answer:**_ From what game is the phrase "I am Error"? _This delightful phrase is actually not from a Castlevania game! It's from Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link, a wonderfully challenging game for the Nintendo.

**Chapter Trivia #20:**_ The song "Vampire Killer" plays in this chapter. Which Castlevania games feature this lovely tune?_

**Bonus Trivia #20:**_ Dracula is thrown into holy water twice in this chapter, freezing him in place temporarily both times. In which Castlevania game did this actually happen?_

**Title Trivia #20:**_ From where is the title "The Morning Sun Has Vanquished The Horrible Night?"_


	21. I'll Kill You And The Night!

**Chapter 21: I'll Kill You And The Night!**

* * *

"It's not that big of a deal really," Jonathan patted Soma on the back, attempting to console the pale haired youth after the loss of his ebay bids. "I mean, there will be more bids, and probably even better items with even bigger bonuses! Maybe you'll even find a few +1 items!"

"What does it matter?" Soma wailed. Saddened beyond belief, he sent the dance rave skeletons home. One skeleton girl held her hands out in outrage. Skeletons never want to stop partying. Soma just shook his head back sadly. "It's already too late…"

Joachim's inner fashionista nodded in agreement. "Yes, your fashion sense has needed help for years now."

"That's not what I meant! I was talking about—" the pale haired youth began, but was cut off as Maria crashed into him, sending them both flying into the center pedestal.

The ceramic and wood of the pedestal crunched from the force of the impact and shattered into several splintery pieces and dust. Hector, who had been hiding underneath, began coughing on the dust, still crouched over on an intricate pattern on the floor. He squeaked as a bloody Isaac flew past him, sending yet another punch Maria's way.

Maria quickly vaulted herself off Soma's shoulders, sending her soaring into the air and smashing him into the floor. They both just narrowly missed the punch so devastating that it created a sonic boom shockwave and destroyed several of Dracula's remaining decorative wall tiles.

"Isaac, cease this madness!" Dracula declared.

"Why?" The grin never left Isaac's face as Maria kicked him into the wall.

"Maria, will you not stop?" Alucard implored.

"I've finally found my meaning in life!" She roared, ducking as Isaac came at her with a flying scissor heel hook.

"Please, if you continue you will both destroy the castle, and everyone along with it!" Leon begged.

Though the Belmont had no further power left, somehow his words resonated with them both. Maybe, just maybe, destroying what little remained of Castlevania with all of them inside it might be a bad idea.

They both halted, Isaac punching Maria's foot, and Maria kicking his hand. With a chuckle, they both relaxed. "I look forward to our next match," Maria said with a broad smile.

"Likewise," Isaac replied, with a genuinely large grin of his own.

For a moment, they all stood in silence, surveying the terrible damage that had been wrecked upon Castlevania. Then Death decided to start throwing Deathscythes everywhere.

"Fucking fuck, Drac! I thought you told him to stop!" Soma raged, knocking the blades away with sweeping heavy swipes of a Terror bear.

"Death! Stop it!" the lord of the night roared.

The grim reaper thought about it for a moment, then shook his bony skull. "No."

"This isn't right! You should be under my command! You're not allowed to say 'No!'" the vampire balked.

Death began to laugh, a cruel and merciless laugh, filling the room with more and more deathscythes.

Suddenly, Richter threw a bottle of holy water at him, freezing the reaper in place. "Die monster!" Then he threw another. And another.

Juste and Jonathan also pitched in, each tossing vials of holy water lazily in Death's direction, keeping the reaper frozen in place.

"Hey Drac, you got any good ideas? Because this holy water isn't going to last forever!" Jonathan cautioned, reaching for his reserve holy water vials where he had stored his trusty Shovel earlier. Charlotte eyed him strangely but chose not to comment.

"I don't know why he's acting like this!" Dracula complained. "He was perfectly fine before he went on Holiday!"

Leon coughed feebily in Dracula's arms. "Mathias… perhaps he still thinks he is on vacation? Perhaps he is doing this simply _because he_ _can_."

It took a moment, but the truth of Leon's words finally settled into his aged vampiric brain. With a sinister glare, Dracula fixed his attention on his grim reaper. "Death, I herby renounce your privileges. You are no longer on Holiday!"

Suddenly, all the tiny sickles fell to the ground. The reaper heaved a great sigh. "Fiiiine."

Once again, calm settled about the room. The soft glow of the moon came in through the open hole overhead, and the wind rustled their clothes, also from the gaping hole overhead.

"Oh this is terrible!" Dracula wailed. "Do you know how long it took Isaac to build this place?"

"A week?" Jonathan answered.

"I'll be homeless for a whole week!" the lord of the night complained.

"You could always just sleep in the homeless shelter and panhandle for money like the rest of the homeless people out there," Charlotte suggested helpfully. "You won't even smell as bad as them!"

Jonathan gaped at her, "Did you seriously just say that?"

"Mathias, dear friend, you are always welcome at my home," Leon offered.

"What?! Oh no, not this again!" Sara perked up at the horrible news. "Leon, you are not letting your freeloading friends invade my house again!"

"Honey, let's discuss that later," Leon said, struggling to stand up as he glared up at the ceiling. With Dracula's help, the Belmont was able to get to his feet, leaning heavily on the vampire for support. "Something terrible is coming."

Indeed, the wind picked up around them, swirling down, ripping the remainder of the atrium's plants from the walls and throwing them callously to the floor. Dracula's eyes narrowed, "only one vampire could have such blatant disregard for beauty!"

As the presence grew closer, Joachim gasped, clinging suddenly to Juste's shoulder dramatically. "No… no it can't be! Not _him!_"

Juste eyed him peculiarly but said nothing.

Despite Joachim's vehement protests, it was indeed _him_. A colony of bats flew in through the open ceiling, darting around through the atrium until they all met at the center of the room. Together, they combined and formed into a tall man with flowing red locks.

"Walter is here," the vampire announced with a grin.

He wore a sophisticated black Armani suit-jacket that was unbuttoned to reveal a pinstriped white dress-shirt and crimson tie. His black slacks were only slightly more casual, hiding a majority of his polished-to-a-shine black leather shoes. His fiery red hair fell just below his shoulders, neatly combed and styled so that it was somehow fitting with his attire.

"Death, you have been a loyal minion," Walter murmured, his voice so powerful that even though he was speaking quietly, it boomed through the room. "Thank you for destroying the four wings of Castlevania and keeping them here until my arrival."

"Dracula took away my Holiday," Death complained.

"Did he? No matter," the vampire grinned. "Walter will be rid of him soon."

"Ugh! Walter! I can't believe you're here! I hate you so much, why won't you just go away?!" Joachim complained loudly from behind his protective Juste shield. "And really, wearing an Armani suit? How cliché are you?"

Walter gasped, turning to the source of the sound. "Clarence? Is that you?"

"I told you not to call me that anymore!" Joachim shouted. "My name is Joachim Armster now!"

"Dearest _Clarence_," the vampire grinned, easily strolling around Juste, who conveniently moved out of the way. "Who could have imagined that you would be here with this riff-raff for a millennium? Why did you never come home?"

"Because I hate you! You locked me in the Dark Palace of Waterfalls!" Joachim snarled back. "You're the worst father ever!"

"Father?" Leon gasped.

"He never told you?" Walter questioned, his eyes twinkling with mirth as he gazed between Leon and Joachim. "_Clarence Bernhard_, Walter's son, decided to change his name the day you met him in rebellion, Leon."

"Of course not, why would I tell a stupid mortal something like that?" Joachim scoffed. "Besides, you should be dead."

"Now Clarence, that's not nice," Walter rumbled, his rich voice like a deadly mountain lion's purr. "You were always trying to coerce others into killing Walter. So unappreciative. Leon Belmont was what, the fifth? Walter had hoped you would learn by now that you simply cannot kill him so easily."

"Walter, why would you banish your son to such a horrible place?" Leon questioned, as usual, forgiving his old friend for his comments. They were the result of decades of suffering at Walter's hands, or so he had been told.

"Why indeed," the red haired vampire mused. "Clarence has terrible habits. Habits that must be broken."

"Habits that would make you torture him for centuries in a desolate pit?" the Belmont said with a tone of great disapproval.

"Leon Belmont, you speak of things you do not know. Walter will remedy that," the vampire shook his head, his magnificent tresses rivaling Alucard's as they freely flowed in the breeze. "Clarence refused to make his bed in the morning, so Walter threw him in the dark palace of waterfalls for a two hour time-out."

Silence.

"Time-out?" Soma blurted incredulously. "Like a fucking five year old?"

"In Walter's eyes, Clarence is still a child. A child that needs to learn to make his bed."

"Making beds is stupid!" Joachim raged.

Walter tisked. "See? Leon rescued him from his time-out far too quickly. Only half an hour in."

"How _are_ you alive?" Dracula finally chimed in, having been frozen in shock and fear for the entire conversation. "Leon killed you, and I took your soul!"

"Ah, Mathias Cronqvist, how Walter has longed to see your eyes paralyzed by fear," the vampire drawled, sauntering away from his wretched son and over to Dracula. "_Technically_, you only need _part _of your soul to live. Is that not what you told the young one over there?" Walter asked, indicating in Soma's direction.

Soma, who knew that Walter couldn't possibly be talking about him, glanced behind him at Shanoa. She rolled her eyes back at him.

"So Walter let you have some of it to survive, but he kept most of it. Walter understands population dynamics," the vampire built up menacingly, his body becoming surrounded in a visible black aura. "You were a wonderful distraction. All the Belmonts and self-righteous knights attacked you, leaving Walter free to do whatever he pleased. Amassing a fortune and becoming the most influential businessman of the millennium was a simple task with you around. Walter has even become a presidential candidate."

Soma's eyes widened and before he could think better of it, he exclaimed, "_You're_ the Walter Bernhard plastering his smear campaign all over TV?"

"Walter understands the socioeconomic situation," the red haired vampire agreed with a grin. "Becoming President is a simple task when you are as wealthy as Walter."

"No way! I'm never voting for you!" Soma shouted.

"Walter does not need your vote," the vampire assured him. "The electoral college will see to Walter's election."

"But you're a _vampire!_" Jonathan protested. "You think people aren't going to figure it out when you never come outside during the day?"

"Walter is unfortunately affected with sensitive skin. Inferior humans, sheeple, are fortunately affected with grave stupidity," the red haired presidential candidate explained. Then, he turned his attention back to Dracula. "Mathias, you have helped Walter achieve great heights, but now that Walter is planning to be in the spotlight anyway, there is no more need for you. You are merely an annoying fly in Walter's chardonnay. So now, Walter will end you."

Dracula braced himself for the deadly strike, but it never came. Instead, something very unexpected happened.

Hector's cry of pain echoed through the tower, as Walter's blade stabbed him through the chest and into the center of the intricate pattern on the floor where he had been crouching. The pattern shifted and glowed, followed by a rumbling sound from the stones surrounding them. "Begone, Castlevania stock-value!"

Nobody needed to be told what had happened. They had felt this ominous shaking beneath their feet many times already. The remainder of Castlevania was soon to fall.

Isaac, enraged that Walter had stabbed his friend, rushed forward but was repelled by the vampire's dark aura.

"Mathias, your final key, hidden within Hector, has unlocked the last of the power sources that you so _foolishly_ borrowed from _yourself_ in the past!" Walter cried, his deep laughter filling their ears. "Did you ever wonder why you could never win all these centuries? Why, even though you borrowed Walter's power, puny _Belmonts_ were able to defeat you?"

"They had a Vampire Killer whip!" Dracula protested.

"Only one!" Walter roared back triumphantly. "It should take at least _four_ Vampire Killer whips to take down Walter!"

"Four Vampire Killer whips? How convenient."

Walter snarled, turning to the annoying source of that comment. "Sara Trantoul… how Walter loathed hearing your voice in the past. It hasn't become any better."

"Too fucking bad. Now shut your fucking cunt-hole because I wasn't done talking," Sara roared back at him, extending her dark wings out magnificently. "How _convenient_ that it should take four Vampire Killer whips to take you down. That's just how many we have!"

Leon, Richter, Juste, and Jonathan all looked at her strangely. No they didn't. They each only had one.

Sara didn't waste any time for realization to dawn on them. In a moment, she was at Leon's side, grasping and taking away his Vampire Killer whip. Holding it aloft, she shouted, "Awaken!"

Instantly, three other Saras appeared in the room, one next to Richter, Juste, and Jonathan. Each Sara grabbed her respective whip, pulled out her wings and held the Vampire Killer aloft. The four Saras looked at each other, and without having any further communication, they knew what to do.

Walter began to look a little unnerved in his Armani suit as the Saras surrounded him, circling around him with their dark energy. "You think you can defeat Walter?! Foolish girls, Walter invites you to try!"

Each Sara gathered as much dark power as she could muster, then flung it at him with the crack of her Vampire Killer Whip. "Vanish!"

Thick, gooey darkness surrounded Walter, pinning him to the ground as the four continued to cackle gleefully, whipping and whipping until his red blood flecked into the air around them, covering them all with a fine mist of crimson. Then, they continued to mercilessly and shrilly laugh and whip, shouting curses and obscenities at him, unleashing a millennium of pent up rage at the vampire that had caused her so much grief.

Eventually, their power dissipated. Three of the Saras vanished back into their Vampire Killer whips, which fell unceremoniously to the ground. The last remaining Sara, the one who had summoned the other three, immediately cast the whip back at Leon, knowing that if she used any more of its power that it would reabsorb her too. Then, spent, she leaned on her knees for support, panting from the physical exertion.

Sara's black mist swirled around the hunched form in the center of the room, and all eyes watched for any sign of movement. After a few moments, the darkness cleared, revealing Walter's crouched body, covered with the torn remnants of his once fine suit. Ever so slowly, the vampire rose to his feet. With a disgusted scoff, he said, "you remain unamusing as always, Sara Trantoul. Why must you take out your revenge on Walter's suit?"

The red haired vampire watched as Jonathan, Richter, and Juste each reclaimed their whips, ready to pick up where Sara had left off. Even Leon gripped his whip tighter, ready to give this battle everything that he had left.

"Walter does not feel like fighting four vampire hunters tonight," Walter commented watching them all with a bored expression. Despite his less than stellar threads, he readjusted what was left of his suit and glanced evenly at them all. "Very well, stay within your crumbling castle. With the world economy struggling as it is, Walter doubts that it can be rebuilt anytime soon anyway."

"_A_lucard," Richter whispered urgently to the dhampire. "I think he said the castle is crumbling!"

"He _did_ say the castle is crumbling," Alucard noted, then turned his golden gaze to Walter. "How will it reflect on your future presidency if this whole building collapses? The destruction of one of the most well-known landmarks in the city will surely attract attention."

"Alucard, Walter must thank you. When Leon removed your seal with his holy blessings, Walter was able to see your location and locate Castlevania," the red haired vampire murmured while grinning wolfishly. "Walter has already erected a barrier around Castlevania. The destruction of these floors will not affect Walter's assets and investments in the floors below. Only the new floors built this past week will disappear. None shall miss them, and none shall believe whatever stories you may tell."

"How dare you use Adrian like that!" Dracula roared, sweeping forward with determination, dragging a hapless Leon along with him.

"Stay your hand, Mathias," Walter advised, holding his own finely manicured, but now bloodied, hand up in demonstration. "Walter shall let you live a while longer. It will be amusing to watch you pick up the scraps now that you are bankrupt."

"Walter, I have not forgotten my promise," Leon warned. While he was still leaning heavily on Dracula for support, it was obvious that he could not do battle at the moment, but the hard glint in his eyes made his threat unmistakable. "I have already killed your Eternal Night. Someday I will kill you."

"Leon Belmont, should the day ever arise where we do battle again, Walter shall look forward to it," the vampire agreed, brushing off the threat like he was brushing a gnat off his coat. Then, he turned to gaze fondly at his son, "Clarence, feel free to come home whenever you like. Walter will have a perfectly made bed for you soon at the White House."

While Joachim began whining in protest, the red haired businessman turned to face them all. "Now, Walter must go destroy the middle class." The red haired vampire bowed deeply to them all, disappearing into a colony of black bats mid-bow. His rich laughter echoed through the chamber as the bats flew through the wide open hole in the ceiling.

The now clearly crumbling castle gave a violent lurch to the left, causing the remaining people in the atrium to stumble. "We should leave. Now," Leon advised.

"No shit, Sherlock," Sara muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Mathias, can you fabricate a portal to my home?" Leon asked.

The lord of the night pondered this for a moment, then nodded in ascent. "Though it seems there already is a portal in your home, I can make another." With a wave of his hand, a beautifully crafted dark portal opened beside him. Charlotte eyed it enviously.

Isaac, now able to get to Hector, removed the blade from his friend and heaved him up into his arms. "No dying, ok?"

Hector nodded weakly.

They all ran through the portal, just barely making it as the first stones of the atrium began to collapse into itself. They ran out onto Leon's front lawn, and from the distance they could just barely make out a flash from the top of the building they had just left. Had they not been looking for it, they would never have noticed. From his view far away, Dracula sobbed in despair.

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

1 – One more chapter to go! It's already done, but I'd like to give you guys a shot at answering the trivia first. So, if you want to see the last chapter sooner, review sooner!

2 – By the way, don't think you have to answer trivia to review. I love seeing what you have to say even if you don't try my questions.

3 – Though his part in this story is small, Walter just may be one of my favorite characters in this fic. Hope you liked reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it!

4 – Congrats to the lovelies that answered the trivia questions correctly this time!

Chapter Trivia #20: Heavenschoir and Hoshi no uorufu

Bonus Trivia #20: Hoshi no uorufu

Title Trivia: Heavenschoir and Hoshi no uorufu

**Chapter Trivia #20 Answer:**_ The song "Vampire Killer" plays in this chapter. Which Castlevania games feature this lovely tune?_ This trivia's answer is VERY long, and even I can't promise that I caught them all. But, here goes! Castlevania, Vampire Killer, Castlevania 3, Super Castlevania 4, Castlevania: Bloodlines, Rondo of Blood, Dracula X, Chronicles, Circle of the Moon, Harmony of Dissonance, Symphony of the Night, Legends, Legacy of Darkness, Lament of Innocence, Dawn of Sorrow, Portrait of Ruin, Order of Ecclesia, Judgment, Harmony of Despair, and Lords of Shadow. There are also several non Castlevania games that feature Vampire Killer, which include but are not limited to Contra: Hard Corps and Dance Dance Revolution.

**Bonus Trivia #20 Answer:**_ Dracula is thrown into holy water twice in this chapter, freezing him in place temporarily both times. In which Castlevania game did this actually happen?_ Castlevania. Yep, the original. Though, I should note, this only works on Dracula's second form.

**Title Trivia #20 Answer:**_ From where is the title "The Morning Sun Has Vanquished The Horrible Night?"_ Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest

**Chapter Trivia #21:** _What allows Dracula to command Death?_

**Bonus Trivia #21:** _The title for this story (Modern Problems) actually came from another source. Can you guess what it is? _

**Title Trivia #21:**_ Which Castlevania game features the line "I'll Kill You And The Night!"?_


	22. What is a Man?

**Chapter 22: What is a Man?**

* * *

"Leon, I cannot believe that once again, you have allowed all your homeless friends to freeload in my house after the destruction of Castlevania. I won't forget this!" Sara cried, disappearing into the house.

Leon smiled at all the others and interpreted, "that means stay as long as you like."

"Do any of us know healing arts?" Maria asked, dropping beside Isaac and Hector.

"I do!" Charlotte exclaimed. She was ignored.

"I could use Soul Steal on him?" Dracula offered.

"And kill half the neighborhood? No thanks," Maria responded dryly.

"I know the Heal spell!" Charlotte insisted.

"Your Heal spell's lame now," Jonathan pointed out. He winced as Charlotte smacked his pointing hand with her broomstick.

"If only Saccubus were around," the lord of the night lamented. "She always had potions handy."

"If only who were around?" Saccubus grinned, flashing sparkly deadly teeth as she dropped into Dracula's lap, giving Leon, who happened to be there too, a hug just for good measure. Seeing their bewildered expressions, she laughed, "I actually flew away this time. When the night garden collapsed, I happened to be near the balcony exit."

"And how did you find us?" Leon asked incredulously.

Saccubus shrugged, "I followed Alucard's aura. He really is like a giant beacon of light to us creatures of the darkness in his unreleased state. Walter wasn't lying about that."

"That is—troubling," Alucard admitted, then implored. "Saccubus, do you have any potions? Hector is no longer within the healing realm of Castlevania, and he will die without one."

"But I know HEAL!" Charlotte cried, waving her broomstick around menacingly.

"If your heal spell ends up being lame, you owe me ten bucks," Jonathan decided.

"Pick your potion," the succubus said, producing a few potions of various colors from an undisclosed location.

Isaac grabbed a green bottle, opening it and pressing it to Hector's mouth. "Bottoms up."

Charlotte continued to fume as Hector's wounds slowly closed, without her help. A few tense moments passed by, where Hector lay limply in Isaac's arms. Gradually, the silver haired man's strength began to return to him, and soon he was able to stand up on his own.

Suddenly, a flash of brown flew by, and Albus was within their midst. He eyed Shanoa cautiously as he spoke to Saccubus, "I have the goods, but is this really a good meeting place? She's here."

"My lord, I saved this one from the ruined Castlevania," Saccubus admitted. "He holds one of your keys, does he not?"

"Not anymore," Shanoa rolled her eyes then turned to Dracula. "Can you do us all a favor and send him back to his own time?"

"I hadn't realized he was still wandering about," the lord of the night confessed. In the blink of an eye, he conjured a portal beneath Albus's feet, the unsuspecting man falling into the hole and disappearing from sight. "Done."

This time, the vampire caught Charlotte as she eyed his portal enviously. Piteously, he apologized, "dear girl, I will send you all back after Leon's wedding. I'm afraid there are forces with which even I cannot trifle."

"Like Sara's wrath?" Joachim guessed.

"Indeed," Dracula agreed, then noticed Leon tugging pitifully at the remnants of his cape.

Leon, weakened though he was, managed to slowly limp up his front steps with Dracula's help, holding the door politely open for everyone. "Please, come in, and stay as long as you like."

Richter was quickly at the elder Belmont's side, opening the door and urging Leon inside. "I can hold open this door, Grandpa. Get some sleep. You look really sick."

Leon was. It took the better part of a week before he was up on his feet again. In the time before the wedding, everyone bided their, waiting for the dreaded morning. Some of them, like Joachim, even suspected that the upcoming wedding was what ailed the poor Belmont.

Leon had visitors to his sickbed every day. Sara often came by to swear about how he had better not be too ill for the wedding. Charlotte offered to heal him, but they found that nothing but time would rejuvenate the Belmont.

"Told you so," Jonathan pointed out, smirking at her. "Pay up."

Charlotte smacked his pointing finger away but handed him ten bucks.

Joachim even came up from the basement on occasion to check up on him. "Because you know, if you die then I have to find another place to live," the vampire reasoned.

Leon smiled, recognizing that his old friend was concerned, and pledged, "I'll try my best not to die."

Richter and Dracula were by his side the entire time. Richter fretted over his grandfather during the day, and Dracula worried over his oldest comrade at night.

The day before the wedding, Leon was finally well enough to come downstairs and sit on the couch in the front room. As he sat down, the doorbell rang, but before the Belmont could get up, Shanoa rushed by. "Stay where you are, Leon. It's for me. I'm sure of it."

The door was indeed for her. As were the multitude of packages she had won from ebay. Soma eyed them enviously.

It seemed Shanoa had just closed the door when the doorbell rang again. This time, it was for Soma.

A girl with reddish brown hair, the front tamed to the side by two cute pink ribbons, was at the door. Her plain pink blouse complimented her pleated pink miniskirt. The only piece of clothing that seemed oddly white were her thigh high boots, pristine despite the amount of walking and work she did while wearing them. "H-hi. Is-is Soma…?"

"Mina!" Soma exclaimed, pulling her inside and holding her head close to his chest so that she wouldn't be able to see all of the packages that he hadn't managed to win.

The girl laughed shyly. "Soma, what are you doing?"

"How did you find me here?" the pale haired youth asked, clearly a nervous wreck.

"I-I thought I told you? I'm a shrine maiden, so… so it's easy to find your unique aura," She explained, eventually wiggling from his grasp and looking around. Seeing so many people she didn't recognize, she shrunk back into his coat in fear. "Wh-who are your… friends?"

Shanoa, who had been rummaging through her things, was stunned. "Aww! She's so adorable!"

"Everyone, this is Mina," Soma introduced the timid girl beside him, then quickly gestured around the room. "That's Leon-Fuc..uh… Leon Belmont. He's cool, he lets everyone stay here. Richter's sitting next to him—"

"Hi! That's ME! Richter!" Richter declared proudly, causing the girl to wince. He lowered his voice and repeated, "hi… that's me… richter."

Soma continued, "Juste's in the corner over there. Hector's that one curled up in the chair. You can hear Isaac and Maria sparring in the backyard. That scent in the air is Charlotte's blueberry pie. She's making Jonathan help her with dinner in the kitchen. You know Alucard; it's daytime so he's sleeping. Dracula, Saccubus, and Joachim are hiding downstairs, you know, cause they're vampires."

Hearing the word "vampire," Mina gave a tiny squeak and hid deeper into Soma's coat. "Hey, it's ok," Soma said in the most tender and kind voice any of them had ever heard. "They won't hurt you. Dracula's a vegan, and Joachim just drinks potions and watches bad TV all day."

"_Teen Mom is not bad TV!_" they heard Joachim declare loudly from the basement.

"Who… who is that girl?" Mina asked, pointing at the girl with long dark hair, still hunched over her boxes.

"That's Shanoa," Soma said, narrowing his eyes at her. However, quickly, he gave up his anger for a wistful sigh. "I'm sorry Mina… I wanted to give you those things for your birthday today, but I couldn't win the ebay bids…"

Mina smiled brightly. "It's ok, Soma. I'm happy you thought of me. I don't need those things."

Shanoa gazed critically at the girl's boots. "Oh yes you do. Here."

Soma's eyes bugged out of his head as Shanoa gave Mina the very pair of thigh-high pink boots he had spent 20 days trying to win.

"Those are a little small on me and would look better on you anyway," Shanoa explained, then glanced at the other items in the boxes. "I'm afraid Soma was mistaken about everything else though. These other dresses and things don't appear to be your size."

The girl quickly got over her shyness and threw on the new pair of boots. "They're perfect… I love them! Thank you, Shanoa!" Then she turned to Soma, pressing a chaste but tender kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, Soma."

"Y-You're welcome," Soma stammered, a flush forming on his pale cheeks.

Jonathan decided to ruin the happy moment by tromping into the front room from the kitchen and proudly declaring, "dinner's done!"

"Not like you helped much anyway," Charlotte called from the other room.

"Hey, I can cut things with knives like a pro!" Jonathan pointed out.

"Knives? I'm great with knives!" Richter suddenly stood up, getting some knives ready. Just as Jonathan was about to duck for cover from another 1,000 blades attack, Leon calmly pulled Richter back down onto the couch.

"Not now, Richter. We're inside a house," he explained.

"Ohhhhhh."

Jonathan proved to be right about his skills, because the vegetables in the beef stew were indeed expertly cut. Into extremely fine slices. So fine that they melted together into a giant mass of goo in the oven.

Not wanting to hurt Charlotte's feelings, everyone ate it anyway and assured her that it was delicious. Then, she brought out the blueberry pie, which Jonathan had no hand in helping her prepare. It truly was delicious.

As the sun slipped below the horizon, Joachim, Saccubus, and Dracula all came upstairs from the basement. Even Alucard decided to wake up and join them.

"Let me know what you find," Dracula's voice commanded from the front room.

"Yes, my lord," Saccubus's voice responded before shutting the front door tightly behind her.

The three took seats at the large and accommodating kitchen table. Mina's eyes immediately flew to Alucard, as he gracefully dropped into the seat across the table, his waves of platinum blonde hair spilling over his shoulders like magnificent waterfalls. The beautiful dhampire held a delicate long-fingered hand to his mouth as he stifled a yawn, his sleepy eyes yet unfocused on anything. Mina felt her own breath catch in her throat. "Who… who is that?"

"Grandma Allie?" Soma indicated with a jerk of his thumb at the weary dhampire. Seeing Mina's strange look, he corrected, "ohhhh, that's right. You haven't seen him like this before. That's Alucard."

"Mr. Arikado?!" Mina shrieked, causing the rest of the table to wince at the piercing loudness.

Sleepily, Alucard nodded his head in agreement. When Dracula insistently forced a piece of pie in front of him, Alucard dutifully and mechanically placed a fork into it, slowly bringing the pie to his perfect pale lips. Mina continued to watch, transfixed, as the gorgeous creature chewed the piece and swallowed, the lump of pie sliding down his graceful long neck.

Soma never noticed, his eyes were fixed on Isaac and Maria, who burst inside arm in arm and began devouring the remainder of the beef stew, heedless of its poor consistency. His eyes narrowed at the man's muscles. Someday, he would have those guns too, and then he'd get all the chicks.

"A real man likes a good beef stew," Isaac declared between bites.

Maria grinned back at him. "A real woman does too." They both shared a happy smile with each other for a couple seconds. Then the warrior woman asked, "want to continue outside?"

Isaac didn't respond, instead he stood from his seat, opened the backdoor, and threw Maria outside and up into the air. With a shriek of delight, she spun around in the air, dive kicking back down at him. Juste quietly shut the door back into its proper place.

Death silently drifted in, with a Hawaiian shirt clutched suggestively in his skeletal hand. Mina, seeing the grim reaper float past her, fainted immediately in her chair. Now that Mina was safely unable to hear him, Soma turned angrily at Death and exclaimed, "The fuck? You trying to kill her?!"

The grim reaper tilted his skeletal head to the side, peering at the girl carefully. "Not yet. She has many years ahead of her. You however…"

"Death comes for us all, eventually," Dracula sighed heavily as the reaper paused beside his chair, holding the colorful shirt up pleadingly. "No, Death. You can't go on another vacation. You destroyed my castle last time."

The reaper hung his bony skull low, grumbling quietly as he drifted back out the kitchen.

Joachim pulled up a seat next to Leon and patted his old friend on the shoulder. "So, are you ready for the big day tomorrow? Because I wouldn't be. Not if I was marrying that."

"What, a woman?" Jonathan asked, earning himself a quick trip to the kitchen floor as the vampire mercilessly snatched away his chair. Hector yelped and quickly caught the chair before it fell to the ground.

"I have promised Sara that I will marry her," Leon explained, poking at the remainder of his blueberry pie, which just didn't seem as appetizing anymore for some reason. "I keep my promises."

"Where is Sara anyway?" Charlotte wondered aloud, finally voicing the question she and Jonathan had shared for the past week.

"Upstairs, corner bedroom," both Dracula and Joachim offered in unison. After realizing that they were getting strange looks, Joachim explained, "vampires, duh? We can tell where you all are."

Charlotte continued to glare suspiciously at the two of them. "Why didn't you tell us that before?"

"You never asked?" Joachim shrugged. "Anyway, I told you she was trouble, Leon. Like this would have changed anything."

"What do you mean 'this'?" Leon questioned, rising slowly from his seat. "Is she in trouble?"

The vampire rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his coffee before offering, "Oh yeah, a whole lot of '_trouble_.'"

"I must go to her at once," the blonde haired Belmont decided, a resolute look in his tired eyes.

"But you're sick, Grandpa," Richter protested with a woefully dismayed pout. Gingerly, he touched a hand to Leon's arm, imploring him to sit back down.

"If Sara is in any danger, I must protect her," Leon insisted, slowly making his way across the kitchen, leaning heavily on the chairs and countertops as he passed by. Before he could make it out of the kitchen, both Richter and Dracula were at his side, supporting him the rest of the way. The eldest Belmont gazed fondly at the two and said softly, "thank you, but you don't have to come."

"Leon, you have done much for us all. We shall all accompany you, regardless of our loathing for your betrothed," Dracula attested.

"Speak for yourself," Joachim said, making no attempt to leave the table. "I've already seen what's beyond that portal, and once is enough."

Hearing Joachim's disturbing comment, most of them decided to stay behind too.

"Portal?" Charlotte asked, her interest piqued. "I knew she was disappearing somewhere!"

Hearing the word "portal," Jonathan shifted uncomfortably, drawing Charlotte's suspicious eyes to him. Without her even having to ask, he knew what she was thinking. As they followed the trio up the stairs toward that last corner bedroom, Jonathan explained, "I… _might_ have seen a portal in that corner bedroom when we searched them all the other day."

Leon arched an eyebrow at this but decided not to say anything.

"And you didn't tell me _why_?" the magician girl demanded.

"Because we already had such bad luck with portals that whole week! Who knew where that one would lead?" He declared defensively.

Charlotte couldn't argue with that reasoning. Her luck with opening portals had been pretty abysmal. Several times, the portals never even opened for her, despite her attempts to recite the spell as clearly and correctly as possible. And when they did open, she was lucky if they stayed open long. If this portal was indeed one of hers, how could it have remained open for over a week?

The answer became clear very soon. As Leon opened the door to the room and stepped inside, they gasped at the monstrosity that was within. Charlotte recognized the weak fabric of one of her own blue portals in the middle of the room, but a ring of Sara's sticky black magic surrounded the entire gateway, anchoring it in place.

Leon coughed weakly once, then drew a deep breath and stepped in, pulling Richter and Dracula with him. Jonathan glanced at Charlotte with an uneasy expression, imploring her with his puppy-dog eyes not to enter. He was greatly relieved when the girl shook her head and simply said, "it isn't our business. There must be some reason Joachim was so set against going. You know how much he loves drama and gossip. Whatever lays beyond that portal is for them to see, and only them."

"And Richter?" Jonathan pointed out.

Charlotte thought about it for a minute. "He'll probably be ok."

When they exited, both Leon and Dracula gasped, recognizing the site immediately. The house was quaint, yet lovely. Simple in its two story wood and stone design, it nevertheless spoke of money for the times. "Mathias, it's your house," Leon said in awe.

"I know it's my house!" the vampire exclaimed in a hushed whisper. However, it wasn't the home that got to the lord of the night. It was the carefully tended rose garden that made Dracula fall to his knees and weep bloody tears.

Richter quickly adjusted, helping Leon lean on him more for support. "Grandpa, what happened to him?"

"He's sad Richter, very sad," Leon responded, feeling his oldest friend's burden in his own heart.

"Late Summer… 1093…" Dracula murmured, wiping the tears from his eyes. "That was when I heard the news… that I lost her. I will never forget that letter she sent, telling me with all her sweetness that she was sorry but that she must move on to the next life. My darling Elisabetha tended these flowers with all her soul before she wrote that letter and died."

"If these flowers are alive, that means she probably is too," Leon murmured, placing all the facts together. "Come, Mathias, let's not waste another moment!"

Passion burned in Dracula's chest as he stalked toward the door. "Yes, I never had the chance to say goodbye to her, but perhaps now I finally can."

It pained the vampire to enter his own home. His favorite reading chair by the fireplace, the beautiful tapestries that Elisabetha had weaved herself and hung on the walls, the dining table where they had shared so many happy dinners together. It was almost more than he could bear.

"Stay strong, old friend, you must!" Leon commanded, finding a renewed strength in his own heart as he encouraged his companion.

Dracula lifted his head in silent affirmation, making his way through the parlor room and to the beautiful wooden staircase, garnished with Elisabetha's flowers of the late summer atop each of the steps, almost as if she were expecting him to come.

Suddenly, a cry rang through the air, pained and desperate. "Sara!" Leon gasped, finding the strength within him to pull away from Richter and charge up the stairs.

Richter was determined to follow closely behind, but when Leon threw open the bedroom door and stopped abruptly, the brown haired Belmont crashed into him, nearly toppling them both over.

Leon, felt his heart skip a few beats, a cold sweat creeping over his entire body as he surveyed the scene before him like a terrible bloody vision. His throat constricted and dried and he had to lean again on Richter to keep from falling down.

When Dracula finally pushed past Leon to see what the big deal was, he too paused where he stood. He was even in too much shock to fall to his knees and weep his usual bloody tears.

Dracula remembered this room fondly. He had many memories of happy times with Elisabetha in their bedroom. He would sit at the drawing table in the corner, strategizing plans into the late evening, and she would happily weave in the other corner of the room, filling their home with the multitude of tapestries that she created. The bed was largely unused, unless one of them gave into exhaustion at their work.

Richter, meanwhile, peered into the room with puzzled indifference. Quietly, he whispered to Leon, "Grandpa, is that what Simon was trying to teach me about whipping?" His only response from Leon was a quiet shake of the head.

Now, Dracula's hard oak strategizing chair was propped against the bed, its thick red velvet cushions depressed by Sara's bare knees, the entire chair creaking in protest of what was happening.

Sara wore nothing, except for several thick leather bands, which bound her wrists to the head of the chair and her ankles to the armrests. She straddled the chair, facing thankfully away from them so that could not see her pained expression. Her dark hair was a complete mess and splayed across her bloodied back as she screamed again into the thick backing of the chair. Her perky butt was raised in the air, angry red streaks across the milky colored flesh. Even her splayed legs bore telltale red markings, but as the whip cracked down on her again, something that made everyone in the room pause happened. She buried her face into the headrest and let out an unmistakably pleasured moan.

"You doth like that, don't you, bitch?" The owner of the whip cooed. It took even Dracula a moment to recognize that it was his precious Elisabetha dressed in nothing but meager leather straps, covering her nipples and her crotch.

Sara moaned in agreement, straining uselessly against the leather bindings.

"Such a filthy little leve cunt. You doth be my dirty leve bitch," Elisabetha growled seductively. Her doll-like blonde hair swirled about her in long seductive curls as she raised the whip and again brought it down on Sara's back.

Richter gasped loudly. "Grandpa, that was down!"

As if a spell had been lifted, everyone suddenly turned to Richter. Recognizing the voice, even though she couldn't see him from her vantage, Sara sighed, "fucking Richter."

"No, fucking _you_," Elisabetha giggled, earning a hard chuckle back from Sara as she quickly unbound her wrists and ankles.

"Elisabetha, is that really you?" Dracula asked, frozen to his place in the doorway.

"I shouldst be asking you that, _mine sweet_," the blonde haired woman spat back at him. "Mathias, you look a lyte worse for wear. Sara hast told me you hant aged well."

"I was so distraught by your death in a few months that I turned my back on God and did this to myself!" Dracula cried back, overcome with emotion. "Elisabetha, despite what you have done with that horrible woman, and despite the vampire I have become, can we not go back to the way things were and live in peace, at least for these last few months of your life?"

Elisabetha and Sara exchanged bored glances. "Mathias, hast thou always been an imbecile? I am not dying."

"Yes you are! I remember receiving word in the late summer of your long-time sickness and—"'

"I didst _lie_ to you, Mathias," Elisabetha said, cutting him off. Hearing the vampire gasp, she chuckled, "during our entire marriage, you didst barely touch me but once, on the eve of our wedding. All the other eves you didst spend pouring over thine dusty tomes, strategizing until the wee hours of the morning. I didst wonder if you even knew I was there? And then, you doth run off again, to some whimsy crusade or another, often without bothering to wake me and utter a simple farewell."

"I didn't want you to fear for me. I wanted to keep you happy," Dracula said.

"Sara doth keep me happy!" Elisabetha roared. "She didst visit more in the past and now than you ever did."

Something about that statement struck a chord with Leon. He seemed to have found his voice again, though it was hoarse and pale in comparison to its usual vibrant timber. "In the past, too? Sara?"

The dark haired woman stretched lazily out, then turned around, sitting down in Dracula's old chair, seeming to not care one way or another about what everyone had just seen. "Yes, it's true. What are you going to do about it, Leon?" She smiled as Elisabetha wrapped her thin arms around her from behind.

It took a moment, but the next time Leon spoke, his voice was again rich and full, not wavering or faltering for a moment. "Sara, I take it back. I'm not marrying you."

Sara blinked, caught a little offguard by Leon's bold conviction. "What? You can't do that."

"Oh, yes I can," the blonde haired Belmont disagreed.

For once, Sara's calm demeanor faltered. "You… you're Leon Belmont. The most noble man in the realm! You would never go back on your word!"

"I am the most noble man in the realm, if I do say so myself. No offense, Mathias," Leon quickly amended.

"None taken," the vampire replied. "I did try to have Walter kill you and all."

"I agreed to marry you, despite your cruelty and knowing that we would never get along," Leon continued.

"How could you know that?!" Sara snarled, her anger rising again. "You only freed me from the whip a week ago!"

"I've sensed your hatred from the whip for centuries," the Belmont replied, his voice lowering deathly. "I knew of your intents, yet I still agreed to marry you, letting you beat me physically and emotionally. All because I am so noble."

As the woman sputtered for something to say, he continued. "It's ironic, I think, that you should end up being the one beaten. Was that what you really wanted all along? Did you want me to beat and abuse you? If that's true, then you're not the person I thought you were. I proposed a thousand years ago to a sweet innocent young girl named Sara Trantoul. You are a bitch. Goodbye Sara."

Leon, Dracula, and Richter turned around and headed silently back down the stairs. Sara began screaming at them, but Leon didn't have the heart to even listen to her words anymore. Wordlessly, they walked out the door, across the yard, and back through the portal to their time.

When the three reappeared, Jonathan and Charlotte knew they were right to stay behind. Everyone followed Leon as he immediately headed downstairs into the kitchen, poured himself a stiff drink of Isaac's whisky, and downed the entire glass.

Joachim looked up from reading the daily paper. Seeing Leon's hard expression, he grinned. "Feel better?"

The Belmont's eyes flicked over to his old friend, and he practically beamed. "Better than I've felt in a millennia."

"You manned up?" Isaac poked his head in from sparring outside momentarily to ask. "Good."

"I guess I did," Leon agreed, and then, he began to laugh. It was the laughter of a man who had been freed from centuries of torment. Having lost his own sanity long ago, Joachim had no trouble laughing along, followed soon by Dracula. The sound was infectious, and before long most of the house was laughing. Even Alucard and Juste cracked a smile.

When the laughter died down, Dracula sat next to Leon, feeling a lightness in his chest that he hadn't felt in a very long time. "Well, Leon, what do we do from here?"

"You're the strategist," Leon shrugged. "What should we do?"

It only took Dracula a moment to think of a plan. "Tomorrow, we planned to celebrate your marriage. Instead, let us celebrate freedom."

* * *

"To freedom!" everyone shouted in unison, followed by the clinking of glasses.

Despite it being long after closing time, Shanoa had opened the local Starbucks back up for their private party. Soma had arrived late, and though she had been tempted to lock him out, Mina was with him, wearing her new pink thigh-high boots. She couldn't find it in her heart to lock the darling girl out too.

While he had everyone's attention, Leon spoke warmly to them all, "thank you for being here tonight, everyone. It means a lot to me. I value all of your friendships, and though I wish things had turned out differently, I am so happy to have seen you all these past couple weeks. Many of you are from different times than the present, and I know you've put up with your share of modern problems."

There were several murmurs of agreement.

"Some of you may have felt imprisoned here, and for that I am truly sorry," he said, glancing particularly at Charlotte and Jonathan. "To amend this, Mathias has opened permanent portals in my basement to each of your times. You are free to head back home, but my door is always open to you, so to speak, if you should ever wish to visit again." His words were met with much applause and promises to visit him soon.

Leon Belmont was like a new man. It was hard to believe that he had been deathly sick in bed the past week, for he practically glowed now with angelic radiance. Dracula, too, was happier than Alucard had seen him in a very long time. The vampire discussed at length his plans to rebuild Castlevania with his son, causing the dhampire to sigh wistfully. "You see, I already have part of it set up in Egypt within this pyramid—"

"Father, why don't you just build a normal house?" Alucard suggested. "Maybe one without all the monsters this time?"

"Blasphemy!" the vampire roared. "Castlevania without the monsters is like veganism without vegetables! Besides, Ashtarte is beautiful. How could I get rid of her?"

Personally, Alucard thought she had weird legs, but he wasn't about to argue.

Charlotte, hearing mention of Ashtarte, narrowed her eyes at Jonathan, who sighed with exasperation. "Oh come on! It was like a year ago."

"It was exactly 93 days ago," she informed him. "I know. I wrote it down." She had.

"Well, at least we get to go home now! Aren't you happy about that?" Jonathan pointed out. "And this time, I don't have to fear for my life in one of _your_ portals."

Charlotte smacked down his pointing finger and huffed angrily, "Joachim was right. You do over-exaggerate."

"I do _not_ over-exaggerate! Don't you fear for your life even a little bit around Joachim too?" the blonde haired boy asked.

"Now that I know he's Walter-the-possible-future-president's son? A little," she conceded. Then, the girl paused for a moment, in thought. "You know, despite orchestrating the destruction of Castlevania, Walter didn't even fight us, did he? He only stabbed Hector in the back because he seemed interested in attacking Dracula's stock value."

Jonathan remarked, "clearly, he's a true politician."

Meanwhile, Maria and Isaac, who were sitting at a table for two in the corner, kept glaring at Richter with impatience. The Belmont was failing to catch several hints from Maria that they did not wish to be bothered. "Yes, I already told you Annette still loves you, so you don't have to bother me anymore. Don't you have other things to do? Why are you still here? Go away." Eventually Richter decided that he should do something else when Isaac wordlessly pushed him across the room.

So he tromped off to talk to Hector, who was lounging in a chair, tracing lines along the armrest thoughtfully. As Richter approached, he sighed with ennui, "I had thought that I could prove my love to Julia, but I realize that still, my efforts will be fruitless. Oh how I love her! More than the sun and all the stars in the sky! And yet, I can never seem to show this to her."

"Why?" the dark haired Belmont asked.

Hector glanced around, and seeing as nobody seemed to be paying them any attention, he beaconed Richter closer. Then, he whispered something quietly into his ear. Richter's face lit with understanding. "Oh! When we went through that portal in Leon's bedroom, we found Sara and this other girl doing something like that! But Sara was tied to this chair all funny."

Suddenly Hector gasped. "You can have sex… in a chair?" It all made sense. He could finally show Julia his love! "Oh thank you, Richter! Thank you thank you! I can never thank you enough!"

Shanoa and Juste, who happened to be sitting close enough to hear most of that conversation, scooted farther away. Juste actually appeared a bit offended for the upcoming chair. Wanting a distraction from that unpleasant thought, she asked, "I've meant to ask you, how did you get here anyway? I have terrible luck. One day a portal opened beneath my feet and I landed in the present day. What happened to you?"

"The same," the pale haired Belmont affirmed.

Shanoa sighed happily. "We have so much in common. Aside from you hating garlic, sunlight, and basic human interaction."

"Indeed," the silently beautiful Belmont agreed.

"You're sure you're not a vampire?" the woman asked, tilting her head to the side in question.

Juste smiled at her joke. Then he swept his dazzling eyes to her. "So?"

She knew what he was talking about. "We're both from different times in history, but I have nothing left where I'm from. Do you?"

Juste inclined his head. "Lydie awaits me in the past."

For a moment, Shanoa seemed a bit crestfallen, but she shook it away. Her expression did not go unnoticed. "I must return. If I do not, he will never be born," Juste murmured, indicating with a long finger toward Richter, who was now describing in vivid detail everything he had seen between Sara and Elisabetha yesterday. They both cringed a bit.

"I know you have obligations. It's ok, you would probably spend all day rearranging the furniture and drive me nuts anyway," Shanoa commented offhandedly. "And besides, I'm not sure what I would do without ebay."

Juste didn't disagree.

"W-what's she talking about?" Mina, who had been listening to Shanoa and Juste's conversation, quietly whispered to Soma, her glance darting to everyone around them with frightened wide eyes. She sat at a table huddled as close to the wall as possible, though she didn't have a chance of blending in while wearing bright pink.

"It's nothing important," Soma assured her. "Hey, check out this cool bag I won on ebay!"

Mina inspected the small oddly curved white bag with large round wooden handles. "Soma, that's a purse."

"Oh," Soma murmured offhandedly. "Then you can have it."

"If you don't want it, I'll take it," Shanoa said, diving in and snatching the purse away like a falcon. "It was a fluke that you won that bid anyway."

"Wow, Shanoa, you're so cool!" Mina murmured timidly, hiding behind her strawberry iced tea.

"Thank you," Shanoa said demurely. "Do you like the pink boots?"

"They're wonderful!"

Soma wanted to argue about how he was a bazillion times cooler than Shanoa, but seeing Mina actually unafraid to talk to someone was something was so rare that he didn't want to stop their conversation. Instead, he settled for watching the interesting drama all around the room.

Leon strode past them, fondly glancing at all his friends before walking outside. Recognizing the figure sitting on the wooden bench beside the window, he dropped down next to him.

"Hello, Leon Belmont," the silver haired vampire murmured.

"Hello, Clarence," Leon laughed as Joachim gagged on his coffee and sent him an outraged look.

"Never, _ever_ call me that!" the vampire shuddered. "Ugh, what kind of father names his son Clarence anyway?"

"One that's currently winning the presidential nominations," the Belmont noted.

"Ugh, great. Just what we need, World War 3. You know he'll start that, don't you? Just because he's bored?" Joachim sighed. "Oh well, Dracula's portals are in the basement anyway. We can just leave to another time if nuclear winter comes for us."

"I'm suddenly strongly opposed to Walter being elected."

The vampire grinned at him, "Then maybe _you_ should run for election, hmm?" He could see the gears very slowly moving in Leon's head, and before the Belmont could get any bright ideas, he decided to change the subject. "I have to ask, why Starbucks? I thought you hated this place."

"I do, but everyone else seems to like it," the Belmont answered.

"You're far too agreeable, Leon," Joachim sighed.

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"You almost married Sara," the vampire pointed out. "That would have been a disaster."

"Yes, but wait…" Ever so slowly, thoughts began to brew in Leon's blonde haired skull again. "Joachim, didn't you say you knew what was beyond the portal?"

Joachim tried his best to continue sipping his coffee casually, but he finally dropped all pretenses when the Belmont turned his hurt eyes to him and asked. "Why did you never tell me?"

The vampire sighed, "Leon, it wasn't my place to tell you that. You had to see it for yourself. Just like it probably isn't my place to tell you that I saw them again today."

"You went back through the portal to the past?" Leon asked dubiously. "Why would you do that?"

"Please. Like I'd ever subject myself to that again." Joachim gazed intently at Leon, gauging his reaction to the next statement. "I saw them here in the present."

As Leon's eyes widened in horror, Dracula bust through the door, earning a loud "HEY!" from Shanoa. The girl shook her fist at him. "You had better fix that before you go. It's so not coming out of my paycheck!"

Calmly, Alucard walked through the broken door and took a seat on the bench across from Joachim and Leon.

With a distracted wave of his hand, Dracula sent a construction worker skeleton to begin the repairs, then he quickly sat down beside Alucard. "Elisabetha is here in the present?!"

Joachim nodded. "She and Sara both are, and I'm afraid their fashion sense isn't any better now than it was then. They both have this weird gothic biker chick thing going on, but I like what Elisabetha's done with her hair. Short's a good look on her."

"She cut her hair? Noooo!" Dracula cried.

Joachim continued ruthlessly, "Sara's got this weird collar and leash thing on, and I don't pretend to understand that. It's not a bad look for them, but it's so last decade. I almost didn't recognize them when they zoomed down the road on Isaac's motorcycle."

"Oh no, poor Isaac, they stole his motorcycle!" Leon furrowed his brows in despair. "I shall have to repay him somehow."

"Isaac can build another," Dracula waved it off, then turned his attention back to the other vampire. "Tell me… did they look… _happy?_"

The silver haired vampire shrugged. "As happy as two fucked-up lesbian chicks can be, I guess." As both Dracula and Leon began to sulk unhappily, Joachim noted, "you know, in a way this is really sweet revenge."

"What do you mean?" Leon asked, puzzled.

"I mean, think about it, Dracula, what caused you to rage against God and tell…" Joachim shivered. "…_Walter_… to target Sara and Leon in the first place?"

"Elisabetha's death. God stole her from me and—" Dracula began.

"But did he really?" the silver haired vampire mused. "Or was it _Sara_ from the present time that took Elisabetha away to the future?"

Dracula stared at the other vampire for a long while, dumbfounded by this realization. Thinking that his friend didn't know the answer, Leon whispered the answer to him, "it was Sara, not God."

Joachim shook his head at his friend's stupidity and murmured, "why do I keep hanging around you?"

Alucard picked up his train of thought. "When Sara was targeted, Walter bit her, tainting her soul and starting the chain of events that eventually lead to her thousand year imprisonment within the Vampire Killer whip," the dhampire continued. Seeing that Leon wasn't quite following him, he sighed. "The present Sara doomed her past self by stealing Elisabetha from the past and bringing her to the future."

"So she's always been a fucking psycho bitch? She's even a bitch to her past self?" Soma asked, strolling through the partially fixed doorway, free to swear now that Mina was happily chatting away with Shanoa.

Alucard frowned at Soma's poor choice of language but affirmed, "Yes. Sara's selfishness in the present caused a thousand years of torment for herself."

"Wow, Leon-Fucking-Belmont, aren't you glad you didn't marry her now?" Soma asked with a smirk.

For a moment, Leon was silent, the facts slowly sinking into his head. He was aware of four pairs of eyes watching him intently when he looked up from the pavement. The grin never left his face as he agreed, "_fuck yes_."

Soma's eyes widened, and his eyes quickly darted to Alucard, seeing if the dhampire would care that Leon swore. He didn't seem to care. Soma found it incredibly unfair.

Unaware of Soma's internal monologue, Leon continued, "I can't say what we will face in the near future, but I'm not afraid. Not anymore."

No sooner had he finished saying that when a loud cry pierced their ears. "My lord!" Saccubus exclaimed, swooping down from above to kneel beside Dracula, giving him a prime view of her heaving bosom. "I have done as you asked and scoured the remains of Castlevania for evidence. The castle was magically demolished wing by wing, and it does indeed appear as if Death did that himself."

"Lousy reaper. He is never going on vacation again," Dracula grumbled. "Did you find anything else?"

Saccubus nodded, "I found a strange device in the ruins of the atrium, though I am not certain what it does. I dared not press any buttons or turn any dials." Eagerly, she offered the device to the vampire lord.

Dracula gasped as his pale fingers touched the cold metal. He recognized the device, and glancing up, he could tell everyone else did as well. "This is Simon Belmont's. He used this to traverse my castle in the blink of an eye, keep tabs on all his allies, and to travel to different dimensions. How could it be here? Did you not destroy everything in your final assault against him, Leon?"

Leon nodded his head and agreed, "everything."

"Ominous," Alucard noted, after a few moments of silence. "I think this is a warning."

"From who?" Leon asked. "I know Simon is gone. Death even confirmed it. So who could have possibly sent this to us? And why wouldn't they just attack us instead?"

"He or she, not 'they,'" Joachim quickly amended Leon's grammar.

"I am not certain, but perhaps the culprit is waiting for something," the Alucard mused, then turned to Dracula. "Father, when did you say Castlevania will be finished?"

The lord of the night gulped. "At least another week. Maybe longer now that Isaac is spending more time with Maria."

"Then we have at least a week to prepare," Leon decided. As he thought about the possibilities, a smile spread across his face like the sun cresting over the horizon. "Are you all ready for another adventure?"

"Fuck yeah!" Soma agreed, rising to his feet and power-fisting into the air.

Alucard frowned at Soma's language, but he nodded his head to Leon. "If you should require it, my assistance is yours."

"Oh no!" Dracula cried with dismay, "'_an adventure'_ for a Belmont is another way of saying '_destroying Castlevania_!'"

"It does happen to be an unfortunate collateral," Joachim agreed, then raised his coffee cup to Leon. "Count me in. I need something to get my mind off the upcoming elections anyway."

Seeing the eager grins of his friends, Leon didn't mind that their modern problems were continuing; in fact, he would find it strange if they didn't. He was ready for them now that a thousand years of guilt had finally washed away.

After all, he was the height of hip. The lead rockstar. The epitome of modern fashion. He had the powers of virtue, chaos, romance, insanity, fashion, and Starbucks on his side.

Nothing was getting in Leon Belmont's way.

* * *

**LateNiteSlacker's Notes:**

1 – Well, this is it. The end! I sincerely hope that you have enjoyed reading this story as much as I have loved writing it. Thank you so much to those of you who read the whole story!

2 – Some of you might be thinking there is room for yet another sequel. You would be right, but sadly I have no intention of writing this. If anything, I'll add a bonus chapter or two, maybe as a separate fic.

3 – There are no more trivia questions, but if you haven't guessed already, this chapter's title comes from Symphony of the Night.

4 – Congrats to the last surviving bunch of trivia-goers! You got these right!

**Chapter Trivia – **Hoshi no uorufu, Hideki Hirameshi, Renuarb

**Bonus Trivia – **Nobody got this one?

**Title Trivia – **Hoshi no uorufu, Hideki Hirameshi, Heavenschoir

**Chapter Trivia #21 Answer:** _What allows Dracula to command Death?_ The Crimson Stone gives Dracula the power to command Death.

**Bonus Trivia #21 Answer:** _The title for this story (Modern Problems) actually came from another source. Can you guess what it is? _ Nobody got this one! The title is from a song by Quinn Fox, it's a lounge-ish remix of Castlevania songs. Listen to it and pretend there are credits rolling for this story.

**Title Trivia #21 Answer:**_ Which Castlevania game features the line "I'll Kill You And The Night!"?_ This quote is from Lament of Innocence, starring Leon Belmont.


End file.
